AN: Two shout-outs today! On occasion I'm going to select one or more of you guys to shamelessly advertise in the author's notes before a lot of the chapters, since besides reviewing your stories myself, this is really the only way I can kinda give back for the support you guys have shown. So here it goes.
Just wanted to thank Galen Devereaux for some ideas about this chapter in particular, it was really helpful and it's helping me put this story back on track with what I originally had in mind! If you haven't seen his fic "Making it Work" then you definitely should! It's got some of our OCs as well as Tommy from the Last of Us – check it out, it's a really interesting read :)
Also, a big, big thanks also goes out to DethMarkDragoon for all the positive encouragement! We chatted in PM and he's a really insightful guy, and he's making his own story pretty soon! I'll be sure to refer to it once it comes around, but for now I just wanted to thank you for reading this, man! I appreciate it!
Sorry for the long wait for this, but I've finally finished the chapter and am back on track with where I want this story to go. So without further ado, please review and read the next chapter! Thanks my peeps!
Clem's POV
"…so he kept going on and on about how much we were missing in the cupboards and the shelves. Wouldn't stop mentioning it, even when I tried changing the subject," Kelly continues frowning at the sign as she taps the sheet of notice paper on the outside of the door. Despite her skill development and talents from working as an aide to James on the medical side of things, clearly she's not exactly always inclined to be working around him every day.
Putting my hands in my pockets, I choose to indulge her for as long as I can. It's not that I don't appreciate her coming to me and explaining some things that need to be improved around here, but today hasn't been too exceptional. Elliot was going to try and flatten Katie into a pancake for cutting in line for dinner, Bo is basically stone-walling me and turning to leave every time I try to strike up a conversation with him, and Kazuki didn't even show up to eat tonight. She wouldn't even tell me why – just kept her head down, mumbled something that none of us could hear, and then just walked off as quickly as possible.
And those are only a handful of the potential headaches that might come up over the next few days. Alden said earlier that Tommy's been acting out, too, and don't even get me started on Ellie today… Why she couldn't have started misbehaving and intentionally trying to get a reaction out of people when she was older instead of right now is completely beyond me.
I guess that Jake and Scott don't exactly appreciate having practically an entire colony of ants stuffed into their pillows at night. I'll admit, I did a similar thing with Duck when I was her age, but I at least didn't dump the entire friggin' anthill into his bed!
"I'll make sure to bring it up on our next scavenging run," I nod as Kelly smiles in appreciation.
"Well, I didn't want to be a bother, but James… sometimes he gets – "
"Trust me," I interrupt, wiping the bangs out of my eyes, "I know firsthand what he can be like. A total asshole one day, and then calm and helpful the next – he changes moods like he changes shirts. Your secret's safe with me."
Looking slightly impressed, almost as if she still can't believe who it is she's talking to, Kelly blinks a few times before breaking off into a small smile. "Thanks, Clem," she praises, patting my shoulder in a friendly manner. The two of us warmed up to each other pretty early on, and we've actually found that we can count on each other a lot more than we had originally believed. "Anyways, I'd better get back to it. James will ring my head in if I don't finish up with the blood samples… again, please don't say anything…"
"I won't, don't worry."
Silently watching for a minute or two as she gets working on organizing the capsules in alphabetical order by first name, my mind wanders as very dark thoughts sneak their way into my head. I always get nervous when James handles stuff like this – anything to do with blood or people or medicines that I'm not completely sure about. He hasn't given me a whole lot of reason to trust him, after all, what with all that I had found out about this place before. I've still managed to hold that info close to my chest – partly because I don't want to scare anyone by it… but also as for possibly a future reference.
James tried a while back to convince me that without the proper experimental team with him, that he's since had to disband the experiments on humans and that he's looking for alternate means to find a cure for the disease.
How stupid does he really think I am though?! Disbanded the experiments my ass! He wouldn't have been so pumped, excited and intent on finding a cure like that beforehand for him to just give up on his research that easily! No way is he done with this stuff, and I could only assume that Bo would suspect something too! He seems to be the only one of the two that I can actually trust with things these days. Bo's kind of like my go-to advisor, if you will.
And yet, even he isn't speaking to me recently! What the hell is going on around here?
