Nothing hurt as much as what I saw just now, for a moment I thought I would die. It's the kind of hurt where you feel heat, like something is burning and breaking because it is that hot.
If I think killing Bo is painful and with Bo gone is painful, seeing her like that hurt more than anything. Yes, it's selfish to think like that, but knowing that Bo is alive and will never want me, that I will always be a nobody to the queen?
It hurts.
I know, somehow somewhere in me, I just don't want to acknowledge it. I know what type of fae is the queen. She is a Succubus. A creature that lives off sex.
But these few days the queen has always been just looking at me, not anyone with nicer body or prettier face, just me. And one look or one smile from the queen just makes me feel like the only one to the queen. But I was so caught up in the fairy tale, how can I be so stupid to believe that the succubus queen would be monogamous? It's just something a succubus don't do, they don't do happy ever after.
Thats why seeing the queen, half naked over a woman, pleasuring someone that is not me, killed me. I saw the woman underneath her, arched her back and a loud moan escaped her and I saw the Succubus queen leaned down and sucked Chi from the woman. I know it's just feeding, that it is just something a Succubus does. But I can't.
So I did the only thing I know how, I ran. I can't. So here I am, sitting in the queen's bed, staring at the dagger in my hand.
Did all I sacrifice for nothing? Did she think of me when she had it? Did she not feel anything for me at all?
God, how can I be so stupid and naive?
Somewhere inside of me, there is a...need. A need to cause the pain the queen caused in me. I feel nauseous and disgusted of what I'm feeling. I love the queen, I care for her, but I need to know if the queen's hurt is just as delibitating as mine.
It's only fair.
XXXXX
Fuck.
What have I done?
'Get out.' I say firmly to my feed as I get up from my bed to take a shower, God, I feel so dirty.
'What?' The woman groans as she reaches out for my hand.
'I said get out.' I snap.
'But my queen, we had such great time together, I have so much yet to offer. ' The woman says with that smile of hers that churns my guts.
'I'm done with you, now get out before I lose it.' I say to her sternly with a glare. Then, I turn away from her to go to the bathroom.
'Well, as you wish, my Queen. Your time is almost up anyway, it's an hour until sunset. But I see the damage is already done. Well, I'll look forward for another session with you, lover. '
'The fuck?! How-' I turn abruptly to see her but all I see is large black tentacles leaving my balcony, leaving only the wind in the air.
What the-? This is so fucked up! I recall back her last words: the damage is already done; -one more hour till sunrise...
'Shit!' I don't even care how she knows anymore, I hurry to my bedroom where Lauren will be, hopefully still be.
Damn it, what should I do?
'Lauren!' I open the door and shout her name, hoping that she is still there. I let out a relieved sigh as I see her sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, staring at the sea out the window.
'Lauren!' I call out her name again to get her attention, but she seemed to have spaced out. I walk slowly to her and kneel down next to her.
'Lauren?' I whisper softly but it seemed to shock her, she jumps and jerks back from me, eyes widen in shock.
'Hey, it's only me, Bo. ' I say softly again. Lauren parts her lips to mouth my name, finally recognization set in and she focuses on me and mouths 'my queen'.
I smile widely at her.
'Hi.' I say softly at her as I look into her beautiful honey brown eyes.
Lauren looks back into my eyes and suddenly frown. Then I see her eyes turn dark with something like ...anger? She glares at me and the cold glare she gives makes my heart turns cold.
At the corner of my eyes I see her grab something in her fist, I look away to see what it is because right this moment I just can't see that look on her.
The object she grabbed gives me chill to the bones.
It's the dagger.
My heart jumps.
'Hey, what's that there you are holding?' I ask innocently with a forced smile.
Lauren follows my sight to the dagger in her hand, slowly she raises her hand and the dagger is now between our faces. Lauren looks at me, but her stare no longer warm me up nor gives my tingles all over, it's the opposite. Her eyes lose its warmth and look so empty. I gulp.
'Lauren...why do you have that? ' I ask again, making sure to maintain eye contact.
Lauren tilts her head like I just asked a stupid question, because the next thing I know, her eyes that seemed lost just now filled with angry tears as she frown and starts to breathe heavily.
'Lauren...' No matter how scared I am to see Lauren holding the knife, looking so lost and empty as she is not thinking clearly, my heart still break at the sight of her breaking. I raise both my hands to cup her cheeks, only to see her starts to shake, I put my hands down.
'It's okay, Lauren, it's okay...Don't cry...please.' I beg as I tear up. Seeing her like that, my protectiveness comes out and I just want to pull her into my arms.
Lauren shakes her head, and again as she slowly hold her dagger nearer to my face.
'Lauren baby, please you are not thinking straight... ' I tremble. I know I am the Succubus Queen, a woman with no strength but a dagger will definitely not kill me, with my strength and power, I can just thrall her and suck her dry.
But that's the problem, this woman right in front of me is not just any 'her', she is Lauren. And I will never hurt her, I will always be soft to her.
I flinch as the cold metal of the dagger touches my face, a little more pressure I will have my face cut. Still I look into her eyes, trying to get through her, to get my Lauren back.
' Lauren.' I say softly but firmly again. I softly raise both my hand to hold hers, careful to not have any sudden movement as to not shock her.
She seems to be lost in her own world, she slowly slide the dagger from my cheeks to my jaw and rest on my pulse point. I swallow hard, her eyes that follows the movement of the dagger finally settle on mine again.
She mouths my name. For a moment there we just look into each others eyes as all movement freeze, Lauren's eyes seem to be trying desperately to tell me something but I just don't get it, her tears just keep on falling.
XXXXX
It could be so easy, I just need to put pressure on it and all problem will be gone; everything will be back to normal. But would it really? I doubt so.
Why don't she understand? I know I can't talk and all, but these past few days haven't I been obvious enough to show her and I have fall for her? I just need to know if she felt anything at all, I need prove.
I hold the dagger away from her throat and the queen let out a relieved sigh, but then I put it on my throat instead and her eyes widen with fear and panic.
'Lauren, stop! Please, you don't want to do that, please!' She cries softly trying to get near me but I jerk away.
I tilt my head and glare at her. I want to shout and scream at her. I want to ask whether that woman is better than me, I want ask whether the woman made her feel good, I want to ask her whether she felt the same about me, I want to tell her everything. I want to shout and scream and let it out, all these pent up emotions is driving ne insane. I want to just disappear so that I will never feel this much again.
I put pressure on the dagger and I almost flinch as it cut me skin. The queen flinch though at the sight of the trail of the blood.
'Lauren!'
I shake my head and beg her with my eyes again. Please Bo, please just do something, tell me anything, stop me, kiss me, pull me into your arms, anything to tell me, even just a bit, that you want me.
I can see, feel her panicking and I can literally hear her gears in her mind moving rapidly to think of something. But she just don't get it.
Of all the things I want her or imagine her to say, this is definitely not what I expected.
'Please, Lauren. I will do anything, just don't hurt yourself. I will send you back to your father, I will send you back to the sea, you can have a tail again and-' Bo blurts out and just can't stop rambling, saying non stop just to make me lower my dagger.
And lower it I did, I give myself a dry laugh, because hahaha this must be a joke. Who would have thought? I did all this just to have her sent me back to it?
You know what, whatever God there is up there, you know what, I GIVE UP. I'M DONE.