Chapter 5: Introspection

"Loki..?" Yunna peered through the green drapery that lead into the study and smiled when she saw the person she had been looking for was seated at his desk, flipping through the pages of the many books that sat on the surface. "I thought for sure I might find you here."

Loki continued to flip through the pages in the book he was currently thumbing through and wrote down a few notes in a journal he had. He didn't even lift his head to acknowledge the woman who stepped into his study. He was far too preoccupied to entertain his mistress this evening but Yunna didn't seem to mind that she was bothering him. Whether she didnt know or she didnt care that he had a lot of things on his plate was a mystery to him. He had a huge list of things that needed to be taken care of before Thor's coronation. And then there was the subject of Chelsea…

"I haven't seen you in a while." She started, sauntering over to his desk, her hips swaying gently back and forth. "I had hoped that you would eventually come for me as you have done in the past, but I can see that I needed to come to you this time." She moved behind Loki's desk and slid her hands up over his shoulders until her arms draped over his chest. It was only then that Loki stopped his work and turned his head a bit to gaze back at her.

"Yunna, can't you see that I am busy? I'm not up for entertaining tonight." He turned his head forward again and wrote down a few more notes in his journal before turning the pages.

"Oh come now. You have been working way too hard lately…" She leaned back a bit and began to run her fingers through the ends of Loki's hair. "Let me do the entertaining and help you relieve some of that stress." Yunna whispered and brushed a few tendrils of Loki's black hair out of the way before kissing the pale skin of his neck.

Loki's head tilted ever so slightly to the side, giving her more access to his neck and though he usually quite enjoyed what she was doing, he was still rather adamant about working on his little project. He licked his lips and set his quill down in the middle of his journal. "Yunna, please. I appreciate your efforts, but I have too much on my mind right now." He pulled away from her finally and turned in his seat to look at her. She looked a tad disappointed, but no matter, he had more important things to tend to at the moment.

"Alright then." She reached over and closed the note book he was writing in and leaned against his desk, her arms crossed over her chest. "Tell me what's on your mind?"

Loki lifted an eyebrow. "Are you mad?"

"Perhaps." She shrugged her shoulders. "Just tell me what has been bothering you. Maybe I can help you out. It wouldn't hurt, would it?"

Loki couldn't possibly tell her what has been going on lately. He couldn't tell her about Chelsea, who happened to be a mere mortal girl. Lord, what would Yunna think if she knew that he was spending time with a mortal? But then again, since when did he start caring about what Yunna thought of him? He didn't of course, but there was still no reason to bring up his recent activities. And he definitely couldn't tell her about his plans that needed to be finished before Thor's big day. He couldn't trust Yunna with those. If word got out about what he was planning then it would all blow up right in front of him. Loki didn't trust her in that way.

"Since when did you care about my problems?" He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes piercing into hers, calculating. A slight grin graced his features as he gazed up at his mistress.

"I…I don't." She stammered, her cheeks beginning to burn with a hint of shame. "I…Well I mean..."

Loki began to laugh, her stammering telling him everything he needed to know. "You cannot lie to me Yunna. I am the God of Lies and Deceit. I know when someone is lying and you are doing a very poor job at it. But, no matter…" He stood to his feet and crowded her, his fingers threading through her long, auburn hair. He grabbed a fistful of it and jerked her head to the side. "I want you to tell me something, Yunna. What is it that you wish for the most in your life?" Loki whispered, his breath hot against her skin.

She gasped at the sudden movement, his question surprising her. She hadn't expected him to ask her such a thing; it seemed so out of character. "I…What do you mean Loki?" Yunna gulped, her hands grasping onto the front of Loki's tunic in an attempt to keep her balance.

"What I mean is…" Loki nipped at a bit of her flesh, causing her to gasp once more. He licked the bite mark briefly to sooth the sting before continuing. "…What do you desire most out of this life? What dreams did you have as a child?" His other arm wrapped around her waist as he nipped at the lobe of her ear, this time eliciting a whimper from her.

