True to their word, Nathan and Audrey showed up with dinner precisely 40 minutes later.
About 10 minutes after Mara had dozed off, laying on Duke's chest.
She honestly wasn't sure if he'd tried to wake her first or not, but when she woke, she was in his arms as he unlocked the door. She blinked repeatedly, shaking her head a little to chase away the fog. She saw Nathan and Audrey folllowing them back to the living room.
"What- did I fall asleep?"
Duke was smirking as he sat, setlling her against him. "You did. Something must have tired you out."
Oh, he wanted to play that game? Mara was afraid of a lot of feelings- embarrassment was not one of them.
She smiled coyly. "Some things are worth staying up for."
Audrey rolled her eyes. "Oh, this is going to be interesting. As competetive as you two are, everything is going to turn into some kind of game."
Mara shrugged. "Games turn into sex. I'm okay with that. We don't finish the game, so nobody loses, and he's really good in bed, so everyone wins."
Nathan choked, coughing hard, but Duke just nodded seriously. "We get competetive about that, too. Sometimes we win two or three times."
Audrey laughed. "It appears someone crossed the finish line." She gestured toward Mara's stomach.
Mara let out the smallest giggle, and slapped her hand over her mouth, eyes wide. She couldn't believe she had relaxed that much, had let such a girly sound escape her. She coughed, trying to cover the slip, but the smirk on his face told her that he'd heard that little laugh. "Shut up," she whispered out of the side of her mouth.
Duke leaned even closer, his lips an inch from her ear. "Make me."
He was needling her, trying to embarrass her. She narrowed her eyes, whipping her head to the side and pressing her lips against his. He kissed back, single-minded as ever, and after a moment she pulled her face back, murmuring, "I win."
Duke's mouth opened and closed a few times as though he were looking for a witty retort, but eventually he shrugged and smiled. "Fair enough."
Mara just smiled and looked back at Audrey as they passed out the food.
It was hard to look at Audrey sometimes. Partly because it was like looking at herself, and partly because it made Mara want to talk to her. The sameness in them that both attracted and repulsed Mara. That she was constantly jealous of the blonde, of her ability to make people adore her, was an added stessor. Mara was loathe to admit it, but she wanted what everyone wanted- to be loved. Audrey had that in spades, enough that she tossed love away. She had extra. So much extra that some of it had spilled onto Mara, giving her two children.
Maybe it was a combination of the excess Aether and hormones and sleepiness or maybe she just wanted to talk, but without planning it, she found herself speaking, looking at the floor.
"You know, ever since I was a baby I've had a fear of mirrors. In the house I grew up in, any mirror that I had to pass at night had to either be covered or have a protective ward in front of it. Well, my father called them protective wards. They were crystals, I don't know if he actually did anything to them to make them protective or not. But I couldn't sleep in front of a mirror and if I had to use the bathroom at night, I would go out of my way to avoid mirrors or I'd make William come with me.
"I've wondered a lot if it's because I had just a little precognition- the ability to see the future. Enough to know that the mirror wouldn't always show me myself. The phobia has gotten worse, of course. Since I've been myself it's not just at night that I hate mirrors. It's why I have trouble looking at you sometimes, Audrey. Because you're one of the people who wasn't me when I looked in a mirror, but you're outside the mirror. And it's strange because I don't know who crossed. Did you go through the looking glass or did I? Neither of us was born on this world, but you were at least started here. But I was around first.
"It makes me wonder who I am. Even if I am. It's been so long since I was allowed to be myself; all the fake- sorry, Audrey, obviously you're not fake, but you're not like the others- the personalities pasted over me, I don't know if they changed me. I don't know if I can trust my own memories. In the between-times, the Barn-times, people don't use my name. I hadn't heard my name in so, so long."
She looked up to see them all staring silently. "Sorry. I'm not sure why I told you that. It takes me awhile to wake up, I guess."
