AN: Hello, y'all crazy campers! I'm so grateful that you guys are still sticking around for this story even after all this time!
But anyways, just wanted to put this in first to let you guys know what's going on. So… I've got some good news and some bad news here.
The good news is that I've finally figured out the ending that I want to create. I went over it numerous times in my head and spent the better part of an evening debating with myself if this is what I really want it to be or not, but I've managed to nail it down to just one ending. It might come as a shock, but I don't know yet, you'll just have to see :) Won't be for a while, though.
The bad news is that I'm probably not going to be making a part 2 to Madness as a result of the ending I've chosen. It just wouldn't make sense for me to continue after this ending, but I promise that I'm going to try and make this as emotional and epic as I possibly can. I doubt that I'm ever going to be able to get a story up to the number of reviews that this thing's gotten, so I'm gonna give it my best shot here.
And yes, pretty soon a shit-storm's coming on the way! Enjoy the next chapter, guys!
Clem's POV
Well, it's official. All of my previous limits have been completely removed; any moral barriers or hesitations about doing the hard things in life are utterly nullified. Everyone's seen what I can be capable of… what I'm willing to do in order to keep people alive.
Shooting that boy in the head at that specific time may have not been the best way to go about it, but what else could I do? Everyone was so busy ganging up on us, pointing fingers and calling each other out that nobody was bothering to address the elephant in the room. As far as I'm concerned, Willis was a ticking time bomb, and one that nobody was willing to accept. The kid had died in his mother's arms – everyone saw that. I just happened to be the one to make sure he didn't come back.
Would I call it my finest hour? No, of course not. There's no doubt in my mind that I could've handled it with a little more tact, and maybe have given his mom a little more time to say goodbye. But the reanimation process isn't static – it's not the same for everybody. Who knows? Maybe Willis could've turned right as they were yelling and ripped his mother's neck out before any of them could know what hit them! I may have just saved another person from needlessly losing their life!
…and yet, despite my survival instincts telling me that I did the right thing and ended the threat before it started to spread, I can't help but stare at myself in the side mirror of the truck and think – what the hell have I become? I glance at my reflection in the mirror and don't see my old self anymore, instead replaced by some stranger who'd sooner hold a gun to your head than try and help you out. I don't feel like I truly belong here or anywhere for that matter, and I'm starting to wonder why I ever thought accepting a leadership role would be a good idea. I had my doubts from the very beginning, but for the most part I simply ignored them. I figured that if I wasn't the one to step up and do it, then it'd just be another adult vying for control of the space centre, and eventually leading to yet another power struggle with deaths on both sides.
I never wanted that to happen. I didn't want any more groups falling apart like that, just as Jane had mentioned to me numerous times before. I thought that I could control it… but I was twelve years old at the time. I see that now – I was never really in control. Lilly and Jane may have acted like I was and just went along with it, but really, who was I fooling? James and Bo used me like putty in their hands, and I was just too stupid and naïve to realize it.
Banging my fist lightly against the metal door of the pickup truck, I take a deep breath from the bottom of my chest and slip into the driver's seat. Ellie's already inside waiting for all of us, but I don't say a single word to her as I see Jane slowly walking along; arms wrapped around herself in comfort as Lilly quietly follows in line. At first, the two of them seem a little concerned that I'm the one driving out here, but upon noticing my deadpan, stoic expression, they both comply and step inside – Jane in the front and Lilly in the back.
I've been meaning to get some practice with this, anyways, so I gently place the key into the ignition slot and twist it to the right. Within seconds, we're on our way out of the garage and are heading through the city streets.
Houston is all but abandoned these days, with the only remnants (other than us, of course) being the occasional bandit group hugging the edges of the city. They usually loiter around in search of any stray travellers that have heard about our community before killing them and taking their stuff, but their numbers have been dwindling as of late. None of them fairly well organized, with many of the men and women just looting from place to place and just struggling to get by.
The irony of it all is that if they weren't always so intent on feeding off of others' misfortunes, then they'd probably have a spot waiting for them over at the space centre. We accept newcomers almost on a constant basis these days.
"Where are we headed?" Lilly questions as I turn the wheel to the right and ignore a small pack of walkers who are feeding on some kind of small animal.
