AN: Yes, I'm finally back! Midterms grabbed a hold of me and I got a bit stuck in the middle of this chapter, but hopefully it doesn't seem too forced or ridiculous! I do realize that my writing has taken a bit of a hit due to the lack of time I'm getting to spend on it but hopefully it's not too bad. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed the story! You're the biggest thing keeping me running and focused on the story, especially with the stress of college, so thank you for being my motivation and giving me all that positive feedback!

Puppet Chapter Seventeen

The air was dry and cold, only made harsher by a violent wind that swept over the flat dead lands like a wave of glass dust, scratching the soldiers that dismounted both vehicles and making them tug at their collars. Finding it hard to breathe through the air, Ed wasn't sure whether to blame the sickening pounding in his chest or the weather. His throat felt constricted and a numbness had washed over his entire body, making him oblivious to Al's hand on his wrist tugging him gently away from the military car.

He'd been more or less alright when directing them through the crumbled and ancient ruins to this particular spot, but now that he was here he felt himself drifting from his body. Golden eyes stared blankly around at the five towers spaced in a large circle around them, jagged and devoid of half of their structures like broken teacups. Like they had just shattered and nobody had bothered trying to transmute them back to life.

Artabanus pointed at one of the crumbled towers, smiling distractedly as he wrapped an arm around Ed's shoulders,

'See that one right there? The original occupants of Helltem used that as a prayer tower. They would climb right up to the very top and pray while looking out those windows, watching over the city and asking the gods for defense against the hostile brutes that we now call Drachmans. I suppose they forgot to ask for help against the travelers from the East, huh?'

Ed glanced at Artabanus' amused smile and felt his own lips twitch in response, 'I guess not. But how do you know all that?'

With a hum, the redhead pivoted, directing them towards the secret entrance to the compound, the one Ed had never seen before as it was the supply entrance instead of the main west wing entrance.

'There were old scriptures around the ruins when the first group from Ukreyt came here. Strange how nobody ever comes here. It's like they think the land is cursed or something,' Artabanus gave him a wink that made Ed snort at the thought. Lands, cursed? Laughable. But as they climbed down the steep staircase into the underground fortress, his curiosity began to grow.

'You said the first group. How long have the Ukreytans been here, in Helltem?'

The older alchemist gave a slight shrug, pulling Ed closer when a small group of Ukreytans walked by with small nods, arms full with empty crates. After the group of men disappeared at the top of the staircase, Artabanus visibly relaxed.

It must be really hard to be so worried about the intentions of his own "family".

'The first Ukreytans that moved into Helltem were actually archaeologists who were just curious about the land and the history. They wanted to see if there were any valuable, forgotten resources or minerals under the earth here. But after staying for a while, they began to grow attached to the old city and went home to retrieve the rest of their families. From there, more and more Ukreytans began to arrive and this underground structure was found soon enough. All that happened around the 1860s I believe. It has been quite a while and no one has ever disturbed us.'

Ed thought about this as they moved further into the compound and barely noticed when Artabanus tilted his chin up for a brief kiss before moving on toward the west wing.

'Edward… Ed… damn it, I told you we should have left him at the fucking hospital. He is in no shape to be out here. Alphonse, I want you to take one of the cars and get Fullmetal back to West City.'

His vision slowly came back into focus to be greeted with darkly furrowed brows and panicked coal eyes. Blinking a few times to gather himself, Ed then realized that he was surrounded by Mustang, Al, General Tulson, and Havoc, who were all looking very uneasy.

'I don't need to go back,' Ed said before even thinking about it, his voice containing little heat and a lot of disquiet.

Mustang's expression quickly soured and Ed shook, faintly realizing that Mustang had him by the shoulders.

How long had he been grabbing me?

'Listen to me, Ed. Just point out the entrance for us and we can take things from there, alright?'

A sharp breeze blew by, whipping Ed's hair in his face as he turned his head and scanned the area inside the circle of towers. The entrance was hidden inside the northernmost tower, and he remembered the doorway of that tower had deteriorated significantly, leaving a giant gaping hole that the Ukreytans covered with a tarp. Through the numbness that was clouding his body and mind, he nodded toward the correct tower,

'There- inside, there's a metal panel on the ground that opens to the-'

A sharp crack ripped through the air and everyone exploded into action. Ed barely had time to flinch at the sudden spatter of warm wetness on his face before Mustang was whirling him around and yanking him towards the car to duck behind it. It seemed so fast but in the time that they sprinted toward the car, two more shots rang out. The other soldiers were already shouting back and forth, pointing at the top of the northern tower. Sniper.

