Another short chappie, but i'll update again tomorrow after my first day of school :(. I hope that you guys like it.
If I thought the morning was bad, I was stupid and naive. Right now in Draco Sodding Malfoy's office; well this was BAD. What's worse? He looks like this has no effect on him. At all. I don't suppose I thought it would. He always was a bastard. I doubt that I ever really thought he could be a decent bloke. "Granger, you know I don't want to fire you."
"Sure you don't." I mumble; I think it's under my breath but Draco Malfoy makes me realise that it is not.
"Speak up Granger," I look to the ground as he speaks, not able to meet his steel grey eyes as they bore holes into my face, he looks angry and my mind flashes. "I thought you had a little more bravery."
I keep my breathing even while promising myself that I will not let him affect me, because even though I am Hermione Granger, for some reason this man in front of me can make me want to curl into a ball in the corner of the room with only a few words. I hold my shoulders stiff even though I am shaking inside. I think I have been pretty proficient throughout the years of our acquaintance in hiding my combined fear and hatred of him ... ok maybe only the fear; the hatred just seems to roll off my tongue with no hope of holding it back. I can't help the feeling that storms over me. I assume that I haven't felt like this in the last two days because there was always someone around us. Zabini. Theo. Kevin. But now, I am truly alone, the door is shut and I sit here in front of him.
To be fair to myself – and to give myself a little bit of credit to help boost my self esteem – the fear only developed from the situation at Malfoy Manor during the war. To give him some credit, he didn't actually lay a finger on me, but that was the day that it really struck home as to how much Draco Malfoy would let fly past his nose to follow the path he believed to be of justice.
I do try to find it within myself to forget all these things, but the memories come back and the flash in his eyes brought something to the front of my mind. Something that I haven't thought about for a long time.
In the middle of the night when I am alone, trying to hide from the shadows of my room, they haunt me. His eyes do. But I guess that should be considered normal. It would be hard for anyone to forget the things that I saw. That Harry and Ron saw. Harry confided in me once that he still woke every night out of fear, but he had Ginny until they broke up a year ago. It was a sad event, their break up. But it was right for Ginny and they're still friends, so I guess that's good. Harry's married now. I smile at the thought and then I remember where I am.
He's changed. I try to convince myself that this is the truth. I mean, he has not called me Mudblood or any other rude name. And apart from the threat of being fired he hasn't actually done anything to hurt me. There is the usual banter; our hatred appearing in a humorous form, but that is normal and follows the general rules of our relationship.
For the last two days, I have managed to look at him with a new air. Something that was quite hard for me to do, but I managed it. Until I saw the look in his eyes. The same look that is still sitting there now.
The ice flies from his grey orbs. It's the sort of gaze that has me shivering like I'm sitting on a pile of snow, in the nude. It's the look that throws a thousand knives into my chest and they lodge so I find it hard to breathe. My breaths come in ragged gasps and I hold onto my chair in vane, trying with all my might to block out the bad memories. "Granger?" I look up.
The look is gone. Replaced with one of concern, it's something that I have never seen. Another side of the multilayered Draco Malfoy. I have a strong urge to tell him that he looks much nicer when his eyes are flashing fairy wing silver instead of unemotional metallic grey, but I keep my mouth shut and focus myself on his kind eyes. The new eyes of the new Draco Malfoy. Though he doesn't let anyone see this side of himself, it doesn't seem unnatural for him to show it to me. He seems at ease and that fact confuses me.
"As I was saying, Granger, I don't want to fire you. But it would be unfair for me to keep you on without you being seen as an active member of the group." His voice is softer now and I force myself to pretend he is a different person. Maybe the situation has not improved between us because of my attitude. It could be that I have been blocking myself off from this side of Draco Malfoy. Maybe I'm the one who needs to change.
He looks at me, the kind, personal gaze never fading and I am relieved from the lack of hatred there. "I understand Malfoy." I nod, my strength coming back to my body as I focus on a scratch that mars the beauty of the ancient desk that his fingers rest upon.
"So," he continues, his hands tap the desk and I find myself entranced by the way his fingers move. The long, delicate – yet not feminine – hands tap a rhythm that I recognise but don't fully remember. My eyes inch up his wrist. A wrist that is bared to the world by the way that he has rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt. Another muggle clothing item to show the drastic changes of the snivelling boy I remember from Malfoy Manor and the man sitting here in front of me. The man breathing the same air as a Muggleborn and not saying anything snide about it. A man with a clean forearm.
I start, but then I see the slight shimmering of a disillusionment charm. Something I hadn't seen before now. "I cover it up." He whispers when he sees where I'm looking. I forgot that I was supposed to reply. I also forgot that it is rude to stare. "I can't bear to look at it, so I pretend it's not there. It's stupid, I know. I should be constantly reminded of the bad things I did to people... to you." He stops and I swallow a lump in my throat, by the looks of it he is too. I play with the hem of my skirt and he runs his finger along the scar in the table that separates us. "I've never had the courage to say this before, but the look in your eyes when you looked at me just now makes me realise that I have to. I'm so sorry, for everything that I did. And as for trying to forget, I am truly sorry for that too, Hermione. I should remember every day what I made you feel."
"You called me Hermione." I whisper and he smiles but stops short of laughing. "I'm sorry too. I don't hold anything against you. Yes, you were stupid and naive and a bit of an idiot... but you were misguided and I know that you have changed." I stop talking, swallowing tears and breathing deeply to try and stop my voice from cracking. "You shouldn't have to remember any of it. I can't imagine what you went through being so close to someone like him, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."
"I'll remember that." I swipe at my eyes and he gives me a watery smile. "I'm glad that's out of the way." He showers me with warmth as he smiles once again and I find myself smiling back. "So, back to the issue of the job, unless you give me a reason to keep you, I'm sorry but you'll have to leave."
I know that this is another short chapter, but we see some breakthrough in the Dramione Relationship that hashes everything out into the open.
Away with the bad memories and onto the future.
Please Review.