October 16th

I was home.

A joy unlike anything I'd ever felt spread through me. I was home. This was my Mom's house. The couch and loveseat were the same ones we'd had since I was eleven. The cat tree was in the corner, by the windows. Mom and Jimmy's extensive movie collection was on display in another corner. I could see the glass sliding door to the backyard from here. It was bright and shining outside. I hadn't realized how utterly lost I had felt all this time until I had finally come home. The house was silent, but I paid it no mind. I sat down on the couch and reveled in its familiar cushiness. Everything was still.

Suddenly, there was a noise in the kitchen. Hoping to see my family, tell them how happy I was to be back, I got up and ran around the corner.

I skidded to a halt.

There was a boy, not much older than me, slumped on the floor against the kitchen counter. He was wearing a reddish-brown vest, a tank top, cargo pants and boots. He had short brown hair and wide, hazel eyes. Those eyes were empty and glassy. His chest was still. His skin was pale and he was unhealthily thin. There was a bullet hole in his chest.

Everything was shaking, and I didn't know why. The boy seemed awfully familiar. Mesmerized, I stepped closer.

There was an abrupt noise from behind me. A gunshot. My left shoulder was suddenly in a lot of pain, but I couldn't move, couldn't run away. I felt frozen. The kitchen was fading away quickly, and I desperately tried to make it stop, make the happiness and safety and feeling of home come back, but it slipped through my fingers. All I could see was black. Everything was spinning, I couldn't breathe. My stomach was twisting itself into knots from fear and hunger. I was choking, I couldn't breathe I couldn't breathe-

My eyes opened.

I was in my tiny room in an apartment complex on Omega in the Mass Effect universe.

Shaking and nauseous, I sat up and rested my back against the wall. I cradled my head in my hands and tried to breathe. I felt cold all over, even in the temperature-controlled artificial environment. After a moment, the nausea subsided and my breathing slowed.

My dreams had been getting increasingly worrying in the past few weeks, but this was something else. This was a full-on nightmare. I supposed that the stress of all the dangerous shit I had gone though would have some effect on me, but I wasn't sure how to deal with this. I hadn't had nightmares that vivid or terrifying before.

I looked at my omni-tool's clock. It was the start of Omega's twenty-hour time measurement, a full three hours before I usually got up. I laid down again, but eventually it became fairly apparent I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. I got up and started putting on my armor. Exercising would help me clear my head.

I had taken to exercising in my armor for a few reasons. Firstly, it gave me practice in getting it on and off. Secondly, it weighed a few pounds and added extra difficulty to routines that had begun to seem easy. Thirdly it let me get used to moving around in it. My flexibility in the armor had been hampered somewhat, but it was doing its job. I was beginning to adjust to the suit.

I had also used that time to learn how to use the HUD properly. It had taken me a few days to be able to focus on both the display on the visor and on something else in front of me at the same time. And now that I had access to a shielding system, I was able to test and debug an overload program meant to disable shields. I had made a lot of progress there and expected it to be complete soon.

With some examination, a long standing oddity of the Mass Effect games had been resolved when it came to the helmets. To my great surprise, I discovered that the helmet was actually collapsible and folded down to about the size of an unfolded pistol. The folded helmet then easily stuck to any of the various magnetic strips placed on the armor. The piece that covered the mouth in hostile environments was in fact part of the whole helmet and was retractable with a button press.

It made a hell of a lot more sense than it just appearing and disappearing at different times. This was reality, where shit like that doesn't fly.

I finished my usual exercises and carefully removed the armor. I had considered wearing it at all times, Omega being as dangerous as it was, but I ran faster out of it for now and I didn't want people nearby to be able to recognize me in it. I did take my pistol however, hidden in a coat pocket.

I left my room, locking the door behind me, and went up to the lobby. Taren wasn't there, this still being around the time he slept. Instead, a turian friend of his was at the desk, fiddling with his omni-tool. I was very thankful, as since my birthday I'd been trying to avoid him. The turian glanced up at me, but then went back to what he was doing.

I had found an alley not too far from the apartment complex with graffiti that acted as suitable targets. I would stand with my back right up against the wall and aim at the opposite, providing a distance of about eight or nine feet.

