AN: Last one of these, no real notes this time, just a lot of thanks and apologies. The apologies are for getting this out so late. It had been my intention to get this last chapter out by the end of March, but a lot of things got in the way and even once things had settled down it still took much longer than I thought it would to get this chapter to a point where I was ready to share it.
As for the thanks, there's my usual shout out to everyone who's reviewed, followed or favorited this story since the last chapter came out, but I also want to thank all the readers overall, from the people who have been here since the beginning to those that maybe only just discovered this story weeks or months after this last chapter came out. Putting all this together to share with you has been such a pleasure over the last six months, and I wouldn't trade the time I've spent on it for anything. I can only encourage you all to go out and do the same.
Carry on.
Two weeks. Two weeks and nothing. Trip hadn't been charged with anything, probably hadn't even had to speak with a police officer, and was living his life as normal, albeit walking around with his broken arm in a cast and a sling. If it wasn't for that arm it would almost look like that night never happened. From what Sans had heard Trip was telling people he'd gotten into an accident riding his bike out in the woods, which Sans wasn't going to dispute. The people that mattered knew what really happened anyway. The plus side to all that was that Sans wasn't being charged with anything either, but it was still infuriating to think that there wouldn't be some sort of greater systemic punishment for him. Then again, if there had been anything that the system would do to punish him in the first place, things wouldn't have gotten as bad as they did to begin with, would they? There just didn't seem to be anything already in the books for dealing with Trip's specific brand of cruelty.
The one good thing to come out of this though was that Frisk was finally living with Toriel and the monsters the way it should have been. Susan had been horrified over the events of that night, and even she had conceded that Frisk would be better off living separately from them while she figured out how exactly she'd go about disciplining her son. Sans hadn't been there for that particular conversation, but he had a suspicion that the reason why Toriel wasn't demanding Trip face criminal charges was because the two women had negotiated it that way. Something like, Susan would allow Frisk to live with the monsters, officially making Toriel their legal guardian, and in exchange Susan would be given the chance to deal with her son as she saw fit, keeping it out of the courts and protecting him from any further monster retaliations. It wasn't a great deal and he didn't like it, but Sans could see why Toriel might agree to something like that. Sometimes the people in charge had to make difficult compromises to get what was most important to them. And Frisk was definitely worth it.
It had started with Asgore announcing that the modest living quarters that were part of the monster embassy being built would be ready to move in by the end of the month. It was practically a bachelor pad, just a space for him to rest when he wasn't working, but anything was probably better than Toriel looking at him like she smelled something rotten every time he spoke to her. That had set the others into motion looking into places for themselves. Being with everyone was great, but the house they were living in wasn't meant for six people, seven now with Frisk in the mix, and they could use some space. Undyne was surprisingly enthusiastic about a place she'd found with a fancy induction cooktop, saying it was almost as good as fire magic, but with even less chance of anything burning down no matter how passionate her cooking got. Though she may have just been enthusiastic about her roommate, a certain dinosaur lady who started blushing every time Undyne mentioned how great it would be for them to get some alone time together. When Papyrus pointed out that it wouldn't exactly be alone time if they were together, that just made Undyne laugh hysterically, confusing the poor skeleton even more.
As for the skeleton brothers, it was frustrating. Papyrus would go through a lot of effort house hunting, spending hours going over advertisements and narrowing down likely candidates. But whenever he actually dragged Sans along to take a look at a place in person, Papyrus would always find something wrong with it that he hadn't previously considered. It was usually something small that shouldn't be that important, but Papyrus would still insist that it was a deal breaker and he'd have to start over from scratch. Since Papyrus seemed to be enjoying the process Sans didn't mind how he chose to spend his time, but he wished Paps wouldn't make him come along for the ritual of inspecting and subsequently rejecting each place they looked at. It was time he could have better spent slacking off.
The two of them were just getting back after one of those trips to look at a place one afternoon. Sans could hear voices talking in the kitchen. It smelled like coffee and cinnamon. He was about to walk in and see what was cooking when he made out the words, "I still believe he can be a good person."
"HELLO, YOUR MAJESTY! HELLO, FRISK'S HUMAN MOTHER!" Papyrus greeted the two women, maneuvering himself around Sans when he froze in the doorway. They were sitting at the kitchen table, lingering over cups of coffee. Two empty plates were left in front of them and a pie was sitting on the counter.