She stared down at the carton in her hands. It had her name on the top, and she was curious what they thought she'd want to eat.
Audrey's voice was quiet but strong. "I wish you'd talk more often. I have questions too, things only you can answer. It helps to hear you talk."
Mara cocked her head, curious. "What kind of questions?"
"Well, like- if Charlotte is your mother, who is my mother?"
"The universe. Mother Earth. Yourself. Me. You're different. Special. You're not like the other personalities who were all just versions of me. At first I thought it was because of the reincarnation Trouble that Duke used to split you from me, but it's not. You were always different. You evolved into something more.
"Just like you can still feel a part of Lexie, I feel- completely feel- every personality that came before you. It's not like talking to different people, they're all just me with different hair and different memories. My mother is smart, but she's not a god. She can't just create lives. The best she could do is reprogram my memories and change my damn hair, sending me back over and over in between rounds of testing. That was never the case with you."
"What do you mean?" Everyone was looking at her, but she was only watching Audrey.
"From the beginning, there were differences. A lot of similarities- the sarcasm, the self-deprecating humor, the need to fix- but the differences were huge. Your taste in books and music, your taste in everything, really. Your lone wolf act. The others, who were based on me, they always had a small circle they absolutely relied on, we always wanted people with us. At first I thought it was because I'd just finally given up on trusting anyone, but I'm me, split from you, and I still feel as much need as I did before. You were never drawn to Vince or Dave, either, and yet I still feel that bond. The same blind, unshakable trust I always had in them.
"Nathan is a part of it, too. When we got here this time and he pulled us out of that damned car, when I felt his hands and heard his voice, it hurt. It hurt so bad. I realized I'd spent more than fifty years pining for a man who was in love with you- and if you'd been me like the others, I would have had no reason to be jealous. I knew something was different from the beginning, and I did my absolute best to keep you from starting something with Duke. I was angry and jealous.
"When I got control and found out you were still rattling around in there, that you had managed to break through, I knew things were more serious than I'd thought. That you really were a seperate person, and I didn't know how we'd cope with being in a single body. Especially with them trying to get you back. And I was so angry because everyone acted like I had no right to my own body."
Mara shook her head, frowning. "And my mother tried to kill me, to replace me with you. It's a strange feeling, knowing everyone wants you dead because you were trying to do something good.
"But to answer your question, I guess technically you're an offshoot of me, but not a copy. Which I suppose could make me your progenitor. You're different than me, probably better. Genetically, you'd be classified as my twin. You could think of it like that, like a fertilized egg that splits into identical twins. We just split late. That would, I'm sorry to say, make my parents your parents."
"So Charlotte would be my mother?"
"My condolences. Of course, I've never seen a DNA test, she could have just stolen me. I've fantasized about that a lot in my life. That she just found me and William in the park or a store and just grabbed us and ran. I know chances are slim, but a chance is a chance, right? Neither our mother or father are Gifted, so that's an anomaly. Maybe Gloria can con a DNA sample from her."
Audrey was thoughtful.
You said some of your people-"
"Our people, Audrey. You're no more human than I am."
"Our people, then. You said some are born with abilities. How do you find out?"
"There are some scientists who can predict based on chromosome analysis the chances that a child will have abilities, but for the most part, at some point it just becomes clear. Some abilities manifest before birth- things like telepathy, when the parents suddenly start hearing the baby. With me and William, they knew either before or immediately after our birth. We could clearly communicate with each other, and my ability to manipulate nature became obvious during my delivery. Most kids go through a phase where their abilities activate- like the Troubles- and we can't control them, and that's how most find out."
This time Nathan asked the question around a mouthful of noodles. "How did your ability become obvious?"