Adrenaline surged through Ed and something snapped into place in his mind, clearing the vague cloud of fog that had been smothering his thoughts. Sharpened vision ran quickly over himself and then to Mustang, who was panting and leaning heavily against the side of the car. Cold dark eyes were much calmer than Ed expected as the General peered over the car's hood, before ducking down at the scream of a bullet glancing off metal just an inch away.

'Damn it, Mustang, keep your stupid head down!' Ed automatically shouted, finally noticing that a dark stain was spreading on the older man's shoulder, 'Fuck, they hit you! Don't fucking move, you hear me Roy?'

At the startled look that he was given, Ed just scowled before glancing over their cover himself, quickly assessing the situation. The other Amestrian soldiers had taken cover behind the other vehicles and on the edges of towers. About three bodies were on the ground where they'd been gathered and Ed identified General Tulson quickly and with a muttered curse. Shots were still being fired from the top of the north tower, and Ukreytan brutes were beginning to pour out of the entrance.

Just how many of these fuckers are down there? I know there were at least fifty men, but fuck it all if they're sending them all out to die like this.

Without thinking, Ed darted out from behind cover, ignoring Mustang's panicked yelling, and slapped his hands together. Six Ukreytans that stood in the center of the towers now raised their guns toward him, momentarily stunned by his appearance. Ed recognized a few of them but didn't hesitate in slamming his hands into the dirt. A short rumble shook the area before four giant walls shot up around the Ukreytans, boxing them in.

A shimmer of silver streaked through the blonde's peripheral and he flinched, rolling to the side as bullet after bullet pelted the earth after him. Heart in his throat, he kept his body moving even after the harsh impacts into the ground made every inch of him ache.

Shit this was dumb. But at least it keeps them from getting to Roy.

Voices were shouting at him, sweat was dripping like ice down his neck and tickling across his collarbone, and dirt was digging into his flesh like grains of glass. His hyper-aware senses noted all of this and made him freeze mid-roll, causing him to tumble painfully onto his side, when a familiar snap and pressurized boom split the air. Panting, Ed rubbed at his aching left arm and chest, gazing up at the top of the north tower which was now just a blaze of flames against the cold gray sky. His dazed eyes drifted over to Mustang. The General was standing tall near the box of earth that Ed had created, left hand clasping his right shoulder and right hand poised, ready to snap his fingers again if need be. The power in the man's stance and the fire in his eyes caused a brilliant strength to run through Ed. The blonde climbed to his feet and headed over to Mustang, who was now addressing the yelling Ukreytans inside.

'You are all under arrest by the Amestrian military. You will stay in this box until another transport arrives here, so make yourselves comfortable. You'll be in there for a while.'

And then those dark, fierce eyes were turning on Ed, making the blonde shiver slightly at the mixture of chaos in them .

'Ed. What the hell were you thinking!' The sharp, reprimanding tone took Ed back to his teenage years, immediately making him stiffen and a hot, swirling ball form in his chest and begin to rise to his throat.

Eyes narrowed, he scowled at Mustang and faintly acknowledged the alien feeling the expression had become on his own face, 'Listen, Mustang, don't even start. You're injured, shit was getting ugly, I did what I had to do. How about instead of arguing we actually move forward before every person in this fucking base runs off.'

Fueled by the familiar frustration and anger, Ed stormed past the General, not turning back at the call that came after him or the sharp curse as Mustang went to gather up the soldiers. The heat steadily began to cool and Ed glanced over his shoulder where Al was following him silently as they headed toward the tower.

I know I'm being childish. Shit, why is my mood swinging like this… it's fucking annoying. I just need to focus on James. I need to get him back, get him help.

Thoughts turning to his student, his resolve strengthened just a bit at the same time that some other part of him began to sink back into numbness. It felt like his soul had been thrown into some kind of kaleidoscope and it was constantly shifting, rotating, changing him and yet keeping him the same. Everything was so mixed up and shattered inside of him that he couldn't even begin to sort things out and piece them back together. So he was left with the only thing he knew with all his heart and soul;

Just keep moving forward.

