Chapter 7:
TRIS POV:
It's been three days, and I'm finally being discharged. My doctor has referred me to a mental health specialist, who my parents are very eager to have me try out. I definitely don't want to go because all I'll most likely have to do is talk about my suicide attempt. It's been a little awkward, people refusing to talk about what I did, refusing to say the words, suicide, self harm, depression, and death. I wouldn't mind them speaking those words as much as I mind what they have been saying, things like, "We think you should consider help because you did...that stuff." causing it to make things even more awkward.
Tobias is around a lot, constantly asking if I want anything, whispering that he loves me before I fall asleep. It was a Monday night when I tried to kill myself, so he does have school to go to, and as soon as he leaves the campus, he comes straight here. I've asked him what his father thought about him being gone so much and what he had told me made me quite upset. He had said, "My father wants me out of the house as much as possible, plus it gives him a reason to beat me." After he had said that I told him to go home but he yelled at me saying that I needed him more that he needed safety. Of course that started a big fight.
It's six o'clock at night and my parents are just signing the release forms, glancing back at me ever so often as Tobias helps me get all my medicine, for my cuts, into a bag. When they are all shoved into the plastic bag, and I'm in normal clothes, Tobias holds onto me, helping me stand.
"Thank you." I whisper, my head a bit dizzy for the sudden change in position.
"You're welcome." His husky voice mumbles back. "Would you like me to drive you home, or do you want to go with your parents?"
Tobias knows how unusual it has been around my parents lately, every move I make they stare me down, making sure I'm okay. So I respond with a, "That would be wonderful."
After he lets me lean against the railing of the hospital bed, I look over to my parents who both are talking to the doctor, something about my eating habits, and depression. I shake my head not wanting to hear the things they are saying about me.
"Mom. Dad. Can I just head out with Tobias? I really want to get home." I ask louder to them, and everyone in the room turns to look at me.
My dad's eyes judge Tobias but before he can say anything, my mom says, "That's fine sweetie, we will meet you back home."
I simply nod my head, walking out the door of the room. I stop when I notice Tobias not right by my side. Pearing into the room, I see my mother talking to him, telling him something that he nods his head to. Instead of eavesdropping I lean against the wall waiting patiently for Tobias.
Soon enough he comes out, my medicine bag still in his hand and he stares at me until we both begin to walk in silence to the parking lot. Once there, he quickly finds his car, him helping me gently slide into his passenger seat, then heading around the car into the drivers seat.
Once he starts the car and we are on our way to my house, I can't help but continue to steal glances at him like I used to in 7th and 8th grade. His chiseled jaw line is taut, his midnight blue eyes glued to the road, and his left hand gripping the steering wheel. I watch as he quickly looks at me, our eyes meeting for a millisecond.
"What's wrong Tris?" He asks, assuming that I'm staring at him because I'm not okay.
"Nothing." I reply shortly, still staring.
"Your mother wants me to stay at your house for the rest of the week, till not the next monday but the one after." Tobias says, glancing at me again before staring at the road straight ahead.
That's what he must have agreed to in the hospital room...but why? So I ask, "Why?"
"She said that her and your father have to be at work early and won't be home till late. They have to make up for the work they missed, attending to you in the hospital room. Also that your brother is going on a science trip to Flordia all next week, leaving tomorrow night. She asked me to stay with you and make sure I watch how much you eat and what you do." He explains, not looking at me at all anymore, probably nervous for my reply.
"So you're like my babysitter?" I ask raising my eyebrows, my eyes stuck to him.
"In a way I guess...but I will miss next week of school, and you will miss tomorrow and next week, she said she wants you to get better and to heal a bit. We can do some fun things if you'd like, like go to the movies or something. It will be more like how we used to have sleepovers except I'm staying in your guest room." He tells me, making me remember all the exciting sleepovers we used to have.
"So you're spending the night tonight?" I ask, looking out the front windshield again.
"Actually no, I'm going home to tell my father and to pack, tomorrow night at around eight I will be at your house." He says, as he finally pulls into the driveway of my house.
"Thank you for the ride, and if your father gives you a hard time, please come over." I beg and he looks over at me while nodding his head.
"Good-bye Tris, I'll see you tomorrow." He says, handing me the bag of medicine.
"Good-bye Tobias." I almost whisper, climbing out of the car.
Once inside my house, I watch through the window as he drives away to his inevitable doom. I feel bad for making him get beat up for helping me, and the thought that I can't do anything about it hurts.