Mara chuckled without humor. "We'd had a major snowstorm, a blizzard, while Momma was in labor. That could have been written off, it was almost November. But Daddy took videos, showed them to me so I could keep the images in my memory- I was born at 12:34 PM, and when I took my first breath- and please don't make fun, I swear it's true and I can prove it- flowers pushed through the snow and bloomed. Almost a mile in every direction, flowers everywhere. All kinds, things that don't even bloom the same time of year. I'm not saying it was some kind of good omen- that would be ridiculous and I'm not a complete idiot- it was just dormant seeds responding to my ability."
He didn't look doubtful, just curious, but Duke asked, "What do you mean, you can prove it?"
"I told you my father took video so I could record the memory. This is why." She held her hand up and colorful images danced above it like a movie projector or a hologram. A stone house; roof and the land around it covered in deep snow, flakes still falling from the sky as flowers of every color and variety pushed proudly through the snow. Crocus, daffodils, roses, violets- it seemed like there was another flower ever few inches as the scene moved, the view turning in every direction. Lightning sparked across the sky above in a hectic dance.
A handsome man with a beaming smile came into view. "My daughter did this. All I asked for was a healthy child, and I was blessed with two perfect, beautiful babies and then this. One day you'll see this, because I want you to see that even the world is celebrating your birth with me. William James and Mara Leah, you've made me the happiest father in the universe." The view shifted, panning to Charlotte, staring at the two newborns she held. One had wispy, tight golden curls and the other a full head of thick chestnut ringlets. Both had bright sapphire eyes.
Mara froze that image, staring with the others. She was studying Charlotte's face, looking for traces of emotion, anything that might explain what she was feeling in that moment.
She didn't look happy- she certainly wasn't beaming with pride the way their father was, but that could have been blamed on exhaustion. Mara knew how hard labor was. She imagined it was twice as bad with twins.
She didn't look sad. If anything, she looked curious yet detached, like she was studying specimens at a zoo and not her own children.
"Your middle name is Leah? It's pretty." Duke tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
Mara laughed darkly. "My father thought so too, because he never looked up the meaning. 'Mara Leah' means 'bitter and weary'. My mother has always been gifted at insulting people. Mostly me."
They all looked stunned and uncomfortable. "It's fine, it's fine. I got used to it a long time ago. It's just a name now. She's tried very hard to make me live up to my name, but I'm still standing."
They were still studying the picture as Mara said, "This is the same day she forged the bond between us. We would have been bonded anyway, the way all twins are. We loved each other. But it wouldn't have gone so far as hurting one because the other was injured. That was all her. Part of her just hated us for being special, but a larger part was thinking ahead to what kind of powers our children could have if we were already that strong. I don't think she ever wanted to be a mother- she was just living up to the expectations of a married woman. But once we were born, she became interested in us as science experiments.
"She had one more child when we were about 6 in your years. Our sister Eleanor. William and I called her 'Ellie'. She didn't start manifesting her gifts until she was about 4, and I was the only one who knew. She could read people, see the real faces behind the masks and lies. She came to me and told me that she was afraid of Momma, that she was dangerous. I made Ellie swear to never, ever let our parents know she was gifted."
Audrey seemed distraught as she asked her next question. "What happened to Ellie?"
"I told you that I've wondered if I had a little precognition. It was either that or just because I'm better at reading people than I thought, but I was anxious in the months before the Barn, before William turned. I asked my godfather to find a way to take her and hide her if anything happened to me. I know he trusted me, and I believe he at least tried to do what I asked. I don't know for certain, but I believe she's alive, that he managed to get her away, hidden and being raised by someone else."
"Why do you think that, Mara?" Nathan's tone made Mara feel strange- hearing him say her name like it was normal, like he would anyone else, with no fear or disdain or dread- it gave her a sense of relief that was close to euphoria. That he was able to speak to her at all without them fighting was almost miraculous to her.
"Because he was punished too. Byron Howard. The man you call 'Agent Howard', he was our godfather. The only reason that he would have been bonded to the Barn is if he'd really angered her, and so I think he got Ellie to safety. Maybe I can try to find her using Aether. She'd be about... what, 15 or 16 in your years."
