Each row of bricks contained 20 bricks. He knew. He had counted twice. It was also 11 bricks high. He'd counted that too.
He had been there for two days. 6 meals. 48 hours. No sleep. The damned elf wasn't talking to him and he'd only had a brief, awkward conversation with Harry on the night of his imprisonment. Harry had promised to come back, and with books. He hadn't.
Meals had not varied from the standard he was used to from the school kitchens. Despite this, he felt as though all he was eating were ashes. It was with a pang that he realised it had been a truly long time since he'd appreciated the taste of food.
The main trouble was the solitude. Being left alone with his mind for hours on end was rapidly impacting his already questionable mental state. He'd already reached the point of having mental arguments with himself just to pass the time. He didn't know how people could survive Azkaban. This was bad enough and there weren't even any dementors, just the unshakable cold.
And it was cold. The wind howled past the tower at every hour of the day and night. It bit through his thin blanket and hospital pyjamas that he still wore. The insatiable monster gave him no respite.
There was a noise from the trapdoor. Draco was up in a heat beat. Finally someone he could talk to. He didn't care who, anyone would alleviate the boredom. He could hope though.
"Harry?" The cold metal of the bars stung his hands but he left them there, craning to see the trapdoor entrance.
"Yeh, one moment." A dark mass appeared from the hole, followed by Harry. He had brought a bag with him of something at least. "How are you?" He said softly, approaching.
Draco felt the sudden urge to step backwards like a caged animal. He didn't fail to see the look of hurt pass Harry's features even in the moonlight, felt the guilt it gave him.
"Why didn't you come last night?" He said accusingly, staying back from the bars.
"I couldn't, Dumbledore told me to be careful about visiting you and the corridors were full of patrols last night. I bought you a couple of books from the library, and another blanket because it can get pretty cold up here."
"You don't say." Draco said dryly. Since he had leapt from his bunk and blanket, the cold was starting to get to him now. He was trying to hide the shivers he felt. Harry pulled the items out of the sac and held them through the bars. Draco made no move to take them.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing Potter."
"Back to Potter, are we? What happened to being my friend?"
"Yeh, well what happened to not leaving me? I've spent two freezing days up here without a whisper from anyone at all. I want to know what's happened to my mother, if the dark lord has punished her. I want to know what the next plan is, or am I to be left here forever?" His voice rose as he spoke, ending at a shout.
"Of course you won't be left here forever! Why are you yelling at me Draco, I'm not the one to blame."
"No, of course not. It's all my fault, everything is always Draco's fault because he is the stupid child who can't manage anything or please anyone."
"Draco…" Harry moved as close to the bars as he could.
"No! You should just go. Carry on with your famous life Potter, I'm not worth anybody's time." Draco turned his back, so that Harry couldn't see the tears flowing down his face as he waited for the sound of the trapdoor closing.
Minutes of silence past. So long that Draco thought he must have missed the sound of it shutting, but he didn't turn back. What was the point? He knew now, he could see it, how completely pitiful he had become. He was friendless, a fraud, a criminal and really on the run from both sides of the war. He was probably motherless too.
"You are worth my time. Never say that Draco." Harry's voice was barely a whisper on the wind, the blonde simply shook his head and dismissed it as wishful thinking until it continued. "You gave me something to fight for again, a reason to get up in the mornings. It pains me that I can't remember most of our moments together, but I remember enough. I know that I don't want to go back to waiting for something to happen in this wretched war, cutting myself off because I know the danger I could bring to others. You are already too messed up in this battle for me to really endanger you further. And besides, I think I would be too selfish to keep myself away regardless. You… I don't know how to put it into words Draco. You have betrayed me, hurt me, yelled at me without cause and yet I can't will myself to leave. Please, Draco, please turn round."
"We stop checking for monsters under our beds when we realize they are inside us. I never used to understand what Sev meant with that. I think I do now. Harry I am a monster, don't try and deny it-" He added when Harry made to object. "-and if you keep trying to be my friend then you'll just get hurt. I'm the monster that's crawled out from under your bed. I don't want to hurt you."
"And this doesn't hurt?" Harry's voice cracked and Draco fought hard not to turn. He knew that one look upon Harry's face and his resolve would shatter. And so he stayed quiet, expression hidden in the darkness, wishing that he had never existed in the first place.
