The line went dead and Mara's muscles went slack, reaching to shut off the phone. She drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and burying her face. She was surprised to feel Nathan's hand in her hair.

I'm sorry." Mara whispered. "I shouldn't have touched you like that. It was instinct, I didn't plan it. I understand that you- you share that with Audrey." It was true, she understood that he did. She didn't understand why, but that wasn't the question.

"I'm not mad, Mara. Sometimes people need physical contact, I understand that. We- me and Audrey- haven't really discussed the situation much."

Audrey scoffed. "By 'much' he means 'at all'."

Mara's voice was slightly louder, but she kept her face down, refusing to look at them.

"You've wondered why you couldn't find the memories about James. It was because you didn't exist yet. Each personality is born just before getting the orders that bring us to Haven. You can see more now than you used to, because I can't hide memories when we're not combined. But the memories weren't yours. You didn't live through them. I'm not trying to denigrate you, it's just a fact. You already knew, already felt that Nathan hadn't had sex with you when you found out about everything. How could he have? You didn't exist.

"But I understand that you all classify good actions vs. bad actions as 'Audrey' vs. 'Mara'. It's easier to wrap your heads around, I understand. I lost control because she surprised me, and because the memories are already so close to the surface from of our earlier discussion."

Mara checked the clock; Charlotte must have adjusted the timing on the implant already. She didn't feel the creeping anxiety. 4 hour reprieves felt like heaven after the way the rest of the afternoon had gone. It was much later than she thought it was.

Nathan's gaze was curious instead of the expected horror, and his hand was still in her hair. "You're saying James was yours, not Audrey's."

Mara shrugged. "She loved him too. She's like... a step mother, I suppose. But yes, I was his mother. I have all the memories. All the love. He was mine. And that got him killed. I sent him away from Haven to protect him, I wanted to keep him safe. He came looking when I was Lucy, and I couldn't convince him it was safer to stay away, so I kept him very close. Tried to protect him that way. But I was the biggest danger in his life."

Nathan reached to grip her chin, raising her face to his. He'd done that to her once when she was Sarah, but he had kissed her that time. Now he was talking to her.

"No. Don't blame yourself, Mara. You were in an impossible situation and you did the best you could. He had a good life and he loved you, he chose to stay with you and help the town. You didn't kill him, Mara. You're the one who gave him a chance at life in the first place. I'm sorry for leaving you alone in that situation. I'm not sorry he was born, not at all, but I know I hurt you and I'm sorry."

Mara stared into his eyes as he spoke, remembering the way his cheek felt under her hand, looking for the little specks of green and gold that you couldn't see unless you were this close. Another fissure split her heart and her left hand was against his cheek though she hadn't intended to move. "I forgive you."

Then she was hugging him again, and crying into his neck. Even his smell brought back memories. What he'd done had hurt her- had hurt her from the very moment Audrey's personality was pasted over her own, but just acknowledging that it had been her, that he understood that Mara was a real person with feelings and dreams made her feel better. Perhaps the wound wasn't too old to be healed.

His hands rubbed her back gently, and he held her like that until the tears tapered off into sighs and hiccups. Mara squeezed him, kissing his cheek as she backed up. "I'm sorry, Audrey. I'm not trying to be inappropriate, I-"

"Mara, stop. I understand. You two need to be able to talk. I'm not so insecure that I can't handle that. We can be adults about it. You and I were together for a long time. I understand what you're feeling."

Mara stood and moved back to her chair, clasping her hands together as she looked at Duke. "If my calculations are correct, and they are, I believe the excess Aether I'm carrying can get the baby to full term by about 10 weeks. Momma has no way of knowing about the Aether, so that leaves all those extra weeks for planning or evacuating, if we can't think of something else."

Duke handed her his water bottle. "Drink. And we'll think of something. I'm not going to just give up. Yeah, getting the baby born healthy is the top priority, but I want my kid to have a mom."

Mara drank, wondering what Duke was really thinking. "Do you think I could talk to you for a few minutes?"

His expression gave nothing away, but he nodded, standing and holding his hand out to her. "We can go out on the porch."

She took his hand and walked out with him, pulling his sweater tight around her as she sat. "I'm sorry about everything. I honestly didn't have any idea, I was as shocked as you. But the baby is innocent, Duke. Genetically exactly the same as if he was Audrey's. I meant it when I said I didn't want to force you to be involved. If I can't find a way to survive this, though... lie to him. Tell him I was anyone other than who I am. Don't let my legacy affect him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what? I didn't find out until just before I told you."

"Not about the baby, Mara. About the Troubles. About your history."

"Would you have believed me?"

