Chapter 12
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Ever since Steve went inside the building Natasha and Sam having been waiting outside, both of their worry growing.
"How long are we going to wait out here?" Sam asks, as he has his own opinion but he wants to know what Natasha's thoughts are.
"A few more minute, then we're going in." Natasha says and Sam nods in agreement.
"Why not?" Steve asks forcing himself to ask, feeling the hope he was feeling only minutes later die.
"I have my memories back, and that's the problem." Bucky admits, "I remember what I did, I remember everything." Bucky explains, "For seventy years I did the worse things imaginable." Bucky explains, it being clear that he is feeling incredibly guilty for what he has done.
"That wasn't you." Steve explains, "They turned you into something else." Steve says, trying to get Bucky to understand, "I know you Buck, I know that you would have never hurt anyone if you had a choice."
"You don't know what I did." Bucky tells Steve, "and you don't want to."
"You're right, I don't want to know because it doesn't matter." Steve tells Bucky, "You're James Buchanan Barnes, and no matter what Hydra forced you to do that doesn't change. You're still my best friend and that will never change, there is nothing you can tell me that will change that." Steve says.
"Yes it does Steve, no matter what you think, what I did changes everything." Bucky tells him, "I need to stay where I won't hurt anyone."
"You hurt anyone Bucky, no matter where you are." Steve tells him.
"You don't know that." Bucky tells Steve as he doesn't believe that, so he doesn't know how Steve can.
"Yes, I do." Steve tells him, "Bucky if you come with me you can get help, you'll be safe and I will help you." Steve tells his friend, it sounding like he is close to begging.
"I can't, I don't trust myself." Bucky tells Steve, it being clear that he believes that.
"Then trust me." Steve requests, "You know me Buck, and you know that I won't let you hurt anyone." Bucky explains, "Come back with me and I promise that I will not let you hurt anyone. Please Buck." Steve begs and clearly hesitant Bucky gives a shaky nod.
"You won't regret this." Steve tells him and honestly Bucky very much doubts that, but before Bucky can say anything he hears the sound of movement from above and within a few seconds Bucky has pulled the gun again and has it pointed at the stairs, "it's okay. They're my friends." Steve assures Bucky, "They won't hurt you."
"Friends?" Bucky asks looking at Steve in confusion, but not moving the gun.
"Yeah." Steve confirms, "They're names are Natasha and Sam, they're good people. You can lower the gun, it's okay."
"STEVE" Sam's voice yells.
"EVERYTHING'S OKAY. I'LL BE RIGHT UP." Steve yells, "it's okay, Buck. It's okay." Steve says as he puts his hand on Bucky's shoulder, "it's okay." he says and Bucky slowly lowers the gun and hands it to Steve "Are you okay?" Steve asks his friend who gives a nod, "Then follow me." Steve says and he and Bucky head upstairs.
When Steve and Bucky walk upstairs Steve makes sure that he is standing in front of Bucky.
"Everything okay, Cap?" Sam asks and it is clear that Natasha is close to pulling his gun.
"Everything's fine." Steve assures his friends, "Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, I would like you to meet James 'Bucky' Barnes, my friend." Steve says as he side steps so that Natasha and Sam can see Bucky.
"Natalia." Bucky says, shocked, when he sees Natasha.
"Barnes." Natasha says, it feeling odd to call Bucky or as she used to know him The Winter Solider, by that name.
"Wait, you two know each other?" Sam asks surprised.
"We have history." Natasha answers simply. At Sam's revelation Sam just looks confused while Steve is only slightly confused as he knows that Natasha and Bucky have a history, though he isn't sure about the specifics.
"Okay." Sam says, dragging out the word.
"Do you have anything that you want to take with you?" Steve asks Bucky.
"No." Bucky answers knowing that there is nothing that he wants to take with him.
"Okay. Let's go." Steve says and the four of them head out.
Not quite ten minutes after Steve, Bucky, Natasha and Sam left the building where Bucky was they arrive at the Quinjet where Melinda is waiting on the ramp. As Steve walks up he gives Melinda a nod and a look which says, 'everything is okay'.
"Bucky, I would like you to meet Melinda May." Steve introduces once they are close enough, "Melinda, I would like you to meet James 'Bucky' Barnes." Steve says.
"Sargent Barnes, it's nice to meet you." Melinda says, telling the truth as she would like to get to know the real Bucky, not the Winter Solider she fought twenty four years ago.
"I'm not a Sargent anymore." Bucky says, it feeling incredibly odd for him to be called that, "Have we met?" he asks as there is something vaguely familiar with Melinda.
"Briefly, about twenty four years ago." Melinda explains.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Bucky says as he realises exactly what that would means.
"It's okay." Melinda assures him, "I'll get us in the air, Captain."