Learning to shoot was not going nearly as well as learning to use my omni-tool or armor had.

In my previous universe I had absorbed a few good pointers for shooting via various sources: space your feet, hold the gun with both hands, don't lock your elbows, relax your shoulders, aim down the top of the gun, take a breath and hold it before firing for more accuracy, squeeze the trigger instead of 'pulling' it. Most of it proved to be good advice, but it just wasn't enough. Even having better eyesight only seemed to make a very small difference.

Much to my dismay, even at that range and after several weeks practice, I was only hitting my target once in every six to seven shots. I didn't know what the issue was, if it was something I was doing wrong or if it was just a lack of experience, but it left me frustrated all the same.

I had let off eleven shots in the past minute. My ears had slowly gotten used to the sound, but that many in short succession had left a buzz in them. My hands were tingling and my arms were a bit sore. I wanted to scream. Every single shot had missed.

"Goddamnit!" I growled.

An amused voice came from the entrance of the alley. "Why are you always damning your god?"

I nearly jumped out of my own skin and turned to the source of the sudden voice. Lera was there. She took a step back and raised her hands. "Woah, hey, it's okay! It's just me!"

Confused at her response, I looked down and saw that I had aimed the gun at her. I quickly pointed it away and took my finger off the trigger, hands slightly shaking "Sorry, sorry. You startled me."

She put her hands down. "It's okay. I didn't mean to scare you."

I took a few deep breaths to calm down, letting my arms fall to my sides. "Yeah, I've just been… tense lately. How did you find me?"

Lera crossed her arms. "I asked the guy at the front desk if you were in. He said he saw you leave not too long ago, and I heard the shooting from over there."

I dropped my hand and looked at her skeptically. "Sooo, you decided to walk toward the gunshots? And you call me reckless."

"It was too even and measured to be anything but practice shots." She responded in a sure voice.

"I guess." I shrugged. "Still wasn't very safe of you."

She gestured to the gun in my right hand. "No kidding! I thought you were about to shoot me there."

I let out a self-depreciating snort. "Like I would have even hit you, look at that!" I pointed to my improvised bullseye.

She just looked at it for a while. "…were you trying to hit that?"

"Yep."

"Feel free to point your gun at me in the future. I don't think it'll be a cause for concern."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for all your support and encouragement."

"You're very welcome," she chirped with false cheer.

If sarcasm had been a liquid we would have been swimming in it.

"Anyways," I sighed, "Is this a social visit?"

Lera came a few steps closer and her voice lowered. "I just wanted to check up on you. You've been a bit off since the Eclipse started looking for you."

I lowered my volume to match hers. "Well, yeah! I have a mercenary gang after me! But as long as I stay in Blue Suns territory I'm safe. The Eclipse won't risk a turf war for one thief."

She didn't respond for a moment. This was something we'd been disagreeing on. "I suppose, but it would still scare me. How are you doing, in terms of stress?"

I considered telling her about my dream and how disturbed I'd been feeling lately, but I held back. "I-I'm fine. I'm just a bit tense. A few months of lying low and everything should blow over."

Lera tilted her head to the side. "Err, 'blow over?'"

"Oh! Sorry. It, uhh, means 'calm down'." Lera had gotten pretty good with human sayings after two months of knowing me, but sometimes things still got lost in translation.

"Ah."

We were silent for a moment.

"You know I don't really agree with that. Hiding isn't going to make the problem go away."

I sighed. Not this again. We had already talked about this before, and it was getting old. "And why not? I have everything that I needed lots of credits for, I can feed myself and pay rent without risky stunts like stealing eezo, why can't I just stay in Gozu District?"

Lera pointed a finger at me. "Someone could sell you out. You know how most of the people are here!"

"Most people here don't care!" I gestured out towards the street, where there were a few people walking by, not at all concerned about an armed human and a quarian arguing. "As long as I don't steal from them and stay out of their way, they don't give a rat's ass what I do."

"It's cowardly, hiding like this!"

I shook my head. "…Cowardly? Fine. Yeah. I'm cowardly. I'm also alive. I intend on staying that way." Lera threw up her hands and started pacing. My eyes followed her movement. "What do you want me to do, Lera? Steal from them again? Attack them? What could I possibly do?"

