Chapter 9:
TRIS POV:
We end up falling asleep early that night, both of us on my bed again, this time starting out with his arms around me. I don't wake up till late, and the only reason I know that is because when I open my eyes, I'm meet with Tobias's deep blue irises. I know for a fact that Tobias doesn't wake up till it's late, because he is definitely not a morning person.
"Good morning beautiful." He says, smiling at me, showing his teeth.
I breath out my nose in a huff, rolling my eyes in the process. I know I'm not ugly, but I'm no where near pretty, let alone beautiful.
"I'm serious Tris. Don't think I don't know the way you look at yourself, I can tell you don't think so, but I know you are beautiful." His smile drops a little as he tells me this.
I know that if I tried to fight him on it, we would end up in a full on argument, so instead I say, "I love you, Tobias."
"I love you too, Tris." He whispers, his face getting closer to mine and it isn't long before his lips meet mine, our faces smashing together. I can't help but think about how perfect our lips fit together, like two puzzle pieces in a seven billion piece puzzle.
Soon enough I can feel his mouth open slightly, his tongue tracing my bottom lip, as just one of his hands touches my hip, his other hand incapable because that side of my body is lying on the bed. Just as always the beat of my heart kicks up, and I refuse to open my mouth, not risking going this far while lying in my bed.
After a while, he pulls back, taking notice in my lack of enthusiasm towards our kiss. His breath is hot on my face as he leans his forehead against mine.
"What's wrong?"
I sigh, "I know we have known each other since our births, basically, but you moved away from me. You've changed since then and I want to get to know the new you, and with that said...I think we should take our relationship slowly. We've already said I love you to each other, but do we really know what love is? Let's get to know the new us before we commit like that, alright?"
"Alright." He huff opening his eyes but refusing to meet mine. His face goes hard and I know he is trying to hide his real emotions, but I wouldn't be able to miss the tint of pain in his eyes and I know that I've hurt his feelings.
"Tobias," I say and he still doesn't look at me. "Please look at me. Let's go at this one day at a time, and when I know I love you and you know you love me, we will know, and you will tell me as I will tell you. I'm not saying that we should break up, I just think we should go slow. To be honest, after I tell you all that I did and all that happened while you were absent from my life, I'm not even sure if you will still like me afterwards."
Finally his deep blue eyes look into mine, them sturn as his hand comes to my face, holding it tight, "Tris, no matter what happened or will happen, I will still think you are the most beautiful thing in the world, and I will always lov-I mean like you."
I lean my face into his hand, letting a deep breath come flowing out of me. He eventually pulls his hand away, getting up from the bed, and walking out of the room without another word. I take this as my chance to get ready, so I take a quick warm shower, brush my teeth, then throw on grey sweatpants and a black sweatshirt. Not really caring, I toss my straight blonde locks into a messy bun, leaving a few pieces down framing my face.
As I walk down the steps, the aroma of the eggs, Tobias most likely made me, fills the air, my mouth watering at the sudden pleasant scent. I make my way to the kitchen to find Tobias sitting at the table, yellow scrambled eggs sitting in front of him with a few pieces of bacon lying on the edge of the plate.
"You made breakfast?" I question, sliding into the seat on the other side of the small table.
"Yes, and this plate," he picks up the second plate filled with cheesy eggs and crispy bacon, placing it in front of me, "is for you. I intend on you finishing all of that."
"Tobias I can't magically be empty enough to eat for two." I state picking up my fork and stabbing it into the scrambled eggs.
"Two eggs and one piece of bacon is less than an average girl your age eats. That is definitely not to much." He says looking at me with serious eyes.
"I promise to eat as much as I can, but I can't promise to eat it all without throwing it back up." I say staring back at him.
He nods his head, accepting what I said and we eat in almost complete silence, a few conversations popping up here and there. I eat a little more than half before I stop and tell him I can't eat anymore, Tobias taking my plate to the sink once he finishes with his.
"So if you want we can sit in your living room and rest a bit, I know you were tired last night even though you got a lot of sleep." He offers walking to my leather couch in front of our large tv. Tobias turns it on getting soaked up into the show that's on, and I decide to go get my phone from the kitchen.
"I'll be right back, just going to get my phone." I tell him getting up and heading to the kitchen.
It takes me a few minutes to find my phone, that my mother must have hidden away in a drawer. I look through the notifications, finding most of them from my new friends at school, Christina, Uriah, Will, and Marlene. I read them all and they all start out the same way, 'where are you?' or 'how come you're not at school?' Then they all end with, 'Four told us what happened.' and 'we love you!' as encouragements to...I have no idea what.
As I begin to walk out to the kitchen I turn my cell phone off, deciding to go on instagram later, not wanting to see all the, 'we heard what happened' and stuff. I take a seat next to Tobias, my body snug against his, and he smiles at me. I grin back up at him, my mind forgetting about everything as I stare at his amazing smile.
"I think we should do the 'interrogation' tomorrow, I want to enjoy today with you." He says, his rough hand caressing my cheek. "Just because we are taking it slow...does that mean I don't get to kiss you?"
I laugh a little as he leans closer, his body and mind clearly wanting nothing but to kiss me. I decide that I should tease him, "No you may not kiss me. That is something you've got to earn."
I raise my eyebrows, challenging him as his face continues to get closer. "When have I ever been a rule follower?"
With that he closes the distance between us, but a millisecond before his lips attach mine, I spin my head to the side, his soft lips meeting my cheek.
"I told you, you have to earn a kiss." I whisper in a seductive voice, laughing as his face clearly resembles one of a very upset person.
