New stage.

Broken Tide

Book two

No spoilers

Beta-ed: TattooedLibrarian

Rest of the day rushed before Ianto's eyes in a blur. Tosh and Gwen threw themselves into their computers and cameras trying to piece out what happened to Jack. Owen retreated in to the medical bay and cleaned his instruments with steady, maybe even stern expression. He wasn't expecting anything good to came out of this, and he had lost his authority, he didn't feel like he could impose his opinions on others. Gwen and Tosh had thrown each other instructions but Toshiko's knowledge and steadiness landed her on top of the situation. She found pictures of Jack with his backpack on and running towards something yelling, and then he just disappeared in dead angle of the CCTV. He threw himself in a blank spot and didn't emerge on the other side where he should. Toshiko replayed the videos from every angle but couldn't catch what had happened.

Ianto wasn't really interested. Jack was gone, he left on his own will and that's that. Ianto had to admit to himself that it was a better option than a dead, unmoving Jack in the morgue.

"I can't believe he would he turned his cell phone off" Gwen murmured "why would he do that?"

"Maybe he doesn't need it there." Ianto spoke up and both women turned startled, his voice sounded deep and raw, he hadn't used it for days. "Anyway I'm done, so I'll be off." He looked from one woman to the other. They looked at each other and Gwen nodded to Tosh. Tosh turned to Ianto.

"Ok then, see you in the morning." Said Tosh and followed Ianto to the cog door. "Will you be fine tonight?" She asked him quietly.

"Of course" said Ianto with his small smile "why wouldn't I be?" He looked down at her with a steady smile while she struggled with words. Finally she decided to let it go.

"Good night then" she said with a smile and he was off. He walked at his normal pace just in case they are watching him. He paused at the outside doors breathing in cool night air. It had a bite in it and he was pleased with that. He started slowly to walk towards his apartment like he had the last couple of days. Walking usually helped him clear his head and think straight, but this time it didn't. It seemed like his mind was stuck and couldn't process whole chain of events let alone his feelings towards it all.

When Ianto realized that Jack was gone he let the wave of sorrow and sadness wash over him, but that passed and left him stranded. What now? Did anything even change for him? Not like they had anything he should miss, even worse, they were in some kind of limbo; he'd call it break up if he could call their arrangement some kind of relationship.

Maybe Owen was right; Ianto thought roughly; maybe best description for it was part-time-shag, nothing he should cry about.

Ianto went up the stairs, unlocked his flat and switched the light on. He stood there for a moment disoriented. Something was different. It took him awhile to realise what it was.

Lisa was gone. She wasn't there anymore. He was alone. Her things were still there, but they were just things. He didn't feel her presence while he looked at them. He couldn't picture her standing there, greeting him.

Ianto sat on the sofa and started to cry. He realized what had changed. His feelings changed.

After a while he wiped his face and when he rubbed his lips he remembered. Jack kissed him this morning, and Ianto had kissed him back. It was like that had cut the last string that was still attaching him to Lisa.

He hadn't have desire to kiss her anymore, not even to hold her. He didn't want her to be here and comfort him. He watched pictures of her, and memories were there, but the feelings were gone. Only now he realized how coldly he had greeted her ghost days ago. He should have known then, but he was too horrified to notice. He had no desire to pull her near. Looking at her face all he could see was death and suffering, steel and blood.

Maybe that was Jack's last gift to him, freeing him from his past. Ianto got up, pulled boxes from the closet where they had been waiting for him to let go, and started to collect Lisa's belongings in them. In the end there were three boxes full of books, movies, sheets, blankets, cups, pens, perfume and t-shirts. Most of her things he had thrown out after she died. He had tried to move on, but he couldn't let go her daily presence in his life. He finally took picture frames from the night stand and dresser. After brief hesitation he took pictures out and threw the frames in the last box. He took pictures and dropped them behind a row of books he never read. It was Dickens's complete collection. He bought them for his first flat thinking they would look good on his shelf and he would get to read them. They did look good, but he had never read them. After that he hauled the boxes down to the trash bin. He couldn't wait tomorrow, or to think where to donate them, he just wanted to get rid of it all.

When he got back into apartment he realised that his flat was empty. He hadn't filled it with his new life, and he did have a new life here, new interests, he was someone new here; someone that did shag his boss and would miss him; someone that did regret some things he missed out on. But like Jack said, that was who he is, his mistakes and the things he'd miss out.

Ianto looked around with a critical eye. His place didn't look like much, but at that time he didn't care for his surroundings, he just wanted to be left alone. Now that Jack wasn't in the Hub he would spend more time here. He could be honest to himself after everything; he stayed in the Hub longer because Jack was there. He rarely spoke to Jack in those times. Ianto sorted archives, cleaned the office area or just updated filed reports, but Jack was there behind the glass and working too, it was some kind of company. Besides he could always do something for him, bring him coffee, demand reports or just clean his office. At some point he could even shag him when he felt like it. And for Ianto it was enough. He didn't feel lonely as long Jack was there at his post.

Ianto went towards his kitchen area and there he decided he had to move out of the flat. The tiles and kitchen cabinets were so distasteful that he couldn't understand how he ever settled for it . With those thoughts he went to his bedroom and started to undress. When he unfastened his tie he realized that Jack was there glued to his eyelids and when he closed his eyes he could picture him sitting on the edge of his bed leaning against the pillow. He felt a strong desire to undress for him and let him do what he wanted with him, to let go. Instead, he changed his evening routine and started to undress from bottom up, socks first. He felt silly; there were no grace or attractiveness in that kind of undressing but it did the trick. Jack was gone from his mind.

Ianto got into bed and wondered how long it would take to expel Jack from his thoughts. Hopefully less then it took with Lisa, and less dramatic. For now he would start with small steps. In the morning he would start to look for a new apartment. He fell asleep making a list of his chores for the day.