A big thank you to my muse Vamplover669 who helped me with so much of this chapter.
Penny gets home early, directly after a disastrous sales call that had ended abruptly after the Doctor had slapped her on the ass. Then in response Penny had elbowed him in the is going to be in trouble she knows it but hopefully warded off sexual harassment is not a fireable offense. Better type up a report of what happened and send it in to Dan directly before any other versions of the events get out there. Penny searches her briefcase for her iPad and finds that it is missing, crap she thinks I must have left it at the office again. All she needs to do is type up a quick report about her sales call and then email it to her boss. Penny could go back to the office but it seems so far away and she is exhausted and going back she might be goaded into doing more work.
Penny wishes she still had her pink laptop but it had finally died months ago all she had now was the iPad. Leonard and Sheldon had computers however, both of them had a laptop and a tablet. Penny lets herself into the apartment and goes to Leonards desk first but sees that both his computer and iPad are gone. Not surprising since he is still at work, so feeling a little like Goldilocks in the two nerds house she tries Sheldon's desk. He is still in Texas but , Penny is relieved to see it looks like he has left his laptop behind. Penny sits down in his chair and flips his laptop open and is greeted by a picture of Amy smiling at her. Penny smiles back at the picture it has only been a couple days but she misses her friend, they should be back tomorrow afternoon.
Penny clicks on the word icon and is going to quickly type up a report and just email to herself when she gets distracted by one of the titles of the recent documents in the corner, In the middle of boring scientific sounding things is one titled 'Cooper the Time Traveling Physicist.' Amy that little minx, she told Penny she had not ben working much on her stories since well, lover boy starting giving her loving. Why would she be working on one on Sheldon's computer though, Sheldon was weird about who got to use his computer and for what. If he found out that she was using the computer he would ban her from the apartment. Not that that mattered since Leonard was moving out. Curiosity gets the best of her and she clicks on the document and squeals with delight at the documents heading.
"Cooper the Time Traveling Physicist":
Chapter 23: And His Love Grows.
By: Sheldon Cooper
"Oh my god!" Penny squeals "This can not be real." Why would Sheldon write his own chapter of Amy's story? Would it be a love chapter like the title suggested. Or more likely knowing Sheldon it was his way of pointing out the historical and scientific inaccuracies in Amy's story. She should not read this, this is private and if Amy knew about it then she would have told her. The temptation is just too great and she starts reading .
The first part is pretty boring and I pretty close to what she first thought it would be. Mostly just about the inaccurate way Amy portrayed time travel. It is cute when Cooper takes Amelia back to his to his time with him Then just about she is about to click out and work on the report she gets to the good part. Cooper taking Amelia in the library of the university, that part is more than cute it is downright hot.
"Whimsically inventive indeed Sheldon." Penny says as she reads on. "Damn."she breathes as she gets to a particularly steamy part. Then she hits the print icon and clicks out of the story this is just to good not to be shared. Since they are planning a surprise welcome home Leonard is moving out party she knows just when she will share it.
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Amy and Sheldon sit in the airport terminal awaiting their flight back home. Memaw and Mary had a hard time saying goodbye and wrapped them each up in tight hugs. Begging them both not to wait so long before visiting is quiet and Amy wonders if there is something bothering him.
"So do you think less of me after meeting my family." He asks finally.
"Of course not." Amy tells him patting his hand wondering if he is really worried about that."I love your family, they are so loud and funny."
"Loud is a nice way of putting it. So you were not off put my there gregariousness?"
"Not in the least, it is so different from my own family I found it quite refreshing."
"Not even after my Uncle picked you up and danced with you singing Amy baby to the tune of "Sherry Baby"."
"No I thought it was funny, the men on your side of the family are quite large. He picked me up like I was a rag doll."
"Yes, I am the shrimp of the family at a minute 6 foot one."
"If we ever have progeny I hope they take after you side. I am the tallest person in my family at five foot two. Well perhaps my father was larger but I don't know much about him."
"I hope just the opposite, I don't want them to have anything from my side. Your family are all accomplished academics, mine are all oil riggers and factory workers. I was a fluke, a rogue genetic mutation I might as well be an X-Men you however were breed into greatness. I wish I had been given the studious upbringing you had."
"Studious and boring, I grew up in a house with just my mom and my grandmother both who were women who paved the way in their prospective fields. The pressure to live up to their lofty expectations was horrible. I was constantly stressed out that I would disappoint them."
"Yet you didn't disappoint , you are in the top of your field, you graduated Valedictorian from Harvard."
"But my childhood was not very fun, it was filled with studying and lessons. French lessons, harp lessons, dance lessons, their was not a free moment in my entire childhood. Your upbringing was so much freer."
"Yes being raised in a strict christian household was very freeing." Sheldon snorts.
"That's not what I meant , you were allowed to just be yourself , if you had decided to say not skip a grade your mother would been okay with it."
"Be okay with it? My mother would have been thrilled, she begged me not to skip grades, she thought it would turn me weird."
"I graduated high school at sixteen because my mother insisted that skip ninth grade. With my birthday already being in December it made me almost two years younger than everyone. I never had any friends and I was always to odd one out."
