Au Ro's face darkened, and he set down the brush in his hand. "You want to know?" He asked.
"I have to know," I said fiercely. "No matter how hard it is. I have to know what they did to him."
Au Ro sighed, tilting his head to the door. "I wasn't there with him," He confessed. "And although I know a lot of what happened, I can't give you the whole story. Masao, however, can."
"Who is Masao?" I asked, and Au Ro led me from the room.
"He was one of our members imposing a guard while Etka was imprisoned," Au Ro explained. "He was able to sneak out of the palace and get back to us when Etka was taken out of the palace for the execution. You're lucky that he's here now."
He stopped along a row of rooms, much like the ones that we had been given, and stopped the nearest passerby. "Where is Masao?"
"In his room, sir," Came the reply, and Au Ro looked at me before knocking on the door.
"Masao," He called. "There's someone here who wants to speak to you."
The door opened, and a young man with long hair and a neat topknot appeared at the door. His resemblance to the average fire nation soldier was striking, the broad muscles, uniform hair and red tunic. He had no trouble fitting in amongst army ranks, I realized.
"This is Anahi," Au Ro introduced me, and I bowed politely to him.
"Anahi?" Masao repeated, in a bit of a shock, and then bowed to me as well. "It is an honor."
I brushed off his comment in shame and spoke my intentions. "I know that you were with Etka while he was being tortured," I said, and Masao's face darkened. "I need you to tell me what happened to him while he was imprisoned. Au Ro says that you can tell me what they did to him."
Masao was quiet for a while, and then beckoned us both in to his room, shutting the door. "It was horrible, only being able to stand by and watch as they tortured him," He said, running a hand down his face. "Have a seat. It's going to be hard to listen to."
"I don't care, I have to know," I pressed. "However horrible it is, I need to know what they did to him."
Au Ro and I took a seat on Masao's bed, and he sat in a chair across from us. He sighed deeply before he began, his face changing into a dark, sad expression.
"Etka was taken below the palace and into an interrogation chamber," Masao said. "They stripped him of his clothing and cut his hair. I don't know if you know this, but in our culture, when you cut your hair, it symbolizes a great loss or sorrow. By cutting his hair, the Fire Nation had only begun to take away his dignity." I thought of Kateri, and how she had cut her hair short as well. All of the things she had given up to be with us...
"They brought Etka into the interrogation chamber and chained his arms out to two pillars, like this," Masao continued, raising his arms. "He was forced to kneel the entire time, and he was totally defenseless. This was how they would interrogate him. They began by mocking him, spitting on his uniform, insulting his lineage. Quickly enough, the guards realized that this didn't phase him, and they turned to violence next. They would beat his sides with clubs, flogged him with a whip. At first, he was strong enough not to cry out in pain but...there's only so much a person can take. It was a great shame for him when they made him cry out the first time. They jeered and mocked him for that as well, and his sounds of suffering..." Masao stopped, collecting himself. "It was wretched. I will never forget that, as long as I live."
I remembered Etka telling me about an Agni Kai, how a cry of pain was a sign of weakness. I bowed my head, staring at my lap. How much did he have to endure for me?
"They told him that the beatings would stop, if he told them where you were. They told him that his honor would be restored, that he would be given a promotion if he talked, but Etka was too strong to take a simple bribe. They told him that all of his suffering would be over, that they would clean his wounds and feed him, that he would fall back into favor with the Firelord. These were all lies, of course, but even if Etka knew that, he wasn't going to betray you. He told the soldier in charge that they could kill him before he would speak against you, and I think that his captors took this as a challenge.
"They knew he was too valuable to kill, and they had to keep him alive, but they barely did that. He was never fed, and given little sips of water only when he slipped too far. The guards didn't let him sleep at all. At the end, he looked so weak and sick that I thought he really was going to die. I don't know how he withstood all of that abuse, I really don't."
"He loved you, Anahi," Au Ro spoke up. "His love for you was his strength."
I sighed, burying my face in my hands and exhaling loudly. How did I deserve him? In what possible universe did I deserve this man?
"That wasn't the worst of it," Masao went on, his voice eerily quiet now. "What nearly broke him, how they nearly cracked his will was the psychological torture. They had made sure that Etka hadn't slept, and he was weak from hunger as well. He was in so much pain, without any sort of release, and the guards knew this.
"You have to understand, they did this to him while Etka wasn't thinking clearly, he couldn't think clearly. He was exhausted, and probably hallucinating a little bit. They made him believe that you hated him for what he had done to you. They told him over and over again that he was unlovable, that what he had done was unforgivable. I think at this point, they knew that he wouldn't give in to them, and so they wanted to break his will. It was so terrible to watch. Etka was sobbing, his whole body shaking...They found his weakest point and exploited it. They made him believe that you hated him, that he had lost your love forever. After what he endured, I'm astonished that he can function at all."
I was silent for a long time, my head in my hands. What was in someone's heart that could make them act so cruelly towards another? Etka had given up his job, his standing, and was prepared even to lay down his life for me. Tears ran silently down my cheeks, and Au Ro offered me a handkerchief.
"Thank you for telling me this," I said somberly, after I managed to compose myself. I looked up at Masao intently. "I understand a little better now."
Kateri laid down on the bed on her side, her back to Naheel. She wasn't asleep. Her gaze was fixed hard on the wall, her eyes taking in the cool, almost damp stone that surrounded the room and mesmerizing every detail. She wanted to shut herself off for a day, a week, maybe even a year, and not feel any emotion at all. She wanted to dull the grief in her heart, until she felt nothing at all.
She wanted to forget.
