Chapter 44: Swing Swing

Happy summer, all!

I am not entirely happy with this chapter, but I've at least gotten it to the point where I'm not angry at it anymore, so I'm posting it before all my progress stagnates.

Danny waited with the rest of the team in the Med Bay. They had all been allowed to see Peter several times last night when he first arrived, but he had been asleep. After he had that breakdown with May, Dr. Connors decided to administer some sedatives to allow Peter to sleep off the worst of the healing. He had over fifty fractures, after all. Movement was not a good idea.

Now Peter had been sleeping for roughly twelve hours, and it had been about four days since any of them last spoke to him. Dr. Connors was taking some more X-rays, and then he was going to wake Peter up for a proper reunion.

Danny didn't need to read Chi energy to be able to tell that his teammates were anxious. He was too. After what May said, and what Amadeus said, not to mention the fact that MJ knew their identities now . . .

There were a lot of things to catch Peter up on, and they had no idea how he was going to handle all of it.

"How are all of you feeling?" May asked in an obvious attempt to break the tense atmosphere.

"You don't need to worry about us, Mrs. P," Luke told her. "We're fine."

May nodded and waited for an awkward moment. "I bet you're all excited to have things go back to normal after this."

The team exchanged glances, which seemed to be their new reaction to most of what May said.

"Or as normal as our lives ever are," Ava replied carefully.

"True, true . . ."

Another uncomfortable silence began, but thankfully Dr. Connors made his appearance soon after. He looked exhausted with bags under his eyes.

"So sorry for the wait! I just had to run a few extra scans Amadeus suggested to make sure that neither his gadget nor Tandy's powers were still affecting Peter. The good news is that they're not. The bad news is that Peter may be prone to flashbacks and sudden mood swings for the next few days."

"Mood swings," May echoed. "Is that what happened last night?"

Connors shrugged. "Possibly. It appears that whatever they did to him didn't erase his fear, only hid it. So his situation might be akin to someone who had a recent dissociative episode, or it might not. We won't know how it's been for him internally until we ask him."

May bit her lip. "Do you need to ask those questions now?"

Connors gave her a tired smile. "They can wait. I believe Peter will feel a lot better waking up to some familiar faces. But I'll be on call along with a counselor in case one of those flashbacks does occur. You can go in now. He should be waking up within fifteen minutes. Probably less, knowing him."

Everyone thanked him and filed into Peter's room. Shield had given Peter a slightly bigger room this time, likely anticipating his many visitors. Danny knew that MJ wanted to come too, but Ava managed to talk her out of it. MJ was technically allowed to come, but the team knew that Peter would be nervous about what she thought of him now that she knew of his powers.

And perhaps Peter had a point, if May was any example, Danny mused grimly.

Peter was asleep on the bed. His numerous cuts and bruises had mostly healed overnight, leaving only light marks. Throughout the night his eyes had remained fully closed, likely due to his induced sleep, but now they were beginning to open slightly. Danny knew better than to assume he was awake, and so did the others, so they waited patiently.

A little more than five minutes later, Peter began moving, shifting, eyes fluttering more and more open. May grabbed his hand and leaned closer. "Peter, sweetie? Can you hear me? I'm here for you, honey. And so is your team. We're all here. You're safe."

Peter's eyes suddenly snapped open as he sat up. May gasped when he squeezed her hand, but he seemed too focused on examining his surroundings to notice. Only after he had given everything a once-over did he acknowledge his guests' existence. "May," he said hoarsely. "Sam, Ava, Luke, Danny. You're here. You're—you're—" He fell back onto the pillow, taking some deep breaths. "You're safe. I missed you all so much."

That finally broke the tension of the wait. The team moved in for a group hug, pulling May in too. Danny took a peek at Peter's Chi, glad to see he was relieved. There was a slight hum that could have been purring, but it didn't last very long as Peter started to sniffle, tears building in his eyes.

"Oh, Peter, please don't cry again," May said. "You're okay."

Peter shook his head. "I thought Taskmaster was going to do something to you. I was afraid, if I didn't cooperate—He knows where we live. He could have—"

"He didn't, sweetie. He never came near the house. And Fury made sure there were guards twenty-four seven."

"But what if he comes now? I got away. What if he comes back for me?"

"Fury has some plans for that too. Besides, he doesn't think Taskmaster is likely to try to take you by force since that will make the other kids question his authority. We'll be safe."