"I don't know. Something other than just being reactionary! Spy on them, find some weakness, some blackmail…"

"Why are you so upset by this?" I asked, frustrated.

Lera stopped pacing and was still for a while. Her eventual response was calmer. "…you're my friend. If they kill you, I don't have anyone else on this rock. You've helped me before, I'm trying to help you now."

"Okay, but this isn't helping. Right now, my best course of action is to just stay out of sight."

She sighed. "Fine, if you think that's best. How about we go get something to eat?" I quickly agreed, pocketing my pistol.

I knew she would probably pick up the debate again some other time, she was very stubborn, but for now she had conceded. Lera was a very forceful and proactive person that disliked being on the defensive, I had noticed.

As we passed an intersection I felt myself tense up and look down the other alley, half expecting for someone to jump out and put a gun to my head. Nothing happened and we passed without incident, but the worry never completely left me.

It's nothing. I'm just stressed. I'll get over it.

My hand never left the gun in my pocket.

October 29th

I was walking slowly along the aisles of the store, a place that sold preserved fruit that was on the edge of Gozu District, trying to appear casual while keeping an eye on a well-dressed asari I had been following for a while. She had several containers as she went up to the cashier. Even better. As she transferred the payment to the cashier, I swiped thirty credits from her account. The brief glance I had gotten at her bank balance told me she wouldn't miss it.

As I quietly left the store, I heard a commotion from up the street. I chose to walk the other way and not get involved in what was likely either a domestic dispute or a border skirmish. Instead of getting farther away, however, the sounds appeared to only be getting closer. There were a couple of footsteps going in the same direction I was.

It was the distinctive noise of walking mechs that made me stop in fear.

I made for the nearest alley and when I heard the mechs do the same I started running. I heard the feet behind me speed up as well. I spared a glance behind me, and my suspicions were confirmed. An Eclipse merc, a salarian, and two mechs were chasing me. As I looked, the salarian pulled out his pistol and started shooting at me.

I turned away and ran faster. My heart was going a mile a second and a cool, logical calm started to spread over my mind like ice. I let it, remembering how it had helped me before.

Break line of sight, hack mechs, let them disable salarian.

I made a sharp turn at another entrance and activated my omni-tool. wait The second the mechs came into view, I sent a command to each to attack the salarian. no, don't The mechs immediately turned on the organic and started firing. stop, stop! Caught by surprise, the salarian didn't try to get in cover.

His shields were torn down in seconds. I watched with horror as the salarian was shot to death by my hacked mechs.

The body fell to the floor. The mechs stood there, silently awaiting their next order.

There was so much green. Green on him, green on the ground, green on the walls. I looked down at myself. Green on me.

I was at the apartment complex. I didn't remember getting there. The mechs were gone. My gun was in my hand. I still had green on me. I walked in.

A red-tinged batarian was looking at me. He was walking towards me, talking at me. I couldn't understand a word he said. He was getting too close. I pointed my gun at him. He stopped moving, but he kept talking more. Eventually the words started to make sense.

"-rry, put the gun down! I'm-I'm not going to attack you or anything! Can you understand me?"

I wanted him to "Stay away."

"O-okay, just, please, put the gun down."

I lowered my pistol. He stayed where he was.

"Shawna," That was my name. He knows my name. Didn't I know his? "Are you okay? You're covered in blood-"

I suddenly remembered his name. It was "Taren."

His face changed. I didn't know what it meant. "Yes, that's me. Can you tell me what happened?"

I remembered "an Eclipse merc, with two mechs. They chased me. I don't really…" Green, green, green. "...remember much after that."

He looked down at my clothes, and then looked back at my face. He was quiet for a long while. Then he took a step toward me. The hand with the gun twitched, and he stopped again. "Shawna," he said softly, "maybe you should put down the gun."

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe "I need it".

Taren shook his head. "You don't need it here. You're safe."

"No, I'm not." But I dropped the gun. I wasn't sure why, but he didn't seem dangerous.

He stepped closer and bent over, picking up the gun. Worry bubbled somewhere in my head that he would use it, shoot me. But he held it by the barrel.

"Come on," he said, stepping back. "Let's get you back to your room."

[Edited 3/1/2017]