Rolling down the window and leaning my arm out to the side, I sigh before shrugging my shoulders. "Anywhere but here," I answer mildly, no doubt worrying the passengers on board as I explain further. "This isn't really about supplies, guys. I just… I think we just needed to get out of there for a while. Maybe let everyone cool down for a day or two before heading back."
"Well…" Ellie trails off sorely, probably still upset after having been so cold to Willis just a couple days prior, "can we at least look for some supplies? I mean, I don't really wanna come back to that place empty-handed or anything…"
Picking up speed a little as I steer clear of the debris and rubble that litters the road, I nod my head and tell her that we'll be sure to keep an eye out. We wouldn't ever voluntarily leave the shelter and security of the space centre without a damn good reason, so it'd definitely be a good idea to keep an eye out for some things we could use to help out back home. But honestly, with how heavy our minds are today, I'm not really holding out much hope. Today's more about relaxing than anything else.
After driving for nearly half an hour and managing to make it out east – somewhere close to a town called Galveston – I hear Jane finally say something for the first time since we left. I'm still wondering if she's pissed off at me for the whole corn incident.
"Did anyone else notice how edgy they were all getting? Even before…" she cuts herself off, choosing not to bring up me shooting Willis in order to not make things more awkward and tense. "Did that freak you guys out a little bit too, or was it just me? Because I've seen that look before, you know… especially with Racheal and Katie…"
"That's nothing new. They've been going at us like that for years now," Lilly suggests as we pass by an old road sign on the highway. Soon enough, we'll be hitting the beach and catching some rays – hopefully the damn place isn't infested when we get there. I can't even remember the last time that I was able to do something like this, and I'm pretty sure that Ellie never has, so hopefully it'll be a pretty nice treat for her.
Looking unconvinced, Jane frowns as she shakes her head; watching as I go to the off ramp and try to make heads or tails of where we can possibly go in this town. The Texas road map is only good for so long, since many of the street names and locations have been faded after years of use.
"I'm not being paranoid about this – seriously, there's something going on here…"
"Jane, just stop it. If it comes to that, then we bolt. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it."
"Wait, what?" I ask, pulling the truck to a stop as I put it in park and turn around in my seat. "Did I hear that right? You're actually considering just up and leaving? Just like that, no questions asked?"
"It's something we've gotta consider, Clem. Look, I know that you feel protective over these people, but we have to think about our own lives here. There's no two ways about this," Lilly advises, still having the same mentality even after all these years. I truly thought she would've gotten over this by now.
Frowning, I glance over at Jane and silently ask her if she's in agreement with her. Seeing as she is, I huff out in annoyance before rolling my eyes and turning back towards the task at hand – getting to this beach and having a fucking merry, old time.
Damn it! Now my mood's completely ruined! Why do we all have to be such a bunch of buzzkills?!
"Clem, this isn't something we can just ignore," Jane tells me as I stubbornly refuse to acknowledge either of them. They're starting to sound a lot like the people that they were just bashing, let me tell you. "For Christ's sakes, kid! Don't act like you hadn't thought about this before! We have to keep our own safety in mind, here – yours, mine, Lilly and Ellie's. That's what it's always been, Clementine."
"You know I hate it when you call me kid," I mock, just barely dodging an oncoming walker as I hear the truck splutter once. Alarmed, I widen my eyes as I try in vain to figure out what might be wrong, but I'm too distracted on trying to get to a little pier down on the docks nearby along with arguing to pay it much mind. "This is our home guys – we can't just abandon it because of a few people getting mad at us! We have to… get our hands dirty and grease the wheels…" I mention, quoting Walter as the truck rumbles over the wooden planks of the pier.
The town has a pretty rustic feel to it, all things considered. Many of the buildings have been abandoned, with broken windows, busted doors and crumbling bricks galore, but the real attraction here is the tiny amusement park over by the docks. Many of the rides, food stalls and such appear to be on wheels, suggesting that it was run by one of those carnival groups who would go from town to town for fairs. I used to love going to these things as a child – the Cherry Blossom Festival back in Atlanta used to be held during the prettiest months of the whole year, and the cotton candy they used to sell? Delicious – the way it melted in your mouth as the sticky goodness left such an amazing taste… God, just thinking about that is making me drool.
Jane, unfortunately breaking me out of my flashback, places one foot up on the dashboard in a similar fashion as back when she, Kenny, AJ and I were travelling through the snow. "It's just something to think about, alright? If it comes to it, then we've at least got a back-up plan just in case," she tells me.