Peter nodded, taking a shaky breath before turning more of his focus on the team. "What about you guys? I hope you didn't hurt yourselves just to find me."

Danny joined the others in rolling their eyes at Peter's phrasing. 'Just to find me', as if he wasn't worth a proper search.

"I mean, Taskmaster was involved so it wasn't a walk in the park," Luke answered. "But we weren't about to give up on you."

Peter already looked regretful, and his Chi bubbled with guilt. "What happened? How did you figure out where I was?"

"Well, we did follow all the clues we could get our hands on," Danny explained. "But Taskmaster used them to set us up."

"On the bright side, we got to freak out a bunch of villains." Sam grinned.

Peter looked far from pleased to hear that. "What did you do? What villains did you have to fight?"

"We didn't do anything. Shocker blew up your LMD replacement."

"He what?!"

"Sam, stop scaring him!" Ava ordered. "Look, everything was fine, Pete. Yes, we had to fight Shocker, Beetle, Trapster, Cloak, and Black Cat." The last name came with a low growl before Ava cleared her throat. "And yes, Shocker went wild and blew up the LMD we were using to keep up Spidey's appearances, but Wolverine came with a backup one so no one suspected a thing. They just think that we knew about the setup, which I'm perfectly fine with them thinking that."

Even that very diluted explanation didn't seem to make Peter feel better. "You had to fight all those guys at once? And Wolverine came? And Cloak was there? When was this?"

"The day after you were taken, so Sunday."

". . . What time on Sunday?"

Luke frowned thoughtfully. "Sometime late in the morning? Why? Did Cloak say anything about it?"

Avoiding everyone's gaze, Peter began biting his lip. "No, I—I didn't really see Ty much that day. I—That was—um . . ."

Danny tried to recall the timeline of events Amadeus had described, and he realized the trouble here. "You were . . . distracted that day. We understand. But aside from that, I am afraid that our searches weren't very effective until Amadeus contacted Shield. It is a good thing he managed to do it without alerting Taskmaster."

The switch to a more positive aspect of the past week was meant to be comforting, but it only made Peter angry. His Chi spiked with it, and it was even evident on his face in a highly uncharacteristic sneer. "Oh, so it really is all thanks to Amadeus? Hard to believe he actually helped."

Peter's guests exchanged surprised looks.

"Peter Benjamin Parker," May said somewhat scoldingly. "I hope you're at least a little grateful that he risked himself to help you."

Peter's eyes widened and he suddenly looked like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "I—I'm sorry. I am grateful, it's just—Have you spoken to Amadeus in person yet?"

"Yes, we all did," May told him. "He's the one who told us everything, which . . . That made you upset yesterday. Do you mind if I ask why?"

The angry Chi remained in Peter, but now it was accompanied by fear and regret. "Oh—um—You need to understand . . . Amadeus . . . he doesn't—I mean—"

"Are you afraid that Amadeus didn't explain things well?" Ava helped him finish his sentence.

Peter returned to biting his lip. "Sort of, yeah."

"Well, we can deal with that later," May said. "I don't want you saying anything if you aren't ready."

"I'm ready. I'm fine! I wouldn't have even been hurt if Amadeus hadn't collapsed the ceiling."

May pressed her lips together. "Even if I pretend like that's a minor injury, physical pain isn't what I'm afraid of here."

Peter looked away again. "But it, um, wasn't too bad."

"You can be honest with us when you're ready."

A fragment of Peter's angry Chi and a chunk of fearful Chi merged and turned ice cold. "I . . . I am being honest."

There wasn't a specific Chi energy for lies, but they could usually be inferred similar to how regular people could tell. Lies were often accompanied by feelings of unease, fear, shame, and even hope. Peter's lies were often accompanied by guilt, especially when he was lying to friends and family. However, that sometimes made his lies hard to detect since Peter felt guilty about many truthful things too.

Right now, Danny could sense the guilt and fear besides the anger. But did that mean Peter was lying, or did he feel ashamed that it was the truth?

May didn't seem to be able to tell either. She reached out to cup Peter's cheek, brushing a lingering tear away with her thumb. Peter leaned into her touch, a bubble of hope forming in his soul. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"I missed how familiar you guys are," he muttered. "It's finally the right kind of quiet."

"At least until it's karaoke night again," May said, taking the chance to lighten the mood.

"I don't mean that kind of quiet. I mean my spider sense." Peter opened his eyes to look at her, suddenly slightly wary again but mostly still content. "My spider sense kept ringing the first night I was taken, and then Tandy's powers forced it to stop. But with you guys it never needs to ring."