As Kelly slowly turns her head in questioning as to why I'm still leaned up against the office door, I realize that I've been staring at the medical equipment for longer than I should be and quickly turn to leave. That's a bad habit of mine that I've developed far too much, and, as I just witnessed right there, tends to freak people out sometimes. I get so lost in my own little world sometimes that I occasionally forget that I'm actually still on planet Earth.
Oh well, some things really can't be helped.
You can do anything you set your mind to, sweet pea, Lee whispers in my ear – or at least, my imagining of him does. The voice is very distant and echo-y this time around, which is… a good thing? I guess? Certainly better than it usually is, and I feel that I've got at least a little bit more control over my own demons than I had before. Besides, nobody's ever brought it up with me, so there's really no need for me to say anything about it. Right?
Wanting to take my mind off of that kind of stuff with some good, old-fashioned planning and inventory checking, I sigh before banking a left and heading to the boardroom. Maybe a nice once-over of the scouting reports will be enough to clear my head. It certainly is enough to bore me to tears half the time at least.
My heart starts to race, however, when I see through the tinted glass that somebody is already inside; rooting around through something on the table. The person's too small to be anyone on the round table (which includes me, James, Bo, Tommy, Lilly and Jane), and the back of their head is covered by a hoodie that hides their identity from me. So, instinctively I bend down into a crouching position and pull out my pistol.
Trying to be as stealthy as I can, I slowly open the door handle and poke my head inside; prepared to apprehend the culprit and bring them to justice.
Tommy's POV
Good god this kid can be fucking annoying! All the way there and all the way back it's been, Tommy? Yo, earth to Tommy Hilfiger! Hey! Hey, Tommy, guess what?
I swear, if I didn't have so much to contend with and keep to myself already, I probably would've turned around and clocked Alden right in the nose!
"Quite the haul that we're bringing back, huh?" Alden speaks yet again; a soft smirk planted upon his lips as he ogles our supplies with a sense of pride. If nothing else, I'll definitely give him that – we made off pretty big this time around. "Kitchen knives, sweaters, cans of food… come to think of it though, out of all of this stuff we've got, I'm thinking that people are gonna treat us like fucking gods for bringing back these coffee grinds. Some of these people would probably kill to get their hands on the stuff."
Finally managing to get the first and slightest of smirks out of me all day, Alden's grin somehow becomes even bigger as I shake my head in amusement. "I wouldn't doubt that," I say suddenly, and just like that my grin is replaced with a familiar frown; reminded once again of who it is that we're living with.
Alden probably doesn't even have the faintest idea about what's going on right under our noses.
Noticing my hesitance as the space centre once again comes into view, Alden carefully pats me on the shoulder with encouragement. Bless this kid's soul – he doesn't know any better. He doesn't know about what this world can do to the cruel hearts of men.
"You know, my partner was like you back then. Back when he was still alive," he reveals to me, piquing my interest for a brief moment. I didn't realize that he was… well, gay to be blunt. He didn't strike me as such when I first met him, but that was probably just me stereotyping again. "Paul was a stubborn fool at the best of times – never wanted to trust anybody that he didn't know, and always, always wouldn't open up to anybody that he didn't know. It's like looking in a damn mirror with you."
"Hey, now!" I retort in annoyance, feeling a mighty bit miffed that he's suggesting I'm some loner who doesn't want to get along with anybody. I actually feel the opposite of that sentiment – I want to get to know people, and I want to open up.
But keeping a secret this big is definitely taking its toll. I can't keep holding this in, and yet I can't tell a single soul about what I've seen. It's driving me crazy knowing that I can't do a damn thing about it!
"…but he was also extremely kind, and loyal to the core if you got close to him," Alden continues, clearly reliving some fond memory of which I'll never know. That's for the best, I think. We've all got things in our past that we want to keep close to our hearts. "Paul never wanted to hurt anyone. He was always the go-to guy that our small group could count on, no matter what the task. I would've gone to hell and back if he could still be here with me right now," he mentions sadly, closing his eyes for a brief moment. "It could've been a whole lot easier for him, you know. If only he had just… talked to me about his feelings instead of just bottling them all up inside! Then maybe I could've helped him with all that depression and guilt, and then… then… maybe the suicide wouldn't have happened…"
Feeling that saying anything right now wouldn't really be appropriate, I close my mouth as I turn my gaze ahead and wait for him to continue. Maybe it's not me that needed to talk after all. Perhaps Alden really hasn't had a real strong tie to anyone because it's he who's choosing to keep to himself.