"Ah, just 'Susan' is fine," she corrected politely. When her eyes fell on Sans she immediately turned away nervously. Toriel cleared her throat and gave him a disapproving frown. Shit, was he glaring at her? Sans forced himself to look away, bringing his face back to a more neutral expression before turning back to the women.
"How was the house hunting?" Toriel asked Papyrus. The skeleton gave an exaggerated sigh.
"UNSUCCESSFUL, I'M AFRAID," he admitted disappointedly. "THE KITCHEN SINK WAS TOO LOW. NOT ENOUGH ROOM FOR STORING BONES UNDER IT." Susan gave a confused glance at the very normal sized sink in this kitchen and Sans could tell immediately that she was wondering if there had been something unusual about the one at the place they'd looked at. There wasn't. This sink complaint was Papyrus' feeblest excuse yet. There had been a perfectly good broom closet in the place they had looked at that he could use for storage, and even if he insisted on keeping them under the sink, there was no reason he couldn't increase the height himself like he had at their old place. "I'M AFRAID MY BROTHER AND I WILL JUST HAVE TO CONTINUE LIVING HERE WITH YOU AND FRISK UNTIL WE FIND A PLACE THAT MEETS ALL OF MY STANDARDS."
Oh. So that was the game he was playing at. "yeah, i thought that last place was all right," Sans shrugged, stepping up to his brother's defense. "but when i heard that the building management had a strict 'no pets' policy, i realized that would mean no pet rocks either, so i said no condo."
Toriel giggled at that. "I think that's perfectly fine. It's good to have you two around to be apartment of our lives," she answered, eyes shining bright. Sans chuckled back, which got her giggling again, which then turned into outright laughter. Susan allowed her lips to curve up gently at their rapport, and... Geez, Sans could see what Frisk had meant about her smile. The look in her eyes was a thousand miles away, like she was only smiling because she recognized the situation called for it, not because she felt like it. There was no comparing it to the one she'd had in those old photographs he'd seen at their house. It was surprising he'd missed that. Then again, this was probably the first time he'd seen her smile in person.
Papyrus narrowed his eyes unamused. "THAT REMINDS ME. I WAS GOING TO FEED YOUR ROCK BEFORE WE LEFT TO MEET FRISK FOR THE NICE CREAM SOCIAL!" He started to leave the kitchen but stopped one last time. "ARE YOU GOING TO COME TOO, FRISK'S SUSAN?"
Susan stood up from the kitchen table, letting the name issue slide. "Not today I'm afraid. I've got somewhere I need to be soon. I'm just here because Toriel invited me to have coffee with her." Papyrus started to look a little disappointed. "But I will be there for Storytime at the library this weekend. You'll be there again too, right?" Collaborating with the library's existing community outreach programs to make them more monster-inclusive had been Susan's idea, her first major contribution to her younger child's endeavors. She had started working fewer extra shifts lately so that she'd have time to help out with the other human volunteers. Even if she was still allowed to visit Frisk, volunteering with the embassy gave her more opportunities to see them than scheduling a visit, and it turned out she had a talent for coordinating schedules and keeping track of the progress of multiple projects at once. Sans couldn't even begin to comprehend something that practical and boring, but he knew things had started running a lot smoother since she got involved.
"NYEH HEH HEH, I WOULDN'T MISS IT," Papyrus beamed before exiting the kitchen, taking the stairs two at a time to go to their shared room where Rocky was kept in his cardboard box. If the two of them were going to be sticking around, maybe one of them could take over one of the other bedrooms when the girls left. The extra quality time with his brother was great, but Sans would appreciate his sleep schedule being under less strict scrutiny again.
"Well then, I really should be going," Susan said as she slid a purse over her shoulder. "Thank you again for the coffee and pie, Toriel. It was really good to be able to talk to you about…all this. I'll see you around." Her mouth narrowed into a tight line when she turned to Sans still in the doorway. At first it wasn't clear if it was in anger or in fear, until Sans started to move out of her way. The moment he took a step Sans could see her whole body tense, only relaxing a little as she realized he wasn't moving towards her. She walked quickly out the kitchen, shamefully trying not to make eye contact with the skeleton when her path got to its closest point to him.