"Her powers stopped your spider sense completely?" Sam asked innocently even as he wiggled his eyebrows victoriously at the rest of the team. It was, in fact, another point in favor of his theory.

"Yeah . . . I couldn't feel scared about it, but it never felt quite right either."

"Is that why you said it wasn't so bad?" May asked softly. "Because it couldn't feel bad at the time?"

"Well . . . sort of . . ."

May's brow creased in concern. "But now you're free to feel what you wanted to feel all along, hm?"

Another few dollops of guilt and fear infested Peter's Chi. "Yeah, that's—uh—part of the problem, I guess."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Now tears were gathering in May's eyes. "I wish I could have done something. I was right there for once. I should have noticed you were gone. I could have—"

"May, no, don't blame yourself," Peter reassured her. "I'm already scared enough that you were in the same building as Taskmaster. I don't ever want you to face him. Besides, I should have realized he was impersonating Stan sooner."

"He's a professional, dear. His disguises can fool almost anyone, I've heard."

"Yeah, but—"

"Sh, sh, no buts, no blame, okay? Besides, at least someone noticed your kidnapping right away."

"Oh, who?" Peter looked at his team, likely expecting one of them to be his hero.

May smiled. "MJ is your knight in shining armor."

Peter's face immediately went limp with shock, eyes widening. Danny couldn't help himself. He delved deeper into Peter's Chi than he normally did. Behind the thin sheet of surprise, a broiling sea of different emotions sat, waiting for the dam to break. Danny identified dread, terror, and doom before he pulled back out.

He shouldn't have done that. It was a violation of privacy worse than reading a diary. Maybe Danny was spending too much time with Ava and her rampant curiosity.

"MJ noticed me being kidnapped?" Peter repeated slowly. "How much did she see?"

"She saw Taskmaster . . ." May trailed off, obviously reluctant to say the details out loud.

"She saw him knock you out," Sam explained for her. "And then she trailed you guys to the getaway truck and saw Amadeus walk right into the trap."

Peter's dread was spiking. "Did she see me do anything . . . you know, like Spider-Man? I—Taskmaster's gas worked fast. My memory of that moment is kind of fuzzy . . ."

Sam glanced at the others for backup. "Well . . . you know MJ's very observant . . ."

The dread was taking a defined shape now. The shape meant nothing to Danny. All he could tell was that it was a specific something that Peter was afraid of, and he was somehow encountering it in this conversation.

"Don't torture him with suspense, Sam," May tried for a small laugh. "I'm sure you won't be too surprised to know that MJ's been watching you for a while, and this only confirmed that you were Spider-Man."

The dread shape solidified, and Peter's face finally betrayed his fear and worry. "She knows?! Why did they confirm anything for her?! Why didn't Fury use some sort of cover story?! And what do you mean she's been watching me for a while?! What has she seen?! Did she ask any questions—no that's a ridiculous question—Did you answer her questions?! What did she ask?! What—"

"Peter, sweetie, calm down!" May took his hands and squeezed them reassuringly. The hand that Peter had squeezed earlier was still slightly red, but Peter was still too distracted to notice. "Mary Jane is your friend, and she was over the moon to hear who you are. She's so proud of you, just like I am."

"But—"

"I mean, she did write an entire play for you," Luke interrupted this time. "I think it's safe to say she's a huge fan of yours."

Peter bunched the bed sheets in his fists. "I don't want another fan. I just want to know if we can still be friends."

Ava raised an eyebrow. "This is MJ we're talking about. She may be a little starstruck at first, but she'll get over it, especially with how dorky you are both in and out of the suit."

The dread shape didn't fall apart with the reassurances, but it did retreat. Peter took a breath. "You're right. Maybe I'm overreacting."

"Well," May said hesitantly. "Dr. Connors did mention you might suffer from mood swings for a little while."

Peter frowned. "Mood swings? Me? I'm as steady and chipper as a cuddly chipmunk—oh woe is me! The Earth spins ever onward in its pointless rotations!" He lifted his hand over his head in a dramatic pose.

May rolled her eyes but smiled. "Oh yes, you are a prime example of a steady personality."

"Besides," Peter continued jovially. "If anyone's mood should be swinging, it should be mine since I'm the web swinger . . . around here . . ." His smile faltered as something disturbed him.

"Is everything okay?" May asked.

