It was an unusual feeling, to watch oneself from afar. Particularly when there was no recollection of doing or saying the things the doppelgangers before Harry did. Draco stood wordlessly behind him, watching Harry watch themselves.
He'd been careful when extracting the memories; he wanted to be meticulous, to remind Harry of the good and the bad. After all, it was his fault they were having to do this. They'd started from the beginning, as Harry had said he couldn't remember anything about them since the start of term.
It had been painful for Draco to watch. When he had stood in the girl's bathroom on the second floor and used the mirror shards to find some pitiful relief in the wreckage of his life had been the second lowest moment of his life. Knowing the lowest moment was yet to come did nothing to buoy his spirits either.
Harry had slipped his hand into Draco's about the time that Harry had entered the bathroom. When the blood loss finally caused memory Draco to hit the floor he squeezed his hand, providing comfort in a way words would have failed to.
The memories swirled around them, refocusing on finding Harry outside the room of requirement. Draco could see the panic in his own eyes; fear that his secret had been revealed. He'd thought he had managed to hide his emotions better than that; really it was a surprise that only Harry had noticed anything.
Draco had stormed off after that, walking around the castle for hours, paranoid that Harry was somehow following him. The next memory was of a few days later. He'd rushed down to breakfast late, trying to avoid Harry and Snape.
He'd thrown up his usual walls, being snide and rude. It might have even been enough to convince Harry nothing was wrong had Snape not arrived and embarrassed him. Then again, maybe not. Now that he was looking back with a clearer mind, Harry's offer of help definitely seemed genuine.
"If you don't want to talk to him you could talk to me. I don't keep Veritaserum in my robes."
Eclectic piles of objects were next to materialise around them as the come-and-go room came into focus. Draco felt his heartbeat quicken. Beside him the real Harry turned to look at him. The slight frown made Draco realise that Harry had absolutely no idea what was about to happen. He opened his mouth to give some sort of warning when the sound of the door opening caused Harry to look away.
With a heavy sense of apprehension Draco watched himself trying to flee the room, running headlong into an invisible Harry. He watched as Harry tried to reach out to him and offer a lifeline and how he had repaid the efforts.
"Sectumsempra!"
Real Draco drew his hand back out of Harry's. With the same disgusted fascination as before he observed the lake of red grow. There was a shuddering breath beside him as Harry took a shaking step back.
"I know you'd said that… that you'd done it but I didn't realise it had been quite like that. It looks really bad." It was really bad, Draco thought bitterly.
"Yeah well, being a sworn deatheater and all means I know a few of the nastier hexes." He said, voice full of self-loathing. The memory Draco suddenly turned and bolted. Whilst he knew he was going to get help, it still shamed him. He should have said something. The look on Harry's face made it clear he thought he had been left for dead.
It was too much. Draco pulled them out of the memory and backed away from the pensive. He landed heavily on the bed and drew a shuddering breath. It was ridiculous that he was the one reacting this way. This had all come as a complete shock to Harry.
"Draco?" Harry's voice was tentative. It sounded like he was still stood by the pensive, not coming any closer.
Draco suddenly felt angry at himself. It was stupid to have shown Harry all this! Now he was going to lose Harry, as he would see him for what he really is. They were happy, and now he'd ruined it. The Slytherin in him was especially scathing. It had been a reckless move.
"Draco? I'm sorry." He felt his head jerk up and all his inward anger burst.
"You're sorry?" He spat. "What for? Believing that I could be a good person? For saying that you loved me? I'm the one who used the fucking spell Harry! I'm the one who nearly got you killed, and not just this once! You say that you love me and yet you have no idea of all the terrible things I've done. You've deluded yourself and I've happily let you!" Draco drew in a deep breath. He knew in truth if anyone was deluded it was himself.
"Don't do this Draco." Harry's voice was strong despite his pleading words. "I'm not deluded and I'm not letting you tear yourself apart over the past. And I know more than you think I do. Hermione has filled me in where she could, and I know all about the fiasco with the Deatheaters. Point being, I knew all about this at one point, and it didn't stop me wanting you then, did it?"
"Harry you need to listen to me-"
"No, you need to listen to me. I love you Draco, and nothing you show me in these memories is going to change that. Deep down, I know all of these things happened. Yes it came as a bit of a shock, but I also know I've already forgiven you. Now be the man I know you are and show me the rest of these memories."
Draco looked at Harry intently and saw a side to him he didn't think he'd seen before. The green eyes were bright and his gaze unwavering. There was no blame there, just a fierce seriousness. He extended a hand to Draco, which Draco grasped firmly allowing himself to be pulled off the bed.
"There are better memories, I promise." He said, somewhat shakily. Harry gave him a soft smile.
"I know."
Together they dove back into the memories, picking up where they left off. It was a fortnight later, when Goyle had stolen Looney's shoes. Draco had told Goyle to leave her alone, when Harry had appeared and looked shocked. Despite the fact he had quickly left the scene he still saw the small smile on Harry's face and this time round had more time to enjoy it.