"Ah…So that's what this is about then." Yunna bit her lip and pulled back so that she could look Loki in the eye. "This is about Thor isn't it? His coronation is coming up and it's stressing you out." Loki's hold on her hair had loosened and he didn't answer her straight away. It was the only answer she needed to prove that she was right. Loki may claim that he is the Master of Lies, but there have been a couple of times where Yunna could see through that walld he put up in front of himself. There is a certain look about him that she can just read whenever it presented itself. "It is; I can see it written all over your face."

Loki sighed with frustration and pushed himself away from her. He ran a hand through his hair and walked in front of his desk. He couldn't deny it, especially now that she had pointed it out so plainly to him. Thor's coronation was coming up fast and what with everyone in the palace praising him for everything it was proving to be just a tad bit difficult in hiding his contempt. "Thor doesn't deserve the throne, Yunna. He doesn't think with his head. How many times has he lead the army into battle and almost killed everyone, myself included!" He shook his head and plopped down in the arm chair that sat in front of the study's fireplace. He sat slouched in his seat, his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he glared into the flames.

"That may be so, but have you ever asked yourself if you are truly deserving of the throne as well?" She asked, coming around to his side.

"Of course I am! It is my birthright!" Loki slammed his fist down on the armrest and scowled up at her, his eyes flaring with anger.

Yunna flinched at his sudden burst of anger, but she stood her ground. She wasn't afraid of Loki, she never has been. She's known him to be a very dangerous man, but then again Yunna has always liked the dangerous ones. "But it's also Thor's…"

"Father promised us both when we were children that we were born to be kings, and I will not sit idly by and allow my oaf of a brother take the throne." Loki averted his gaze back onto the fire raging in front of him. The least Odin could do was give Loki leave to rule beside his brother. Maybe then he would be able to help guide Thor into the right directions.

"Then what are you going to do? You can't just throw him off of it."

Loki snorted and then put on a thoughtful look, as if he were actually contemplating it. "Well, it certainly sounds better than nothing right now…"

Yunna grinned and stood in front of him, her back facing the fire. "C'mon Loki, you know you must think rationally about this." She climbed onto his lap then, the hem of her chemise riding up her thighs as she straddled him. This time he didn't refuse her. "Perhaps you could go to Odin tomorrow and talk to him about it."

That was a sound enough idea. He could go to Odin when he wasn't busy and propose a couple of ideas and see where things lead. However, knowing his father, the man has always been rather stubborn; a man who once he sets his sights on something being a certain way then it must stay that way. It would take some time on Loki's part to try to convince the King, but it was certainly better to try than to sit around and contemplate things until he goes mad.

Loki sighed and closed his eyes when he felt Yunna's lips gently kiss the side of his neck again. "Yeah, fine. I'll go to him tomorrow…" His hands grasped firmly onto her hips and he pulled her closer to him, the warmth of her body igniting a fire within him. Perhaps he could use a good romp to get rid of his frustrations. He's done it plenty of times before and Yunna has proven to be an exceptionally good assistant in that.

"Good. Now, in the meantime…" She switched over to the other side of Loki's neck and began to kiss and nip at the skin there, a light grin playing upon her lips. "How about we change the subject and have a bit of fun, shall we?"

"I'll see you again soon, okay?" Yunna told Loki a little over an hour later. Her delicate fingers played with the strings that held his tunic closed. Loki nodded his head as he closed her night rail over her chemise gown, tying the sash in front. "And ah…Don't work yourself too hard, okay?"

Loki grinned down at her. "Oh, don't worry your pretty little head. I will be just fine. And yes, I will see you soon. I'll call for you."

Yunna smiled and nodded her head. She stood on her toes then and kissed him gently on the lips. "Okay, good. Goodnight Loki. Get some rest." She patted his cheek gently and stepped away.