"Oh—yeah—totally. Sorry, just—uh—thinking," Peter replied awkwardly.

"Mood swing," Sam stage whispered, earning a glare from Peter.

May looked sympathetically at her nephew. "Whenever you're ready we can talk about anything you need to."

"But I am ready!"

"I don't want to push you too soon."

"It's not too soon! The whole thing wasn't even that traumatic! I literally spent the first night playing games!"

"Peter, please don't downplay what happened to you. You were kidnapped, held against your will, and forced to do things you never wanted to do." May hesitated. "Amadeus told us about the chicken."

Danny grimaced as a mess of fear and horror caused Peter to freeze. Why did May have to bring that up so soon?

"So please don't try to tough it out," May continued. "I know you're strong, but you're also human, and you need to respect yourself and your limits."

Peter wasn't the only one stiffly holding his breath anymore. The team was also listening to May's specific wording with bated breath.

"Dr. Connors went over Amadeus's notes on Tandy's powers," May went on. "And it looks like there will be some temporary side effects as your emotions try to get back to normal. Connors suggests that you should see a therapist for about a month, and I agree. Would you like me to set up the schedule? You can meet up to three times a week."

The room was quiet for a long moment. Even the medical machines sounded muffled as everyone focused on the Parkers in the middle of the room. Danny watched as Peter's Chi tossed and turned, different emotions fighting for dominance. Quite suddenly, they stopped. Chi energy was by no means a physical phenomenon with visuals, but if Danny had to describe it, he would say that it seemed to crystallize, like ice slowly spreading across a lake. Similar to lake ice, it was only along the surface, but it was enough to hold everything in.

"That sounds like a good idea," Peter finally answered in a hollow voice barely above a whisper. "Once a week should be fine."

May nodded. "Okay, I'll go set the appointments and let you catch up with your friends." She leaned over to give Peter another hug. "I can't even begin to describe how happy I am that you're back. I love you, sweetie."

"Love you too," Peter replied automatically.

May left, and the room was quiet once again. Then Peter turned to his team.

"I need to ask you all something, and I need you to answer honestly," he said, still in that hollow voice, but it was firmer now.

Everyone promised solemnly, including Sam. Danny wondered what Peter would be brave enough to ask. Was he going to discuss things that Amadeus had not witnessed? Or perhaps he wanted their opinion on his latest bite. Or maybe—

"Have I been in denial about May?"

Danny's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Um. . ." Luke said slowly. "You do realize you were the one who came to us asking about her, right?"

"But I wasn't. I didn't want to talk about it until you guys forced me."

"Ava was the one who forced us to force you," Sam said.

Ava blushed ever so slightly. Or maybe Danny was just assuming she was due to the embarrassment he could sense. "I only suggested it . . ."

Peter looked her in the eye. "Have I been in denial about May?" he repeated.

Ava blinked a few times. "Well . . . it was all very subtle for a while. And you have every right to believe your aunt still loves you. Plus, Luke is right. Even if I did have you talk about it, you noticed a lot of things on your own."

Danny understood her hesitation to reveal their most recent observations. Peter deserved the truth, but he didn't deserve to come home to bad news.

"But was I in—" Peter tried to ask again only for Sam to interrupt.

"Why are you so obsessed with this all of a sudden? Like, there's so many other things to talk about."

Peter blinked, finally seeing how abrupt he'd been. "Sorry, it's just . . . I messed up. I talked to them about May. Tandy, Ty, Adrien, and Amadeus. And . . . they saw it too. They don't know her, and I barely told them anything, but even with such little info they were convinced that May wasn't accepting my spider mo—side. I told them it wasn't true, but . . ." he bit his lip. "I couldn't think about it when Tandy used her powers. I couldn't think about May."

The frozen surface of Peter's Chi cracked, but Danny couldn't identify anything in the varied mess that leaked out. On the physical plane, Peter was starting to cry again.

The team stepped closer to the bed. Danny and Ava were closest to Peter, so they each rested a hand on his shoulders. Peter tensed immediately, jerking away from Danny's hand and eyeing it fearfully.

"I—I'm sorry," Peter said. "It's just that Tandy's powers kind of work like yours. Her hands glow whenever she does it."

Danny retracted his hand and gave him some space. "I apologize. I was not aware of that."

Luke bumped Danny consolingly before taking his place by Peter's side.

Now Danny felt extra guilty for watching Peter's Chi so closely. Peter obviously wouldn't want Danny's calming powers for a long while, but here Danny was using the more invasive aspects of his powers.