Fair enough, I suppose. It's never an easy thing to try and change the minds of Lilly and Jane, especially when they're dead-set on something, but I've found that over time, they've grown to make some exceptions for me. Anyone else? Good fucking luck – you'd have an easier time extracting blood from a stone than dealing with them.
With that matter closed in the meantime, I can't help but grin as I see Ellie's eyes light up in the back seat; having seen the place that we're heading towards as I park the truck once again. "Whoa…" she gapes, looking incredibly excited as she unclips her seatbelt. "Are we actually gonna go inside this place?!"
"We're gonna set some ground rules, first," I mention, looking smug as even Jane and Lilly look pretty thrilled to actually get a chance like this. I was worried that Jane might not like the idea of going to a carnival like this because of the memories with her sister, but she hasn't said anything yet. "You don't go anywhere – and I mean anywhere – without a buddy to go with you. No excuses, no exceptions. We don't know what could be out here," I remark. "Secondly," I continue, pulling my gun out of its holster, "weapon with you at all times. Only use it as a last resort, though – loud noises are gonna attract these things like wildfire."
"Do you think any of the rides still work?" Ellie asks me, pretty much completely disregarding my previous statements as I sigh and unlock the doors. Might as well get to having some fun around here for a change…
Watching as she bounds towards the front entrance like a lightning bolt, I run my hands through my hair as Lilly chuckles behind me. "God damn it, Ellie…" I mutter, hollering for her to stay with us as she checks out the front ticket booth. It's difficult to see inside from all the dirt and dust piling up inside, but as Ellie goes to inspect it, thankfully there aren't any unwelcome visitors still inside.
Noticing that Jane and Lilly have caught up with me already, I sigh and put my hands in my pockets as we walk along.
"I think she gets that from you, ya know," Lilly nudges me in the ribs, causing me to look over at her as I raise an eyebrow.
"Really?"
"Oh yeah, the resemblance is uncanny. It's like staring in a mirror with you two," Jane smirks, obviously exaggerating a little bit as Ellie curiously examines the first drink stall, only to end up disappointed. "You had just as much energy as she did at her age, at least. The personality's definitely the same, too, all things considered. I was starting to worry that she'd end up like Lilly over here."
"Ha ha, fuck you, too…" Lilly comes back with a snarky response, glancing at Ellie as she beckons for the three of us to move our asses.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Hurry up, I wanna see how far we can get!"
Laughing quietly as she grasps onto my hand and tries to pull me away, I shrug my shoulders at Lilly and Jane as I follow along. I'm not gonna lie, I'm excited to see what we can find around a place like this, too.
God knows we could use a break from all the bullshit in our lives.
Racheal's POV
"Things are worse than ever!" I exclaim, slamming a fist into the desk as some of my fellow survivors gather around in a circle. This has gone unsaid for too long now, and if nobody else is going to step up to the plate and speak out against this tyranny, then I will. No more hiding, no more running away from the truth.
I've had my suspicions and doubts about Clementine, Lilly and Jane since the beginning. I didn't really know what to make of them, but mostly I just thought that they were a bunch of upstart punks who didn't have a damn clue about what they were doing. If they had kept on the path they were headed towards, then it was only going to be a matter of time before somebody died.
Under their leadership, I've lost more people than I ever have before. Ever since I met them, it's been nothing short of a big fucking disaster. We were right at home in the grocery store – Tracy hadn't bothered us for weeks, the food supply was running pretty smoothly, and things were looking up for a change. We stuck together and were surviving on our own terms.
I don't know if they just carry around with them a string of bad luck or what, but ever since Clem and the rest showed up, people started getting killed again. I tried to reason it as our people just getting caught off guard after seeing a bunch of new people strolling through, and I even tried giving Clementine some advice on how to properly handle running a group – needs of the many, versus the needs of the few.
I can't even fully say that she did the wrong thing when it came to shooting that boy in the head just a little while ago, because I likely would've done the same thing. No, that's not the problem here.
It's the whole organization of this group as a whole. We never should've invited so many people inside and basically rolled out the welcome mat for anything that moved. We've been attracting far too much attention to ourselves, and that system simply hasn't been working. Why do you think so many people have tried to attack this space centre in the first place? All because they've been hearing the rumours about this magical safe haven with loads of food and supplies… we should've kept this quiet and dug ourselves in!
