Hi, here it is new chapter. We breached magical limit of 10 comments yey, thnx for that. Rest of you don't be shy, reviews are free :) but even if you don't speak out hope you'll enjoy anyway.
Beta-ed: TattooedLibrarian
Spoiler alert: Adrift
Jack watched with concern how rift was bubbling over the next two days. He kept himself busy in his office most of the time. He couldn't bear to act like Captain Jack Harkness at the moment, just hearing his name made him uneasy. He had held to his name for so long that he forgot it belonged to someone else entirely. It wasn't easy to get back in his groove. He knew his team was looking at him with concern and that whispers were exchanged but he would deal with it later. Now He needed to sorted his memories, not just of Jack, but of everything else. It always made him deeply concerned when something would slip away from him, it was like people and places he knew were really gone. Like Jack was gone. He accepted it now. His plane went down and he didn't eject and miraculously remerge in London. That man in London was someone else, he wasn't sure who anymore. But it wouldn't help to linger on it. It was his name now, and only thing that changed was the fact he loved the man who wore it before. In time it would be a better way to remember him. Maybe even, he will be a better Captain Jack.
He left the office dragging Gwen and Owen with him on the weevil hunt. Ianto was too much for the moment to handle. The distance was even greater than it had been before Cyber incident. It seemed like young man withdrew into complete blankness, it was impossible to tell what's happening inside his head. Maybe he was expecting some kind of penance for shooting a senior officer. Should he give him one? Would it be appropriate after everything between them? That was one inconvenient thing about an office affair; the lines became blurry and unsure. What was lover's rage, and what was the boss's? He wasn't even sure that Ianto had done anything wrong.
He was sure that Owen had been wrong to mess with the rift without final numbers, but he couldn't punish him properly because nothing spectacular happened. And again there was that unsure line. Was he mad at him as a boss, or because he had been forced leave Jack like that?
When they captured a few weevils he felt more like himself and was able to think clearer. He decided that in both cases he was mad as lover more than the boss. But in Owen's case boss was clearly mad too. Messing with the rift was out of bounds.
That settled that the boss isn't mad on Ianto. He did the right thing; he fought his superior to prevent disaster. He did what he had to do in that situation; to save everyone else in exchange for two lives. That was a good deal. Now Jack only had to settle down and deal with his wounded pride. He had been the one to put things with Ianto on hold. Clearly he was mistaken about young man's emotions, but it was what it was. He knew that from the start.
He would think about Owen some other day, but today he could use Ianto. His determination with Owen showed he could protect and sacrifice. That was just what they needed, and the latest events showed Jack that he could vanish, not just willingly, but unexpectedly, and some things would need supervising.
"I need your help with something Ianto" Jack said to the young man when others were gone. "There is a job I think you could handle." He continued to avoid confusion about nature of the help he was requesting. Ianto looked at him and just nodded.
They drove in silence, it wasn't comfortable like it used to be, but it was tolerable. A few more days and they would be back to their standard professional routine. Jack knew how to do that.
Jack was annoyed that Ianto didn't ask anything when they boarded on a boat. Was it possible that he knew even this secret? Ianto was investigating all of them before he came in Torchwood Three. Jack refused to watch too closely in Ianto's direction. The silent man held himself with ease on rocky boat, and didn't seem bothered that his new suit was in danger.
When they arrived on Flat Holm it was dark but Jack knew the way. Because of Ianto's silence, he just let them in without further explanation. Marianne was glad to see Jack like she always was. It wasn't easy to come here, but it was necessary. The hardest thing about this facility was to find people with selfless and big hearts that would be able to care for their residents and not to betray them to some research facility that would turned them into test bunnies.
The staff mainly came from families of the unfortunate, the ones that could stand the truth about their loved ones. Those were so few that Jack rarely sought them out, usually they would found him.
"This is Ianto Jones" He introduced Ianto to Marianne. "I hope he will be your new connection to me."
"Let's hope it will go better than the last one." Marianne smiled sadly and led the way. "I guess you want to see our residents, and reports on their progress, sadly that isn't much."
She showed them all 16 rooms and their residents describing their symptoms and recent behaviour. Ianto walked behind Jack like shadow. Only noise that he made was his pen as he wrote notes on his pad. Jack was a bit disappointed, but then again his lack of emotional reaction was good because he would be able to work with these people.
When they were on the way out Marianne gave them list of things that they needed.
"Glad to meet you Ianto" she gave him her hand and shook his "it seems like we will get along."
Ianto just nodded and they were off. When the door were closed behind them Jack opened his mouth to complain to Ianto on how he could have said a few words to the woman inside, but Ianto rushed passed him just to bend over in the grass and throw up contents of his stomach.
Jack approached him and took things from his hands and put his palm on the young man's back making circles on it.