But Danny still felt like this was right. Peter was so emotionally confused right now, and everyone else just wanted to understand him so they could help him. Danny was trying to contribute to that understanding. That was good, right?

It would be good if Danny could actually understand anything himself.

Ava cleared her throat. "You were saying that Tandy's powers stopped you from thinking about Aunt May?" she prompted.

"Oh, yeah," Peter fidgeted with his sheets. "And you know what Tandy's powers are, right?"

"Sort of. Amadeus said they blocked negative emotions. Which would mean you associated May with negative emotions. And I know where you're going with this, but that doesn't necessarily mean you see her as bad or something. This could also be related to how much guilt and regret you carry around."

Peter shook his head. "No. Trust me. It—I felt like I was lying when I told them that everything was fine between me and May. I think, that after all the doubt we talked about, I started believing that May is upset with me in some way." He looked back up at them. "Which is why I need to know. Was that all in my head, or does May—Am I in denial?"

Danny realized he didn't even know the answer to that question. They hadn't known anything for sure until just the other night, so in one sense it was impossible for Peter to have known. And if you couldn't know something, then could you really be in denial about it?

Unless the team had been in denial too, which would mean they all ignored what had always been there.

Maybe it shouldn't matter. They had bestowed their trust on May, and she had broken it, to an extent.

Wait, that was a good thing to say to Peter.

"Is it truly denial if you are only guilty of giving your aunt the benefit of the doubt?" Danny asked him.

Peter considered that for a moment. "I mean . . . it is denial if you refuse to accept the doubt, and . . . I've been doubting her so much lately . . ." He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. "None of you are trying to tell me that everything is fine with May, though. Are you still waiting for us to have that conversation with her, or did you get proof?"

"It's not proof, exactly," Luke said in May's defense.

"But it didn't sound too good, either," Ava added.

"What is it? What happened?" Peter asked.

Danny expected a long pause as they had a silent debate about who would tell him, but Sam answered immediately. "May called you 'just another Oscorp accident'. And she said it, like, bitterly. That's literally it."

Peter's lips parted as another slew of cracks formed in his Chi. "'Just another Oscorp accident'?" he repeated.

Sam nodded.

"W—wait, hold on, I need context. How did this come up?"

"MJ was asking about our power origins and since you weren't there, May tried to answer for you, but we stopped her from saying more," Sam explained.

This time, only one type of Chi leaked from the cracks: betrayal. "May told MJ I'm an accident?"

Danny blinked. He hadn't thought of it that way before. Mrs. Parker had to be aware of Peter's crush on MJ. Why would she say something like that to her?

"But did you tell May that it was accident?" Ava asked. "Was she just repeating what you told her?"

Peter thought back. "I told May it was an accident because it's true, I didn't make the spider bite me, but—the bite was the accident, not me, not my powers—she told me it was a gift—she told me that maybe it was fate because she didn't think anyone else would be as responsible with the powers—she—Didn't she mean any of that? Didn't she—doesn't she—?" He started crying again, curling up, resting his arms on his knees, and burying his face behind his arms.

Luke and Ava were still closest and squeezed their way onto the bed to console Peter. Sam and Danny hung back. Partly because there wasn't any room, and also because Danny didn't want to remind Peter of Tandy again.

"Hey, tensions were running high that day," Luke said. "Maybe May was just saying things."

"Or maybe she didn't really mean it in a bad way," Ava said halfheartedly.

To Danny's surprise, Peter's Chi changed abruptly from sad betrayal to anger. To everyone's surprise, Peter hissed lowly.

"I try so hard," Peter began with quiet rage, voice still slightly shaky from tears. "From the day they took me in, I've tried so hard to be the best that I can be. Because May and Ben didn't ask for me, but I wanted to make myself worth their time. May didn't want to be a mom, and I'm sure she didn't want her one kid to become a superhero freak, but I didn't ask for any of this either! My whole life has been me making the best of bad situations and I'm tired of being the bad situation!" He covered his face with his hands, though his tears streamed out mostly silently.

It might have been a good thing that Peter wasn't looking at them. Danny grimaced in empathy, Luke looked surprised, Sam looked lost, and Ava looked scared.

"Y—you know you're not a bad situation, right?" Sam asked tentatively.

"Aren't I?" Peter shot back. "My life has been nothing but one bad thing after another. You have to wonder: is it life or is it me that's the problem?"