"Thank you, Agent May." Steve says and after he and Melinda exchange nods Melinda heads into the cockpit, "We'll be home in a few hours." Steve tells Bucky as they walk over and sit down next to each other and Sam and Natasha sit down across from them.
"Where is home?" Bucky asks curious.
"Upstate New York." Steve explains.
"Of course." Bucky says, realising that he shouldn't be surprised by that.
"I'm staying at a base, an Avengers base, that's where we are going." Steve explains, feeling like giving Bucky this news sooner rather than later will be better.
"Oh." Bucky says, not sure how he feels about that, "Is Tony Stark there?" Bucky asks, needing to know.
"Yes, he is." Steve confirms, wondering how Bucky even knows about Tony but after he sees the look on his friends face Steve realises that there is a more important question, "Bucky? What's wrong?"
"I killed his parents." Bucky says, barley able to get the words out as he feels like it is one of the worse things he has done, "I killed Howard." Bucky says, looking right at Steve.
"That may make things complicated." Sam says and Natasha gently hits him across the shoulder.
"I can't go there, I can't face him." Bucky tells Steve.
"Yes you can." Steve says, he is shocked by his friend revelation but he realises that he needs to get over his shock and help his friend, "It wasn't you Bucky."
"It feels like it was, and I'm sure that Stark won't see it that way." Bucky explains.
"I'll talk to him, make him understand." Steve says, "Okay?" Steve asks and Bucky gives a nod.
On the other side of the Quinjet Natasha makes a promise to herself that she will help Steve, help Tony understand.
About an hour after the Quinjet took of Melinda hears footsteps and she is unsurprised when Steve walks in the cockpit and sits next to her.
"You got through to him." Melinda says after about a minute of silence.
"No, I didn't." Steve says and Melinda just gives him a confused look, "He knew who I was. He has his memories back, but he also remembers everything he has done." Steve explains.
"And he was feeling so much guilt that he wanted to be somewhere where he wouldn't hurt anyone." Melinda realises, understanding that as on a much smaller scale that's why she hid herself in the admin department after Bahrain.
"Yeah. I had to promise that I wouldn't let him hurt anyone to even get him to come with me." Steve reveals.
"He's going to feel that way for a while." Melinda says, not being able to help but remember what Natasha was like when Clint brought her in.
"I know." Steve says, "There is something else that could make things….complicated." Steve reveals, wanting Melinda's opinion on what to do.
"Oh?" Melinda asks.
"One of the things Hydra forced Bucky to do is kill Tony's parents." Steve reveals.
"That's makes things slightly more than complicated, Captain." Melinda informs Steve.
"It wasn't his fault!" Steve says angrily.
Hearing Steve's tone of voice and wanting to really talk to him Melinda switches the plane to autopilot and turns so that she is looking right at Steve.
"I know that. You know that. Anyone who has experience with brainwashing will know that, but Tony won't see it that way." Melinda tells Steve, "Not at first at least. Everything is going to need to be explained to him, before he finds out himself and you've got to realises that he still may not take the news well."
"I know he won't, I just need him to understand that it's not Bucky's fault." Steve informs Melinda, "Howard was Bucky's friend, he wouldn't have hurt him if he had a choice."
"Get Natasha to talk to Tony with you, she'll have a way for him to understand that." Melinda says and Steve nods.
Steve stays with Melinda for a few minutes before he returns to the back of the Quinjet. That was a while ago and ever since Steve returned to the back of the Quinjet he, Natasha, Bucky and Sam have been sitting in silence, it being clear that Bucky is becoming more nervous.
"Prepare for landing." Melinda says through the planes systems and a minutes later everyone feels the plane land. As it lands and the ramp opens Sam and Natasha stand up but Bucky doesn't move so Steve doesn't either.
"Bucky, it's okay I promise." Steve says as Melinda walks out from the cockpit.
Clearly nervous Bucky gives a nod and stands up, and so the group of five walk out of the Quinjet together.
When Steve, Bucky, Melinda, Natasha and Sam walk down the ramp they find Clint, Fury, Maria and Tony waiting. As soon as Bucky sees Tony he gets the urge to run as fast as he can in the other direction, but he forces himself not to because he knows that that will disappoint Steve.
"Tony, Fury, Maria, Clint I would like you to meet James "Bucky" Barnes." Steve introduce once they are close enough, "Bucky this is Clint Barton, Maria Hill, Nick Fury and Tony Stark." Steve says and Bucky just gives a hesitant not, not sure what else to do.
"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Clint asks confused.
"It didn't really stick." Bucky responds, not sure what else to say.
"That seems to be a habit around here." Tony comments as he is pretty sure that he might get whiplash from all the people he has thought are dead in recent years that have turned out not to be.