Maybe we're more alike than I had thought.
"Just…" he cuts himself off, sighing miserably as he studies my face, "just don't let that happen to you, alright? Whatever's been on your mind lately… maybe you don't have to go through it alone."
As Alden trapes his way through the thin layer of mud along the path, barely even noticing as the sticky, brown substance attaches itself to his shoes and the bottom of his pant legs, I know that there's no going back this time. If only it were so easy to talk to people about this – Alden, this time I really do have to go through it alone. Bo wasn't bluffing when he made that threat, and I'd rather not test the theory even if he was. This is a secret that I'll have to carry with me to the grave, unless people start to figure it out for themselves.
…I can't wait that long, though. This place no longer seems like the home that I thought it would be. Too many liars, too many secrets, too much backstabbing. I won't be a part of it anymore.
Making my final, heavy-hearted decision in my head, I sigh before following along; giving my head a shake when I think that I see two people hiding out over by some abandoned cars a few ways off.
Clem's POV
Our mysterious trespasser still hasn't noticed me yet as I cling close to the wall like a spider; slowly maneuvering my way towards the person as I narrow my eyes and focus on the target. I won't kill them, since they haven't given me any real reason to do so just yet, but I've still got my gun out all the same.
One thing that I've definitely noticed is the hand shaking – whoever's rotting around in here is definitely getting nervous, as if they know that they're in an off-limits area of our home right now. The person's (whoever it is) breathing is also very jagged and forced, and occasionally they'll swing their head side to side as I instinctively freeze and hide behind a chair so that I'm not spotted. I guess being small still has its advantages, so I'll make the most of them while I can.
Standing to full height, I place a firm grip on the person's shoulder and spin them around; revealing that it's Kazuki who's in here as I quickly place my pistol back into my pocket. "Jesus, Kaz! What the hell are you doing in here?!" I demand, watching as her eyes widen in fear while she quickly gulps in anxiousness. In her grasp was a whole stack of papers containing highly valuable information that we were using – the girl's definitely not supposed to have these in her possession.
Trying a different approach seeing as how she looks terrified enough as it is, I force out a small smile as she takes a step back from me. It's almost as if she's afraid of what I might do next, and that kind of saddens me a little bit. I wouldn't hurt anyone like…
…oh, right…
"Why don't you and I go take a walk so you can tell me what's going on?" I offer, holding out an arm for her to link in between, but she immediately shakes her head and eyes the papers desperately like some kind of hard-core drug addict. "Kaz, no – let's just head out, alright? Nobody will even have to know that you were sneaking around in here. Just follow me, ok?"
But she won't listen to me, instead grabbing the papers shakily as a bunch of them slip through her fingers. Kazuki tries to make a break for it, but I grab onto her shirt and choke her backwards, turning her around to face me as my fake persona is replaced with my intimidating one.
"Don't," I warn, my grip getting firmer as I dig my nails slightly into her shoulder, hoping that she'll get the message. "Kaz, put those back on the table. Right. Now. I'm not gonna ask you again."
Practically on the verge of tears, the girl persists as she tries to get away from me; smacking me across the cheek as she tries to sprint for the door. I manage to get a good angle on her as I roughly tackle her into the wall and violently shake her shoulders around.
"Pl-please…" she begs me with tears in her eyes; totally afraid. Whether of me or something else, I'm not too sure. "He… he'll kill me if I don't…"
With one little line, the scenario is practically flipped completely upside down. "What?!" I question urgently, feeling slightly bad that I treated her so roughly. "Kaz, you need to tell me – who's out there right now? I can't let you leave this room until I know what I need to. Who's threatening you out there?"
"No! I can't… he said not to say a word to anyone… It's too late now! He'll know that I blabbed! I'm dead! He's gonna… he's gonna kill me next!"