Duke looked disturbed. "Uh, exactly how old are you, in human years?"
Mara sighed, unwrapping her chopsticks. "Don't ask questions you don't want answered."
"No, I can take it. I want to know."
She stared at him as she answered, ready to catalogue his reactions. "About 22."
His eyes were wide with surprise, but it was Nathan who made her laugh. "So Audrey... she's 22?" His voice rose to a squeak at the end.
Mara chuckled. "We're both legal. Don't get all antsy now. We look slightly older because of the constant back-and-forth between worlds, and since we're basically at our physical peak we won't age anymore. Doesn't matter if you consider us 15 or 1,500, it's all the same. For us, age really is a meaningless number."
She was shocked when she finally looked down at her food. "Who ordered this?"
Audrey raised her hand, waiting for Mara's reaction.
"How did you know to get this?"
"I saw it on the menu and it just... seemed right. Is it okay?"
Mara wasn't sure what to think. She knew she'd never discussed her favorite foods with them, she knew it for a fact. She and Audrey didn't even eat most of the same foods. So opening the box to see Thai pumpkin curry, with tofu no less, was astounding. Something she would have only ever expected William to do.
"It's perfect. One of my very favorite dishes. I never told any of you that I don't like meat. I never told you any of this, but you still somehow... it's perfect. Thank you."
She took a slow bite and her eyes rolled back, her entire body tingling. Something she loved that she hadn't tasted in so, so long. She ate happily for a moment.
Nathan was still thinking math. "So how old were you when the Barn started?"
"Like I said, time is flexible, especially since I bounced between worlds so much, but betweek 13 and 14. Nobody really pays much attention to age where I come from. You're either a young child or you're an adult, especially if you're Gifted and are being used in science experiments. Puberty hits and you're an adult. They treat 13 the same way they treat 53." She bit into a piece of pumpkin and groaned with her eyes closed.
When she opened her eyes, Duke was staring at her, his eyes dark and hungry like she was the main course. He caught her off-guard and she couldn't stop the blush creeping up her face. "Here, try." She held out her chopsticks, the other half of the pumpkin cube held neatly.
Never moving his eyes from hers, Duke leaned forward and wrapped his lips around her fork, raising his eyebrows as he chewed. "That really is good. You need to tell me more of the things you like, because you... you are really hot when you're enjoying something."
She let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and heard Audrey laugh quietly. Mara leaned in to whisper in Duke's ear. "Careful. Don't start something you can't finish."
He smirked as he whispered back. "Oh, I can finish."
She narrowed her eyes at him, barely breathing the words into his ear. "See, that's where I have you beat. I would take you right here, right now- audience be damned. I'm not terribly concerned with exhibitionism when I'm with you. I want you. However, the look on your face when you're inside me? I don't want to share that with anyone. And I would like to take my time with you, but if you keep this up, it will be over far more quickly than I intend."
She bit her lip softly, feeling his pulse speed up where they were touching.
Mara wasn't certain where the heated, demanding words had come from- she generally had much better self-control and her sexual history was so limited- but she felt different with Duke. Perhaps it was the Aether or the rapid increase in hormones, but she suddenly felt like she could- like she should be touching and loving him as much as she possibly could.
His eyes were smoldering as he stared at her, whis voice as quiet as her own. She didn't doubt that Audrey and Nathan knew what they were talking about, but there was no way they could be overheard. "You want me?"
"How could you doubt? I want you so much I feel like my skin is on fire. I want to try everything with you. And knowing that I'm carrying your baby, that part of you is growing inside me, me and not a jumble of fake memories and a name that isn't mine, it makes me feel like your name is carved on my heart. Like I belong to you in a way that I never could, never would want to with anyone else. Yes, I want you. More than that, though, I need you and I love you, Duke."