"Try being eleven when you graduate high school and being the class Valedictorian, talk about the odd one out."
"Well maybe that's how we found each other, we were both always the odd one out and now we will always have each other." Just then their flight is called and the rise to board it. The good thing is the flight only lasts three hours so they are home around six o clock. Leonard is waiting to pick them up and drive them home. They pass the exit for Amy's house and Amy protests.
"Leonard, I probably should go back home, I have work in the morning and I have been skipping out a lot lately."
"Oh trust me you are going to want to come back to our place ."
"Oh god, you are throwing us a party aren't you! We already had an engagement party this weekend why on earth would you think we need another party." Sheldon sighs.
"Maybe this party is not just for you." Leonard says. "It is not an engagement party it is a break up party."
"Oh God! Did you and Penny finally break up? I knew this day was coming" Amy asks distraught.
"What, no, the break up is Sheldon and I."
"Leonard I hate to break this too you but we were never a couple." Sheldon tells him.
"I know, but we did live together for a decade and next week that comes to an end."
"You are moving out, next week."
"Yes, we found a larger apartment and we are moving out next week. So tonight we are having a coming home slash going away party." Leonard tells him excited.
"That is wonderful news Leonard." Amy says excited.
"Yes wonderful." Sheldon says solemnly looking out the car window.
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"Okay everyone when they walk in jump up and say surprise." Penny instructs the crowd in the apartment. Just As Leonard , Sheldon and Amy walk inside the door and see everyone about to crouch down.
"Leonard you were supposed to text first! You ruined the surprise.
"He figured it out, so it would not have been a surprise anyways."
"I am shocked at you Penny, you know how I feel about surprises." Sheldon tells her.
"That's what makes them so much fun' because it pisses you of so much." Penny says wrapping her arm around his shoulder besides this is not just about you this is a celebration for Leonard too! After almost a decade of servitude you have finally emancipated him."
The party gets under way and despite his objections Sheldon is actually enjoying himself. When Stuart walks up to him and puts out his hand which he reluctantly shakes.
"I was not invited to your first engagement party but it seems congratulations are order. I hope you two are very happy together."
"Yes thank you." Sheldon says trying to edge away still not one of Stuarts biggest fans.
"You know, let the best man win and all that. I really thought I might have something special with Amy before you swept in a took her from me mid-date. When we kissed on our first date I thought she might be the one but obviously that was you." Sheldon's fists ball at his side and he walks away without saying another word. He stalks over to Amy who is talking with Penny and laughing and grabs her shoulder and turns her around.
"You kissed Stuart?" He says his jaw clenched.
"Excuse me?" Amy asks confused.
"Stuart was just congratulating me on our engagement and somehow let it slip that you and him had played tonsil hockey over pumpkin lattes." Sheldon says angrily.
"Number one we were not dating until after that date so I don't see why you are so upset. Number two it was hardly tonsil hockey he closed mouth kissed me without my permission when we said goodbye that night."
" You told me you had never kissed anyone but me."
"When you asked me that question when you were concerned that I might have transferred mouth germs from another source to you it was true."
"Why did you not tell me?" He asks her and Amy looks upset but puts her hand on him to calm him.
"Because I knew that you would react like this and it meant nothing… Well it did mean something, after I kissed him I felt nothing. After I kissed you I felt like the whole world was spinning around me. " Sheldon looks placated put Penny sees it as an opportunity to bring out the story she discovered.
"You know I wonder what else you two don't know about each other. You know I say we play a little party game. See how much you two know about each other, about how much we all know about each other." Penny says projecting her voice so everyone can hear her.
"Oohh Sounds fun what do you want to play?" Bernadette says.
"Truth or Dare but all the truths have to be have you ever questions." Penny tells her.
"Im in." Leonard says.
"Me too." Raj says "Emily how about you?"
"I think it could be fun, lets do it."
"I think it sounds horrible." Sheldon tells them going to sit in his spot.
"I don't know, I think it could be fun Sheldon, we could clear the air get rid of any other secrets we may have from each other."
"I have no secrets from you Amy, it appears you are the one with the past you want to hide."
"Sheldon, I have no past just one awkward unwanted kiss after a coffee date." Amy tells him.
"That's okay pretend that I am not here , Im used to it." Stuart says sitting down.
"'Ive heard enough out of you for one night." Sheldon tells him angrily.
"Guys stop fighting, this is supposed to be a happy party." Penny says.
"Fine, I agree to play as long as I get to ask the first question and I get to ask Stuart." Sheldon says.
"Alright ask away." Stuart says.
" Exactitude or provocation?" Sheldon asks raising an eyebrow.
"If you are trying to intimidate me with your fancy way if saying truth or dare it is not working, but I will play along. Exactitude since that is what I sense you want anyways."
"When kissing Amy what noise does she make…." But Amy slaps him and Penny interjects.
"Nope! You can only ask have you ever questions. Like have you ever had sex in your comic book shop."
"Alright, have you ever thought about having coitus with my fiancé?"