"Kaz… nobody's gonna do anything to you, I promise. I would never let that happen, I'm your friend. You can trust me," I reassure softly, clutching one of her hands as she reluctantly hands over the information to me. As she leans her forehead against my shoulder, visibly upset as she fears for her life, I notice that the papers are almost all maps and various route patterns that we've used to get around. Who would want something like these? "In order for me to help you though, you have to tell me who they are. Is it someone living here? Is it a bandit outside?"
"…Joshua…" she finally cracks, backing up until she hits the table behind her. I've never seen her so frightened in my entire life, but I can sure as hell see why now. That asshole… I thought they were gone for good! "What… what are we gonna do?"
Taking a moment to myself, I eventually toss the stack of maps back onto the board room table and fold my arms together; startling Kazuki a little bit.
"There's only one thing we can do," I point out with a determined, pissed off expression. "We're gonna need some help. You come with me, alright?" I tell her, not wanting to make the same mistake by letting her take off with our goods and handing them over anyways. Knowing Joshua, he'd probably just shoot her right between the eyes immediately after she'd served her usefulness. "Let's get going – we've got a group meeting to plan."
"…fuck sakes," Racheal comments after I lay down the situation, probably as angry as any of them to learn that that prick has returned. "You're sure it was him? You're positive that that it wasn't just some creepy asshole out there trying to make stupid threats that he couldn't back up?"
Shaking my head, I glance down at Kazuki as she shudders; sitting in a chair as Ellie wraps a blanket around her shoulders. No, by the look on her face and the fear in her eyes when I caught her in here, this couldn't be anyone else.
I can see why she'd be so fearful – Josh is a scary guy when he wants to be.
Practically putting the whole group into a quiet conniption, I try to settle the masses as Bo lets out a shrill whistle to gather everyone's attention. Damn, that's loud!
"We can't just all go rushing out there at once," I state, making sure that my ears are still working as the ringing starts to die down, "he'll be expecting that sort of thing."
"Then what do you suggest?" Katie questions, still not on the greatest terms with me after that helicopter incident.
Watching as all eyes look towards me, I try to address the crowd with as much confidence and capability as I can muster up. Lilly and Jane stand there, both giving me encouraging nods as I smirk over towards them. Thank god for those two, honestly.
Clearing my throat, I return to the issue at hand as I use my hands for added effect. "Joshua wants Kazuki to bring these to him…" I point out, holding the stack for people to see. "He thinks he's in control… What's gonna happen when he realizes that he isn't?"
"We're gonna let him think that way… brilliant…" Jane compliments as I nod my head with eagerness.
"Exactly – I'll come out to meet him, Kaz will stay in the back. When I give the signal, pop out and have your guns ready. We won't shoot, but we'll get him to flee – we'll follow him and see where he takes us."
"What if he's leading us into a trap?" Racheal voices her doubt, getting a round of concerned nods from the rest of our fellow survivors. "The guy's a psychopath, Clem. Believe me, we know. I wouldn't put it past him if he lead us straight into a barrage of gunfire if he could help it. It'd be the most natural reaction he could have."
Seeing that she does have a point there, I bite my lip as I mull over the possibilities. I hadn't given it much thought past driving him off of our lands, which really is a rookie mistake. Good thing that she brought it up when she did.
"…then only a handful of us will go," I improvise, looking at a few faces in particular as I list them off. "Racheal, Jane, Lilly, Emily, Ellie and I will go. The rest will hang back and cover the fort. We'll bring these walkie-talkies so we can communicate with you all."
"Wait a minute, what?! You're letting Ellie go but not me?! What the hell?!" Kazuki exclaims, surprising me since earlier she was almost too nervous to speak coherently. I'm guessing that she'd want some sort of revenge on his ass… but revenge makes people careless. It gets them killed, and I won't allow that.
Not under my watch and protection it won't.
"I'd feel a lot easier knowing that she's with me," I point out, trying my best not to look over at James as I try to put this as delicately as possible. "Besides, we need people back here to defend this place, and you're our last line. I'm not making the same mistakes again."
Stepping forward, Jake places his hands on his hips as he prepares to speak his mind. "We can cover you from the air if you need it," he suggests, still looking a little peeved about having our stuff almost stolen right under our noses. "It might be a good idea – give you some more ground to cover in case you lose sight of him."
"Actually," Bo chips in, casting a brief glance over to Tommy as he gives him a wink, "we need you three to search out east for us. This might just be the start of some big takeover plot that we're unaware of, so we need you to fly out for a little bit to see if anyone's trying to sneak up on us. We need to know what we're dealing with."