She didn't even have time to blink before his lips were on hers, but she tilted her head, kissing him ardently and biting his tongue just hard enough to get his attention. It made him groan low in his chest, and the sound rumbled through her body, giving her goosebumps.
Nathan had to clear his throat three times, but it was Audrey who said, "I will get the hose out, guys." The threat made Mara laugh, breaking the kiss as Duke flopped back against the couch dramatically.
His reaction amused Mara. "Honestly, Audrey, you've got no room to talk. You didn't even hang a sock on the doorknob yesterday. The things I've seen... I'll be sending you my therapy bills."
"So what exactly happened last night? How'd you end up with Duke?"
Mara shut down immediately, visibly curling up on herself and forcing an aloof expression. Why did people constantly ask questions they didn't want the answer to?
"I didn't belong there, with you and Nathan. He talks in his sleep. You need your privacy."
"What do you mean?"
"Please, Audrey. Drop it. Duke and I agreed it would be safer for me to stay here. Momma agreed to turn the implant down, she never said she wouldn't come after me physically and that apartment is about as defensible as a cardboard box. She said herself that she'd kill and dissect my baby. I don't belong anywhere, but I enjoy being near Duke and as long as he has no problem with me being around, I'd rather stay here."
Duke wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer and kissing her forehead. "Eat, Mara. You don't have to say anything you don't want to. But you have to eat, because I was enjoying the show."
She laughed half-heartedly, but took another bite.
She could see the moment Audrey put it together- her face went pale and she looked horrified. Mara just shook her head. "Can you understand my fear of mirrors now, Audrey?"
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."
Mara shrugged, shaking her head. "My issues, Audrey. I'm the one who has to deal with them. It's fine."
Audrey studied her for a moment, finally saying, "You're wrong though. You do belong somewhere."
Mara couldn't help but glance at Duke before shooting Audrey a 'shut up, you'll scare him' look. Audrey rolled her eyes, and Mara was saved by the ring of Duke's phone. She ate some of her tofu as he answered, smiling a little. "I really do appreciate this, Audrey. I've really missed someone knowing what I like, caring what I might want to eat. None of the personalities were vegetarian, and I used to love food. It's miserable having to eat things you dislike all the time. It's not even for health or morality reasons, I just don't like most meat. Sushi I love. Bacon I make an exception for. But most things the personalities ate I hated, and I always knew Momma did that on purpose.
"It seems so bizarre to me. I know what you guys think about me, yet you're here, trying to help me. I don't even think it's because you're trying to save Haven from getting shoved into the Void, or because you're personally offended that she tried to use you. But I don't understand why you're doing it."
Audrey met Mara's gaze without blinking. "Because you're right. We all did things we weren't proud of when we were kids. I hate that you were punished for trying to help people, that she tried to make you feel worthless. That she's threatening your baby. Since we split, I could start feeling which emotions belonged to me and which were yours, and I understood how you feel about Duke. How strongly you feel.
"I also hate being played. Used to hurt someone who didn't deserve it. And Mara, you don't deserve it. Whatever the hell her problem is, it's not you who can't be trusted. It's her. I'm mad that I believed her."
"Yeah, well, join the club. I let her touch me, I knelt there and believed her lies while she tried to kill me and destroy everything I love in the world. If it hadn't been for this baby... for the fact that I love Duke too much to let go, I'd be dead and Haven would be turning into some kind of Lord of the Flies experiment."
Nathan looked at her, not even looking uncomfortable with her existence for a change. "I'm here because I was wrong. Because I hurt you. Because she killed our son and I want to hurt her. If I'd had any idea, I never would have gone to her for help, I hope you know that. I didn't trust her and I knew she wasn't who she said she was, but I had no idea she was tied to you until later." He looked disconcerted. "If she had killed you, it would have been my fault. And she..." He swallowed, looking a little green, and Mara understood.
"No, Nathan. Stop. You didn't know, and you couldn't have known the rest. I didn't even know about James, Nathan. How could you? You had no way of knowing any of it. Hell, if I'd just talked to you instead of being angry that you were upset about missing Audrey, maybe you would have been able to stay away from her. But you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault."