But no – instead, not only have we tried to bring people in from across the fucking country, visited places that we had no business in trying to go to, and have been far too obedient on what goes on within our own walls, but Clementine and her little pals have managed to set the space centre up in such a way as to get ourselves fucked over in the worst possible tense. We had absolutely no defense against those invaders – zero. Zilch. Nada. They could've driven a damn bulldozer through our defenses and we'd have thought that somebody was just trying to ring the doorbell. I mean, where the hell was our supreme leader when they had broken in? Nowhere near the main conflict, that's for sure!
And what about our watch up on top of the roof? Anyone care to explain why we had nobody looking out for those kinds of threats when we were supposed to have someone up there twenty four-seven?
Gathered in the board room with Emily, Katie, Kazuki, Scott, Kelly, Marcus and Alden, I huff out a sigh of annoyance as I shake my head in disapproval. Where the hell are Bo and James when you need them?!
"Things are falling apart around here… I knew it…" I trail off, feeling sick and tired of waiting around for the next tragedy to strike when we should be taking immediate action.
Katie, having been filling my head with these doubts for years now, steps up as we all sit down in our respective chairs. "Well," she remarks, starting the meeting off in full swing, "what are we gonna do about it? We can't just sit here doing nothing!"
"Why do you think we're in here in the first place? Do you think we're just trying to play fucking charades or something?" Marcus comments dryly as I glare at him to shut up. Most of us pretty much already know where he stands with Clem, Jane and Lilly, seeing as how they've been pretty tight-knit since the beginning.
That's just making this so much more difficult for me to suggest, since I also know that a bunch of us are either on the fence about the trio, or on one side or the other when it comes to them. Am I biased? Maybe, but that's only because I want what's best for my group members here.
And I'm starting to really question whether that's what Clementine wants, also.
Knowing that this is gonna be an unpopular opinion, I clear my throat and toss out my suggestions for debate. "The way I see it, we've got two options to choose from," I mention, folding my hands together like a boss of some big-shot corporation. "One: we sneak away in the night, grab a bunch of the supplies and dip before the cracks get any bigger."
"…and the second one?" Scott inquires, as thankfully nobody really makes a move to strike that suggestion down just yet. Maybe they're finally starting to see things in the bigger picture.
Taking a deep breath, I relay my other idea as calmly as I possibly can. This one could be a bit of a doozie. "Option two…" I mutter, having to speak up afterwards so that people in the back can hear. "…we force a coup d'état. Take over the leadership of the space centre ourselves and kick Clem, Jane and Lilly out. Personally, I'm leaning more towards option two."
All is quiet for a few seconds as the group mulls over the possible idea. I'm not sure that any of them have actually ever thought of something like this before, mainly because they've all been drinking the Kool-Aid for far too long now. We've been spoon-fed these bullshit lines about how we're going to be the saviours of the human race and that we can really make a difference in the world, but all I've been seeing are a bunch of ragtag survivors just trying to live day to day. We can't change the world, here – we need to adapt to the one we're living in.
Emily is the first to speak out against it, which doesn't really surprise me in the slightest. She's always had a good heart, but sometimes that can lead her down the wrong path. "Racheal… I've been with you practically since this whole mess began. I trust you with my life, don't get me wrong… but doesn't this seem a little extreme? Don't you think? I mean, we've been with these people for eight years!"
"Sentimentality isn't going to get us anywhere," Kelly disagrees, surprising me as I thought for sure that she'd be against this kind of thing. "I'll admit that kicking them out of the group isn't a great way to go about this, but maybe we should settle on a vote where – "
"Voting won't do shit unless we have some force behind it. You've seen how they can twist people's words around," Katie adds in, getting a round of realization from some of the people as Kazuki gives her opinion next.
"I've seen and heard of worse things before," she vaguely recalls as we all listen to what she has to say. "We're not going to kill anybody here – Emily's got a point, though. They're not a bunch of psychopaths, and Clem's trying her best…"
"That's your opinion. I think they've been running this place into the ground since the beginning," I mention, finding it difficult to try and maintain this as a calm, rational discussion without venting about my true feelings.