I try to ignore the dizziness in my head as I walk up the stairs heading into my room. It's left the same way it was before, everything not touched except for the note I left on the bed is gone. I slowly make my way to the bathroom, bracing myself for the sight of whatever might still be in there, but as I step into the bathroom, nothing lies on the floor, no blood, no pills, and no razor. My shower mat is gone, probably thrown away because of blood stains, and as I look in my shower, I notice that I have no more sharp objects. Under the sink, all my medicine has been taken away, the only thing left behind is a tube of mascara and an eyeliner pencil, no sharpener.
I sigh quietly to myself, sitting on the hood of the toilet looking around the bathroom, thinking about all the things I am stripped of. I set the bag of medicine, that my doctor gave me, onto the counter, dumping out the contents.
Inside is two tubes of rubbing cream to put on my cuts, wrap to cover the cuts in my forearms, and one bottle of liquid medicine that the doctor made clear would not kill me if I drank it all. I peal of the bandage that is on my cuts, throwing it in the trash, that is now empty too. I lightly touch the cuts, running my fingers over the bumps of the scabs.
"Tris!" I hear someone bellowing from outside my room.
"Come in!" I yell back walking into my room leaving the medicine on my counter and no bandage on my arm.
The door opens and in walks my brother, his eyes focused on me as soon as he enters the room. "Mom and dad will be here soon, and told me to look after you. Sorry it took me so long, I didn't know you were home."
"I'm not going to attempt suicide again soon Caleb, it's fine." I say, him visibly flinching at the word suicide. I lie down in my bed pulling the covers over my body still staring at him.
"I'm just going to make sure you go to bed okay?" he says looking back at the door but then deciding to take a seat on my bed.
"Caleb, I can't fall asleep with you in here, and it's not like I still have things I can kill myself with...so can you please leave so I can have a good night in my own bed finally?" I ask, raising my eyebrows, him staring at me hesitantly.
"I guess…" He trails off, slowly standing and walking out of my room, turning off the lights, then closing the door behind him.
I close my eyes, not wanting to think about later, and soon, I fall asleep.
Thud!
I wake up with a jolt, looking around my dark room in a hurry, my heart beating fast with panic.
Thud!
The noise sounds again, and I'm almost sure it's coming from outside.
Thud!
I get up, positive it's something hitting the wall outside. While I make my way to the window, several more thuds sound throughout my room, making me jump every time. When I get to the window, I nervously pull the curtains aside, then hesitantly push the window up, the cool night breeze hits me hard.
I look down, and standing in my grass with pebbles held in his arms, is Tobias.
"What the hell? What are you doing Tobias?" I whisper yell, confused by his random appearance.
"I need help." Is all he says, dropping the rocks to the ground and not glancing away from my eyes.
I know that his dad probably beat him pretty hard, and I had told him earlier to come over if it was too much. It must have been horrible tonight if he is admitting he needs help so I yell down, "Go to the front door."
I quickly shut the window, closing the curtains, then almost sprinting down the stairs as quietly as I can not to wake anyone up. Once I get to the front door, I yank it open, stepping aside for Tobias to walk in.
He looks slightly shaken up, the back of his black shirt sticking to his skin, most likely drenched in blood. I gently place my small hand on his large bicep, directing him upstairs and into my room. I close the door behind us and tell him the sit on my chair, and he does as told.
"What happened?" I ask, curious about how bad it was.
"Marcus happened. He wasn't to happy about me getting home so late, and then when I asked him if I could stay here with you, he was even more mad. C-can...nevermind." he says, making me scrunch my eyebrows up in confusion.
"You know you can ask me anything." I state, looking at him pleadingly.
"Can you maybe clean my back for me?" he asks, refusing to even glance into my eyes.
"Of course I can Tobias." I say getting a blanket and pillow off my bed, spreading them down on the floor. "Here, come lay down. I have the medicine to use for my cuts, but I can put on you instead."
"Tris, those are for you. You can just get the blood off and rewrap it." He says, gently sitting up then lying down on his stomach.
"I have two tubes anyway, so it's okay." I say walking to my bathroom and getting a washcloth thats wet, some wrap that my doctor gave me, and the cream he also gave me. I walk back into the room and Tobias lays with his head towards my bed, not moving a muscle. "Can you um...take your shirt off?"
He nods his head, sliding the soaked shirt off of himself, only to reveal his back that has been wrapped, blood still seeping through the thick cloth. Now I'm sitting next to his body, examining it as he turns his head to look at me instead of the bed.
"Can you take the wrap off? I wrapped it before I came here, but it hurt really bad." He tells me, his blue eyes staring into mine.
My hands glide across his back, lightly touching the wrap as I peel it off. Soon enough he has to sit up so that I can fully unwrap what has been strung around his torso. After about two minutes, the almost all crimson red wrap has been removed, the last piece on the front of his body.