He made a thoughtful face, like he was chewing on his lip. "Why did you have sex with me?"

"I don't understand what you're asking, Duke."

He growled in frustration, finally saying, "Was it just so you could use the Aether on me?"

"Oh! No. I had to use the Aether on you to fix your Trouble. You were so sick, and you didn't have any more Troubles you could vent safely. But I knew you were afraid to let me use Aether on you. So I did it when I had the opportunity. But that's not why I slept with you. I could have used the Aether when you were sleeping or something. I slept with you because I wanted you. I wanted to be close to you, to feel you. I've been in love with you since we came back to Haven, I just had no freedom to say so."

"In love with me?"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Again, Duke, would you have believed me? No. You're in love with Audrey, you made that perfectly clear. You were honest. You told me you wanted someone else and I did it anyway." Her voice got quiet, hesitant. "It was still the happiest time in my life. I'm sorry you regret me, but I don't regret you. I only regret that you pulled away so quickly after." She chuckled, but she didn't sound amused.

"I tricked myself, told myself that maybe you would understand me somehow, that part of you might want the part of me that's not like Audrey. But it's still the face and the body. It always is."

"No. I'm not Nathan. It wasn't just because you look like her. I knew who I was with."

"But you still hate me. You were lonely and scared. You finally understood that I cared about you, but I'm still me. It's why you pulled away the way you did. So stupid- I woke up and I wanted to be next to you. I wanted to forget about everything. But you were so distant, and you just wanted to find the Aether and have me fix you so it could be over. I was hurt. I pushed you away because you pushed me away. You looked so disgusted and remorseful. It's stupid, but I was so hurt and angry that I behaved like a monster. But it's what you all expected me to be. A monster."

His voice was quiet, like he was confessing. "I wanted to stay. But I couldn't stand the idea of you making a joke out of it, mocking my weakness. So I pushed you away. I did it before you could do it to me."

"I wasn't going to. But I understand why you thought that. I- when you tried to send me away to save me, when you were just going to stay there and burn, I was so angry and so scared. My own work coming back again to bite me in the ass. You never asked how that Trouble started. You knew what kicked it off, but you never asked how I knew about that boy. It wasn't him that I Troubled. It was his father. The mom had died and he dreamed of her every night. It was, I don't know. Sappy? But he wanted to be able to show her to his son. When he would sleep, his son would have a mother there to protect and love him.

"But the fire activated the boy, and he was like me- afraid of fire- it all spiraled from there. Instead of making his mom appear, he made fire. I'm pretty sure William changed that one, but I wasn't with him at the time, so I don't know. But I was furious, so angry that even though that Trouble was gone, it was still going to come for you. I was so tired of my work being used to hurt people, even after I'd tried to fix it, after I'd been punished."

Mara stared out over the sea, eyes a million miles away as her fingers brushed her lips. "When you kissed me, it was all worth it." She shook her head, bringing herself back to the present. "Well, for me. I'm sure your perspective is very different." Her tone was defensive again, her arms wrapped around herself. The nausea was a good sign. The baby was growing quicker, the hormones already flowing. The nausea was a welcome reminder that she could save the baby.

He took the seat next to her, also staring over the water. They seemed to communicate better if they didn't look at each other.

"I chose to be with you. What I said... it wasn't about wishing you were Audrey-"

Mara scoffed, the laugh sounding bitter even to her own ears.

"It wasn't, Mara. It was about wishing that I could trust that you'd stay the way you were then. Not glaring, not trying to hurt anyone. You stayed there and risked your life to try and help me."

"Then why, Duke? Why, when I woke up, when I only wanted to be with you, did you push? I wanted to be with you, and you wanted the Aether. I think I know why. Because you were afraid that if you got sick again, you'd feel weak and want to touch me again. You didn't want anyone to find out. You know what I don't get?" Mara was on a tear now, and she wasn't about to let go. She wasn't sure she could, honestly.

"I haven't done anything that Audrey hasn't. Nothing. Convincing you to kill someone. She did that too. Trying to save herself from the Barn? Check. Fooling around with you and not telling Nathan? Check. Yes, I started the Troubles, but I was a child, Duke. My mother used me, and when I was old enough to make my own decision, I tried to fix it, I tried so hard I drove William away, so hard I got locked up, and I still kept fighting.

"Audrey shows up and is immediately wanted and adored. You want her, Nathan wants her, Chris freaking Brody wants her. When I started getting control, Duke, I wanted help. I thought you guys would help me like you help everyone. But everyone stops caring about 'helping' when it might affect Audrey. I was a good person. I loved people. I was worthwhile, Duke. I'm not a monster or a demon." She shook her head, still staring out at the water as she wiped her eyes. "It's stupid. She's existed for less than a decade, and yet everyone thought she had more right to my body than I did. And you'd have felt the same even if you didn't think I was evil."