Really some of these memories were only little things, but he'd fished them all out. It was later the same evening when Harry had found him in the Astronomy tower. He'd been sat up there watching the snow swirling through the inky darkness, looking slightly more at peace than he had in any of the other memories. A small smile graced his lips; Draco seemed to remember it had been Harry he'd been thinking about.
Harry had startled him, causing Draco to shoot off an expelliarmus and knock him back down the ladder. It had ended up being the first real moment of closeness they'd shared. Harry had guilt tripped Draco into helping Harry up the ladder at which point he had finally seen the full extent of the damage he'd caused.
"Careful Draco, your caring side is showing."
And it had. Draco had been able to heal the wound which Madame Pomfrey couldn't because it had been his Dark magic which had caused it. He hadn't been able to remove the scar completely though.
Then, in the swirling snow and wand light, Harry had commented on his eye colour. He'd blushed beautifully too, Draco noticed. The real Harry had a slight blush too as he smiled at Draco. Memory Draco had changed the topic quickly, not wanting to comment on how he'd been noticing Harry's eye colour for years. He'd felt more joyful that evening than he had been for years.
The next memory didn't actually feature Harry. Draco was sat on his old bed in the Slytherin dorms with a neatly tied box before him. He opened it with great care, first reading the note from Harry before lifting out the delicate sneakoscope.
"That was the first gift I remember having that truly meant something. That someone had put a lot of thought into. And it saved my life when me and Krum fled here." The real Draco interrupted. Harry turned to look at him.
"It did? I never got the full story about that night either you know."
"Yes, well we didn't exactly have any way to communicate then. The memories don't go that far, but I promise to tell you soon."
"Okay." Harry moved closer to Draco and wrapped an arm round him as the fog of memories swirled again. They were in the entrance hall, the noise of breakfast spilling out. It was when Draco had first told Harry the Dark Lord had marked him. The real Draco watched the memory carefully, to see the emotions play across Harry's face. He couldn't identify them exactly but it wasn't the hate or disgust he had always imagined.
The next memory was also far from pleasant. He rethought his earlier feelings about the bathroom incident being his second worst moment, this probably pushed it to third.
One glimpse of himself with tear streaked face and bloodied knuckles was enough. He turned to bury himself in Harry's shoulder, who promptly wrapped both arms around him comfortingly. He heard the thud when he'd hit his head off the wall and the memory abruptly ended.
Without moving from the warm embrace Draco quickly filled Harry in before the next memory could start.
"You arrived shortly after that. You knew I was in trouble because of that map of yours. You healed my broken knuckles and the gashes I had made, and then you stayed the night, to make sure I was alright."
Draco's room was starting to come back into focus. It was almost comical the way he had jumped to see Harry in one of the other beds. Harry had then showed Draco the map, showing a level of trust in Draco that he still didn't fully understand. They had talked after that, teasing each other but not maliciously so. It was the first time he'd initiated contact too, when he'd hugged Harry, however briefly, and said thank you.
Next up was Harry and Ron's fight in the great hall. He may not have been able to hear it all that clearly, but Draco thought it might help Harry to understand why he'd discovered one morning that his best friend was no longer talking to him.
Afterwards they had spent hours up in the Dark tower, Harry having given Draco the key to finding him. Whilst this had been one of their happiest times together, they had spent hours up there. Knowing that they'd already spent so long in the pensive, Draco hadn't put the whole memory in, just the part about their tentative friendship and Harry asking to stay another night in the Slytherin dorms.
At the time it had marked the beginning of the end to Draco. The one week where they were happy, stealing moments away with each other. Then the letter had come from home and the worst part of Draco's life had begun. The part without Harry.
Time is running out Draco, you have until the end of the month.
Harry had fought. He had tried to convince Draco that they would make it through this and when words had failed he tried the only thing left to him. Harry had kissed him, out of desperation and out of love. Draco's heart clenched as he said the final, damning, word.
"Obliviate."
When Harry pulled them out of the pensive Draco still had his arms wrapped around him. He didn't mind, it was nice to have something to hold on to. His world felt a little off kilter. He hadn't remembered exactly but all of the memories Draco had just shown him had fitted neatly into the gaps they'd left behind.
"Thank you for sharing all of that with me." Harry finally said. Draco nodded into his chest. "Draco? Look at me?" Slowly Draco moved away just enough to tilt his head to look at Harry. "I love you."
"I love you too Harry." Harry smiled before closing the space between them, sealing Draco's lips with his own.
AN: Yoohoo. I'm glad that some of you have managed to stick with my over the last couple of months of silence. I have a huge list of excuses if you really want to hear them, such as being internet-less for a month, moving out, getting engaged and starting at university... Good news is we are back up and running, I've got the next three chapters already typed so you are guaranteed updates for the next few weeks at least. Kyuu, this chapter is for you sweetie :)