Chapter 13 – Message in a bottle

Aiden drops by one afternoon as she's checking on the hens and chickens. In spite of the urgency of the situation, he can't help smiling at the way she talks to them in hush tones, sitting on her heels.

It hasn't taken long for them to find their pace as he comes almost everyday to help her with the chicken coop or stocks and begs for a piece of whatever is cooling on her racks. They've become too close. She knows he sees her as a sort of surrogate mother. She doesn't feel comfortable with the idea though she likes him a lot. Who wouldn't?

They've gone on a couple more expeditions together, always with Sheppard's team and she's learnt to trust his judgement, as she has with the other members of the flagship team. He knows it and is quite proud of it. She was never a given, even for Rodney, so earning her trust is gratifying. He also doubles as her knight in shining armor when his commander is busy elsewhere. Not that she really needs someone to defend her as they've come to realize – she's used to fending off for herself – but just because they've fallen into that comfortable routine from the very first off-world mission. He worries about her and likes to think she worries about him too, making sure he eats well before missions, or dropping a tray herself on his doorstep when he arrives too late from a mission to get a warm dinner.

"Louise?" he asks tentatively, not wanting to scare her off, knowing she often spaces out, her mind deep in her chores.

She turns to him and gives him a tense smile. "Aiden... What brings you here?" she greets him. "I thought all military personnel was requisitioned..."

He smiles too and shrugs. "I am, Ma'am. Actually, I'm on a mission, here," he explains, knowing she already knows but hasn't showed up yet in the room he's been allocated for his special assignment.

She stands and nods, folding her hands together in front of her – a sign he's learnt to decipher as showing embarassment. "So I've heard..."

"Well, I thought if you didn't come to the mountain, the mountain would come to you!" He winks and removes his camera from his bag. "I have everything I need so I can set it anywhere is convenient for you."

She frowns and folds her arms on her chest. "I'm not doing this, Lieutenant," she simply says.

"Of course, you are," he answers, trying to be cheerful. "Dr McKay has worked his butt off to find a solution. I think we should all do it as a tribute to his hard work. And you must have someone back home you want to talk to. Tell them what you've done. Show them the chicks," he says, motioning to the baby chickens scurrying around her feet. She smiles at the endearing thought of the little yellow balls but then shakes her head. "Nope, Lieutenant, there's no one."

She's never told him anything about her life before Atlantis with the exception of the odd jobs she's had, just before she went on that show – basically being a prep cook cum dishwasher in several family restaurants until her latest employer had twisted her arm and practically forced her to apply to the show for the publicity his diner would get. He knows they were no friends to her but he's always believed she still has someone back on Earth – anyone, family or friend. He chooses not to push her limits. "Well, Ma'am, why don't you send a message to General O'Neill?" he offers.

She thinks about it for a moment. "Are we going to die, Aiden?" she asks. This is a question that is on everyone's lips though no one's found the nerve to voice it out.

He chooses to come clean about it. "We might."

"We might or we will?"

He looks cornered and she takes pity on him. "Tell you what. I'm going to follow your advice and leave a note for General O'Neill." She sees the ghost of a smile on his lips. "And yes, I'll tell him about the coop."

He finishes to install his camera and shows her how it works so she can do the recording herself. "Whatever you want to say, Ma'am, just say it. No one else will see it. I can edit it if you want but I won't tell a word, whatever you say."

She thanks him and waits for him to leave. For a moment, she feels lost and scared and almost calls him back on his communicator to tell him she's changed her mind. But then she thinks back on those past few months and the people here. It wouldn't be fair not to leave as many testimonies as possible of the incredible adventure they've embarked on. She's not really scared of dying, at least not if it comes quickly. What has haunted her dreams ever since they've learnt about the imminence of the Wraith attack and their very unlikely chance of survival is that the whole expedition would somehow fall into oblivion.

She removes her apron and switches on the camera, then she wets her lips and takes a deep breath. "This is a message for General O'Neill and Dr Daniel Jackson." She closes her eyes for a moment, thinking about what really needs to be said. "First of all, I'd like to thank you both for allowing me to come here and also for keeping my secret. It's been an incredible year. I cannot tell you how being part of this expedition has changed my life. I've seen so many places, met so many wonderful people... I've come to love it here and I'm sad that the place we've learnt to call home soon will have to be relinquished. I know I told you back then that I had no hope for my future. I was just grateful at the time for the opportunity of being actually removed from the surface of the Earth. Just living there, no matter where, had become a constant nightmare – a reminder of what I had lived and what I had lost. Up until not long ago, I still felt the same and I remember, General, your pep talk about how I had to live and learn. I was very angry at the time that you suggested I would change my mind even though I can assure you I paid attention when you told me your own story. I'm still scared as hell to connect to people for the reasons I told you then but I have to admit I have indeed lived and learnt and even though I wish I could have been left alone, I am not and I do care for those people – all of them. Taking care of a part of their well-being has done wonders to my broken heart, keeping me busy, giving me a purpose in life when I had none left and for that too, I want to renew my thanks. I have to leave you now as it's time I get ready for the evening meal. We might as well have a treat if it's one of the last things we do. I thought a lot recently about your enthusiasm for my chocolate cakes back when I was training at the SGC. I'll make some in your honor. Major Sheppard seems to like them a lot too. I wish I could send a piece to you with this message. It was an honor to meet you. Au revoir."

She's shocked to realize that with those last two words, she's reverted to her native tongue without thinking about it. English has been her only language for so long, she never even dreams in French anymore. She gasps and hurries to switch off the camera. She sits for a while, not remembering what to do next, her mind stuck on her last two words that are swirling in her head. The meaning of it gradually reaches her conscious mind. She hasn't said farewell, just goodbye, a word that still holds hope.

She realizes she hasn't talked about the chicks but can't muster the courage to turn the camera back on again. She makes a mental note of telling Aiden to do it when he comes to retrieve the camera.

She glances at her watch and sees she's already late if she wants to get ready for the evening meal. People won't have time to sit at a table and enjoy their meal so she's opted for club sandwishes made with the last of the cheddar cheese they've brought here and some of the first hygroponic tomatoes they've harvested this morning. A little bit of both homes seems a nice enough symbol as they're getting ready to evacuate to whatever temporary alpha site John's team has found.

She's told General O'Neill she's planning on making chocolate cake, and chocolate cake they'll get, but she also notices the banana-like fruit they've recently bought are now ripe and it would be a shame to waste them so she decides to prepare chocolate and banana pies too.

When Aiden comes by to ask if she's finished with the camera, she barely registers his presence as she's deep into her preparations, ordering her assistants around, keeping them busy. She just nods when he asks about the camera and tells him to add a note about the chickens. She doesn't look at him and he sees she's got a permanent frown on her face, her back tense as she rolls out her dough to make her pie shells. He doesn't take offense as he knows this is her way of coping.

TBC