"Not to belittle your troubles," Danny said softly, "but you are not the only one in this room who has faced hard times. We understand how you feel. If you are a bad situation, then you are far from the only one."

Peter peeked up at them all, suddenly sheepish, all trace of his previous anger gone. "I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean—I mean—there's just so much I need to tell you, but May is a hard topic and so is everything that happened with Taskmaster. And I can't go two seconds without remembering something that comes with, like, two sets of emotions. Because deep down I wanted to regret everything I did with Taskmaster, but Tandy didn't let me."

Ava nodded. "Dr. Connors also says that your brain chemistry was thrown off slightly, since it was flooding you with all sorts of fear chemicals and whatever, but none of that had any effect with Tandy's magic on you. So your brain may overcompensate and make you feel worse than you normally would until it realizes that you're free to feel what you want again."

Peter sighed. "Oh joy," he said flatly.

"And we do understand why you're upset with Aunt May," Luke said. "But her calling you an accident is just one thing, and there's still a chance that we're all seeing the worst in May when really she doesn't mean any of this the way we think."

"Except she does. There are other things I didn't tell you." Peter wiped some tears away. "Well, I didn't get the chance to. Some happened within days of the Science Fair."

"If you are willing to tell us now, then we are willing to hear it," Danny said.

Peter nodded, returning to his hollow tone. "Every time we talked about eating insects, she told me not to eat more than I felt comfortable with, regardless of how I tried to tell her that I like bugs. And when I got venom, she finally realized that I do have spider instincts, but she admitted she was afraid that I'll inject it into someone for no reason. And when she realized that drinking juice was related to my spider side, she said it was 'forcing' me to drink juice." He frowned, some inflection leaking into his voice now. "I kept explaining all that away. I told myself that she was just trying to help, that she was helping me see the ways the spider bite affected me so I could account for it. But now I think . . . I was wrong."

"Are you sure that—" Luke began.

"Yes I'm sure!" Peter snapped. "Sorry, I mean . . . she said something like 'do what you want, not what some spider wants', and that . . . It proves she still doesn't get me. No matter how I tell her that I'm part spider and have part spider instincts, she keeps pretending like my human side can be separate. And it's not. I'm half-and-half all the time." He picked at a stray thread absently. "Actually, I kind of like the way Adrien worded it. He said that he gets 'bird moods', certain times when he wants to act more bird-like than others. In that case, then 'spider' is just another mood I can have."

Danny found that terminology incredibly eye opening. All this time, he'd assumed that Peter was trying to tell them that he was growing into a different person, a person who was part spider. But if this metaphor rang true with Peter, then that changed things. And if there was one thing a Shun'Lun monk meditated on, it was moods. "So you are saying that you feel mostly like the same person, but with extra moods, spider moods, as you call them. And like most emotions, they are neither good nor bad, but merely present, and you must choose whether to embrace or regulate them?"

Peter considered that interpretation. "I guess so, yeah. That sounds a lot better than most ways I've tried to explain it."

Sam nodded his head, impressed. "Leave it to an emo birdbrain to come up with a deep metaphor."

"He was actually a lot less emo this time, but I have no idea if that's all because of Tandy or not." Peter sighed deeply. "Thanks for telling me what May said. I just needed to know because I really wanted to tell her everything, to be completely honest with her for once, but now I don't . . . I don't want to. I can't."

Danny frowned. "Do you mind if I ask why not?"

"This is finally proof that I can be too spidery."

Ava's brow furrowed. "I thought we just established that it's only Aunt May who thinks that."

Peter looked at her. "Please wait until you've heard the full story."

"Oh, okay." Ava looked away ashamedly.

Danny would have hoped that Ava wouldn't take that personally, but he could already tell she was.

Taking a breath, Peter rubbed at one of his spinnerets, avoiding eye contact. "I—I don't know how to explain the first thing because it . . . I wasn't working on human logic. That's the clearest way to say it. I was thinking like a spider, not like a human. If that was a spider mood, then I was deep in it."

"How could you tell?" Sam asked.

"Because I bit Amadeus and I didn't care that I was hurting him. I just sensed a threat to my web and—and—y—you know the rest, right?"

Everyone nodded, though Danny was surprised. Based on how the explanation started, he had assumed Peter was talking about his hunt, not his attack on Amadeus.

"Um, I think we need a little more context or something," Luke said. "What were your thoughts exactly? If you don't mind saying."