"Is it settled then? Is everyone alright with this plan?" I try confirming, making sure that there aren't any objections as I wait patiently for any head shakes. I can tell that not everyone is at complete ease with it, but sometimes a stupid plan is the one and best plan that we've got, and today is no exception. "Alright then, this is it. I'll head out alone while the rest of you follow James and Bo out the back. Joshua won't even suspect a thing."
Taking a few shaky breaths as I lean my hands on the cold metal of the door, I stifle together my courage and put on a brave face as I step outside. The sun's starting to go down, which kind of puts a damper on our plans to follow them since we'll be searching in the dark. On the flip side though, that just means that Joshua will have to find his way through in the inky darkness as well, so that's at least some good news I suppose.
I've got it all laid out in my head – how I'll act, what I'm gonna say and how this is all gonna be executed. Easier said than done, obviously, but I think my flare for the dramatic has gotten at least a tiny bit better with my time spent here. I've had to face much worse things than simply deal with an asshole like this guy.
The problem comes into play with how Josh will react – will he try to shoot on site? Will he get careless and try to put on a bravado of his own in order to try and act all superior?
Sigh… only one way to find out. He's come out of his hiding spot at least, with what appears to be another person standing behind him, so here goes nothing.
Acting all casually, I stroll up to him with my hands in my pockets; fingers grazing over my pistol just in case this all goes to hell.
"Couldn't just leave well enough alone, could ya?" I remark, not bothering for pleasantries and instead heading right to the fun stuff. Joshua looks pretty annoyed that it's me who's come out to meet him and not Kazuki. "You thought that picking on one of our people was such a great idea, and that absolutely nothing would happen with it. Are you seriously that stupid?"
"Listen here you little shit…"
"Ha! That's what everyone calls me now, apparently!" I chuckle, not even caring how much he swears at me. As far as I'm concerned, it just shows that I've already got this in the bag. "When did I get the nickname, and how did it stick? Ah well… Now," I continue with the act, "I'm going to have to politely ask the two of you to leave. As in, right now. You can't use me the same way, Josh. You're messed up shit won't work on me. You can try all you like, but it'll get you absolutely nowhere."
With a devilish smirk, Joshua leans up against the hood of the car with a cocky expression on his face. That's it, jackass… keep thinking you're in control. I'm gonna wipe that stupid look off your face and pull the carpet out from underneath you. You've already underestimated us.
"Seems pretty stupid of you, Clementine – there's one of you, and two of us," he remarks as I grin internally. Oh, if only you knew. "We could've just blasted you away right as you approached, and we could even do it right now, but we're at least showing some restraint. Maybe you should learn from your elders and show a little fucking respect!"
Big mistake right there, Joshy-boy. Big time mistake.
"You didn't really think I'd come out here alone, did you?"
Whistling and raising a fist in the air, I furrow my brow angrily as Joshua and his follower gaze on in shock; coming face to face with an entire base of people as they step out from their hiding spots. Various weapons are pointed at the both of them as they visually start to panic a little bit.
They've fucked up hugely, and they both definitely know it.
"I'm not gonna be nice about it this time around," I snarl, pulling out my own pistol as I aim it straight at Joshua's head. The two of them are too afraid to draw their own weapons. "Get out before I end up putting the both of you to the god damn stake!"
Seeing as they have little to no choice, Josh and his little girlfriend over there visibly pale as they slowly edge their way backwards. Cowards… I knew that they just talked a big game! Nothing there to back up their vulgar threats!
Joshua is about to turn tail and get the hell out of here, when suddenly a shot fires off and hits him right in the shoulder; causing him to wince in excruciating pain as he clutches his wound painfully. Bo's gun smokes as he fiercely glares at the asshole that took his hand back at the mall.
Yeah, I can totally see why Bo would want to do something like that. There's no need to hold it against him.
"FUCK YOU! YOU SONS OF BITCHES!" he shrieks like an idiot, trying not to look weaker than he already seems to be. "YOU'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD! I'LL SEE TO THAT SHIT MYSELF, ASSHATS! WE AREN'T FINISHED HERE! THIS ISN'T OVER!"