Shaking her head and folding her arms across her chest, Emily clearly doesn't want to do this as she speaks up once again. "I'm staying, that's that. I won't be a part of this – no matter what you all might think, Clem, Lilly and Jane have done alright by us, and for me to suddenly turn on them now would be a slap in the face."
"Elliot's dead because of a stupid decision to send us to Missouri, all so Little Miss Barbecue over here could get her revenge on some punk! You call that leadership?"
Not appreciating getting all the attention thrown back onto her, Kaz looks ashamed as she practically shrivels up into a ball in her seat. She gets very little sympathy from the rest of us, however, because she had definitely taken that whole killing thing way too far. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Kelly's face when I saw her coming back to the rest of us that day – pure terror. She was afraid of what Kaz was becoming, and Clementine practically gave her the opportunity to do it. If we had just stayed here…
"…we all know why she did it – it wasn't just about Joshua, but also about helping the people in need. That's what we do here, and what Clem was trying to do back then. And now look – we've got a prosperous trading system going with those same people, and our people can go to sleep without hungry bellies all the time," Emily explains, having a bit of a point as we all listen intently. "Believe me, I'm pissed and upset about Elliot not being around anymore, too… but it's been five years. We can keep on blaming them for his death and never agree on anything, or we can keep moving forward. That's what he'd want for us, and if he were here, he'd tell you the same thing. Tossing them out after all the good those three have done for us… it's not right."
As much as I hate to admit it, Emily isn't exactly wrong about those points. Even with all of the poor decisions that have been going on, even I can't deny that having a food trade isn't exactly a bad way to live these days. It's kept us pretty well fed when it's actually worked, even though I'm fairly certain that we'd be able to just grow our own out in the fields somewhere. If it worked for our early ancestors, then why wouldn't it work for us?
The attitude of the group appears to be mixed right now, with a lot of confused faces of people that I truly care about. Don't get me wrong – I care about Clem, Ellie, Lilly and Jane, too. In fact, in more ways than one I even respect them for what they've accomplished. But respect and survival are two very different things, and I personally feel that they're starting to lose their edge. They're taking us down a path that's not going to end well for any of us, and the last thing that I want to do is get caught in the middle of it all.
I just want to live – is that really too much to ask?
"…before you come to a decision, there's probably something else about Clementine that y'all ought to know."
Every pair of eyes in the room turns back towards the door, where the last person we ever expected to find is standing there; hunched to the side as a metallic, prosthetic arm has been replaced on his severed limb. It takes me a while to recognize the man, because his bald head and hairless face from the chemotherapy has made it very difficult to do so, but that voice is indistinguishable.
None of us have seen Bo in five years, and somehow, against all odds, he's come back to the Houston Space Centre with a grave message.
"Holy shit…" Alden mumbles in disbelief as Bo smirks over at him. "Well, I'll be damned! Where the heck have you been, good sir? You couldn't drop us a radio message or anything to let us know you guys were alright? Is James with you right now? Is he okay?"
"He's fine – we're both fine," he reassures the man, patting Alden on the back as he turns towards the rest of us with a grim expression. "Look… I know dropping in like this after so long is wrong of me to do, especially after the way we left… but Clementine is not the person you think she is. Neither am I, but this is different…"
Puzzled and extremely curious, I stand up as I watch him come more into the light as the candle's flame rustles in the wind. We're trying to save up on generator juice for when we really need it, so this'll have to do in the meantime. "What do you mean? What are you talking about?"
Keeping everyone on the edge of their seats in anticipation, Bo sighs deeply as he coughs into his shirt sleeve and shakes his head. "Eight years ago, right around the time that most of you came to this place," he mentions, nodding towards some of the survivors as we all grow impatient, "Zayne… Clementine killed him late that night. Knifed him in the chest and bit deep into his hand to cover it all up."
Sinking back into my seat without a word in my mouth to come out, I sit in that chair for about five seconds before scrunching my fists together and clenching my teeth tightly. "No… it can't be…" I icily state, finding it more and more plausible as he goes on.
And none of us even had a fucking clue.
Lilly's POV
"Alright, lemme have a go at this thing."
Turning my head to the left as I hear her voice flowing through my ears, I oblige as Jane steps up to the platform and clasps her hands around some of the plastic rings. Standing there and sporting a determined look on her face, I can't help but think that she looks so cute when she's really getting into something.
