10
He was still there, in the same position, hours later when Elrond came to check on Cyllessil again.
"Thranduil?" Elrond said quietly as he entered the room and approached the bed.
Thranduil raised his eyes and Elrond knew. The blankness he saw there told him what he would find in Thranduil's arms. He went to Cyllessil anyway. Her skin no longer burned and he could not find a pulse in her wrist or neck. He brushed his fingers lightly down her hair and sighed. "I am so sorry, Thranduil." Thranduil nodded and turned his gaze back to his wife.
"I felt her go, Elrond. I cannot feel her anymore."
Elrond nodded, although Thranduil could not see him do so. He sat down gently on the bed. "What would you have me do for you, my friend?" he asked. "Shall I send word to the Greenwood, to your son?"
Thranduil raised his face to Elrond, his expression still blank yet hard as steel. "No. I must tell my son myself."
"Very well, Thranduil. What else can I do?" Elrond repeated.
Thranduil continued to look at Elrond with the same blank expression. "Everything I ever needed is gone from me now, Elrond."
Elrond held his gaze. "When was the last time you slept, Thranduil? Likely not since you set out to find Cyllessil, more than a week ago. Let me take you to your chambers."
"What of Cyllessil?" Thranduil asked.
"I will have the healers take care of her body, Thranduil." Elrond paused. "The road to Greenwood is not short, my friend. Do you mean to take her there?"
Thranduil shook his head. "I do not know, Elrond. I feel like I do not know anything. I want to get on my horse and ride to my son. I want to get on my horse and find an orc pack and kill them all. I want to ride to the Havens and rid myself of this pain." Thranduil closed his eyes and squeezed them shut. "She is gone and I am losing myself, Elrond."
Elrond stood up. "That's it then," he said briskly. "You need to sleep." He moved to the door and called out for another healer. The one who had been with Cyllessil earlier came to the door. Thranduil looked at him but could not recall his name. "See to the Queen, Taeron," Elrond said quietly to the healer. Elrond dropped his voice even lower "And see to it that Cireth makes me a sleeping draught for the King now."
"Yes, my lord," the healer replied, slipping away again quickly.
Elrond moved back to the bed. "Come, Thranduil."
"Let me stay with her, Elrond. Please." Thranduil whispered. Elrond looked down at his friend.
"I will let you stay until the healers come for her. Then you will go to your room with me and you will get some sleep, mellon. You cannot ride to your son if you do not sleep." Elrond answered.
Thranduil curled around Cyllessil again as Elrond stepped out to check on his healers. He was still in the same position when Elrond returned with Taeron and Cireth a little later, a cup in his hand.
"Thranduil, come my friend. Let the healers see to Cyllessil. And I will see you to your room myself." Thranduil allowed Elrond to help him up. To Elrond's surprise he allowed Elrond to put an arm around his waist to support him as they walked. Elrond doubted if Thranduil even knew his arm was there.
Elrond made sure Thranduil was at least sitting in the chair in front of the fireplace before he left the room. Thranduil had refused to get in bed and had waved away the cup Elrond tried to give him. Elrond had initially insisted but did not have the heart to argue with Thranduil. Not now. He placed the cup on the table next to the King, after getting Thranduil's assurance that he would drink it. Elrond touched his friend gently on the arm. "I will return in a few hours time, Thranduil. Please. Get some sleep. You will be no good on the road home without rest, mellon."
"I am not a child, Elrond," Thranduil growled. "I will rest."
Elrond took one last look, before he shut the door. Thranduil was still in the chair, glaring at the empty fireplace.
He sat in the chair, staring at the fireplace, remembering the last time he had been in this room. With Cyllessil. He leapt up from the chair and moved across the room to throw open the balcony doors. He could feel his control slipping. Maybe the air would do him good. He strode out onto the balcony, the wind whipping his hair around his face. He could hear the leaves rustling in the trees. He stared at the tree in front of him and heard Cyllessil's voice in his head. As he had heard it on this very balcony, the words she said to him in the autumn when they stood here together. "In a mood to go sit in this one for awhile?" she had asked him.
The smoldering anger within him, that had first started to build with his uneasy sensation near the borders of Lothlorien, finally burst forth. He had held it in when he had found Cyllessil's knife. He had held it in so he could focus on the trail. He had held it in when he had found the injured guards, when he had finally found Cyllessil, during the whole ride to Imladris with her in his arms. He had held it in when he was sitting in the healing chambers. He could hold it in no more.