"Yes it is," I comment darkly, shooting at his other shoulder as he heads for the hills. It only took two bullet shells for him to finally get rid of the pest. "For you, at least."
Jogging up to the wrecked cars, Elliot bends down to check the scene. "Looks like we've got a blood trail," he mentions, going to examine the icky, red substance for himself. "There's no way he'll be covering that up, not while he's on the run. We might have him on the ropes here…"
Nodding her head, Kelly chips in her two cents as she looms over his shoulder. "If we hurry, we might be able to follow that – just like a wounded buck," I shrug as the rest of us prepare to roll out. "We need to be very careful here, and come back as soon as we find something. Alive, preferably."
"We won't be able to use the truck because of the noise it'll attract, so we'd better get moving. We've probably only got a few hours of daylight left," Emily mentions as she shields her eyes from the harsh rays.
Jake, Scott and Luna all quickly head back to the space centre, no doubt to get an early start and sweep the surrounding areas in the helicopter. Why Elliot, Alden, Kelly and Katie are all looking like they're ready to head out on foot is beyond me, since we had already established the fact that only a small group of us are going, but I don't raise an opinion on the matter yet as I try to rally the troops.
"Let's head out then – don't wanna lose the trail already," I point out, fully prepared to track the guy down back to wherever he runs to.
That is, until Lilly puts a hand on my shoulder and tries to stop me.
"No," she shakes her head, looking as though she's set in her ways, "you're not going out there – not this time, Clem. You're staying here with us."
Looking over to Jane, I immediately burst out into a series of chuckles, finding their prank to be totally hilarious. "This is a joke, right? Probably to get back at me for that silly string stuff back then! I thought you would've let it go by now!" I laugh, thinking back to Houston Hills when it was just the three of us as a small, dysfunctional family. When neither of them even break out into a smile, my laughter dies down as I realize that they're serious. "You've gotta be kidding me right now. This isn't funny anymore, Lilly! Joke's over! We've got to go!"
Jane, wanting to step in as she bends down to my height, tries to keep me from rebutting this even further.
"The rest of us talked while you were away," she comments with a heavy heart, leaving me shocked as I was only gone for about ten minutes or so, "and we all agreed that… you should probably sit this one out. Racheal and Emily will lead the scouting team with Alden, Katie, Elliot, Kaz and Kelly, while the rest of us stay behind and recover. You can't keep moving all the time – you need a break, Clementine. Everyone does once in a while."
"That's bullshit, Jane, and you know it! When did the three of us ever get to take a break when we were out there risking our lives, huh?!" I question, trying my best not to contradict myself. "I don't need this, okay?! There are more important things to worry about than whether I need a damn vacation or not! Joshua's out there and we're letting him get… away…"
Cutting myself off, I let an angry growl elicit from the back of my throat as I realize that they've all left except for me, Lilly, Jane, Tommy, James, Bo and Ellie. The helicopter drowns out our voices as it sails overhead, with Scott waving goodbye as they take off towards the east.
God fucking damn it!
"I think the three of us need to have a chat back at the space centre," Lilly encourages, meaning just her, me and Jane as I stubbornly try to refuse. "This'll be a good chance for us, Clem. We all need to get some things off our chests… and there are some things we need to talk to you about in particular."
"I don't need a fucking therapy session!" I exclaim, frightening Ellie a little bit as I force myself to simmer down. James, Bo and Tommy all head back towards the building as they come to realize that the conversation doesn't involve them. "I… I'm fine, okay? I don't need any of this…"
"Clem," Lilly shakes her head, probably having expected that outburst as I give her an apologetic glance, "we all do. Just come on inside, alright?"
Extremely reluctantly, I nod as my shoulders sag and Jane pats my shoulder in support. Ellie grabs onto my hand as she leads me back towards the space centre; still sticking around even though I've probably seemed like an out-of-control monster in front of her eyes most of the time.
In fact, I'm still shocked that any of these three people have decided to stick around me at all.
James' POV
Well I'll be damned… it's been quite a while since I've stepped into this place. There really hasn't been any need for me to do so ever since Debbie was killed, since she and my old wife Heather were largely my two inspirations for wanting to be in touch with outer space and the stars and everything else out there, beyond our reach.