After she'd left Toriel rose to clear the dirty dishes. Sans sidled over to the pie, hoping to sneak a slice before they spoiled their dinners with nice cream later. "You could stand to be nicer to her, you know," Toriel said from the sink, her tone cold and clipped and even. She was using her "mom" voice on him, or maybe it was her "queen" voice, they were pretty similar when it came to a commanding presence and sometimes he couldn't tell the difference.
"it's not like i did anything to her," Sans defended himself as he cut a slice off of the pie, immediately regretting his words. That kind of excuse sounded like the sort of thing he might say. Like not doing something to someone directly made it okay that you did other things that you knew had hurt them. Sans lifted his piece of pie out of the tin and began eating it straight out of hand, not bothering with a plate. "but you're right. i'll try." It wasn't like he even really resented Frisk's mother for any of this. At least she obviously felt bad about what had happened, and was trying to make things right in her own way. That was more than he could say about some people. But still… "i understand not wanting to cut her off completely, she's still frisk's family after all. but the two of you have both been getting pretty chummy, and what i don't get is how you can be cool with her. by allowing frisk to stay with us she's basically choosing that psychopath over them. don't get me wrong, i'm glad the kid's with us now, but what kind of parent does that?"
"It isn't like that," Toriel corrected quickly. She moved over to dry her paws on a dishcloth. "Frisk isn't Susan's only child that she's trying to do right by. It's not about choosing one over the other; it's about doing what's best for both of them. Frisk has a safe place here with us, she knows that, and knowing that gives her the support she needs to do whatever she needs to to do right by both of them." Sans was skeptical, but he was starting to see why Toriel might have that opinion on the matter. She certainly knew the difficulties of being a parent a lot better than he did. "Do you know why Susan couldn't make it to today's event?"
"i just figured she had to work. that's what it's usually been with her isn't it?" Or she was staying away because she was trying to avoid Sans and knew he'd be there. The way she was so quick to leave when he showed up sure supported that theory. Yeah, he really should at least let her know that he didn't blame her for any of this.
Toriel shook her head. "She's going to family counseling with Trip." That surprised him. "It seems she had already been seeing a therapist on her own for several years now, and has insisted on her son seeing one as well after what happened, but this will be their first session together. She would have liked Frisk to be a part of it as well, but…" Yeah, no way he was letting Frisk be in the same room as him, even with others supervising. Toriel correctly read that from his face and carried on. "Maybe someday later on, if they're willing. My point is that she doesn't want to forsake either of them, and in my opinion she shouldn't have to."
"do you really think it'll do any good? this counseling thing?" Sans asked, still unsure how he felt about it. Counseling, it sounded so normal, practical, inadequate. It wasn't really a punishment, it was barely a treatment for the real problem, but it was something that showed that she was trying to address the issues at least. "do you think it will be enough to make him a good person?"
If Toriel recognized that he was referring back to the conversation he overheard between the two of them, she didn't show it. "I honestly do not know," she conceded with a sigh. "At the very least it's a starting point that will give Susan a better idea what she should do. It could be that his problems are too deep set to expect any real change in him, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't try. A mother isn't going to just stop loving one of her children, no matter what they do."
The mournful look on Toriel's face told Sans she wasn't only thinking of Frisk and Trip as she said that. Sans thought it best to drop the subject for now. He still wasn't sure what to think of this development. His main problem with Trip had always been a lack of reflection on his actions. Any regret he'd ever shown in front of Sans had always been for the consequences of his actions that affected himself, not how he'd hurt anyone else around him, Frisk in particular. If seeing a therapist could change that he probably would be a good person. Not great, but decent, a solid C+ at least. Whether or not it would actually have that effect remained to be seen. After everything that happened, falling back to a wait and see approach seemed like a big step backwards, but the decision was out of his hands. Trip was being given a second chance while being kept on a short leash, and he'd just have to hope that it played out. At least this time, if it ever looked like Trip was going to step out of line, Sans thought he'd be prepared to act on it much sooner than he had before.
"SANS, YOUR MAJESTY, WE SHOULD LEAVE FOR FRISK'S SCHOOL SOON," Papyrus announced as he returned from upstairs. The taller skeleton was positively giddy with excitement, nyeh-ing softly as he bobbed up and down. "WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR THE FESTIVITIES!"
"There's no rush Papyrus," Toriel chided gently, though she started to gather her things to head out as well. "I doubt they'd run out of nice cream if we were a few minutes late."