"Goodnight darling." He leaned forward and opened his door for her. She left outside and headed down the corridor without looking back. Once gone, Loki closed and locked the door, a sigh escaping his lips. He ran a hand through his hair and walked over to the glass doors that lead outside to the balcony. He gazed out at the night sky, a scowl on his face. Lying with Yunna proved to be a good distraction for the short time being, but now that she was gone it felt as if nothing had changed. His frustrations were still very much there and he was still very determined to overcome what lied ahead no matter what the cost.

But then a strange, almost foreign, feeling washed over him and settled deep in his gut. As Loki gazed out at the night sky he thought of Chelsea and what had transpired between them the last time they were together just the other night. They had also spoken of Thor's coronation then. Well, it was more like he had shouted it at her. But what could he have done? He had to let her know somehow that there was nothing about him that she could possibly envy. The pressure to make his parents proud was terribly great, even on a good day. And no matter how hard he tried, Thor always came out on top in everything.

Chelsea has never had siblings and probably never will. She hadn't a clue as to what she was talking about, she didn't know anything about the pressure he felt all that time and she didn't know how truly difficult it was watching Thor be praised for such small matters. It hurt, quite honestly. And for her to just envy him, to pity him even, it angered him.

That same sensation began roiling deep in his gut again, a nauseous feeling deep within him. His eyebrows drew tightly together in slight confusion as he pressed the palm of his hand against his abdomen. What a strange emotion, an emotion that only seemed to present itself when he thought of his current predicament and how it seemed to be dragging Chelsea along with it. She was just a human, a normal human girl who didn't belong in his world, who has done nothing to garner his horrid attentions. If he continued to involve himself with her then he was going to risk endangering her and he couldn't have that. The least he could do was to leave her alone for the time being, until he knew that things would be okay, until he successfully gained the respect he deserved. And – the Gods willing – the Throne.

Loki shook his head almost violently to rid himself of such thoughts. He pushed away from the glass doors and ran a hand through his hair. This emotion was beginning to really eat away at him, and so suddenly too. What the hell was it? He couldn't exactly put a name to it. And why the hell did it feel its worst when he thought of Chelsea?

Guilt...

It was but a whisper deep within his mind, his subconscious. Guilt? Guilty for what? Guilty for yelling at her when she didn't deserve to be yelled at? For putting Chelsea in the middle of all this without even really thinking about it? Why in all the Nine would he feel guilty over that?

"Oh bloody hell..." Loki growled and in a flash he was gone without a trace save for the green and gold mist he left behind.

Chelsea was sound asleep in her bed when Loki arrived. She lied facing towards the wall, the sheets having slipped down to her waist at some point during the night. She looked peaceful from what Loki could see, her breath blowing gently out past her slightly parted lips.

Loki gazed down at her for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face and his lips pressed into a hard line. She looked far too innocent here, lying alone in bed. He was a horrible man for bringing her into this mess. Things have yet to advance in his plans yet, but she will be affected by them one way or another. He should leave her be, right now, it would be better for her in the long run.

Oh, but Loki couldn't.

He licked his lips and shook his head lightly before reaching down and grabbing a hold of her blanket and pulling it up over her shoulders. Chelsea snuggled deeper into the sheets, a content whimper escaping her lips and she turned over, her back now facing towards the wall. Loki smiled down at her and brushed a strand of her golden blonde hair back behind her ear. Once the strand was tucked away he stroked his two fingers down the side of her cheek, secretly relishing in the warmth of her skin.

A tired smile graced Chelsea's features at the touch and she turned over onto her back, her eyes fluttering open, her arms stretching out over her head and under her pillow. "Mm…Loki?" Her normally delicate voice was now a bit scratchy and groggy from sleep, a tone that for whatever reason put a smile on the God's face.

"Go back to sleep Chelsea." He whispered to her, his two fingers pressing gently against her forehead.

"Okay…" Chelsea closed her eyes with a gentle nod of her head and with the magic Loki had used on her she fell into a deep sleep. Loki made sure that he only used just enough magic to ensure that she doesn't wake at all during the night. He didn't want to disturb her any more than he already had that night. Besides, he had the mind to go through her journal again.