Mara wasn't even sure where the words came from. Why she was trying to soothe Nathan of all people. It felt like there was no middle ground where he was concerned. She either loved him or hated him. She knew she wasn't in love with him anymore- he had never been in love with her, so she couldn't have been in love with him. But she did love him, and it hurt her to see him so unhappy.
Gods, even her issues had issues.
She stared down at her food, putting something in her mouth before she could speak and embarrass herself further. She could feel Audrey's eyes on her.
Duke shoved his phone back into his pocket. "That was Gloria. She wants to see you, to run some tests. X-rays and things like that. I guess things are a litte... tense around town. People taking sides- the ones who trusted Charlotte, who thought she could cure the Troubles vs. people like Vince and Dave, who thought she was bad news from the start."
"But that's not fair," Mara argued, "How could anyone know? You had nothing warning you about her and no reason to suspect she was involved. I was the only 'bad guy' in town at the time, but even then, how many people actually know anything about me? There's only a handful of people who know I even exist, and all of them have believed from the start that I was evil. Either way, I was taking up all your time. The only reason Vince and Dave were suspicious of her at all was because they're suspicous of everyone!"
Duke shook his head, holding his hands up. "You don't have to convince me, I agree with you. I'm just sharing the news."
Mara wanted to pace, but kept still, her arm pressed to Duke's. "Honestly though, how many people know about me? Hardly any. It wasn't exactly common knowledge. You guys, Dwight, Vince, Dave and Gloria. Nobody else knows a thing about me. If you helped me, I could help everyone else. Remind them that they're on the same side. I don't exactly want people to know all my shortcomings, but if it could unite the town- give it a common enemy- I'll do it. I'll get up in front of all of them and tell them all of it. It's their story too."
Audrey kept her eyes on Mara's but tilted her face toward Nathan. "That's not a bad idea. If everyone was watching for her- not just us- we'd have better odds. We'd have to meet with the people who do know about Mara separately, get them caught up, but after that, we could set up some kind of Hot Stove meeting. We complain about there being too many secrets in Haven, but we're not exactly helping."
Mara put her food down, bringing her knees up and making herself as small as possible. Old habit from when she was young. "The only thing I'm not sure about is explaining how I exist at the same time as Audrey. Are we supposed to just tell them that Duke split us? I can explain everything else, hell, I can show everything else just like I showed you the day I was born. But they're already going to be afraid of me when they hear everything, and I don't want that fear to spill over onto Audrey."
Audrey narrowed her eyes, staring around the room. "If we're going to tell the truth, maybe we should just tell the whole truth. Including us being split. It's relevant to the rest of the story- we couldn't have let Charlotte trick us into recombining if we hadn't been split."
Mara tried not to show her fear as she met Audrey's eyes. "They're reactionary. They're going to be angry and afraid. Some won't care that I was a child. I don't want anyone getting hurt. I think we should meet with the people who know about me- Dwight, Vince, Dave and Gloria- she wanted to check me out anyway- and actually work with them to try and set up some kind of plan.
"I'm also going to send Aether to look for Ellie, and to try and locate William. I may be able to get messages to and from him without setting him free. I need to know, I need to hear from him. He pulled me up for a reason, and I saw the look on his face when I got control. I can't get that look out of my head- he looked so happy, so relieved, and I don't know if Charlotte did something to him to force him to follow her orders. I'm not in love with him, I hope you understand that, but I still love him and if she hurt him or somehow forced him to do what he did then he deserves to be saved too. Okay? I need to do these things, but I'd like to be honest with you about it."
Duke's arm tightened around her and he touched his head to hers. "I trust you, and I'll help you however I can. You sure there's nothing romantic left though?"