"IT'S NOT THE NICE CREAM THAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT," Papyrus said. He gave a confident pose. "AS MASCOT TO THE MONSTER EMBASSY, IT IS MY DUTY TO ENSURE THERE IS AN APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF SOCIALBILITY AT THIS NICE CREAM SOCIAL FROM START TO FINISH! I CANNOT DO THAT IF WE ARE LATE."
"then i guess we better make like a banana and split," Sans winked, brushing crumbs off his hands. Papyrus groaned, but seemed to be willing to let it slide so long as he got moving. The three of them headed out for the school.
It always surprised Sans how populated Frisk's school was. He understood Ebott to be a small town by human standards; its biggest draw prior to the monsters' return had been tourism from people who came to visit the nearby park, and given the history of the mountain at its center, even that wasn't as good as it should have been. Things had certainly picked up with the monsters' arrival, but overall the town still had a quaint, isolated air to it, like Snowdin if you multiplied its population by a couple hundred. That was the real difference between human and monster communities; there were just a lot more humans out there than monsters. That was a perfectly reasonable explanation for why there were so many children, but it still caught Sans off guard every time to see so many of them gathered in one place.
The schoolyard was practically buzzing with activity as families of all races had shown up. The children were running around already hyper over the idea of sugary treats while the parents either mingled or helped set up. Undyne was surrounded by a cluster of children who seemed awestruck by her. Another group had started up a game of shadow tag, probably out of deference to the armless Monster Kid. The Nice Cream Guy had boxes and boxes of frozen treats that he was carting out of a truck and setting out at a table for easier access once things got started. A sound system was set up not too far away, Napstablook running the equipment. They had asked him to dj, but the ghost was too shy to share any of his own remixes in front of a crowd so instead he'd just offered to create a playlist of monster music for the party. There were even a few teenagers around, probably dragged along by family. Sans noticed Kelly and her friend in a corner by the fence, chatting with Bratty and Catty, who'd probably just shown up for the free nice cream.
"I don't see Frisk anywhere," Toriel noted with concern as she scanned the yard. That was the one thing missing from the scene. Although the ambassador had spent weeks putting all this together, Frisk was nowhere to be seen.
"they gotta be here somewhere," Sans said. It was too soon to be really concerned. There were plenty of places Frisk could be on the school grounds and there was still time before the social was officially supposed to start.
"You're right, I suppose we should –UNDYNE! Put down those children at once!" Toriel's train of thought was interrupted when she noticed the former guardswoman. Undyne had been in the middle of showing off her strength and looked like she was trying for a new personal record, which wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for the method she was going about it. Undyne seemed to take a quantity over quality approach to her workout activities, so she'd gathered up as many of the youngest, smallest children that she could find and had convinced them all to bunch together in a lump which she'd somehow managed to lift over her head. From the shrieking laughter coming from the lump Sans doubted any of the kids had a problem with this, but judging by the worried looks on a few parents' faces, they should probably put a stop to it before anyone got hurt. Toriel clucked her tongue irritably. "I'll handle this. Would you boys go find Frisk please?"
"you got it tor," Sans assured her before she went over to defuse the situation. Undyne apparently hadn't heard the demand to stop what she was doing, laughing riotously along with the children. "guess we better start looking around," Sans said. He waited for Papyrus to start walking and shuffled after him, but was surprised when Papyrus stopped suddenly. "what's the problem, bro?"
"YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'D FIND THEM A LOT FASTER IF WE SPLIT UP. THAT WAY WE'D COVER MORE GROUND," Papyrus pointed out.
"nah, i'd probably just slack off if you left me to my own devices. better if we stick together so you can be sure i'm actually looking for them."
"SANS." Uh-oh. That voice again. What had he done to bother him this time? Papyrus turned to face his brother. "YOU CAN'T KEEP AVOIDING THEM FOREVER."
Sans' smile twitched uncomfortably. "what are you talking about, bro? i'm not avoiding them, we live together. i'm with them all the time."
"YOU'RE AVOIDING BEING ALONE WITH THEM." Papyrus said bluntly. Sans wanted to protest, say that he had it wrong…but that was exactly right. Maybe he wasn't doing it consciously, but there hadn't been a single moment where it was just him and Frisk since he first brought them back to the house that night. At home, with everyone around, it was natural for there to always be someone else there to act as a buffer between them. There was always some excuse for why he couldn't do something that would be just the two of them. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAUSED IT, BUT YOU HAVE AND IT'S HURTING FRISK AND YOU NEED TO STOP."