"I . . . The vibrations on my web woke me up. I don't know what Amadeus was doing, but he was breaking my web. And I was half asleep and the room was bright so I couldn't see a thing, but I could remember that I was in an unsafe place and I could feel what he was doing and I climbed down and I just—I hissed in warning! I didn't even think of asking him what he was doing! I just hissed as if that meant something! And then, maybe I would have stopped there until I could see, but Amadeus didn't stop, and then I think he tried to punch me? I don't know, it felt kind of like that. And that's when I—I—bit him. Because I thought he was attacking me. And I considered using venom, I really did, but thankfully I chose not to." Peter looked Luke in the eye even as his voice shook. "That's what I was thinking."

Danny was shocked that Peter was able to say all that without breaking down. Every sentence chipped away at the frozen dam holding his stronger Chi at bay, and yet it held this time.

That actually wasn't the only thing that surprised Danny. He was impressed by Peter's ability to function even without sight. Scorpion had blinded Danny for several hours once, and that had made him completely useless for that time. But Peter could navigate and sense his surroundings from touch alone. Sure, maybe biting Amadeus hadn't been the best course of action, but the fact that Peter could still take any sort of defensive action at all was incredible.

"That doesn't necessarily sound spidery," Sam said. "It sounds like you were confused more than anything. Plus, hissing is universally accepted as a warning. A bunch of species around the galaxy use it."

"Also, Black Widow has done things like that," Ava added. "She told me a story of when she was kidnapped by Hydra, but they didn't drug her well enough and she started to wake up before they tied her up. She had incapacitated half the guys before she was fully aware of what was happening."

Peter's brow furrowed as he tried to word his reply. "That's cool, I guess. It's just that I never wanted to be the type of person to do either of those things. And I don't think that should excuse what I did. That's what they tried to tell me, that it was fine, but it shouldn't be fine."

Ah, that explained a lot. If Taskmaster had told Peter it was okay, then that automatically made it seem wrong. But Taskmaster was a wily one. "If Taskmaster told you this, then perhaps he was being kind to win you over, but you know we are only trying to tell you the truth," Danny said.

"I guess . . . But . . . I keep biting people, and I keep getting forgiven and excused . . . When is it going to stop? When will I be able to not bite? When will—It has to stop being forgivable at a certain point, right?"

Now that was a moral dilemma. Danny would have loved to reassure Peter that so long as his intentions remained pure, his friends could always forgive him for such accidents. However, constant accidents were unacceptable. That was why rules and laws existed to minimize accidents, and people were punished for worse accidents. Peter was right that he couldn't keep this up forever, especially since he already found it hard to forgive himself.

"You're right, you'll have to work on that," Ava agreed. "But we can help."

"Yeah," Luke said. "You might even just need some practice. It's a safety reflex, like a gag reflex or something. People can train their gag reflex, so you can probably train your biting reflex."

Peter tilted his head. "Your dad said something like that about my hissing. Maybe . . . maybe that's true."

Luke grinned proudly. "My dad's cool like that."

"So . . . everything's cool now?" Sam asked.

"Um, no, there's something else." Peter stopped making eye contact again.

"It's about the hunt, isn't it?" Ava prompted quietly.

Peter nodded, and, as Danny expected, the reminder formed yet another crack in Peter's Chi façade. More regret and fear leaked out, but also joy and pride. That was new. Tandy's artificial positive emotions hadn't been triggered by any of the other memories.

Wait, no, Tandy's powers weren't to induce positive emotions, Amadeus had insisted she merely could block negative emotions. Which meant that Peter's joy was his own.

Danny . . . didn't know how to feel about that considering the topic.

"I . . . uh . . . I'm not as disturbed by it as I should be," Peter began again. "Don't get me wrong, I'm very disgusted by the fact that I—I killed something. I killed a chicken. But I . . . it was so . . ." Peter trailed off, searching for the right word. "Satisfying," he finished in a small, horrified whisper.

"What do you mean?" Ava asked. "Was eating it satisfying? Or biting it? Or feeling it—um—I don't know. Never mind." Her cheeks were decidedly red and getting redder.

Peter rubbed his face frustratedly. "Everything! If I ignore how messed up it was, it was all amazing and I hate it!" He blew air out of his cheeks.

"Are you sure it wasn't just Tandy making it feel better than it actually was?" Luke asked. Danny almost replied for Peter before he realized that would reveal how much he was spying on Peter's Chi.