He was trying to keep his tone light but his fear was palpable. He'd been alone so long, had love ripped away from him over and over. For some unknown reason, he'd decided to share that part of himself with Mara, though she knew he deserved better. He was afraid of being hurt again.
She shifted and took his hand, moving to face him as she knelt on the couch. "I swear to you, I swear on my life, you're the only person I want that way. There are a couple of people I love, but only one that I'm in love with. I don't want anyone else." She took his other hand and pressed it to her stomach. "We belong to you. I just hope that you want us."
Duke pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her and hiding his face in her hair. "I want you. Both of you. I just worry."
"That's the one thing you shouldn't worry about. I have a lot of faults, Duke, but when I love, I do it completely. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I feel guilty because you deserve better, but I'm too selfish to let you go."
He nodded against her neck, holding her tighter. "Do you want the others there when we meet with Gloria for the tests?"
Mara considered. "It would probably do a lot to help them believe if they saw themselves. Yes. Have them meet us at Gloria's office. Whenever she wants. The sooner the better. He nodded, squeezing her before he pulled the phone out and dialed.
She was exhausted as she looked at Audrey and Nathan. Pregnancy was always tiring, but sped up so much? She felt like she could sleep half the day. "Nathan, I want to explain something. I'm not trying to be inappropriate, I hope you both know that, but I also want you to know how I feel. I'm in love with Duke, heart and soul, but I do love you, Nathan. Not in love, obviously- you can't be in love with someone who doesn't love you back- but I love you and I loved James. I believed I was in love with you for a long time.
"But I need you to understand. I've been angry in the past about James and everything about his conception, but I never regretted him, and I'm not angry at you. I love you and I know you were doing what you felt was right. I understand why you thought Audrey was Sarah, or a part of her. It would be unfair to hold that against you. So please know that I love you, I don't blame you, I'm not angry with you and what happened to him is not your fault. I don't want to be full of anger and distrust. You need to forgive yourself."
She looked at Audrey. "Please don't be upset with him. He missed you and he was scared. Fear makes people do strange things. But he's only ever loved you, I know that, not just because of the way he looks at you but because I can feel it from the Aether inside him. He's only ever really loved one other person, they haven't been involved in a long time, and he's taken. So please don't worry or doubt."
Nathan flushed, stammering. "But - how did you, I mean..."
"Again, Nathan, the Aether. It remembers everything, and it tells me things. But love is a good thing, and you have to stop being afraid of feelings. We're going to fix your Trouble no matter what. You have to stop being afraid of your feelings though. I know you can do it, I believe in you."
She exhaled loudly. "After I talk to the others, we'll have to talk to everyone. I need to teach you to use the Aether that's inside you. We can remove Troubles now, but I can only handle a few more orbs worth of Aether. Enough to cure a couple of people. You'll have to help with the others until I give birth. We need to be very careful about who we cure, too. If Charlotte finds out what we're doing, I don't doubt she'll come after me. So only people who can be quiet.
Duke was texting someone now, and he didn't look up as he spoke. "Gloria says to be at her office in half an hour. She's on a mission, you know how she gets when she wants to do something." He chuckled fondly.
"We have time- I'm sure you'd like more free time, but if you want, we can cure your Trouble now, Nathan. I'm assuming you can control yourself, since you feel Audrey anyway. What do you think?"
"Now? Like right now?" He looked alarmed, and Mara had to press her lips tightly to keep from laughing.
"No time like the present. Not being able to feel makes you an easier target. I'd feel better if I knew you had the added protection feeling gives you."
"Makes sense. I just didn't expect it to be so fast. What'll I have to do?"
"Nothing, really. Bleed a little. Audrey, I need you to pay attention though. You have to be able to take my place in this process because I can only hold a little more Aether. I'll do this one, but I want you to help Dwight."
Audrey looked petrified, but came to stand close beside her as Mara pulled Duke with her and knelt next to Nathan. "Duke, time to use your new superpower. May I use your knife?"