Sans didn't know what to say. Even though he knew what Papyrus was saying was right, that by avoiding Frisk he was only letting the issue on his mind fester, he just wasn't ready to have that conversation yet. "you know, me finding frisk first isn't guaranteed to fix anything," he finally blurted out when his brother's knowing stare got unbearable. "i could just find them and bring them back without saying anything."
"THAT'S FINE," Papyrus beamed beatifically. "JUST MAKING AN EFFORT TO FIND THEM IS GOING TO BE A BIG STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT DESPITE WHATEVER'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO YOU'RE STILL GOING TO BE THERE FOR THEM. DON'T WORRY. I HAVE ONLY GOOD FEELINGS ABOUT THIS." With that ominous guarantee Papyrus ran off, presumably to at least make his own efforts to find the kid.
Resigned to following his brother's orders, Sans began wandering the school proper, checking classrooms and hallways for signs of life. It was hard to explain the reason he'd been so distant with the kid in the last few weeks. Mostly it boiled down to what they had said that night, those three words they had thrown at his face knowing that he'd understand exactly where they'd come from. Knowing that at some point in time that must have happened was one thing, but it was something more than that. Because for Frisk to have been worried that he would do something like that, they would have had to have known that he was even capable of such a thing in the first place. And despite how much it hurt to think about, it would have taken a lot more than just that to get him to show what he could do. That was what was really gnawing at him, and it felt like he wouldn't be free of that feeling until he knew everything that had happened. Given the opportunity, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from asking about it. At the same time though, he didn't want to have his worst suspicions be confirmed. So, he'd been avoiding giving himself an opening to confront them, delaying on the inevitable conversation he knew they'd have to have.
But now he was being forced to face the situation, unless he found a way to prolong it. That shouldn't be too hard; procrastinating was a way of life for him after all. He just had to not be the one to find Frisk…and there they were. The kid was sitting on a bench outside of the main office, staring blankly at a fixed spot in space. They seemed deep in thought; they hadn't noticed Sans standing there yet. It would be easy to walk away and pretend he hadn't seen them. "hey." Well thanks, mouth. Frisk looked up in surprise before nodding and giving a small smile in acknowledgement. They scooted over a little on the bench to make room for him to join them, but didn't make any motion towards leaving. Sans cleared his throat nervously. "you know, it's a beautiful day out. the sun is shining, a whole bunch of folks are outside waiting for you, shouldn't you be out there getting this party started?"
"In a bit," Frisk answered softly, eyes focused on the spot of empty air again. Sans waited for a moment, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waited. When Frisk still didn't move, he sat down on the bench with them. It was another moment longer before they spoke. "What do you know about saving and resetting?"
Here we go. "a lot less than you, i can say that much," Sans replied with a nervous chuckle. "i know other versions of what happened underground exist, that a specific period of time was repeating over and over but with different outcomes, and i've got a pretty good guess of what those timelines were like, but the how or why of it never made sense to me. so, why don't you fill me in?"
Frisk gives an understanding nod. "I don't really get why I can do it either, but I can at least explain how it works when I do it." Frisk sighed deeply, collecting their thoughts. "So, there are two points in time that matter: the save and the reset. When the save is can be changed, it's basically whenever I most recently focused on my determination. I can go back to that moment as many times as I want, or as many as I need to if I was fighting a really strong enemy and kept dying. But there's a physical part to it too; it only works in specific places. I had never been able to find a save point after I got back to the surface." Sans nodded, following along. This all fit what he'd theoretically known about determination so far. "And I can't go back to an old save once I've made a new one. If I want to go back further, I'd have to reset. The reset is the moment right after I first fell into the underground. If I want to change something, and I've already saved since it happened, my only option is to reset and start over from there.