The dirt crunched under his feet, raising the dust and making his nose wrinkle against the grains that brushed his face. It was still cold and the sun was beginning its descent toward the west. They didn't have much time before it would be dark and he could hear Mustang's voice quickly giving directions. The ambush would cause a hitch in their plans and Ed knew the soldiers would be waiting a few minutes to regain themselves before moving on.

I don't have that kind of time. James might not have that kind of time.

With a glance at Al, who was gazing toward the group of soldiers that were dragging the few casualties into one area, Ed froze. It was James' face shadowed with despair that he saw. A strong constriction wrapped around his throat like iron fingers, creating an instantaneous and all-consuming panic to run through his veins.

Panic. The impact of his boots against hard ground vibrating up his legs. Fingers wrapping around the scratchy, rusted metal bars and lifting. Leaning against the sharp decline into the earth, barely lit by the few oil lamps lining the dirt tunnel. The air becoming dense as he descended, smothering him even more. The ghost breath against his neck and the memory of flashing blue-gray eyes glinting at him through the darkness. A distant, whispered kiss against his throat, hands pushing him against the solid dirt wall, a soft smile curling pale lips dripping with black poison. Adoration and abuse. Love and fear. Brass and gold.

Through vision swimming with the past, Ed stared around the hallway the tunnel led into, barely having to think to remember the path. He swept through the hall, throwing open doors as he went, breath caught in his throat and stress beading his brow with cold sweat.

Empty, empty, empty. Empty storerooms shrouded in memories of transmuting shelves into the walls, of breaking open boxes and separating the contents inside. An image of a red haired man and another Ukreytan talking and laughing with vibrant companionship, blue-gray eyes shifting to him and the smile softening, a wondering look entering those oceanic pools.

Artabanus… where are you…?

Room after empty room passed and Ed's vision swirled more and more chaotically as he searched ruthlessly for a flash of red hair or the glimmer of blue eyes. The northern corridor turned up completely empty, as was the giant circle of the cafeteria. The east corridor was devoid of life, but there were obvious signs of a hasty retreat- tables overturned and medical instruments scattered across the floor of the small clinic rooms. Dull golden eyes took all this in before he turned towards the west hall.

Empty. Empty. Empty. Everybody's gone…

He halted abruptly at the doorway into a very familiar room, his right hand braced shakily on the wooden doorframe as he peered into the shadowy space. The familiar shackles were still connected to the wall where the bed was pressed against, the scrapes on the floor and old stains on the walls still present even after a year or more had passed from the struggle of that one day. The massacre that Artabanus had created. It was empty of many things since their move from this compound to their private rooms had been swift, but the reminders and memories were still there- etched into every surface. The room was as familiar to Ed as his old apartment. Maybe even more so.

A tumble of dissimilar emotions crashed through Ed and he backed unsteadily away from the room, swallowing thickly before consciously having to force himself to turn away.

Artabanus is… wait, no… I'm looking for James, not Artabanus.

Pausing once more in the cafeteria, he stopped and tried to collect his thoughts for a moment but quickly realized he was failing. Everything was slipping through his fingers as soon as he grabbed hold of a solid train of thought, making him scramble internally which just led to more stress condensing inside of him. It was just making everything worse to struggle against the confusion, but he couldn't help himself. Finally after what seemed like an entire minute or two he fought his way back into the outside world to find himself gazing down the southern corridor. A sense of creeping apprehension joined everything else that was whirling around inside of him but he put one foot in front of the other and for the first time made his way down the hallway.

There weren't as many doors down this corridor, but it seemed to go on forever with the way the oil lamps dimly lit the abyss of darkness ahead. Stopping by the first door on the left, Ed placed his hand on the knob and swallowed tightly before turning it and swinging it inward. After a tense and heart-wrenching moment, Ed was able to realize that the room was empty other than several empty cots and bathtubs. It was a strange sight for that many bathtubs to be in one room- about half a dozen- but Ed paid it no mind as he moved on down the hallway. Everything he saw filtered through his mind and then instantly fled, making him truly in every single moment. Maybe that was the only way his mind could actually function enough to keep him on task.

Looking… I'm looking for something. No, someone. Artabanus…? James…?

His hands shook as they flattened against the fourth door of the corridor and a gnawing cloud of nausea was spreading through his stomach and throat, only made worse by the cold sweat that beaded on his brow and ran down his temples like ice. Something was definitely wrong, he noted as he had to force his trembling fingers around the doorknob, but he couldn't figure out what- couldn't remember the past couple of rooms.