"For fuck's sake Jack" Ianto mumbled when he got the air "you could have warned me."
"Sorry Ianto, sometimes I forget that you just look phlegmatic and I have difficulty trying to describe people inside." Jack offered Ianto half of a smile and other man nodded.
"Words wouldn't do it" he admitted it and leaned against rock wall.
"So do you think you'll be up for it?" Jack asked trying to see young man's face in the darkness.
"What choice do I have now that I've seen them?" He asked mockingly.
"Retcon" Jack said and continued when Ianto twitched at its mention "There's no shame in it, small dose would suffice, just few hours." He took bottle from his pocket.
"I see you have faith in me" Ianto snorted ironically.
"Owen took it after two days, it's easier to take it right away, if you wait too long it leaves an uncomfortable feeling that you have to justify."
"Owen saw this and chose to forget?" Ianto couldn't believe that.
"I chose for him, he didn't cope well with it." Jack confessed knowing that Ianto would know if he was lying. "The doctor in him wanted to fix everything and he got obsessive about it, but there wasn't anything he could do. He's still mad at me for that."
"But he doesn't remember" argued Ianto.
"Retcon always leaves something behind, at least awareness of missing time. Owen's mind made up for those two days believing that I retconed him to sleep with him."
"That's horrible" Ianto was uneasy with that.
"For Owen it was the best option, it's the thing he could understand, and it doesn't do any harm to his ego." Jack smiled at Ianto; he was the one to worry, even about Owen. Jack should have known that this would affect Ianto.
"What do you expect from me on this?" Ianto straighten himself up and his voice became usually flat.
"To supply them with what they need, help with organization, and there may be new victims of the Rift who will need our help."
Ianto nodded and led the way towards docks.
"Sorry about that earlier" Ianto said quietly when they reached the boat. Jack pulled him by his shoulder and gave him short hug. Ianto seemed hesitant to take it so Jack pulled away.
On their way back across dark waters Jack concentrated on steering, Ianto stayed quiet. It wasn't until they were back in the SUV that Ianto finally spoke.
"Why me? Why did you think I could handle it, that I would care? After all I look so phlegmatic." He couldn't hide trace of bitterness on the end of that sentence.
"Because of Lisa," it was hard for Jack to speak her name, both for her presence on his guilt list, and her meaning to Ianto, the way she affected him "her state wasn't all that different from the people there, except that she was dangerous to others" he had to add and Ianto didn't protest "and you cared for her, you stood by her without turning your back when she needed you."
Ianto closed his eyes and leaned his head back against his seat.
"Why didn't you just retcon me when everything was done, like you did Owen" Ianto spoke quietly "was it some kind of punishment to make me remember it all?"
Jack decided that the young man was asking him about Lisa, not their short arrangement.
"Do you want to forget her?" Jack asked carefully, he knew how it felt to lose years, it could never be replaced.
"No" Ianto lifted his head and looked at him angrily "I would never do that, but you could. I see you make those kinds of decisions daily, why not me?"
"I didn't want to take it away from you, all that love and pain, because in the end that is all that we are. Our memories of the people we loved, and the people we lost, the mistakes that we made, things we missed out; all of that is what makes us unique and alive. You wouldn't be able to shoot Owen if there wasn't Lisa, you couldn't understand what's at stake, and you wouldn't be able to say that Tosh and I are not important as countless others. That's why you're here today, because you made the right choice."
It seemed like Ianto was going to say something but he changed his mind.
Jack parked in front of Ianto's building. Ianto looked a bit surprised, but that look passed fast enough. Jack knew where Ianto lives, he knew just about everything about his team, everything minus the things that sometimes cost him punches, bruises, and few deaths.
"So I'll have report on Flat Holm tomorrow on your desk, Sir, with my suggestions. From where do we finance this, it was never shown in our accounts." Ianto fell back in his professional mode and Jack smiled.
"My personal accounts, I didn't want Torchwood One to see it."
"Of course, Sir" said Ianto with understanding, he knew Torchwood One's methods "suppose that's why funds are so limited."
"They are not limited, what do you mean?" Jack got upset.
"Conditions in which those people are kept are not acceptable, there is so much more that can be done for them." His voice took that well known preaching tone and Jack smiled fondly.
"That's why we have you now. Write report and I'll give you free hands with it."
Ianto looked at him doubtfully with his eyebrow lifted. Jack suddenly remembered what he found so attractive about this man, but Ianto broke contact.
"Right then" he said and grabbed handle on the door "if that's all Sir, see you in the morning."
"Night Ianto" said Jack and Ianto headed off.
Jack sat there a moment longer waiting for Ianto to enter his building, then he raced back to the Hub. The Rift monitor needed attention, and he didn't want to worry Tosh before he had a clue how to handle it.