Spoilers: Combat, Border Princes, Slow Decay
Beta-ed: TattoedLibrarian
Gwen fell apart that day finally realizing that her fling with Owen was just that, a fling that led nowhere. There wasn't even a friendly touch left, a reassurance, his promise that she would be able to talk with him was just a line. She did call it off but it seemed that Rhys wasn't happy with her anymore. When he met Jack he didn't even try to put on a friendly face, he shouted at her like she'd done something wrong. She was distracted by all things that went unsaid between them. It was an agreement really; at least it was a deal between them, to keep each other safe. She didn't want to know about all his Lucy business. For all she knew it could be something more, and that time she moved away, that time that was left in the fog, he could have done something, he never claimed differently. He got to work, he went out, what if he did the same things, what if he would forgive her and she wasn't brave enough to ask. Then Jack stepped in, and he looked so disappointed in her, was she so wrong, it was just fun, nothing more. She couldn't take it anymore; she had to know if Rhys thought that it was an awful thing to do.
She had Retcon ready in her purse for business purposes and it was her safety button, a way to find out how wrong she was without consequences that Rhys would take hard. What would he do without her? He would fall apart. When she got back home that time the flat was in such a mess, he was such a mess and her heart broke for him, especially because she didn't remember why she has done it. She was Retcon resistant but no matter how much she thought about it she couldn't dig it out. That's why she couldn't do it again, not to him, she loved him too much. It's just that damn job, the horror that they were put through. She believed that she could drain it out with Owen's help but he was rubbish with emotions, as good as he got was in the sack.
She waited, becoming more and more nervous, and when it came out she blurted it out without reasoning, without proper explanation and the Retcon worked too fast, she gave him too much. He didn't even have the chance to forgive her and he would, wouldn't he? That doubt brought her to tears she couldn't sustain. She couldn't stand the guilt, his anger, disappearance of her everyday life. He waited for her every day, he did the dishes, he cleaned, and he did love her. What the hell was wrong with her? She couldn't stand silent apartment while he was sleeping drugged. So she went down to the Hub hoping for company, for senseless comments, Rift alerts, things for her to forgot about Rhys, because she thought that it was ok to cheat on him, that he wasn't as important as some stranded aliens.
No one was there. In the silent Hub she couldn't control her tears. There wasn't anything for her here, any company or consolation. She could barely see what it said on her phone. Luckily the phone rang and she was able to get to work. That got her through the hour. The next few hours were easy, it was all familiar; running, Retconning, and sorting. But then they got stuck in the hospital with Owen. She couldn't stand to be there with him after all he had put her through for nothing so she went back to the Hub alone. The silence was too much for her, the tears came back. She fought them with all her strength.
She expected Ianto any minute; he would make her coffee and complain that she shouldn't have brought pizzas and that they were cold. He would smile and offer coffee and she wouldn't have to say anything because he would pretend that he doesn't notice her red eyes, there would be no need for long explanations, and when others come in he would distracted them with coffee, food and reports. By the time they notice her she will be composed and protected by a mug of coffee. They don't even have to know about her defeat. She was almost glad that Owen was in the hospital. She was relieved that he wasn't badly hurt but she couldn't bear to look at him right now and not hate him.
She composed herself when the cog door rolled open but then Jack stormed in alone, cold and serious. She knew right away that he was mad at her and she couldn't help but cry helplessly. He paused a minute but then he crossed the space between them and hugged her. He held her closely like he was the one needing comfort but she didn't have chance to ask because Ianto came and brought coffee and in a moment everything was normal. No one was desperate anymore and it was just another day of troubles and solutions. She had her coffee and Jack his and their conversation became less emotional and more bearable.
"You have to be there when he wakes up." Jack said seriously. "This is the time to start from scratch, there are things we have to put up ourselves, and it's selfish to make somebody else to carry your burden. You can carry it because it was your choice in the first place. Sometimes humans do bad things and all that can be done is to live with it. The alternative is too terrible."
Gwen straightened herself up at his words. She felt silly, of course he was right. She was weak but she would get hold of it all. Rhys was important, more important of any alien invasion because without him she was all alone in the world and neither Jack nor bloody Owen would be there for her night after night. She would withstand this for Rhys, he deserve it. Her job got her sidetracked but she would kick anybody that stood between her and Rhys.
When she got home, Rhys was still sleeping curled on the sofa. She took off her leather jacket and steered herself under his arm. It was soothing that he was still there and she finally fell asleep. When she woke up, she found that Rhys has wrapped his arms around her in his sleep.
"How wasted did we get last night." He murmured and buried his nose in her shoulder. She smiled satisfied. This was her place and she loved it.