The world began to spin around him and he half-fell against the door, staring vacantly at the grainy stone of the wall as he panted for breath.

Is this craziness ever going to go away? The brief thought was swept away in only seconds, replaced by the clouding confusion that had him straightening himself unsteadily once again. He felt so weak all of a sudden, his head spinning and heart pounding alarmingly hard. Blinking hard, once, he tried to get himself to focus and eventually registered that the door handle was turning under his hand.

And then stopped with a familiar click. It was locked. With barely a thought, Ed pressed his hands together and placed them on the knob, envisioning the deadbolt inside and how with just the simplest of transmutation circles it would shift and melt to cling against the side of the door. And within a second, the door was sliding open under his hands.

There was a sharp inhale and Ed's blurry gaze raised to look into the room. Ice ran down his spine when he realized after too many long, silent moments that somebody was on the opposite side of the room, just returning his stare with something like shock in his eyes. The person was obviously Ukreytan by the orange-red hair shimmering like copper in the fluorescent lights above and the pale green eyes. Ed's attention was caught on the white electric lights for a few seconds, stunned at the advanced quality of the technology. Nowhere else in the facility had the same type of equipment, and as Ed's eyes dropped to survey the rest of the room, he quickly learned that there was more advanced equipment here. The room was rather large, with tiled floors and walls, everything drowned in a sterile white. There were three metal tables in the center of the room, and all the walls were decorated by large glass tube-like containers that ran from floor to ceiling. Most were empty but there were two or three that were… occupied. Feeling incredibly ill all of a sudden, a shaky hand lifted to his lips as the blonde stared at the decomposing corpses in the tubes. They had all been young women at some point, but Ed had to really stare at the bodies' qualities through the decomposition to know this. But the worst thing in the room was on the table the Ukreytan man was standing before. A gloved hand held a scalpel that was delving into the opened bloody chest cavity of an infant, which was still connected to its still, lifeless mother. The woman's stomach was ripped open violently, organs spilling across the shining steel of the table and cold, glazed hazel eyes staring toward Ed.

No… not 'woman'. Girl.

She couldn't have been older than thirteen.

Ed wanted to turn away from the scene, wanted for his mind to focus enough to try and make it seem like anything other than the horrible, twisted nightmare it was. Make it seem as if he had some kind of power here, but he could barely hold himself up against the door frame.

'Edward…?' the deep, confused voice interrupted Ed's hyperventilating, making his golden eyes raise back up to the Ukreytan, who had put down his… projects… and was approaching slowly, 'Edward, that is you? Are you unwell?' The words were spoken in broken Amestrian but Ed could understand them and recognized this man as one of the medics Ed had been joking with what just seemed like weeks before in the clinic. Sean was a good man… or so Ed had thought.

'What… what is this…?' The voice that came from Ed's lips was not his, he thought distantly. His voice had never been so quiet, never so weak, never so empty and broken.

Large, warm hands were taking his shoulders and guiding him out of the room, the door closing on the scene as Isaac lifted his chin. Those pale green eyes gazed into his, glancing him up and down. Ed flinched violently when one of the man's hands pressed against his forehead. Vacantly realizing that Isaac had removed his gloves at some point, Ed tried to focus once again, knowing that spacing out like this was dangerous.

Isaac is good… but no, he's bad right? Why is he bad? I came here for… where's Artabanus?

'-ward? Edward!' The frantic calls had him blinking back up at the copper-haired Ukreytan, who was now shaking him lightly, 'Edward, you suffer from fever! Bad fever! Where is Artabanus? The rest have gone, why do you stay? Who are you with? Edward, do you listen?'

'Yeah…' the blonde swallowed thickly and squinted up at Isaac, 'Isaac. Where's Artab-'

Something shifted and the blonde's emotions switched without warning, him automatically sinking into a new situation.

Ed stared down at Isaac, who was flat on his back on the floor. The alchemist was hovering over him, one hand clenched in the man's lab coat to haul him back up so his automail fist could swing into the man's jaw once more. Isaac was crying, begging for Ed to stop, but Ed's shouted anger rose above the Ukreytan's.

The sound of bone cracking was satisfying, retribution like the taste of sugar on his tongue.