Thranduil stalked back into the room. He stood in front of the fireplace where he had bantered with his wife and then began to pace. With a wordless cry of rage he knocked the cup of medicine off the table. He kicked over the chair and roared again. The decanters of wine along the countertop went next. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and lost what last bit of control he might have still had.
"My lord! My lord Elrond!" Elrond heard Lindir's voice from where he sat with Celebrian. He seemed on the edge of panic. Elrond rose from his seat and moved to open the door but before he got there the door swung open to reveal a very flustered Lindir.
"Lindir, whatever is the matter?" Elrond asked.
"Lord Elrond, it's the King!" Lindir answered, "You must come!"
Cireth put her head in the room. "Elrond?" she asked, looking at Lindir with a perplexed expression on her face.
"Cireth, stay with Celebrian. I will go with Lindir and see what he is fussing about." Elrond said to the healer, as he swept out of the room, Lindir following after him.
"Lindir, what is going on?" Elrond demanded as they moved into the hallway.
"My lord, we heard noises coming from King Thranduil's chambers. Glorfindel went to make sure the King was all right but the door was locked from the inside." Lindir explained.
"What kind of noises?" Elrond asked, his worry mounting with each step. He was convinced Thranduil had not taken the healing draught.
"Crashes and glass breaking, Lord Elrond. Among other things." Lindir stated.
They were near Thranduil's chambers now and Elrond could not hear any noise other than Glorfindel bellowing in the hallway outside Thranduil's room.
"Thranduil! Open up!" Glorfindel shouted, pounding on the door. "Thranduil. Let me in."
Elrond found his keys and motioned for Glorfindel to move aside. "From the sound of it I think he's rearranged all the furniture," Glorfindel informed Elrond.
"I can deal with rearranged furniture. Let me handle this, Glorfindel." He found the right key and bent to place it in the lock. "Lindir, I'll let you know when you can send someone to clean up whatever mess I find." Elrond unlocked the door and opened it slightly. "Thranduil. It's Elrond. I am coming in, my friend." Elrond pushed the door fully open and entered the room.
Thranduil was sitting on the floor, his head on his knees. The glitter of broken glass and the shards of the shattered mirror were all around him. The balcony doors were open and the breeze blew the curtains into the room.
Elrond gently picked his way through the pattern of glass shards and broken furniture until he reached Thranduil. Thranduil's hands were clasped around his knees, the knuckles bleeding freely from the lacerated skin, his silver-gold hair shadowing his face.
Elrond squatted in front of his friend. "Thranduil." he said softly. "Thranduil," he repeated when he got no response. Thranduil slowly raised his head to meet Elrond's eyes. Elrond felt a chill that had nothing to do with the open balcony doors. The cold was all in Thranduil's eyes.
"I am sorry for the damages to your chambers, Elrond." Thranduil said in a clipped, curt voice. "I will certainly recompense you for it."
Elrond drew back. "Thranduil, mellon-nin. It is nothing. Do not concern yourself with the contents of this room. They are nothing to me." He paused, uncomfortable with the flat countenance he saw on his friend's face. "Come, let me have a look at those hands of yours." Elrond reached out his own hand to Thranduil.
"They're fine." Thranduil snapped.
"They are not fine and you know it, Thranduil." Elrond said warily, worry for his friend growing as he took in the tone of voice as well as the distant look in the King's eyes. "Now come to the healing chambers with me. I must at least clean out the glass if you are to grasp a sword properly again!" Elrond grasped at something that might jar Thranduil out of this coldness, this distance.
"Let me be, Elrond." Thranduil growled, his tone growing sterner.
"I will let you be once you let me take care of your hands. You have my word on that." Elrond bargained.
Thranduil lifted his head to him, the same cold, distant, expressionless gaze making Elrond shiver again.
"Very well. If you insist." Thranduil fluidly rose from the floor and crossed to the door, exiting the room to the hallway, with Elrond hurrying after him.
They passed Glorfindel in the hall, who moved towards the Elven King. "Thranduil, are you all right?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed with concern.
