Cherry on the top, Ianto's perspective and end of first season, now we're on the verge uncharted territory of The Year That Never Was. Thank you for the wonderful reviews they brought me joy.

Spoiler alert: End Of Days

Beta-ed: TattooedLibrarian

Ianto was in denial. He wasn't an expressive man. He had trained himself for so long to be withdrawn, to hold back that it become second nature.

He had started the thing with Jack just because he believed that it wouldn't too deep. Because when Ianto got in too deep he didn't know to get out. That's why he denied himself relief in Jack's return. The emotion that he felt when he saw Jack was alive was too big to comprehend. It almost overpowered him, that's why he tried to shake Jack's hand, he tried to stay composed. But Jack refused that attempt and drew him near. Ianto buried his mouth and nose in Jack's shoulder fighting the tears. He inhaled his smell and felt the heat underneath his palms, Jack was there. When Jack pulled back Ianto moved his head away reluctantly but their bodies stayed pressed together. Ianto held Jack even when other man put his hands on his neck and pulled him into kiss. Ianto closed his eyes and gave into it. It was like his heart started to pound again, but then he remembered where he was and that the others were watching so he pulled away. Jack let go of him with his soft smile that Ianto wasn't able to return.

He felt cold when he stood alone watching Jack as he held Owen offering comfort to the man who killed him. Owen cried and it was a disturbing sight, and that was the moment Ianto started to deny his emotions that closed up his throat. Owen cried and Tosh and Gwen were overwhelmed too. It was just that kind of moment; rising from death doesn't leave anyone indifferent.

As they followed Jack into his office Ianto kept his distance avoiding making contact with others. He felt exposed. He wasn't used to that feeling. He could still feel Jack's kiss on his lips like it was placed there permanently. He was conflicted about that feeling. On the one side he wanted to savour that feeling, to drag Jack near and pour all the feelings, the angst and fear of the past few days in him. On the other side he wanted to run away and think, to sort things out, to calm down. He chose another option. Things were mad and his feelings were just reflection of it all.

Unfortunately Tosh and Owen decided to follow him. He rushed ahead and walked one step before them. Obviously they also had difficulties in accepting Jack's true nature. They weren't aware of his ability to survive death.

"All those years and he didn't confide in us" mumbled Tosh.

"Yeah but sweet Gwen got trusted on her first day in" growled Owen "I bet Ianto knew to." Owen sounded bitter.

"No" was all Ianto could say.

"She saw him die" Tosh disproved him "it's hard to erase that even with Retcon, she already beat it once. Probably was easier to take her in and keep eye on her."

"Whatever makes you sleep better Tosh" replied Owen "he never trusted us."

"Should he?" Tosh was angry. "Just how short is your memory."

"Ok, ok" Owen backed down "but maybe we would trust him if he trusted us, showed us what he could do."

Tosh didn't have reply on that.

"Oi Tea Boy" Owen was clearly trying to retrieve his cockiness "you must be over thrilled your boss is back."

Ianto kept walking looking straight forward one pace before them.

"He's our boss too, and stop picking on him" Tosh reproached him.

"So you're the boss now?" Owen mocked her.

"Somebody has to be, you cracked like a baby under pressure, don't deny it. What if Jack could die, what if it was me, or Ianto, Gwen even." Her thin voice rose angrily and Ianto felt a small relief, like she was ventilating some of his anxiety.

"Ianto shot me too, I didn't see you picking on him, and I saved you." He was quite distressed.

"He shot you in the shoulder, Owen." Tosh said patiently.

Owen was quite for awhile.

"How will we deal with Jack from now on?" Owen spoke up again. Ianto could hear worry in his voice.

"Like we always do" answered Tosh "he hasn't change, he was like this all that time. We just know a bit more about him."

"Yeah, now we know there is a lot more we didn't know about him then before" Owen smirked but then they finally arrived to the coffee shop. They ordered and for a moment everything was as usual.

On their way back they walked before Ianto. He wasn't in a hurry to get back. Questions how to act towards Jack was bigger for Ianto. He could do butler, harassment, affair, even part-time-shag, but now it all seemed different. Could he do more? Should he do more? Had it even meant anything to Jack?

Then the Cog doors rolled open.

"Didn't we tidy it up in here" asked Owen and Ianto looked around at the mess of papers and wires.

"Something has taken him. Jack's gone" said Gwen with her big eyes and messy hair.

Ianto examined room with his eyes and spotted an empty place. The hand, which Jack held so tenderly and concerned when first container fell and broke, was gone.

Ianto stood there holding the cup of coffee Jack wasn't going to drink. Of course, thought Ianto, why would he stay with them, they all had betrayed him. They stood as one when Owen shot him.

In that moment Ianto stopped denying his feelings. He felt sorrow, sadness of loss, and that kiss was just a goodbye kiss. He should have lingered in it a bit longer.

End of book one