"You recognized that Lexie was still just us. And you could tell when I was more present. You know, you know that I had control for quite awhile before Audrey stopped showing through, but I didn't hurt anyone. I could have hurt any of you at any time. I wanted to help the Harker's. Yes, the Aether is addictive, and I do crave that feeling, but I stopped using it to make Troubles so damned long ago."

Duke templed his fingers under his chin, still staring ahead. "You're angry about being judged about something you did a long time ago. Something you regret."

"Just like you with Nathan."

"Alright, you want the truth, I pulled away because I knew you could hurt me. Not like axe-murderer hurt me, you're not Leatherface. I was afraid you'd break my heart. If I let myself love you, I'd have done it completely. And you weren't going to want me long-term. It was going to end in blood and tears. "

She chuckled quietly, looking at her splinted hand. "You were right about that much. But if you'd loved me, Duke-" She tilted her head, swallowing against the lump in her throat. Her voice was whisper soft, morose and defiant at the same time. "I would have done anything, made myself better. I'd have followed you anywhere for as long as you wanted me. Protected you and the people you loved. Why would you think I wouldn't want you long term? The things I'm doing to myself, I hate them. But I'd still rather it be me than you or Audrey or Nathan or any of the others. Momma will never leave Haven alone. I'd rather she hurt me than the rest of you."

"I wish I could understand you."

"What's to understand? I think I'm fairly simple. A disappointment to my parents, to my twin. I guess technically I'm a traitor, since I chose to protect humans over my own people. But you've met my mother and William, I'm sure you can understand why I prefer to protect Haven than do what they want."

"All of this, the Barn and the lives and now the implant, it's all punishment for helping Haven?"

Mara shrugged. "My mother cares a great deal about her work. She takes my refusal as a personal insult."

"How do you do it, then? How do you keep going when they hurt you and make you feel like garbage? How do you do it after 500 years?"

"More than 500, Duke. That was just the time in the Barn. More like 600 years of fighting. But..." She puckered her lips, considering. "I keep doing it because of the people. First Samuel, of course, but I've loved people in every lifetime. And every time I come back, I love more than the time before. I do it because of Garland. Vince. Dave. Nathan. Dwight. Hundreds of names that are lost to everyone but me. I do it for you. Because you're worth it."

His laugh hurt her heart. "I'm worth letting locked up for 500 years? Try again."

Mara finally looked over at him. "Yeah, you are. To me you are. Don't mock me. I feel love, Duke. I'm not a robot. I'm not my mother. I love, and sometimes I love too much and I end up getting hurt. Rejection hurts. Your rejection hurt me. But it doesn't matter. I still love, and if getting hurt myself helps keep all of you safe? I owe you that. All of you. I may have been a kid, but I was still guilty. All your woes started with me. So I do what I can."

A shiver started in her spine, but instead of passing, it spread, pulling at her whole body. She strained to breathe slowly.

Duke looked at her, the knuckles of her left hand white where she gripped the arm of the chair. "What's wrong? I thought you had 4 hours? It hasn't been that long."

Mara shook her head, looking away again. "It's not the implant. I can't process the Aether I took from you when I'm not in control of my body. It could hurt the baby. Make me a dangerous incubator."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm carrying too much Aether in me. Like you were. I had planned to process it and make it dormant, but I can't control my own actions. So I have to hold onto it until the baby is born."

"Will it hurt the baby?"

"No. It's thanks to the Aether that I can even help the baby grow so fast. While he- or she- is inside me, they're safe from me."

"Will it hurt you?"

She raised her eyes to his- they were shining black orbs in her pale face. "Not as bad as it would have hurt you."

"Mara, your eyes..."

"I know. Hopefully it will pass and my eyes will settle again. It came in waves with you, too."

"It hurt me. Does it hurt you?"

"Look at me, Duke. Do you honestly think a little more hurt is that big of a deal? The baby is safe, that's the point."

"So it does hurt you."

Mara shrugged. "She's going to keep hurting me anyway. This isn't as bad as the implant. I made this choice. I won't risk hurting the baby. If I got stuck and couldn't stop processing, if I didn't do it in stages, it could hurt me enough that it would hurt the baby. It's trying to help me. Aether would never hurt me on purpose. It's doing what it can to grow the baby. If it has to hurt me to do it? It's not even a question. My job now is to grow this baby. If I find a way to survive, great. But I'm not going to operate on blind faith. I know her too well for that. If I expect to die, anything else is a pleasant surprise."