Thranduil turned his head to look at the Balrog-slayer coldly, tilted his head and replied "Why ever would you think I was not, Glorfindel?" in clipped tones that brooked no answer. He swept past Glorfindel, not even sparing a glance for Lindir or the other Elves of Elrond's household that had gathered. Elrond followed him to the healing chambers, a sense of dread growing in him.
Thranduil stood on the steps of Elrond's house, trying not to remember the last time he had stood in this very spot. Elrond, the twins and Glorfindel stood near. Thranduil ranged his eyes over the company gathered in front of him. What little remained of the guard he had left here last autumn was standing with the company that had ridden with him from the Greenwood this spring, ready to go at his word.
He turned imperiously to Glorfindel. "I must thank you again for your part in the rescue, Glorfindel." He nodded at Elladan and Elrohir, then addressed his next words to them. "And yours as well, Peredhel." Thranduil adjusted his cloak and turned to Elrond. He stared at Elrond expressionlessly for a minute, then tilted his head to the right and continued to maintain his frigid gaze. "My thanks to you, Elrond, for your assistance at this time and my apologies for the destruction of my room." He nodded slightly and turned to go down the steps.
"Thranduil." Elrond stopped him, a hand to his chest.
Thranduil looked pointedly at the hand on his chest then at Elrond's face. He tilted his head questioningly, but the expressionless look on his face did not alter.
"Safe travels, my friend." Elrond said kindly. "I do not have the words to convey the depths of my sadness and regret, Thranduil. You will be ever in my thoughts until I see you again." Elrond put his arms around Thranduil and pulled him into an embrace. Thranduil remained stiff in his arms, barely tolerating the gesture, not responding or returning it. Elrond let him go finally, realizing he was not going to get a response.
"Give our love to Legolas," he added.
"Of course," Thranduil nodded curtly.
"We would love to have him visit again, hir-nin," added Elrohir.
Thranduil looked coldly at Elrohir and then tilted his head again. "I believe his duties in the Greenwood will be keeping him far too busy for travel, Elrohir." He narrowed his eyes. "I will convey your greetings to him." Thranduil surveyed the company in front of them again. He paused as if in thought and then added in a tight voice "May healing find your wife, Elrond." He strode down the steps without looking at Elrond.
He motioned to his company to mount and looked back from his mount one time to the small group gathered on the steps. He gave the minutest nod of his head.
Elrond quickly glided down the steps to stand by Thranduil's horse and looked up at his friend. "Come back to us, Thranduil. You know you are always welcome here, mellon-nin."
Thranduil kept his gaze straight ahead, not looking down at Elrond. "I believe my time will also be kept busy with the Greenwood." He finally looked down at Elrond, his face like a mask. "I do not anticipate to return here at any time in the future."
"But Thranduil! The tree we planted for Cyllessil will be here. . ." Elrond stopped as Thranduil cut him off with a sudden motion of his hand.
"There is nothing for me here, Elrond." He glared down at Elrond. "And I can certainly plant my own tree." He turned his horse away without a look back and the small Greenwood escort moved to accompany him towards the mountain path leading to the High Pass.
Elrond was left standing, staring after Thranduil. Glorfindel came down the steps to stand beside him and put his hand on Elrond's shoulder. "He's hurting Elrond, anyone can see that."
"Of course he's hurting, Glorfindel. Cyllessil was his world." Elrond paused, his eyes following the tall, proud figure on horseback. "I do not think he will be back. This is a not a place of happiness or peace for him now." He shook his head as he watched his friend disappear around the curve of the path. "He is building his walls, Glorfindel. He built them after Oropher died but Cyllessil had managed to knock them all down. I think this time they will not come down again."
Elladan and Elrohir had moved near. "Do you really think he won't let Legolas come visit us, Ada?" Elladan asked.
Elrond sighed. "I don't know what Legolas will do. This will be hard news for him to bear, especially to bear alone." He shook his head again as Elrohir began to speak. "No, Elrohir, I do not think Thranduil will share this burden of grief with his son. He is dealing with it the only way he can and that is to shut the world out." He put his arms around his sons' shoulders and looked from one to the other. "And we will deal with what happens with your mother the only way we know—together." He squeezed their shoulders as he took a last look at the Mirkwood guards now moving out of sight.
Thranduil felt the miles go past him as he drew away from Imladris. He had lied to Elrond when he said there was nothing for him in Imladris. He was leaving what was most precious to him in life there.