'Where is James?!' he shouted again, fury swirling like a monsoon throughout Ed's body, carrying all rationality away, 'I'm asking you a fucking question, Isaac! WHERE IS JAMES?'

The last part was a shriek, nearly drowning out the sound of sprinting boots and the shouts of a comfortingly familiar voice reaching him. Hands grasped at his shoulders, trying to rip him away from Isaac's now prone body, but he screamed and fought against the restraining touch, hands still wrapped around the unconscious Ukreytan's throat.

'WHERE THE FUCK IS JAMES? WHERE'S MY STUDENT! TELL ME WHERE HE IS!'

'Ed! Ed, I'm here, it's Mustang, it's Roy! CALM DOWN! ED HE'S UNCONSCIOUS! FULLMETAL!'

The strong arms that wrapped around his midsection finally managed to wrench him away from Isaac, and he fell back onto the heaving chest of the man restraining him. Fighting against the hold, Ed continued to scream, twisting and trying to get back at Isaac.

'Ed, it's okay. It's alright. I'm here, calm down. Ed, please. Ed, you need to stop!'

The constant words streaming into his ears finally began to register, and the blonde's body slowly began to relax, still gasping and twitching from adrenaline. Many long minutes passed in which the body under his just held him securely, no longer tight enough to bruise, at least. His thoughts were still just a muddled mess of colors, feelings, and vivid memories that shifted one from the next. The one image that kept returning again and again was his own automail arm as a blade swinging downward and a spray of blood. Mutilating James. At first those nightmares had been horrible, plaguing him every waking moment, and now it had returned full-force.

'Ed? Why are you saying sorry? Just… just relax. I'm right here.'

He jolted in Mustang's arms, slowly inching back into reality. Everything that had happened was just blurs and darkness. The last thing Ed really remembered was looking up and seeing Mustang by that box… outside… but they were inside…? He stared up at the ceiling in confusion, suddenly realizing there were arms around him and that he was laying on top of someone.

'What- Mustang? What the hell is going on?' Ed shifted, trying to get up, but the arms around his middle tightened for a moment, 'Mustang, let me go!'

After another tense few seconds of crippling confusion for Ed, Mustang relented with obvious hesitance, keeping a heavy hand on Ed's shoulder as they sat up and moved slightly away from each other. The blonde blinked around the room, insides coiling with horror as he noted what it contained. Then the memories rushed back and his eyes immediately shot to the body that was laying just a couple of feet away. More horror swept through him like a curtain being drawn back, showing him exactly what he had done. Isaac's face was a bloody pulp, features barely distinguishable under the blood, and there were dark bruises already forming around the man's neck.

'Is he… is he…?'

Mustang got to his feet only to kneel a moment later by Isaac's body, removing a glove and reaching a hand out to the man's neck. Two fingers probed and stopped.

The silence that filled those seconds was becoming thicker and thicker, making it hard for Ed to breathe as he just stared at Mustang with a sort of desperation. Coming out of something like that… he just wanted Mustang to tell him that he was alright. That everything was okay and that this was all a dream. But the evidence to the contrary was surrounding him in glass tubes and the bloody mess on the floor that used to be a man.

'He's alive,' Mustang said at last, and Ed's heart stuttered as he hung his head in relief.

Shaking hands raised into his line of sight and he stared at the blood that caked the back of his gloves before ripping the cloth away from skin and metal, throwing them aside and curling in on himself. The hollow apathy was aching and ebbing, emotions boiling under the surface of those calm dark waters and just a shift in temperature away from exploding into a storm again.

I'm not alright. There's something really wrong with me.

Warmth preceded the feeling of a comforting hand on his back and then another on his flesh one where it was tangled into the sleeve of the military uniform he wore. Ed hadn't even realized he'd been shaking until that warm touch eased the cold shivers a bit. For a moment he wanted nothing more than to uncurl himself and reach out for Mustang's safety, for that secure embrace, but he held himself back, not sure how his tumultuous emotions would respond.

'Ed… what happened?'

The iron ball in his throat didn't move when he tried to swallow around it, and the thoughts that were flying through his head at insane speeds were too quick and minute to grasp, so he just let his mouth open and whatever words that came out were what he had to say.

'I blacked out. I don't remember much of what happened after you took out the rest of the Ukreytans in the tower. I think… I think I was looking for James. Where's James?' Golden eyes peered up at Mustang.