"Don't talk like that." Duke's voice was hard and angry.

"Like what? And why are you snapping at me?"

"Like it's a done deal, like there's no chance you'll make it through this. Don't quit. You're stronger than that."

Her fingers stroked her abdomen as she slowly shook her head. "No, I'm not. Not right now. Right now, all I can do is focus on the baby. Once the baby is safe and healthy, maybe I can find some hidden reserve and be strong enough for whatever is next. I'm still just a person, Duke. I have abilities that make me seem scary, but I'm still a girl. A girl who's been locked up for more than half my life. I'm not what you people think I am. I wish I was."

In one sinuous movement, Duke was out of his chair and kneeling in front of her, staring at her with a fierceness that was close to a glare. "I understand that you feel alone. But that's my kid you're protecting. So if you don't think you're strong enough on your own, let me do it for you. But you've got to let me in, Mara."

She wanted to touch his face. He was so close.

"You said that you were afraid to love me, because I'd hurt you. Damn it, Duke- I'm scared too. I'm already in love with you and I'm barely hanging on. If I let myself rely on you, if I allow that kind of weakness and then you end up hating me anyway, it would kill me."

"That's why it's called trust. Nobody said it would be easy. Nothing has been easy. But it might be easier if we were working together."

She studied his eyes, trying to look inside him. "Working together? Or being together? There's a world of difference."

"Why don't we forget labels for right now. Let's see if we can just be. Whatever happens, happens."

"How do I do that when every time I see you, I want to touch you or kiss you? Please tell me, because I don't know."

Duke tilted his head, looking thoughtful. "I guess you could kiss me and see what happens."

Mara narrowed her eyes, wondering if he was screwing with her or challenging her. Well, she wasn't dead yet.

She wrapped her left hand around the back of his neck, leaned forward and brought her mouth to his.

Kissing Duke was like a religious experience. The taste and smell of him, the feel of goosebumps on the back of his neck, and then his hands on her waist as she wrapped her right arm around him, pulling closer. She'd slid off the chair and onto her knees like him, and she kissed him like he was the air she needed to survive. It felt like she'd been drowning, her chest ached and when she breathed, he was all there was. Just Mara and Duke alone in the universe, clinging to each other.

This feeling- it was familiar, but so old she almost couldn't recognize it. The feeling of belonging. Mara wanted to get lost in it. Breathing the same air, her body pressed against his. Duke made a kiss feel like home.

Heart overrode head, and she opened her herself, letting the feel of him permeate her body. Something about it made her want to cry. Two children by two men, both in love with Audrey, but a small part of them made a home inside her.

Her body was pressed tight against her, and stray tears leaked from her eyes.

They broke the kiss, pressing their foreheads together and panting, lost in each other.

"Don't cry, Mara." Duke's voice was gentle as he spoke, wiping her tears with one hand.

"Sorry," she chuckled, "I just... I feel like a different person when I'm with you. I'm not sure I've ever wanted something so much in my life. And I swear it's not sex, Duke. I love to see you smile and hear you laugh. I know I'm not her, but the only time I feel complete- the only time I've felt complete in hundreds of years is with you."

"There's those beautiful blue eyes. I'm not saying black is a bad color for you, but I like seeing your normal eyes."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do. It's your eyes who tells me who's in control. I know yours from Audrey's."

"I love this baby, Duke. More than I can tell you. I'll do anything to protect Little Crocker."

He couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips. "I never thought about that. A little Crocker, huh?"

"Yes. No ties to my world or family. I- if you want to try, I will do my best. Nothing could make me turn my back on you."

He used his 'very serious' expression, the one that still managed to look like he was hiding mirth. "Then you're going to have to live, if I need you, right?"

"I, uh... I guess so. I never could say no to you."

His smile was dazzling. "Well, than you're the first. Are you okay for a little bit?"

"You have to go downstairs and work, right?"

"If you need me here, I'll stay."

"I'm okay, Duke. I have time. Audrey made me the sofa. I'll be fine. Please, do what you need to do. I'm okay."

He touched her face, and then her abdomen. "If you need me, yell or call or just bang on the floor. I'll be there."

Mara nodded. Duke helped her to her feet and hugged her, bending his head to whisper in her ear. "We're going to be okay. The baby will be okay. I'll protect you, I swear."

She was only half-joking when she asked, "Who's going to protect me from you?"

"Trust, Mara. Hard for both of us. But those things that make you different from Audrey? I do love them. So try not to worry."

She nodded.

Duke helped her up and brought her back into Audrey's apartment, making sure she was settled comfortably before he kissed her head, whispered at Audrey and squeezed her hand again on the way out.

Maybe there was hope left in the world after all.