…no. I can't feel that way, not anymore. All it's going to lead to is heartache and pain, and I won't subject myself to that sort of torture anymore. It's better this way, for the both of us. I'm sure it is…
Flicking the ring with her wrist, Jane misses the bottle completely as she tries her luck once again. And again… and again… and again. Four missed attempts later, and I stifle my laughter as Jane audibly groans in annoyance.
"Carnies were always a bunch of cheating pricks – made these things so that nobody could ever win anything," Jane complains, trying to justify her poor performance as she tosses another ring that goes way past its mark.
Watching as she hops over the ledge to retrieve the failed attempts at winning, I wait for her to return and miss two more shots before deciding to step in. "Here," I tell her, stepping up so that I'm almost brushed up against her back. Grabbing onto her right hand with mine, I can feel her tense up against me as I guide her on how to do this properly. "You need to relax your forearm a little more, like this. See? Now just let it go…" I instruct, gently moving with her in one fluid motion as we hit one of the bottles dead-centre.
I don't mean to boast or anything (or maybe I do), but I've always been naturally gifted at these sorts of games. Whenever my Dad was out on a tour with the army, my Mom would usually try to take my mind off of things by going out with me around the city. The carnies always used to get annoyed at how I was somehow able to win at their games, and one time the guy got so angry that he refused to give me the giant stuffed panda that I had rightfully earned.
Unfortunately for him, that was the one day that my Dad was not overseas. One big threat and an annoyed Caul scowl later, and I ended up getting a panda bear as well as a giant snake that I wrapped around my shoulders for the rest of the day; showing off my sweet, sweet victory in style. Sometimes it paid to be mean.
Jane, wanting to try that again, allows me to guide her through it once more as we score yet another point. I can't help but giggle as she does a little victory dance and claim that she's the queen of games once again, but what's more surprising is when she brings me in close and tightly wraps her arms around my shoulders. My cheek brushes against hers as I widen my eyes, but I'm slowly drawn back to our time spent together as I feel her fingers tracing along the back of my jacket. Having secretly longed for the touch of somebody again after having been denied it for so long, I pull apart from her for a second as we come face to face; mouths only mere inches from each other as her lids start to close halfway.
I can feel her warm breath upon my lips as she draws closer and closer, obviously desiring this as much as I do. A faint blush forms on her cheeks as her pinkish-red lips just beg for me to come crashing down, and I desperately want to get a taste as I narrow in for the finishing blow… but in an instant of realization, just as I give her a quick peck on the mouth, she pulls away and turns from me. The moment is over almost as soon as it's begun.
"I… I…" she stutters, trying to ease her troubled mind as she places a hand over her mouth. Meanwhile, I continue to dream of a kiss that never was.
Irritated that she's being like this, I frown slightly and place the remaining rings on the ledge for next time. Perhaps somebody else will be able to try their hand at this someday. "Jane…" I trail off, wanting to understand her better, "there's still something here between us, and you know it. Fuck me if this ends up sounding cliché as hell… but when are you going to admit that you still have feelings for me?"
"It can't… it can't ever be…" she flat-out refuses, breaking my already shattered heart a little bit as I stand there looking like an idiot. "Lilly… what we had… was a fling. A one-time deal that never should've amounted to anything more… We both let ourselves get too close… too attached…"
"…then why do I not believe you?"
Slowly spinning around, distraught written all over her face, Jane tries to come up with any plausible reasoning as I stand there waiting for an answer. Either way, my mind's pretty much made up. Tossing fucking rings onto a few bottles for ten minutes have proven to be the most fun that I've had in five years, so if that alone doesn't tell you that something's been missing, then I don't know what will.
Odd then, how conflicted my feelings were about Jane just a short while ago. I was stuck in tunnel vision for too long – forcing myself to think that Jane was once again just a friend and fellow survivor, instead of veering off course and seeing her in a different light entirely.
"I thought we went over this…" she grumbles, keeping her distance as I take a step forward. "There's no room for that sort of thing – not out here, not in a world like this. What if one of us gets killed, huh? What's gonna happen when one of us gets too close?"
"It's a little late to say that now, don't you think?"
"You don't understand! God… I can't let myself get to that point! It'd… it'd kill me inside…" she admits, looking more and more like the vulnerable one instead of it being the other way around. "Why can't you just accept it that this is how it has to be?"