The General was looking haggard and stressed with those dark circles under his eyes and uniform in total disarray. Not to mention his usually neatly-styled hair, which he'd become obsessive over after the Promised Day for some reason, being a total mess. But , even looking like he'd just crawled up out of hell, he still had a power that resonated off of his frame like some kind of tangible aura, spreading to envelope Ed in its reassuring hold.

The dark eyes had just a hint of relief as they stared down at Ed, 'James is safe. Along with seven other children. The truck we sent East of the city intercepted a car that was attempting to get away. James and the children are safe, we can go back to the hospital now.'

Ed had stopped listening by the end of it. Both intense relief and growing dread warred within him as he swallowed again, tightly, still unable to move or shrink that ball trapped in his throat, 'Just eight, including James?'

The gravity of Ed's weak words crashed down on Mustang visibly and the General's shoulders stiffened, 'We're still searching through the city and this compound, but yes. That's what we've found so far. You're telling me there are more children?'

Nodding numbly, Ed motioned his chin, indicated he wanted up. Mustang helped him without a word, grasping Ed's elbow tightly when the younger alchemist nearly toppled back over from the lightheadedness, 'The compound usually holds about two dozen kids at any given time. That means there's probably at least sixteen kids that they somehow managed to ferry away.'

'Do you know where they may be headed?' Mustang asked, subtly shifting Ed towards the door and helping the blonde walk into the hall.

'Not exactly, no. Arta- well… I know there's a place north of here that is similar to this one. I don't know where, just that it's north. Otherwise, the Ukreytans might be taking them straight to the Drachman border. They have a uh,' glancing around the cafeteria that they just walked into, Edward was confused for a moment by the dozen or so soldiers that were spread out around the room, 'they have a place at the border where the Drachman police will let them pass. Some kind of deal between the Ukreytans and those Drachman police there.'

'So if they get to the border and pass into Drachma before we stop them, we don't stand a chance in recovering those children,' Mustang murmured mostly to himself as he headed straight back towards the north wing.

'Wait,' reaching out, Ed stopped Mustang with a quick tug on the man's shoulder, 'let's go through the west wing. I don't know the way to my- Artabanus'… personal bunker from the north entrance.'

A tense stillness was his only response, but Mustang followed him and didn't try to stop him when Ed worked his way toward the west wing. They only paused for a moment to allow Mustang to relay a message to his soldiers. The next few minutes the two alchemists walked in silence, until Ed began leading the way up the stone stairwell that would lead them to the top of the hill that Ed used to so love. The way the sunshine used to bathe him in the mornings when he would sneak away from Artabanus… it was so wonderful. Sacred, almost.

About halfway up the stairs, after Ed had begun to pick up speed from his eagerness to be out of the dark, cold confines of the compound, Mustang's hand tightened around his wrist, halting his progress instantly. For a few long seconds Ed continued to stare upward, following the glossy path that the oil lamps painted on the stone stairs, imagining that it was Artabanus' hand holding him back.

'Fullmetal. You said we're going to this man's personal bunker? I assume that is the place you were held?'

'For most of the time, yes,' Ed glanced over his shoulder in time to see Mustang's features pulling into something resembling concern, anger, and fear, all mixed together in a poisonous elixir.

'Are you sure you want to go there? You don't have to, you know. We can leave that for Intelligence when they get out here to investigate.'

A tinge of annoyance bubbled in the blonde's chest, 'I can handle it, Mustang.'

'Damn it Ed, stop being so stubborn!' the outburst made Ed jump a bit, shock cooling the emotions that had been rising in the younger alchemist, and Mustang continued, 'You obviously can't handle this right now, Fullmetal. You just went through some kind of episode back there and now you want to dive headlong into the place where you were held prisoner for the past two years? No. Hell no. I'm not letting you take one more step. I'm taking you back to one of the transport vehicles and you and Alphonse are going straight back to the hospital, do you understand.'

The order was apparent, and for a moment Ed was extremely torn, one side of him instinctively burning at the commanding tone and the hard look in the General's eyes. But then the other side of him curled into itself and dragged all the remaining will with it. And so Ed just held Mustang's eyes for a moment before nodding, giving one final glance back up the stairwell as the Flame Alchemist lead him back down into the compound.