Duke moved one hand to press against the small of her back before he let go of her arm and handed her the knife. "Are you sure about this? The Aether-"
"I'm positive. One more orb won't make much difference. The Aether isn't trying to hurt me, it's trying to help the baby. But I can't relax if I think Nathan is in danger."
"Okay, okay. I trust you. Just tell me what to do."
"I'm going to cut his hand. Just hold his hand after he's cut, you'll absorb the blood and the Aether in him. After that, you'll want to cry a little. You have to let yourself cry. You can't try to hold it in, okay? Don't get worried about anything else, only Nathan matters right now, okay?"
Duke nodded, watching Nathan's eyes. Mara made sure Audrey was paying attention before she sliced into the side of Nathan's hand, letting the blood well up before she placed his hand in Duke's.
The women watched in fascination as Duke's eyes turned the beautiful silver that made Mara's heart race, and Audrey put her hand on Nathan's hair as he shuddered. Then Duke was shaking too, and the black rose in his eyes before a lone teardrop left him, floating through the air to where Mara caught it, absorbing it. Her muscles clenched, and she tried to ride it out silently as the others patted and touched and hugged, Duke's hand still against the skin of her back.
She felt her body, the Aether expanding and contracting, trying to fit inside her. She blinked repeatedly, but everything was dim and hard to see. The Aether must have covered her eyes again.
Crying silently, Nathan reached for Duke, hugging him hard, pulling Duke's body against his own as he whispered his thanks over and over.
Overwhelmed, Duke reached to hug him back, and the moment his skin left hers, Mara was trapped again, silent and burning. She scratched the nails of her left hand down her right arm, but it wasn't enough. She couldn't make a sound as she dug the knife into her arm, too fast and too hard. She had to yank to pull it out as the fire in her chest receded.
Cradling her arm against her chest, she focused on breathing slowly. The damage was already done, there was no sense in making a scene now. It was easier to control, knowing what to expect. Easier to deal with.
But Duke would be mad as hell.
She sat back on the floor, leaning against the coffee table as she used her shirt to try and stem the flow of blood. She hadn't hit any major arteries, but she'd definitely gone too deep. She couldn't see Audrey staring at her, and she jumped a little when she felt Audrey's hand on her shoulder, the other pulling gently at her arm. Her voice was a whisper directly in Mara's ear.
"Why didn't you say something or touch Duke, Mara?"
Mara raised her eyes, unable to make out Audrey's face. "Couldn't see, couldn't tell where he was, and I can't make noise once the warning time ends." She was whispering as quietly as Audrey.
"We need to get this bandaged."
When Nathan loosened his grip, Duke realized he wasn't touching Mara, and the horror was back in his voice. "God Mara! What the hell happened? Why didn't you just touch me?"
His tone riled her up. She hated this situation enough. "I can't see, Duke! I was disoriented and I couldn't see where you were and I couldn't make any noise! Please stop shouting at me, I don't like this any better than you do."
His hands replaced Audrey's on her arm, and he used the hem of her bloodied shirt to press against the wound. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. Force of habit. Can you see anything at all, or is it like when it hit me?" She felt a cloth replacing her shirt against the gouge.
"It's dim in here, all I can see is the lightbulb. It'll pass." She strained to keep her voice calm and even. "I'm sorry for interrupting your moment. Sorry, Nathan."
His chuckle relaxed her muscles. "Only you would apologize for getting hurt after curing my Trouble. I will never understand you."
"Duke said the same thing, and it still makes no sense. What's there to understand? I'm apologizing because I interrupted your time. It doesn't matter why or what I did before. Where I come from, every action is judged on it's own, good or bad deeds done prior have no relevance. Intention has no relevance."
Duke was pulling her up, the cloth tied tight around her arm. "Well you're not there now, and you haven't been there for a long time. Now you follow our rules. let's get your shirt changed and we'll go see Gloria. She can look at your arm while she's poking and prodding."