"Kateri," Naheel said softly, placing his hand on her shoulder. Kateri winced. "Do you want to talk?"
There was a heavy silence in the room. "No," She said, shutting her eyes. "I don't want to talk about it ever again. I want to forget everything."
Naheel looked away, his face betraying his hurt. "You're in so much pain," He whispered. "I just wish that I could take it away."
Kateri rolled over, facing Naheel again. Part of her shorn hair fell in her face, and he brushed it away. "I do too," She said quietly, and allowed herself to be drawn into his arms.
She knew that Naheel only meant the best, but the pain of losing her Sisters, her home could not be relieved. Kateri buried her face in Naheel's shoulder, and he hesitated, surprised that she was allowing him to touch her. She had been so withdrawn since the fall of Kosumi Temple. Whenever Naheel had tried to comfort her, she pushed him away, again and again.
"I'm here for you," Naheel said gently, his hand running down her back. "Please don't forget that." The motion was comforting, and Kateri exhaled, breathing deeply.
"Thank you," She murmured, her face against his skin. Even a month ago, she would never have imagined herself in the arms of a man. As a Kosumi Sister, she was supposed to abstain from bonds with others from outside the temple. Relationships like these were forbidden, but Naheel was...different.
Kateri cared for him, and she cared for his sister too, and even Etka. The truth was, they were the first people who she had felt this way for - unlike any of the hundreds of refugees that the Temple harbored. She had found herself drawn to them, and now she couldn't bring herself to leave them.
The Sisters would have told her that she should have given them all up, that her relationships with them would only hurt her, but Kateri didn't feel that way. Shutting off the world wasn't the way to live. Love was. She had loved them, and by closing herself off from her pain and grief, she was only choosing to let them be forgotten.
She lifted her head and kissed his cheek, a soft tear rolling down from her cheek. Naheel's eyes opened, startled, and he looked down at her with a soft smile, gently touching her face and wiping the tear away with his thumb. He didn't say anything, and he didn't need to. Kateri already knew.
And even after he succumbed to a deep, tired sleep, she stayed awake, listening to his slow, quiet breaths and his heartbeat against hers.
Etka awoke early in the morning, or what at least, he thought was the morning, with Anahi beside him, fast asleep and curled up against his chest. Her hair was splayed out across the bed, and her fists were rounded against his tunic, like a small child's would be. To Etka, Anahi looked just as she did when she first met him, free from worry and full of happiness, hope. When she was awake now, it was different. Anahi didn't smile anymore, didn't laugh. Etka missed that.
He reached out with shaking fingers and touched her cheek, and she stirred slightly in her sleep, but didn't wake. He was reminded of their dream together, of a new life hidden away from the wrath of the Fire Lord. Etka allowed himself to imagine thousands of mornings, waking up to see Anahi next to him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life at her side.
He had to have courage and be strong now. Etka carefully got out of bed, as not to wake her, and found his way out of the room and down to the lavatories.
To his surprise, Au Ro was already there, washing his hands under a tap before a large mirror which was surprisingly clean. He looked up in surprise to see Etka standing there, and then smiled. "It's good to see you, Captain Song."
"I am not Captain Song anymore," Etka shook his head, making his way over to the tap and picking up a large wooden bucket, placing it underneath. "He died in the Capitol."
With a grunt and a twist, he turned on the tap, watching water flow into the bucket. Etka shed his tunic and placed it where it wouldn't get wet. "Just Etka, then?" Au Ro asked, reaching out and handing him a bar of soap.
"Just Etka," He gave Au Ro a smile and began to wash. Etka knew that he was trying not to stare at him, at the scars across his back and chest, and even in the mirror, Etka could see the own damage that had been done to his body. Even though the pain was mostly a dull ache now, he still looked as though he had been through hell.
He twisted around to clean his back, his fingers riding over the raised lash marks that traced over his skin like tiny rivers. They didn't hurt anymore, but their memory did.
"I'll flay that tattoo off of your back, if you don't tell..."
Etkaclosed his eyes wincing at the memory. It wasn't real, he told himself, exhaling. It was over now.
After he was done washing himself, Etka picked up the bucket and doused it over his front. The shock of the cold water was invigorating and drew away any remnants of sleep.
"Here you go, Captain, how's about a bath?" The saltwater hit Etka's skin like a thousand shards of glass, and a wretched cry of anguish escaped him.
His body winced, remembering another time when he had been doused with water in this manner. The soldiers in charge of his interrogation had taken a large bucket full of saltwater after a beating and poured it over his skin. The salt had burned worse than anything that Etka had felt before, igniting even the tiniest cut in his skin.
Etka splashed his face with water again, shaking away the memory. He looked at himself in the mirror, at his rough, unshaven face, and his hair, still uneven and patchy.
"Au Ro," He called to the other man. "Do you have a razor I could borrow?"
"Look at him now," The soldiers jeered. One held up Etka's face by his chin, forcing his head still as another took a knife and began to viciously saw off their prisoner's long, black locks. "What nice, long, beautiful hair you have, Captain Song!"
"Here," Au Ro passed Etka the blade, and Etka began to cut his hair, evening out the jagged, uneven strands. His hair hadn't been this short since he was a very small child, but at least he looked passable now, and he would blend in better in the Earth Kingdom. Etka shaved his week-old stubble and rinsed the razor off before returning it to Au Ro.
"Thank you," He said, and Au Ro's lips pulled into a quiet, reserved smile.
"You look good," He said. It was sincere, and it made Etka feel good. Au Ro reached out and touched . "Come on, Etka. I can get you some fresh clothes."