Giving her the most honest answer I can think of, I slowly try to approach her as I place one of my hands softly on Jane's arm; rubbing it back and forth as I try to explain my feelings. "Because I don't think it does…" I tell her, letting go when she shakes her head in opposition.
"Lilly… just because we're not together anymore… doesn't mean that I don't love you…"
With that, she turns away and heads deeper into the fair, leaving me to my thoughts alone as I try to digest this information. Nothing's physically preventing us from getting back together, and yet… no matter how much we might wish it were different… there's something still pulling us apart. We're not the same people that we were beforehand – we've changed. We used to let our guards down for each other, and that lead to a world of hurt.
Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm right. Maybe this just wasn't meant to be, and that a relationship would only lead to catastrophe. But we started on a path back then – before the space centre, before the Fireflies… Hell, even before fucking Texas as far as I'm concerned. Despite loathing each other in the beginning, I knew there was something different about Jane. Our relationship with one another buckled and swayed, keeled over and sprouted back up again, all to lead to this.
And now, I can't imagine a life without her. If she wants to keep things the way they are, then fine. I'll do it – I'll make that sacrifice for her.
Because I'd rather have her as a friend than to not have her at all.
Clem's POV
"Holy fucking cheese balls!"
"Ellie, wait up! What'd I say when we left the truck, huh?" I holler after her, finding it difficult to keep up with all of her running around right now. The girl's been on the move since we got here, and just had to check out every single ride and candy stall available. She even managed to find a pack of Skittles back there, so… mission accomplished, I suppose.
As if that really does anything other than make me even hungrier. Man I could go for a candy apple right about now…
Wondering what sort of crazy fascination she's come up with this time, I skid to a halt as I see the machine – an old antique merry-go-round, complete with horses, unicorns, donkeys and everything in between. It's pretty beautiful, I'll give it that; with its marble interior finishing, wooden platform, various patterns and decorations adorning the top half of the thing, along with the bronze-coloured poles attached to the various plastic animals. The colours are a vibrant mix of everything under the rainbow, and I can't help but admire the condition that the carousel's been left in. The thing's barely been touched ever since the dead came back to life.
"Check it out! Isn't it cool?" Ellie mentions even though I can't see where she's scampered off to. She's not sitting on any of the horses, and I can't spot her spunky, red hair, so where could she be?
"Ellie?" I call out, stepping up onto the carousel platform as I search high and low. "Come on, Els! Quit screwing around! Where are – WHOA!"
Having to stabilize myself on one of the poles as my legs wobble, I feel myself getting lifted up and down with the movement of the trust steed as the merry-go-round springs back into life. After a few seconds of realizing what this means, I can't help but chuckle like a kid as I stand myself up and watch as Ellie pounces onto the scene.
"It's alive, Dr. Frankenstein! Mwhahahaha!" she chuckles maniacally as she climbs aboard one of the ponies near the back. For some reason, however, her backpack seems to be heavier than usual… and more… wet. "Well, what are you waiting for, Clem? Hop on!" she encourages, having the time of her life as the music starts to blare. "Don't worry about it – we've swiped this carnival clean! If anything comes creeping up, we'll spot it first."
Deciding to just go with it instead of shutting the thing down in fear, I reluctantly climb up onto the horse and hold onto the pole. Feeling myself bobbing up and down like this… it's breathtaking. I wouldn't be able to tell you in words just how magical it feels to be hanging out like this again and actually being able to enjoy myself for a change. I never thought that I'd be able to go on an amusement park ride like this ever again.
Leaning my head back and swinging on my seat, I giggle with mirth as I feel the wind blowing against my face. For once, I'm without a care in the world. The weight of my responsibilities back home has been lifted off my shoulders, and for one small moment, I can actually relax without any stress attached to it. I don't want this moment to end.
"Hey, Clem?" Ellie asks as I slowly turn around. In an instant, I wish that I hadn't, as out of her backpack comes a partially-loaded water gun that she loads and fires straight at my face. "HAHAHAHA! WATER FIGHT!"
"Ahh! Why you little…! No fair!" I chuckle, spitting water out of my mouth as I try to deflect the coming onslaught. Jane and Lilly walk over to us seconds later as they smile lightly, but as much as I try to invite them on board, neither of them seem to be in much of a mood to do so right now. I wonder why? "Blech! Ugh, I think it went up my nose!" I complain, feeling another plastic water gun enter my hands as Ellie pulls a second one from her backpack. "Big mistake there, rookie! Now you're so getting drenched! C'mere!"