So, with that decided, Loki left her bedside and walked over to her desk. He pulled open the drawer carefully and pulled out the journal that sat inside. Sitting down in her chair, he flipped open the book and began to read what was recently written in there.

March 6th 2011

Last night I dreamt of Loki again. It was much different this time around, I visited his chambers in Asgard, which was pretty amazing, I might add. But we talked, and it was great really. But, I don't really know what went wrong. I asked him about his family and aside from the fact that they are considered the Royal Family of Asgard, it sounds like they are a pretty normal family. Odin and Frigga want what is best for their sons, and considering the circumstances it appears that Thor and Loki fight often like any other normal siblings would.

I don't claim to know everything about what normal siblings do, but what I do know is that they argue. Sadie has a sister who is just a couple years younger than her and they bicker all the time. Mostly about who's clothing belongs to whom and who takes longer getting ready in the bathroom. Sure, sometimes Sadie and her sister get a little hostile to each other every once in a while, but I have always envied her and her sisters relationship. They are close more often than not.

Loki didn't like it when I told him I envied him and his brother. Nor did he want my comfort. God, I feel like such an idiot.

He hasn't been around here, not at all. I haven't felt his presence at all today, which is probably to be expected. He was pretty angry with me after all. This is probably really ridiculous – no it is really ridiculous – but I already miss his presence. It's absolutely insane that I feel this way after only a day, Loki is clearly a busy man and it should be expected that he take a few days to tend to his own devices.

Am I selfish to wish he was here all the time and that I didn't have to worry about losing his company?

I really don't want to admit to this, nor do I wish to acknowledge it, but it's a bit too late for that. I believe I have become a bit attached to Loki. I don't know what it is that has me so hooked. It's a mixture of all sorts of things but whenever I think about what my life was like before Loki showed up I sort of freak out. At this point, there is no way I could ever go back; no way could I ever pretend that Loki never came into my life. I am hooked, and I feel shamefully selfish over it.

March 7th 2011

I managed to finish the drawing of Loki that I started a couple days ago. I got it all inked in and I even colored it. I showed Sadie the drawing today at school and she was practically swooning in her seat. She complimented my work, but then she kept going on and on about how attractive Loki is. And well, she's right. I told her she should see him in person haha. She swooned again and told me she wished she could meet him at least once. She is such a tease, but I still love her.

Loki hasn't returned, well his presence hasn't at the very least. I hope he isn't too angry with me, I didn't mean any harm when…-sigh- This hoping for a reprieve of some kind is pointless and I think I should just get on with my life. No sense in fretting over a man who doesn't exist, right?

Loki looked up from the journal in his hands and gazed over at Chelsea's sleeping form. He sighed and turned his attention back onto her journal closing it a second later after scanning through her handwriting. After putting the notebook back where in belonged, Loki stood up and walked back over to Chelsea and knelt down beside her.

He watched her for just a few brief moments before leaning forward to whisper into her ear. "I do exist Chelsea." He planted a gentle kiss on her temple then and a moment later he was gone.

PREVIEW!

"Can you feel me, Chelsea?" Loki asked her, his voice gentle and yet deeper than normal.

She gasped when she suddenly felt fingertips glide up and down her arms. She was tempted to open her eyes to see if Loki was standing behind her right now, but she knew that that wasn't what Loki wanted her to do. It was clear what he wanted, he wanted her to use her imagination, to use senses other than her sight. And the more she concentrated on his touch, on his voice, and the warmth from his body she could definitely imagine the God standing right behind her.

"Yes. I can." Her voice was just above a whisper, the feel of his fingers slowly gliding up and down her arms distracting her quite a bit.

"Good." Loki smiled and gently nuzzled his nose into her blonde hair, breathing in her scent. "You look beautiful in this dress, but…"

"But what...?" She gulped, tilting her head to the side ever so slightly.