I used to have a burning passion for exploration, you know. To be able to visit other planets, search for other solar systems and galaxies, to seek out and make contact with other life forms besides those on Earth… that was my dream back when I was a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, young man who had just graduated college and busted out onto the scientific scene. My very first internship took place in an office building here, and the first time that I visited this room was one of the first times that I felt truly… wowed. I was dumbstruck at the size of the rocket, the various people doing all sorts of mathematical and scientific equations as the computer screen came to life with various messages from across the world and beyond.
You could imagine my enthusiasm as an intern – this was it! This was what I wanted to do with my life! I met my first wife here, and I had never looked back. Internships turned into job shadowing. Job shadowing turned into paid co-ops. Paid co-ops finally turned into my first job here, and that turned into a career in the medical and R & D team. Admittedly it might not have been quite as exhilarating as being a famed astronaut up where most of us would only dream of going (I got easily sick going upside down, so that didn't help matters), but I was in a place that I loved, and though not everything was perfect, it was at least perfect for me.
Who would've thought that twenty years later, through the worst kinds of tragedies and shit storms coming our way, that I'd be the last one standing out of all of them. I'm the last remaining scientist at the Houston Space Centre.
I suppose that I should feel some sort of pride and sense of accomplishment for lasting so long and for twenty years of loyal service, but the dreams of a young James have largely been shattered over the past several years.
However, even after so long of working here, I can't help but marvel at the technology. The rocket may be forever stationed where it is, but it's like our own little piece of history and scientific discovery – this could be one of the few remaining left in the world, since many of them were likely scavenged for scrap metal and parts. Not this baby, though. Until it rusts, the Houston SR-71 will stand the test of time.
Ellie doesn't seem to come in here nearly as much to play anymore, which is understandable. Poor kid… losing anyone at that age let alone your best friend is a pretty tough pill to swallow. I can't even imagine how she'd be feeling about that.
It's funny though – beforehand, I used to get annoyed that her and Riley would be dicking around in the rocket even though I expressly told them not to mess up any of the equipment. They never did listen to me, and naturally they ended up getting a crack in one of the astronaut helmets that now sit up on a rack along with the rest of the space suit.
Now I kind of wish that somebody would come in here and mess around with the rocket controls. It seems so much emptier in here than it used to.
Taking a seat in the spinning chair, I blow off a thin layer of dust and dirt from the old communication station. Remembering how this thing had its own power source beforehand, I flip a switch on the dashboard as it slowly reverberates to life; making me feel more like a disc jockey than a scientist. The communicator probably doesn't have a whole lot of juice left, but for old time's sake I decide to tinker around with it anyways. This baby can pick up radio signals from hundreds of miles away if you know how to program it properly.
And I definitely know how to program it properly. This thing constantly reminds me of that Cerebro machine from the X-Men movies that I used to love.
"You would've loved this thing, Heather," I whisper with a smirk, turning the dials ever so slightly to try and get some sort of radio signal. There aren't a whole lot of them these days with the dead walking about, but occasionally survivors would forget that they still had their walkie-talkies on, so Bo and I would have a little fun and listen in on their conversations. There was never a dull day around here, that's for sure.
When I finally do manage to pick something up, I turn the volume switch a little higher and cringe as it makes a high, squeaky sound for a second before coming back down to a reasonable level.
"Is this thing on?" someone on the other line questions as I raise my eyebrows in surprise. I didn't expect to find something so soon. "Please, if there's anyone out there… well… if anyone's still alive, that is… then please pick up… God, we're in a bad way up here…"
Picking up the microphone from its stand to the right of the control panel, I tap on it a few times as I prepare to give them a verbal answer. It sounds like they're in trouble!
"Hello? Are you there? Is anyone there?" I ask, knowing that the microphone is working as I can hear my own voice creating airwaves through the machine. Little lines go up and down like waves as the tone of my voice drops and raises. "My name is James Folsom – I'm a doctor and scientist over at the Houston Space Centre in… well, Houston, Texas. If you can hear me, please respond! I'm – "
"Looks like nobody's out there. I don't hear a sound, John," the man on the other end sighs, making me frown in confusion. Can't they hear me? "Alright, well… this'll give me something to do at least. Instead of just sitting around up here on my ass all day and night. We've been trying for two weeks, but none of you have answered. Your signal's gone dark, and… we can only assume the worst."