Maybe he's right… Ed wanted to fight the thought as soon as it began infiltrating his mind, but the more mature side of him scolded that bratty teenage attitude that was surfacing, of course he's right. Mustang would never snap on me like that unless I need help seeing reality. I'm not right… maybe it's the whole memory thing, maybe it's something else, but all I know is something's really, really wrong.

And I need to make sure I don't hurt anyone again…

Ed's hands began to rub together unconsciously; stiff and hesitant as if the blood was still on them and needed scrubbing off. Why had he attacked Isaac like that? That memory was still a complete blank. He thought of how- through the utter confusion and whatever kind of "episode" that was- he had been questioning Isaac one moment and then reconstructing his face with a fist in the next. The huge leap between and the intensity of the emotions was nauseating and frightening to the blonde.

What if this was something he couldn't stop? What if he was doomed to forever go through these same lapses of time, the same overwhelming fear, hatred, anger, panic, disgust, and numbness? It was either one extreme or another and it had completely exhausted Ed. He couldn't even really be scared at the thought of this becoming a natural part of his life as the deep numbness began to set in. Following Mustang with half his mind still focused, the rest of him shut down completely and he simply stared at the back of the tall General and forced his feet forward.

The brush of wind against his face and the grain of sandy dirt scraping against his flesh hand barely registered to him, as did the frantic voice and wiry-strong arms that wound around his shoulders. Recognizing Al, a tiny piece of him awakened enough to raise his eyes to his brothers' for a second or two before his gaze fell once again.

Words were spoken over his head but he couldn't decipher them. Some stuck out like 'starving', dehydrated', 'shock', 'sleep', but he didn't pay them much mind. He didn't really care. Not about what was being said, not about how he was being helped into the leather seat of a vibrating vehicle, not that powerful and dark eyes stared into his own while hushed words were spoken directly to him, not when the most comforting presence left his side, not even when Al held his hand and began to cry softly. Ed just couldn't care, couldn't feel anything, after the numbness had taken hold.

After a while of drifting on the soothing darkness, he heard a voice insisting that he stay awake, and the shift of his body meant that somebody was shaking him slightly. When had his eyes closed? He opened them again to stare out the window blankly, to faintly recognize the small blocky building they were in front of. Al was pulling him up from the car by his arm and his body followed along willingly.

And then he was lying in a bed, being coerced into swallowing a mug full of some kind of soup or broth. Not that he needed to be convinced- his body automatically followed the instructions being given. Nothing that passed his lips had any sort of taste whatsoever. Water followed and then the momentary sharp twinge in his arm had him surfacing again, to see that a needle was being inserted. No, an intravenous tube.

Al was on his other side, squeezing his left hand tightly as he spoke quietly, explaining that whatever was being pumped into him was to help him sleep. Ed almost opened his mouth, remembering that Al had just told him a moment ago that he needed to stay awake, but was beginning to slip into what was going to be a deep and restful sleep.

'I think I know half of what is wrong with him,' Ed heard the doctor's voice murmur to Al as the blonde half-floated midway between consciousness and a complete and total void, 'war hysteria. We see it a lot in soldiers after they return from particularly harsh wars, in fact the term was coined after Ishval when the coinciding symptoms were found in hundreds of soldiers right after the Rebellion and had to be connected. It's thought to be a psychological…'

Ed's grip on the words began slipping and after a few more seconds of struggling to stay awake enough to at least hear the rest of the conversation, he had to let go.

Sliding into that abyss of sleep, one final thought lit through his mind like a torch in the darkness, searing a trail across the emptiness that would remain there when he woke the next day.

I'm not me anymore. There's someone else here inside of me and he is not Edward Elric. Edward Elric is not this weak. Edward Elric would fight and have complete control over himself, never letting his friends and family worry. But I'm the exact opposite. Scared and weak and selfish. This isn't… this is not Edward Elric.

But then… who am I…?

AN: End of Chapter Seventeen! Wow, we've really come a long way, huh? And we still have quite a bit to go~! :) Anyway, thank you for taking time out of your day to sit down with this story! What did you like/hate about this chapter? Could I improve anywhere? Was anything too confusing?

I'm hoping to get the next chapter out sometime before Finals begin here in two weeks, but I can't promise anything. I do apologize if there's another month-long wait for Chapter Eighteen, but I'm trying my best to keep my academics perfect!

Again, thank you lovely people so much for your support!

Warmest Regards, Generation Alchemist.