"It took me awhile to really understand what was happening when I saved. I just knew that I had to get back home, that Mom would be so upset if I never came home again. That's what was driving me forward my first time through. And when Toriel tried to keep me from leaving, said she wouldn't let me pass unless I could show I could take care of myself outside the ruins, I fought. I thought she'd back down if I weakened her enough, but I guess I hit too hard and…" Sans didn't need them to finish the thought. Their expression and his own imagination filled in the blanks. It actually made a lot of sense that they'd done it on accident, attacking enough to make a monster lose the will to fight usually worked in most cases. There were only a few specific instances he could think of where it would backfire. On the first try, they wouldn't know any better. "I didn't realize I could have used my save to try and find another way until it was too late to go back. She was the only one I killed that first time, but that one life had raised my LV so much. When I left the underground I felt stronger, more determined. It felt like I could do anything, even stand up to Trip and make him stop bullying me."
"and did you?"
"At first," Frisk nodded. "He backed down for a little while, mostly because he was surprised I was actually fighting back for once instead of just letting him have his way. But he didn't like that he was losing power over me, so he started to use more force to keep me in line. One day, he came home absolutely furious over something, I don't know what, a fight with his girlfriend I think. Normally when he was that mad over something I'd try and stay out of his way, lock myself in the laundry room or something until he'd cooled off or Mom got home. But I thought I was strong enough to handle him." Frisk paused for a moment, their face contorting painfully at the memory, like they could still feel every hit. "It turned out that physical fights are a lot different from magic ones. In the end he's still so much bigger than me and I'm just a kid. It was… really bad. When I got home from the emergency room there was this voicemail on my phone. It was you and Papyrus, talking about how Undyne had taken over and what changes she made after I left. That was when I first realized that I could reset, go all the way back to when I first fell through the underground. And if I tried again, I could get even stronger and maybe this time I'd be able to stop him from hurting me.
"The next few times I went through I was determined to raise my LV with as few casualties as possible. Undyne seemed like an obvious first choice. Back then I didn't know how nice she really was, she was just the angry fish lady that chased me around with spears. I thought she was a bully like Trip, so some part of me may have even thought she deserved it. The next time, Mettaton. He had been the last monster I fought before Asgore so I figured he'd be the one to grant the most EXP." Sans wanted to ask about Asgore, wouldn't he have been a better choice in that case? Or were they already counting him in all this, since he was going to die either way? But Frisk kept going. "Once it became clear that taking just one life wouldn't be enough to get the numbers I needed, I started experimenting. Again and again I went back and tried to raise my LV up just a little more -though I was still trying to kill as few monsters as possible- then see if it would be enough for me to win against Trip. That fight always ended up happening, the one where he would come home in a rage and beat me up. The exact date of it would change but it always happened eventually. Each time I was able to last a little longer, even managed to get in a few hits myself that I wouldn't have been able to do before. But the more I fought back the harder he'd hit to make sure I'd stay down. The outcome of that fight was just getting worse and worse, but the fact that I had made even a little progress promised victory if I just stayed determined, went back and tried again."
"so just how many resets were there?" Sans asked, not sure he really wanted the answer. It wouldn't really make a difference to know how many times he'd been through that loop, either way he hated knowing it happened.
Frisk shrugged, unsure. "At least a couple dozen," they admitted. That was a much higher number than he expected. He knew there was only so much LV they could have earned underground, and the resets they'd already described counted for almost half of it. "There were a lot of times where I reset early, to see if I could come up with a more efficient combination of kills to get my LV up, and there were a few times I'd go to the surface with the same LV as the last time but more EXP, to see if it made a difference when I fought Trip. I don't think it did, but it was good practice anyway."
"and papyrus? What about when you first killed him?" Sans asked, morbid fascination getting the better of him. He didn't want to hear this, didn't want to be hearing any of this, but he felt like he needed to understand, and he couldn't stop any of it even if he wanted to.
Frisk's brows wrinkled, like they knew this question would come. "Papyrus…I held off on Papyrus for a long time. He was so nice, and he was always cheering me on and believing in me. Even though I knew he'd probably be a better source for EXP than some of the other monsters I killed, I left him alone because I liked having him around. And you, you cared about him so much. I didn't want to take that away." Frisk balled their hands into tiny fists, and their voice took on a resentful edge. "But then I did. I don't remember which reset it was when my feelings about you and Papyrus changed, but suddenly I wanted to take that relationship that you two had and watch as it turned to dust. Because seeing the two of you together and how much you cared about each other made me sick whenever I thought about what I had waiting for me when I got home." Sans wasn't sure if he felt anger or pity for the child. Thinking about them trying and failing and trying again to stand up to that bastard, well, Sans could understand them getting frustrated and redirecting that anger at someone else.