"Yeah." Fury says as he looks Bucky up and down, "You good Barnes?" Fury ask, wanting to ask as vaguely as possible whether he is in control.
"Yeah." Bucky says with a nod.
"Good."
"And I'm very sorry about what happened in DC." Bucky says, feeling the need to do that.
"Okay." Fury says with a nod, not saying more.
"And Mr Stark…" Bucky starts to say, but Steve put's his hand on his shoulder and cuts him off.
"Before you say that how about Sam and Melinda show you to your new rooms while I talk to Tony." Steve says giving his friend a look, knowing that if Tony loses it then Sam and Melinda won't let anything happen to Bucky.
"Steve…." Bucky starts to say but once more Steve cuts her off.
"Let me do this." Steve requests, "Please Buck." Steve says and Tony, Fury, Clint and Maria are very confused about what the hell is going on.
"Okay." Bucky says, being sure that it may not be a good idea.
"The rooms across from yours?" Sam asks as Steve as specifically kept those empty the entire time everyone has been at the Facility
"Yeah." Steve confirms.
"Okay. Follow us." Sam says and he and Melinda start to walk away, Melinda having given Steve a supportive smile as she walked passed.
"So, what do you need to talk to me about?" Tony asks, once Sam, Melinda and Bucky have left.
"Maybe we should sit down." Steve says, not entirely sure how he is going to explain what Bucky was forced to do.
"I'm fine standing." Tony says, not sure whether he is telling the truth or not.
"Okay." Steve says, "So, um. I thought Bucky died when he fell from a train…."
"I know the story." Tony says, wanting to save Steve the pain of telling the story.
"Right. Well he survived the fall and Hydra found him and brainwashed him." Steve says, not really sure how to explain what happened next so he looks at Natasha for help.
"Hydra completely whipped away everything Barnes was." Natasha explains, "He became something known as the Winter Solider." Natasha says and Clint's eyes widen at that, realising exactly what that means, "For seventy years Barnes was put in and out of cryogenics and was used as Hydra's assassin and even loaned out to other…groups." Natasha says, choosing the word carefully, "He had no control, he didn't even have knowledge that what he was doing was wrong, and he had no agency." Natasha says, wanting everyone, especially Tony, to understand.
"Why did he do?" Tony asks.
"It wasn't his choice." Steve says, taking a step towards Tony, "If he had any control then he would have done it." Steve explains and Clint, Maria and Fury become concern as they realises that whatever Steve is trying to say is bad.
"Captain! What are you trying to say?" Tony asks, getting annoyed with Steve clearly beating around the bush.
"I'm saying that one of the things Bucky was forced to do, one of the things that he had no choice but to do, is kill your parents." Steve reveals as he braces himself for Tony's reaction.
For a minute it looks like Tony almost didn't hear what Steve says then a look of horror appears on his face.
"I'll kill him." Tony says but he doesn't get too far before Clint and Natasha have grabbed hold of him, "LET GO OF ME." Tony yells as he tries to fight the two former agents.
"No, not until you understand." Natasha says.
"I don't want to understand." Tony says, "He killed them!" Tony says pain in his voice, "He deserves to pay."
"It wasn't him. It wasn't the man who just walked away with Agent May and Sam." Steve says as Tony continues to try and fight Natasha and Clint.
"Tony." Natasha says and Tony acts like he didn't hear her, "STARK, LOOK AT ME." Natasha yells and the mere fact that Natasha yelled scared the crap out of Tony so he turns and looks at her, "Do you blame Clint for what he did when Loki was controlling him?"
"Of course not." Tony says, not even having to think about it.
"Do you hate Wanda for what she did when she was working with Ultron?" Natasha asks.
"No, but this….." Tony starts to say, but Natasha cuts him off.
"No this is the same thing. I knew the Winter Solider and he's not Barnes." Natasha says, surprising everyone who didn't know that, "The Winter Solider was exactly what Hydra made him into, a killing machine, but that's not Barnes." Natasha says stressing every word and Tony stops fighting against his hold though neither Clint nor Natasha let him go.
"The Bucky I know, my brother Bucky, would never hurt anyone, especially not your father." Steve says, "He considered Howard a friend, a good friend, and I know without a doubt that he would have never hurt him, or your mother."
"Barnes was brainwashed, he wasn't in control, and it's as simple as that." Natasha explains.
"When Loki was controlling me it was like everything was blank, I didn't see friends or enemies, I just heard Loki's voice telling me what to do. He could have told me anything and I would have done it no questions asks, and it would have been worse for Barnes." Clint explains.
"Please Tony, I'm not asking you to forgive him, I'm just asking that you don't hurt him." Steve requests.