My hands lightly touch his six pack, goosebumps raising on my arms as the unwrapped wrap reveals a nicely toned body. I can't help but stare at him, not expecting his muscles to be so defined, and so hard to look away from. He makes the first move to lye on his stomach again, his head facing me.
I waste no time in talking or staring at the large gashes that fill up the whole canvas of his back. Taking the wet washcloth I dab at the bloodied cuts, cleaning them off one by one. Every so often Tobias will flinch, my hand retracting from his back as soon as his face scrunches up in pain. It takes about fifteen minutes to clean all of them without causing him to much suffering, and now I get the tube of cream, squirting a good amount in my hand.
As soon as my hands gently touch his back rubbing the cream over his scars and muscles, a moan escaped his lips. I can't tell if the moan was because of my hands gliding across his skin or because of the pain relief, but all I know is that it was a moan of pleasure, and blood is quickly rushing to my cheeks. I steal a quick glance at his face, his eyes closed, his jaw and eyebrows more relaxed.
I keep rubbing gently, careful on the larger cuts, smearing the cream softly over his entire back. Then I take fresh wrap, unraveling it so it will be easier to slide onto his body.
"Can you sit up again so I can wrap it?" I ask looking at him as his eyes begin to open again. I watch as he nods his head slowly, sitting up, exposing his amazing core.
My eyes try to stay clear of his abs, but as I wrap the wrap around him, my fingers keep gliding over them, making me shiver, my brain pleading me to look. And that's what I end up doing, my eyes glued to his core, his eyes on my face. When I finish, I can see a devious smirk plastered on his face, and he doesn't bother to put his shirt back on, knowing the blood is all over the back.
"Like what you see?" He asks, a large grin spreading wider as blush creeps into my cheeks.
"Just because I'm not ready for a boyfriend, doesn't mean I don't find you unattractive." I whisper, my face beginning to burn with embarrassment.
"Oh so you find me attractive?" He asks chuckling a little at me.
"Well my friends do call you, and I quote, 'H-O-T' and 'Mr. Quarterback'. Some even dare to say, 'The whole school is basically crushing on him.'" I say doing my Marlene and Christina impressions, making him laugh a deep throaty laugh. "Not to mention all the things they do to get your attention."
"Really? I never noticed because the only girl I ever noticed was you." He says staring straight at me, his blue eyes drowning me again like when we first kissed.
"Tobias it's okay. You don't have to lie to me, I understand that you've probably dated billions of girls since you've moved." I reply looking away from his face, not wanting to hear the next part about all his beautiful girlfriends.
"The only girl I've ever even remotely thought about dating, I moved away from. Biggest mistake of my life, you know why?" He asks his pointer finger moving underneath my chin, raising my head to force me to look at him.
"Why?" My voice barely squeaks out.
"Because I soon realized that she is the only girl I will ever love...and if she doesn't love me, then I simply won't be loved." He whispers, his face getting closer to mine, his blue eyes mesmerizing.
My mind doesn't have time to stop myself before my hands are on the sides of his face, and we are both leaning in. Our lips are centimeters apart, and my heart is racing a million miles per second. Just like our first kiss he lightly touches our lips together, pulling back just slightly before reconnecting our lips again. His hands move to the small of my back pulling me into him tighter, my body arching into him.
We are both still sitting, but soon I end up on my knees, him on his too, our kiss becoming more passionate by the second. I can feel the tip of his tongue lightly trace my bottom lip, asking for entrance. Soon enough I allow, opening my mouth enough for his tongue to dart into, and I can feel his tongue massage mine lightly. Another shiver runs through me, my bones turning to flames then to liquid, melting away.
Not long after, he pulls back from the kiss, both of us breathing exceptionally hard. Him licking his lips then biting his full lower, his hand sliding down to my hips. He stares into my eyes then down to my lips, then back up to my eyes. Tobias leans his forehead against mine, closing his eyes tightly before letting go of me a together.
"I'm sorry." He whispers, deja vu smacking me right in the face.
"Why do you always seem to apologize after kissing me." I breath out staring at him and he stares back. I watch him closely and all he does is raise his shoulders then drop them, shrugging.
"I love you Tris." He says looking at me intently, waiting for the anticipated words to come out of my mouth.
And they do, "I love you too, Tobias."
Thank you for reading so far, I hope you like the kiss. btw: I've never kissed anyone so I wouldn't know how to write it, so If you guys want to review some tips for kissing scenes it would be greatly accepted. Unless my kissing scenes are okay, just let me know. Please review!
~divergent24-7