Pumping the gun a few times and squeezing the trigger, Ellie tries to dart away as the carousel comes to a stop; circling around the thing in a vain attempt to get away from the water war she started. Having such a blast as I manage to soak some of her red, long-sleeved shirt, I chuckle as she tries to wipe her eyes dry.
"Crap, I think you got me…" she says, laughing alongside me as she takes a few steps forward. "Man, we totally need to bring these bad boys back to the space station! I bet they'd get a kick out of these things!"
"Yeah? Well, good luck trying to spray Racheal with a tank full of water… She'd probably try to kick your – "
Suddenly, Ellie slips on the small puddle that we made with our water guns on the floor of the carousel; causing her to fall off the edge as my parental instincts go into overdrive. Caught in the fence right behind the merry-go-round is a walker that must've heard the loud music we were creating, and my heart stops as she snatches onto Ellie's other arm. I can't get a good shot off from this angle without also shooting the girl in the process, so I quickly yell for Jane and Lilly to come help as the three of us spring into action.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" she screams in pain as the beast bites through some of her skin, leaving a pretty deep dent in her forearm as she terrifyingly pulls away. Fear strangles my throat in a vice as Jane buries her hunting knife deep into the walker's skull, with Lilly and I pulling the young girl to safety as she crawls back towards the front side of the control panel.
"Oh my god… oh my god…" Ellie wheezes, trying in vain to hide her bite from our two companions but failing to do so in time. Lilly spots it almost instantly as Jane catches on, and the two of them can hardly believe their eyes as they try their best not to burst into tears.
My eyes, to their surprise, are completely dry.
"…god damn it…" Lilly mumbles under her breath. Clearly they're both under the impression that she's going to die, but they don't know what I do about her. "Just… how could this have happened?"
"I-I'm sorry! It all just happened so fast! One moment we were playing with the squirt guns, and… and then the next…" Ellie stutters, her bottom lip quivering in fear as she glances over at me with tears in her eyes. "Clem… am… am I…?"
"No, you're gonna be just fine, alright? She'll be just fine," I make a point of reiterating, glancing sharply over at Lilly and Jane as they both look skeptically at me. "She's… she's not like everyone else, alright? Ellie's… she can make it through this!" I excuse myself, trying to block them from approaching as I hold my arms out to my sides. I have neglected to tell them the most important bit just yet, mainly because I've been stifling it down in my soul for so long now.
I never wanted it to come to this. Not today, not ever. But at least it's with Jane and Lilly instead of anyone else. They'll be sure to understand… right?
Apparently not though, as Jane places her hands calmly on my shoulders in an attempt to get me to move. "Clem… I know this is tough, but…"
"No, you don't understand!"
Stepping in to help, Lilly tries to grasp onto my arm so that I'll move completely out of the way, but as soon as she tries to nudge me aside, I shake off her grip violently and pull out my pistol; aiming it straight towards them. "No! Don't you take another step! Just… fuck!" I cry out, with my hands shaking as I watch their faces turn from utter shock to understanding.
"Do it – do what needs to be done," Carver commands in my head, appearing in his fluffy, brown coat behind them with his arms crossed and a smug expression on his face. "You don't need them in your life, Clementine. Not anymore. They don't get it. None of them will."
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I screech out, having another episode as Jane and Lilly glance towards each other fearfully. "Get… get out… you don't belong here…"
"Clementine… you need to out down the gun. Okay?" Jane tells me firmly, creeping closer towards me as I continue to shake my head. I can't hold this in for any longer. "We're not going to do anything rash, alright? We just wanna talk it over a little bit, and give you a chance to say your last goodbyes."
"Sweet pea… they need to know. Just get it off your chest," Lee tells me, with what feels like a thousand other voices in my head egging me on and telling me the exact same thing.
Choking out a sob as I sink to my knees, I drop the gun as Lilly bends down in front of me in a crouched position. She opens her mouth to say something, but I beat her to the punch.
"She's immune…" I reveal, practically choking on the words after having kept them buried for so long. "The bite won't do anything to her… Ellie's immune to the virus… She can't get infected…"