"I want to talk to him, I want to hear everything from him." Tony says after about a minute, he gets where Steve, Natasha and Clint are coming from, he really does, but Bucky was the person who killed his parents, even if it wasn't his fault he played a part, "You can all be there, I just want, need, to talk to him."
"Okay." Steve says with a nod as Clint and Natasha let go of Tony and they all head out of the hanger.
"I'll leave you too it." Fury says, feeling like he doesn't have to witness what is going to happen.
"Same." Maria says, feeling the same way as they walk into the corridor.
A few minutes after they left the hanger, Steve, Natasha, Clint and Tony arrive at the door to the rooms that are now Bucky's.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Steve asks, needing Tony to be sure.
"I need the why, I need to know." Tony says and Steve gives a nod before opening the door.
As they enter Steve, Tony, Natasha and Clint find Melinda, Bucky and Sam sitting on the couches, it being clear that Melinda and Sam are trying to couch Bucky into talking. What is also clear is that Melinda and Sam tensed, almost like they were expecting a fight when the door opened.
When Bucky sees who walked in he stands up, being completely prepared to face whatever Tony wants to do with him.
"I need to know why." Tony tells Bucky, "Why did Hydra want my parents dead?" Tony asks, his voice shaking, something which the other people in the room have rarely heard.
"They were worried that your father was close to finding out the truth. They feared that within a matter of days he would find out about Hydra and go public with that knowledge, they had to protect themselves." Bucky explains.
"And Mom? What did she do?" Tony asks, honestly that was the answer he was expecting so it isn't a big surprise to him as ever since the truth about S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra came out he has been wondering how his father never knew.
"Nothing." Bucky says, "She was just collateral damage." Bucky says and it is clear that Tony would very much like to attack Bucky but he somehow manages to keep his head, "Mr Stark." Bucky says taking a step forward, feeling like he doesn't have the right to call Tony by his first name, "I am so sorry, I know that there is nothing I can do to make up for my actions, and I know that I will never forgive myself." Bucky says meaning his words, "I considered your father to be a friend so to know that I caused his death, and the death of your mother….. There is no forgiveness for that, there is no excuse, but I need you to know that if I had any control I wouldn't have hurt them. I wouldn't have killed them if I had a choice. What I did to them and many others is something that I will carry around with me forever, their blood will always be on my hands, and I know that there is nothing I can do or say to change that." Bucky tells Tony, it being clear that he is never going to forgive himself for what he did and that he is feeling real guilt.
"You can call me Tony." Tony says before walking out it being his way of saying that he doesn't blame Bucky, which is the truth, knowing what he knows he blames Hydra and he is glad about everything he has done to make them pay.
"What just happened?" Bucky asks confused about a minute later.
"He doesn't blame you." Steve explains knowing that.
"Really?" Bucky asks surprised, feeling like that is way more than he deserves.
"Really." Natasha confirms, "How about we give you two some alone time to catch up." Natasha says.
"That would be great, thanks." Steve says and after nodding, Natasha, Clint, Sam and Melinda leave, Melinda squeezing his hand in comfort as she walks past.
"See everyone knows it wasn't your fault." Steve says once everyone else has left, "maybe you should start believing that to."
"I don't know if can." Bucky admits as he walks over and sits on the couch.
"You've got to try." Steve says walking over and sitting next to him.
For a few minutes Bucky and Steve sit in silence, neither really sure what to say or do.
"So, Melinda May, you're dating her, aren't' you?" Bucky asks, as he noticed the way Melinda and Steve interacted together and that lead him to think that.
"Yeah." Steve says, "I mean we haven't officially talked about what we are, but yeah." Steve says, thinking that maybe they should do that at some point.
"Does she make you happy?" Bucky asks as that's what mattes to him, that Steve is happy.
"Yeah, Buck, she does, she really does." Steve confirms with a smile, it being clear that he is telling the complete truth.
"Good, I'm glad." Bucky says and they once more drift into silence.
"After S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra fell, after you got your memories back why didn't you look for me?" Steve asks after a few minutes of silence, needing to know that.
"I was ashamed, of everything I did, I didn't want you to know." Bucky admits, "I thought that it would be better for you if I wasn't in your life." He admits, being sure to look away from Steve.
"Never think that." Steve tells his friend, "Okay, never. You're my brother Buck, my best friend and there is nothing that you could do or say that would make me ashamed of you or make me not want you in my life." Steve says, it being clear that he means everything he is saying, "Got it?"
"Got it." Bucky confirms, then decides to change the subject, "I want to know everything about you, about what has happened, about how you ended up here."
"I can do that." Steve says, "But I want to know about you too. I want to hear everything you're comfortable with telling me. Deal?"
"Deal." Bucky says, clearly hesitant and after getting the conformation Steve start to tell Bucky everything that happened since he 'died' everything that he wanted to tell his best friend but never could.