Bella felt incredibly stupid picking up the book later that night. She was off the next day, and bored out of her skull.
Bella lay on the couch and opened the book, holding it up above her. She had not read a book in years now, the internet had destroyed her ability to concentrate. And then she had just not cared.
But it was worth a try, and she felt nostalgic, lying there, with the book above her, as she had done so often as a teenager and in college.
She read the first page, it was a romance, about a girl who moved to a small town. It was the girl's first week at a new high school.
Bella must have gone to sleep like that, because as she looked around she knew she was dreaming. It was Forks High School, on one of her first days there.
I shouldn't be surprised that book reminded me of my life, thought Bella. As she looked around though, she was suddenly very pleased.
It was a very lucid dream. She could see the building and the bodies of students passing her, hear their voices and the clatter of hundreds of feet. As she entered the school, pushing back her long brunette hair, feeling the layered strands and the weight of her backpack, inexplicably, she felt hope.
Bella looked around at the lockers and hallways, and the bustling students. She recognized some faces, but just let the buzz pass over her for now, not looking for anyone in particular.
It was like she was actually there, at 17. She could go home and see her healthy father. She could call up her mom and hear an immediate I love you. But for the moment she just wanted to soak this dream in.
She went to the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. Bella had never thought of herself as particularly vain, certainly not compared to other girls her age, but as she looked at her reflection it was a huge relief to see her old self looking back at her. She had not appreciated her looks the first time, she thought, turning her head from side to side, seeing no wrinkles, no gray hair. Her skin was remarkably taunt, and yet full at the same time. Age had only touched her in a good way.
This is a nice dream, she thought, even as the bell rang for her next class.
She hustled, somehow remembering the girl with the high ponytail who she had always followed to her 3rd period class. It was biology.
She sat down, in her old seat. It was the right one, it squeaked as she put her weight on it. As she took a deep breath, the formaldehyde in the room stank. Just like it always had. That ugly old periodic table poster at the front, she had forgotten about it. But it had been there, she was sure.
Why biology? She asked herself.
Bella had liked literature. Even though the lectures at Forks High had not exactly been world class, it would still make more sense for her to be nostalgic over those classes. Or perhaps mortified about attending gym. But biology had only been boring.
Maybe what I remember most about school is being bored.
That makes sense, thought Bella, smiling to herself. She was going to enjoy the reprieve from her life, the belonging, the possibilities, even if it was only a biology lecture.
The teacher started talking, and then, Bella woke up.
Bella had returned to sleep that night and slept until late in the morning, but the dream had not continued. She woke up feeling groggy, restless, and unhappy.
Her situation looked worse than it had when she had gone to sleep.
The price of nostalgia, thought Bella, as she sat down to eat her breakfast in the silent kitchen.
It was still nice to have escaped this, just for a moment. To not be alone.
Bella busied herself doing chores. She was certain she would not dream like that again. But once had been nice.
She must be happy with what had been.
Her life was over.
She was a ghost.
In the afternoon Bella got a strange itch to walk around town. To visit the outside of Forks High School.
Might as well, she decided.
It was a long walk, on the other side of town from where she usually visited. She had plenty of time, too much, to remember her old friends.
Most of them were married now, some divorced. Almost all of them had children. Some of them were quite successful, others not so much, but almost all of them had done better than Bella. All of them had had lives of some sort.
They had moved on, and Bella had not. They did not have time for an old friend who was tied down by her broken father, and then by her family's memory. And even if her friends had tried, she no longer knew what to say to them. She was not one of them anymore.
Bella had actually forgotten it was a school day and when she arrived at Forks High School classes were just getting out. A whole new generation was there, full of hopes and dreams, potential.
The students were young, and laughing, and obnoxiously loud.
They were happy, and Bella was not.
Bella was no longer young. Bella was old now. Bella's dreams had rotted on the shelf.
Bella was expected to be happy for others.
Suddenly she was viciously angry with the beautiful, oblivious teenagers. Bella had never, not really been one of them. She had never been happy, and now she was old.
Bella breathed in deeply, clenching her fists and frowning, feeling intense emotions for the first time in years.
Middle-aged woman breaks down in parking lot, screams at local teenagers. Read the headline in her mind.
Why do I have to feel now?
I can't even feel anything when I'm alone.
She turned away, walking down the street before someone noticed her. She walked back to her house in a haze, unseeing. No one bothered her. No one bothered her anymore. It was as she liked it.
She would go back to her house, and stay there.
She would be the Victorian ghost haunting it.
It was what she wanted. All that she wanted now.
Perhaps she would continue reading the book.
Bella had never been more surprised in her life, that that night she did dream again of Forks High School.
It was just the same, just as visceral as it had been the first night, the feeling of youth and vitality, the sounds and smells, the real faces and the exact details.
She was sitting in biology again.
What is it with biology?
She had not expected the plot to continue.
Mr. Banner was teaching about cell mitosis.
It was very boring.
When I was a teenager, I thought I wouldn't need this in my adult life.
I was right.
Just as Bella began to sigh and wonder if she did indeed, want these dreams to continue, the door opened.
In walked a boy, a young man, she did not remember.
As he got closer she could see that he was incredibly beautiful, but strange.
The beautiful thick hair was as gorgeous as any model's, but normal enough. The skin startled her first, not only was it pale, but shockingly pale, paler even than Bella.
The texture of his skin is wrong, she thought, staring at him, trying to place it. She would not have done so if she had been awake, but this was a dream and she could stare all day if she wanted.
It looks like marble.
Perfect features. They looked like they'd been sculpted, literally sculpted.
She saw his eyes then.
Those aren't human eyes, she thought, as he turned to look at her.
They were an unnatural color, intense, and unnerving.
Bella shivered in her chair, every inch of her teenage body on its guard. Her soul stared in utter shock.
What is he?