"I don't know why you want to torture yourself but yes I have but I know Raj has too. Also to answer your question Penny yes I have, but then I woke up naked in my backroom and all my rare comics and the contents of the register were missing."
"Is this true Raj?" Sheldon says rounding on him.
"It is not your turn anymore Sheldon,so I don't have to answer." Raj tells him.
"But it is my turn so … Raj exactitude or provocation?" Stuart asks him and Raj glares at him.
"I am not falling for that one so I am going to say dare." Raj says smugly.
"I dare you to tell Sheldon about your plan to woo Amy if she ever decided that being with him was too difficult." Sheldon looms angrily at him and Raj throws up his hands.
"There was no plan! Before I met Emily I was very lonely, and after that girls night I kind of got a little crush on Amy. That's it, but I never acted on it and it was apparently obvious that Amy only ever had eyes for you."
"Alright, alright, Amy is a vixen and everyone wanted to see what was under that cardigan." Bernadette says laughing.
"We got to see whats under her cardigan very nice Amy." Howard tells her and Amy blushes as Sheldon looks at him furiously.
"My turn!"Penny says eager to bring out the story.
"But it is my turn I never got to ask someone something." Raj says
"Ask me something so it can be my turn next." Penny says exasperated.
"Penny, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Have you ever in your most desperate part of your acting career considered doing porn." Raj asks.
"Raj, ewww no! Although in the spirit of full disclosure I did audition once for one of those Showtime soft core porns, but I would have kept my clothes on. I think the role was sexy all women's prison guard and I had to walk in on to inmates having sex. I did not get the role however."
"I think you would have made the perfect sexy prison guard." Leonard tells her.
"Aww, thank you sweetie ,I guess, sexy guard shocked by inmate sex was not my story to tell. However speaking of stories Sheldon exactitude or provocation." Penny says and Sheldon glares at her.
"I have a feeling you have something planned which is the reason for this game in the first place so I am going to go with provocation." Sheldon tells her.
"I dare you to read us the highlighted portion of this story." Penny says handing him a sheet of paper. Sheldon glances at and blanches and shakes his head.
"I don't know how you found this, but I would like to change my answer to exactitude." Sheldon says.
"Not technically allowed but I will let it slide." Penny tells him smiling .
"Thank you."
"Sheldon have you ever written a sexy story about you and Amy and called it "Cooper the Time Traveling Physicist?"
"I thought that was Amy who did that." Emily says.
"It is, you should read hers she gives other romance writers a run for their money." Bernadette tells her.
"If you think Amy's is good you should read his!" Penny cackles.
"This is serious Sheldon, Dr. Sheldon Cooper wrote a sex story?" Howard asks.
"Yes, I did, in answer to Amy's little story, it was only for Amy's eyes and I have no idea how this blonde blood hound got her hands on it." Sheldon says angrily.
"What happens does Cooper put his pee pee next to Amelia's hoo hoo?" Raj sniggers.
"Then he calls out 'gosh golly' as their swimming suit parts finally meet." Howard laughs.
"No, I know…" Leonard stops but Sheldon cuts him off.
"Enough, you want to know what I wrote about? Fine but I doubt your sensitive ears could handle it." Sheldon tells them.
"I think our ears can handle whatever you wrote." Leonard tells him.
"I don't know Leonard, you might be surprised." Penny says.
"Well if you think you can handle it then I will continue with the original provocation and read the highlighted portion of this document."
"Sheldon, you don't have to do this." Amy tells him.
"I know I don't have to but it seems after all the strides I have made I am still not taken seriously." Sheldon tells her. "Do you mind if I read it?" He asks her.
"No go ahead." Amy says a little excited for him to finally shut some mouths here like he did in Texas.
"Just remember I warned you… " he says looking around the room before he starts. "Cooper could not seem to get his fill of his paramour Amelia. Even after their rendezvous in the library his need for her was not slaked."
"Library?" Bernadette asks.
"Yeah there was this hot part where he ate her out in a library but this part is better." Penny tells her.
"Wait, he did what in a library?" Leonard asks.
"Gave her oral pleasure, we never had take out in the library I have no idea what Penny is talking about. Now can I continue?" When everyone shakes their head he begins where he left off. "As they arrive back to the apartment he finds himself not able to resist her another second. As the door closes behind her he pushes her against it ravaging her mouth with his own. He lifts her up always amazed by how petite and delicate she feels in his arms, she wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. He presses against her pushing her into the door, her breath ragged pants in his ear. Then he turns her around and walks her to the couch where he lays her gently down and asks her to remove her garments. When she complies he removes his own and moves on top of her. Then taking a ripened globe into his hand he gently pushes…"
"Alright, you win!" Leonard says stopping him. "I don't want to hear anymore."
"Speak for yourself!" Bernadette says.
"Yeah, I was enjoying it." Emily says.
"If you like that I wrote some self insertion fan fiction about myself and Buffy the Vampire Slayer you might like." Stuart tells her.
"No thank you please." She responds and he hangs his head.
"Great" Raj whispers to Howard "Now he is smarter and better at turning on ladies than us."
Thank you for the reviews anf follows! To celebrate 300 reviews there is something special coming up in the next chapter.