Frisk's voice kept its bitter tone as they described the next part. "You called me a dirty brother killer after that, and I guess I was. Or at least I wanted to be. It's probably what I would have done if I could actually beat him. But whatever I did he was still stronger than me, and he'd use more and more force each time to prove it. Each time I'd end up hurt a little worse, and then there'd be another phone call from you, and your threats not to come back felt like a challenge. Since I couldn't win against him, I started focusing my anger at Papyrus. At one point I actually returned to my save before my fight with him over and over, just so I could watch him die again." Scratch that, anger was definitely the stronger of the two emotions. They had put him, -put Papyrus- through something like that, all out of some petty jealous of what they had? Sans had to fight down an urge to lash out at Frisk. Thankfully the child didn't seem to notice as they'd shut their eyes tight against the memory. They were speaking faster now, desperate to get everything they had to say out in the open so they wouldn't have to hold on to it any longer. "I got the idea from… someone else, and it sounds sick when I think about it now, but at that point I was repeating my own hellish cycle over and over and it felt good to pass that suffering on to someone else, even if they wouldn't remember it. Each time I'd make it to the judgement hall though, the look you'd give me just filled me with something I can't really describe. There was a lot of disgust, I hated myself knowing what I had done and was going to keep doing, but also this seething anger at you, for watching what I was doing, judging me for it, but not caring about why I was doing it or trying to stop me. You had said Toriel asked you to take care of me so why weren't you doing anything? And there was a little voice, way at the back of my head, asking 'what's it going to take for him to actually do something?'"
Frisk opened their eyes again, and they spoke next with a cold air. "That voice got louder with each monster I killed, another whisper for each EXP earned. I finally stopped even pretending that I was only going to kill the monsters I had to, to gain more LV than I had the last time I'd been through. I started killing all of them, everyone that I came across. Then, I started actively seeking them out. The towns were evacuated. Undyne tried to stop me, but I wasn't going to let anything get in the way of me getting the power I needed. I was hated, feared, but I didn't care. Monsters kept saying I was going to destroy everything. I suppose from their perspective they were right, but to me it wasn't about them; it was about going home and finally making the endless cycle stop. If I went back with as much LV as possible I'd either finally stop Trip from ever hurting me again, or he'd end up killing me because I had finally pushed him too far. Kill or be killed. Either way there'd be no point in ever resetting again because there wouldn't be anything more I could do. And then you were there, waiting for me in the hall."
"that's enough." Sans got up, pacing a bit. This was all too much to handle at once. "i don't want to hear this part. i don't want to hear about how you-"
"I lost!" Frisk exclaimed, voice breaking. Sans stopped pacing. That hadn't been what he expected to hear. He could see that they were crying now, though he couldn't say for sure when that started. "I was never able to win against you. I don't really know how many times I tried. You were keeping count at first, however it was you do that, but I stopped paying attention way before you did and all I wanted was to get back into the fight. I tried to memorize your attack pattern, be ready for whatever came next, but I'd forget something or not react quick enough or make some stupid mistake that would end up sending me back to my save point. I had determination, so I knew I'd be able to keep trying as long as it took until I got it right, but after what felt like it had probably been days or weeks or months of dying and returning and dying again I started to…I don't know, question my resolve? I was still determined, but I realized just how much what I was determined to do had changed. Starting out, all I had wanted was to go home, back to my mom. Then, I was trying to be strong enough to be able to stand up to Trip. When it started to look like just standing up to him wouldn't be enough to keep him from hurting me for long, my goals got darker and darker. My willingness to hurt others had grown further than just hurting people who I thought deserved it, or just what I could justify to achieve a means. I was going to hurt anyone and everyone that got in my way, and for what? At one point in our fight you said there was no way I would ever be happy. I think you meant that I'd never be satisfied, but that was more true than you knew. What was I going to do if I finally succeeded in winning against Trip when I left? I couldn't see any possible outcome of all this that wouldn't end with me just carrying on hurting people because it was all I could do at that point. There was no way that I would ever be happy with the path I'd chosen.
"So I reset, one last time. It may not have been the most determined thing I could do, to give up when I was so close to the end, but my goals had changed again. If no matter what I was going to be unhappy when I left the underground, then the least I could do is make sure not to hurt anyone else when I left." Frisk gave a small, self-depreciating laugh. "It's weird to think about how much pain I could have avoided if I tried that in the first place."