There was a creak behind him but he ignored it, glad that Harry was finally leaving so he could break down and howl back at the wind. He let out a loud yelp of surprise when a hand grabbed his shoulder and forced him round. The cold stone wall collided with his back and dark green eyes bore into his own. He glanced to the bars of his tower and saw them swinging open.
"Didn't Dumbledore say-"
"Fuck what Dumbledore says. Fuck what everyone says. All I care about right now is you, and what you have to say. Draco, do you really want me to leave?" And he tried, he honestly did. Those green eyes were burning with rage and passion and aliveness that he couldn't do it. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe.
"Draco!"
"No!" He managed to gasp. "I don't ever want you to leave!"
Harry's lips collided with Draco's. It wasn't the softness he had imagined it to be, nor was it anything like their almost kiss. This was sloppy and fuelled by hot, raw emotions and returned with equal vigour.
.
.
Hermione was worried; so worried in fact that she confronted Ron, whom she was most definitely not talking to.
"Where is Harry?"
"Don't know." He answered curtly.
"And don't care? Honestly Ronald, he was your best friend for 5 years, that must count for something. Did you see him this morning?"
"No, he buggered off in the middle of the night and didn't return. Now excuse me." And with that he barged his way out of the common room. She had seen Viktor off yesterday and it hadn't struck her until then that she'd probably been neglecting Harry somewhat. He'd had a difficult year and what with Ron ignoring him and the school abuzz with the rumour Draco had tried to let deatheaters in a few nights prior it was probably getting worse.
She was contemplating sneaking into the boy's dorm to see if the Marauder's Map was there when Harry bounded in. His hair was worse than normal and his cheeks flushed red from the cold. More strangely than that, he was smiling softly to himself. Hermione could not remember him smiling so honestly in months.
"Where have you been? What's happened?" He looked a little startled, as though he hadn't realized she was there.
"Oh um, hi Hermione. Nothing really, aren't you late for class?"
"My runes teacher is ill, Professor McGonagall told me to take a study period. Ron said you weren't in bed this morning." Harry's face seemed to darken at the name, but he continued to avoid the subject.
"Yeah well unfortunately I have lessons. I just came to grab my bag, I'll talk to you later 'Mione." And with that he bounded up the stairs to the boy's dorm.
"Harry!" Hermione shouted after him. "You don't have a lesson now, it's Tuesday!" She sat down to wait for him in one of the big plush armchairs. When he bounded back down a few minutes later and she spoke, he jumped with fright.
"Blimey Hermione! Shouldn't you be in the library by now?"
"Sit." Was all she said, arms folded. For a fleeting moment he looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, poised ready to run. Then he flopped down into the chair closest to the fire, looking resigned.
"Where were you last night?"
"You sound like my mother."
"Answer the question Harry!"
"I was nowhere, just fancied a walk around the castle."
"Harry you are an atrocious liar and a fool. A walk around the castle in the dead of night has made you suddenly so happy you're bouncing off the walls?"
"Something like that. How's Viktor?"
"Stop trying to change the subject! Last time I saw you this happy was the day before you lost your memories. You talk to me now Harry Potter or I will sure as hell jinx it out of you!"
"Could you get hold of a pensive for me? Dumbledore is the only person I know with one and I really don't want to ask him."
"Where- wait what? What on earth do you want a pensive for?"
"I'd just like to know what memories he erased, even if I can't really remember them."
"I don't think a pensive works like that Harry, you have to have the memories in order to view them… unless… Harry is Draco still in the castle?"
"What?! No!" Harry flew to his feet, though to do what neither knew.
"Of course, I should have seen it sooner. I won't tell Harry, whatever your reasons I trust your judgement. I would appreciate if you talked to me a little more though. I know I've been busy while Viktor was in town and I'm sorry, but you're still my best friend Harry."
"I know." He said softly, sitting back down as the panic left him.
"So what did happen?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I tried to tell you."
AN: Hello! Heavy dialogue I know but I couldn't see any other way to get though this scene. I am off in 5 days for an exciting, once-in-a-lifetime adventure to Tanzania and won't return for a month. I won't even have a phone, let alone internet. I will endeavour to update as soon as possible once I'm back. Fe x