This must be on a loop that they've sent out; an old message, I think to myself, carefully placing the mic back on its stand as I fold my hands together and rest them under my chin. Might as well listen to what they have to say – whoever they are.
Hearing some static coming from the other end, I'm about to just change the channel and find another signal, but eventually it stops as the guy manages to fix it up somewhat. The man sounds as though he's given up all hope – something that's become a common theme amongst many these days.
"…where do I even start with this? Honestly, man… we're pretty screwed up here, and that's putting it nicely," the guy chuckles bitterly as I hear another man cough violently. "Don't struggle too much, John. It… you'll be at peace soon enough… Can you see out the window, man? That's Earth, remember? You know, the place where you fucked over your girlfriend 'cause you were too thick to say goodbye to her? The place where I managed to single-handedly doom the entire human race to extinction because of our screw-up around here? Yeah… that one…"
Holy shit… this signal is coming from the International Space Station! We haven't had contact with them in… geez, it's gotta be two years at least now!
And what do they mean they fucked over the human race? How could they have –
…the chemical formula. Oh my god, no…
"James, if you're still there man, just… just know that this message speaks directly to you," he comments, having no doubt in my mind now as I listen intently. "We uhh… oh Jesus, how do I even put this shit into words? We… the capsules up here? The T-28 that you needed? The containers exploded – sent half our crew out on a one-way ticket to the emptiness of space as it broke off over half of the space station. I'm guessing you never mentioned that the stuff was volatile if large amounts of it were exposed? So yeah – I'd like to personally say fuck you. Your screw-up just murdered half my crew. It's more than likely gonna kill us, too. Almost our entire supply of food, water and medicine was with the rest of our stuff, and now it's floating somewhere in space. Fuck you… fuck you… fuck you."
Feeling a deep sense of regret and loss and guilt, I pluck off my glasses as I tiredly rub my eyes. This message is definitely old, and has likely been playing on a feedback loop via satellite for quite some time now. At this point, I doubt that the person who sent it is even alive anymore.
The message continues as he calms himself down. I recognize the voice now – this is Dr. Floyd, an old colleague of mine whom I used to idolize back in the day. I was always so jealous of him back then, as I'd always envied his ability to go up in space and do all the cool things that astronauts got to accomplish. How much more fulfilled could your life possibly be than being able to go up there?
Funny how even after all of those aspirations, I'm still alive on Earth while Dr. Floyd is dead up in space.
"…I suppose it's not entirely your fault, though," he adds in as I roll my eyes. Gee, thanks for the compliment, jackass! "We shouldn't have been trying to handle that stuff; shouldn't have tried to handle it at all. We probably should've just tossed all the canisters outside to float around. Probably would've saved their lives, come to think of it. One little mistake and it's the end… that message hasn't been lost on me, let me tell you."
Getting slightly agitated that he isn't getting to the point, I sadly sit back in the chair and allow my arms to fall to my sides limply. There are very few feelings worse than feeling responsible for the deaths of those that you didn't intend to kill.
"If you still have any of that shit, just… don't let it go to waste on Earth, okay? Make up for your mistakes, and get the job done. Do it for them… or if no one else, then for yourself," he advises me as he prepares to end the message once and for all. "We don't have a whole lot of time up here. John… he doesn't want this anymore. He doesn't want to starve to death… so I've got the gun in a case near my feet. He won't feel any more pain… and then I think I'm gonna blow my brains out, too," he adds as I feel the sorrow and misery in his voice coming through like the sun. "James, if you're already dead, or if you've up and abandoned your post… then none of this is gonna matter. The human race will be extinct without the proper know-how to bring it back from the brink, and this will have been for nothing. Don't waste this, alright? And make sure you tell Debbie that you – "
As his voice is cut off and the message stops for a second, I quickly turn the volume dial back down and switch off the machine; sitting there with an unreadable expression as the room gets darker from the outside.
Bringing it back from the brink… I suppose that's all that I can do in these times, really. So that's what I'll do. I was born for a reason, and if that reason is to help the majority by fucking over the minority, then so be it. I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines and banging my head against the same, old wall.
For once, I'm gonna do something with my life.