Peter looked hesitantly at Luke. "I'm sure. She couldn't make me happy, just calm." He looked away again. "Do you think this is really out of character for me?"

"No! I mean, not really." Luke looked to the others for help with such a double-edged question.

"It's like the Purr-fume all over again," Sam offered. "An outside force caused you to not feel your usual regret and stuff, and then you did some spidery stuff that you didn't mind until later. It's just like when anybody gets so angry that they do something they regret afterwards."

"Yeah, and that doesn't mean that it was out of character then," Ava agreed. "At the time you were in a spider mood so you enjoyed the hunt, but now you're not in a spider mood so you're disgusted by it."

"So I'm one mood swing away from wanting to kill another animal," Peter muttered bitterly.

"Moods do not define you," Danny reminded him. "If it happens again, you can choose whether to act on it or not."

Peter looked surprised. "I thought you of all people would tell me not to act on something like that."

"I chose a vegetarian diet for myself, but I respect the needs and desires of others, as well as the cycles of nature. Your spider DNA draws you closer to the natural—ahem—web of life. If you truly wish to hunt your own meal, then the choice is yours to make."

Peter shook his head vehemently. "I don't. I don't want to do that ever again, even if—no, I just don't." He looked at them all. "So you see what I mean, now? Maybe I'm usually fine, but there are times, spider moods, when I act way too spidery."

"Too spidery for who?" Ava questioned. "You can't just do this for May. Some spidery things can be a little . . . dangerous, I'll admit that, but you've also told us a bunch of spidery things that are completely benign. Just because you feel a little too spidery doesn't mean that you have to stop being spidery at all. And you said you can't do that anyway."

"No, I can't." Guilt rammed against Peter's Chi walls. "But I can try to be better. I can manage everything better."

"What does 'managing' even mean in this situation?" Sam asked, which was honestly a good question in Danny's view.

"I . . . don't know yet . . ." Peter admitted.

Danny cleared his throat. "As wonderful as it is that you are taking the time to better yourself, we cannot forget the fact that you have been through quite an ordeal. We can discuss this as much as you want, but you should not feel pressured to make any sort of progress any time soon."

Peter folded his arms, looking halfway between defiant and ashamed. "Except it wasn't that much of an ordeal because I—it was fun more than half the time. I know how bad that sounds, but—"

"Taskmaster was literally doing everything he could to prove his Thunderbolts are better than Shield," Luke pointed out. "We're not blaming you."

"I know. It doesn't make it any better though."

"Sorry."

"No, you're trying to help. I appreciate that. Thanks."

Luke threw an arm around Peter, and Ava did the same on his other side, which prompted another team hug, though this time Danny made sure not to make physical contact with Peter.

After all the damage Peter's Chi walls had taken during the conversation, the act of tenderness was what caused another large rift. A waterfall flowed out, and he began to cry again. "I'm sorry I always need your help. I'm sorry I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible at just being a person."

"No one's good at being a person," Sam said. "Besides, it's not your fault that your new biology has a learning curve."

"But I liquified a chicken and I liked it!" Peter full on sobbed.

"Then we're proud of you for making a chicken smoothie without a blender."

Peter hiccupped, apparently startled at the statement. "W—what?"

"Yeah," Ava agreed hesitantly. "I know I'm proud of you. And you know that I would have loved the opportunity."

"I've eaten an entire rotisserie chicken by myself. Mine was cooked, yours was a smoothie. The recipe doesn't matter," Luke chipped in.

Danny realized it was his turn, and he wasn't sure what to say. His mind raced. "I have spent days foraging to appreciate the ways of our distant ancestors. You can see this as paying homage to your spider benefactor."

Peter's tears slowed. "M—maybe. Maybe you're right." He exhaled slowly. "I don't know what I would do without you guys. I don't even know how to thank you all enough. I . . ." A purr started up, rumbling louder than before. Peter gave a small, watery smile, and let his purring do the talking, snuggling closer to his friends.

How I ended up with this one long scene worthy of a soap opera:

Me: Okay, I'm getting tired of writing Peter's angsty thoughts. Let's write from someone else's point of view.

My brain: Cool, how about Danny?

Me: Perfect! He's observant enough to explain everything!

My brain: Great, and we can explore what shock, mood swings, and emotional turmoil would look like if they were visual phenomena.

Me: Wait what.

My brain: Also let's discuss some moral gray areas and make the conversation as difficult as possible.

Me: . . . This is why I don't trust you.