"frisk, i…" Sans started to say. "come here, buddy." He reached out a hand to the child but they shied away, eyes wide as they watched him carefully. "it's alright pal, i'm not mad at you," he tried to assure them, but they refused to move. "okay, i guess that was a lie. i am mad at you. furious, really. how many times did i give you my spiel before you went to face the king? how many times did i warn you against what you were doing? did you even once think that maybe you should listen to what I was saying, that nothing good would come out of sacrificing so many lives for your own needs?" Frisk flinched with each question, clearly feeling guilty. Sans relaxed a little as he finally relented. "but, i can kind of understand how, once you'd started on that path, it became hard to see that there was any other way. honestly, i'm kind of impressed that you were able to make that change on your own. so while i may be mad at you, i can also forgive you, and that's what i choose to do."
Frisk seemed to relax, but still fidgeted under his gaze. "There's something else, too," they admitted softly. Frisk glanced over at the spot of empty air they kept looking at all through their confession. "There's…a star." Sans didn't quite understand what they were saying. "A save, I mean. That's what they always look like, stars."
Sans' breath caught in his chest. "i thought you said there weren't any on the surface."
"That's what I thought too, but I was on my way out to the playground to set up for the social, and I saw this." Maybe they only showed up once the monsters were around. That made about as much sense as anything to Sans when it came to how they worked. Frisk paused for a moment, watching a light that Sans couldn't see. "I haven't used it yet. I'm not sure that I should. It kind of feels like a sign or something. After everyone left the underground, I told myself I was never going to reset again. Why should I when everyone was happy? But not everyone IS happy. Mom isn't, and Trip isn't, and…" Frisk let the thought trail off, leading Sans to wonder who else they were thinking of. The dog? Someone else? What about Frisk? Were they happy? "I said I wouldn't reset, but I could still go back to my last save if I wanted to, back before we all came to the surface. If I did, maybe I could make things better for everyone."
"is that really how you see it?" Sans asked quickly. Maybe he was being selfish, but the thought of Frisk starting up another cycle of reloading sent his mind reeling. This was their epilogue, dammit! Things were supposed to finally move forward from here, not keep looping back on itself. "that this save point is some kind of sign that you messed up and should do things over? don't you dare tell tori i used this kind of language in front of you, but that's bullshit. things might not be perfect, but that's not your fault. it's because of the choices other people have made out here, your mom's and trip's and yes, even me. you aren't going to be able to change any of that by going back. you can only change the choices you made. can you honestly say that there's a single choice you made where you weren't striving to do the right thing and care for the people you love?" Frisk didn't respond for a moment, contemplating his words. Sans kept going. "maybe the save point is a sign, but it's not a sign that you should go back. it's a sign that it's okay for you to keep going. that no matter what happens next, you don't have to worry about losing the progress you already made. but to do that, you're going to have to accept everything that's happened, good or bad, for what it is. only you can decide whether or not you're willing to do that. so go ahead, take a moment to think about this. no matter what you decide to do, i'll be right here when you're ready to move on."
Sans could only wonder what was going through Frisk's head as he waited for them to act. Part of him could almost see the other paths the timeline could take in this moment. Frisk could have chosen to go back, despite his speech. Maybe they hadn't believed him, or maybe they had and felt there really were choices they made that could change things. It's not like he'd ever know what their reason had been if they chose to do that. Or, Frisk could keep going but without saving, willing to see how this timeline played out but reserving the right to go back and try again if it turned out they were wrong. He probably would have been okay with it, if that happened. No fault to the kid for being cautious about these things. But when Frisk finally got up from the bench and walked over to the empty patch of air, he knew his words had gotten through to them. Their eyes were bright and sparkling, reflecting yellow pinpoints of light from an unseen source.
"The thought of finally being able to keep going forward with your friends fills you with determination." Sans could barely hear Frisk whisper those words to themselves. Their lips quivered and Frisk rubbed their eyes. It looked like they were torn between smiling and crying. After a moment Frisk managed to regain their composure, and they turned to Sans with a smile. Sans smiled back and offered out his hand. Taking it, Frisk lead the way, guiding them through the school to rejoin their friends. They had a party waiting on them after all, and an entire lifetime moving forward after that.