"That was very mean of you Tris. I may just have to get revenge some time."
"Go ahead and try." I challenge, laughing as a smirk appears across both of our faces.
We continue to converse until he begins to get hungry around five, and I know that because of our odd time of awakening, that we will be skipping lunch, which is absolutely fine with me. He decides to get pizza, walking out of the room and into the kitchen to talk on the phone with the pizza lady. Only two minutes later until Tobias comes back out, phone in hand, a smile on his face.
"You will eat all of this okay?" He says looking at me in a way that makes me self-conscious, his eyes roaming my body. He walks over to me, picking me up off the couch and putting his hands on my waist, measuring how big I am. "You are so skinny Tris."
"No I'm not Tobias…" I say, my own hands cupping his, "my body is not skinny. Other people don't think so and I don't either."
"Tris, you are skinny. Just so you know, earlier I looked up how much a 5'4 female, like you, should weigh. I want you to tell me your weight then I will tell you the healthy weight." He tells me, keeping his hands where they are.
"I weigh 92 pounds." I mumble, looking down, not wanting him to know how fat I am.
"Oh my god, Tris, the healthy weight is 108-132 pounds. I plan on getting you there, right at 108." He states his thumbs beginning to rub circles on my waists.
"That website was wrong." Then I do something I never intended on doing in front of Tobias. I walk up to a mirror a little ways away, pulling the hem of my sweat shirt up just enough see all of my stomach and ribs. I go sideways in the mirror, looking at the profile of my body, at how ugly the way my body has no curves.
"Tris…" Tobias walks up behind me, his hand hovering over my ribs. "May I?"
I laugh a little at the question, and nod my head allowing him to touch the skin of my ribs. His hand glides down my sides, making shivers run up my spine, his hand leaving a trail of fire.
"I can feel almost all your ribs." He mutters so quiet I almost miss it.
I look down, not wanting to show my emotions at his statement. The way he said it almost made me think he thought I was too skinny, but to me I'm too fat.
Just then the pizza guy arrives dropping off the cheese pizza Tobias pays for, then brings it back into the living room. He quickly begins to shove it down, but the way Tobias looked at me just a few seconds ago is stitched into my brain. He thinks I'm to skinny…
I take my first bite of the pizza forcing it down, the whole piece gone in about five minutes, and I pick up another, forcing it into my mouth. After about another ten minutes, I've finished three thick pieces of pizza, and I can start to feel it come back up. I shove it back down, picking up another piece, looking at it like it's the enemy.
Eventually I'm unable to stuff another slice down after the fourth, so I sit back while Tobias eats his at a slow pace. I pick up my phone going on instagram, preparing myself for the stupid apologizes, but instead pops up my old best friends name.
A/N: I'm not sure who can all read this but it has intense language below, and some touchy subject stuff.
In the caption below a selfie of her amazing beautiful self, it reads;
Did you hear about Tris? The slut who moved away because she ran out of people to fuck. Well if you didn't you should know, she tried to kill herself. Probably did it to get the attention like the attention sucking whore she is. I mean, have you seen her recently, she must have put on some weight because that girl is fucking fat, but she still decides to flaunt her body around. What a bitch. And if priortris is reading this, know that we all hope you attempt again, and maybe this time actually succeed.
After I finish, I can feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes, and I'm having a hard time keeping my breathing steady. Tobias looks up, switching his attention from his pizza to me. I can feel the food gurgling in my stomach, my body disapproving of all the food taken in at once now. My face must have morphed into one of pain because Tobias eyes change into one of concern.
"I'm going to go use the restroom." I tell him, looking around the room, not meeting his eyes as I know that what I want to do is not what the doctor called for.
"...Okay, I will be right outside the door." Tobias says, following me as I walk into the bathroom, shutting the door in his face. I walk straight over to the toilet, kneeling down next to it.
I've never considered myself bulimic, because I never thought about voluntarily throwing up, but the food in my stomach makes me feel queasy, and guilt for eating it fills me. I know I shouldn't have done that, and after reading what she said I know I was right.
I gag a little at first, then finally I throw up, most of the pizza in my stomach coming back out my mouth in a rush. I know Tobias can hear me throwing up from outside the door and as soon as I up chuck again, he begins to knock, frantically yelling my name. After the third time of throwing up I'm sure it's all out of my stomach, and I know that I'm absolutely empty, the way I like to be.
I walk over to the mirror, washing my mouth out after washing my hands, and now I can't stop the tears that silently drip down my face. As I stare into the mirror at my hideous reflection, I listen to Tobias's words coming from outside the door.
He cries, "Tris please stop, please. I love you, and I don't care that you say we have to get to know each other. I love you and I don't want to lose you. Please come out here. I need you, please."
I don't stop the steady flow of tears as I open the door to be meet with Tobias's strong chest, and as I look up at his face I notice how he has a few stray tear falling down his own cheeks. As soon as he see's me, I'm pulled into him, his arms holding me tight against him, not letting me move.
"I'm sorry, I had to do it." I say my voice almost getting drowned in my sobs.
"Please don't ever do that again. I love you. Please." He begs, leaning his head down stuffing his face into my pulled back hair.
"Okay." I mumble, my statement muffled by his shirt, as my face is pressed deeper into his chest when he pulls me closer to him and tighter. His hands are wrapped around my back pulling me closer to him by the second. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the explanation I know I now have to give.
Hey guys! So tomorrow is my birthday!...well I guess today...but I'm finally 14! yay! Please review if you liked this chapter!
~divergent24-7