A/N: Here is more Ianto perspective, some angst and hurt. Enjoy
No spoilers
Beta-ed: TattoedLibrarian
They had more than luck on their way. It seemed they'd planned everything, or that the Master just didn't expect any company, he was that arrogant. Cameras went down easily and no alarms were sound. Owen drove the ship with determination and it didn't even falter when they docked. But Ianto had to notice that Tosh's hands were busy as Owens. She did what she had always done, she compensated for his flaws. Ianto had no intention of commenting on that, which was their way. Maybe that was the reason Owen still hadn't disintegrated into drunken and rambling mess.
Gwen turned to report their arrival and cargo. Ianto went forward turning without hesitation knowing every step of the way but when Jack came into his sight he stood still in his tracks. It was one thing to see Jack small on the screen, but completely different to see him in flesh all covered in dirt and so tired. He didn't even react when he saw his face. He studied him so calmly and distantly that for a moment Ianto feared that he'd gone, that nothing was left of him. It was only shock Ianto reassured himself and gather up his determination went over to him.
"For God sake, Jack, speak up, you look awful" he needed to hear his voice to scare away his doubts.
"Thanks, it's always nice to hear a compliment" Jack sounded a bit husky but Ianto felt relief, there it was sarcasm underneath it all, he was just tired, nothing more.
Jack gasped when Ianto grabbed his hand to unlock his cuff, but Ianto had focus on the next step, getting him the Hell out of here.
"Aren't you dead?" Jack's voice sounded shaken like he'd just woken up.
Ianto ignored that but Jack grabbed him firmly by the hand, his hand was reassuringly strong. He reluctantly looked into those blue now haunted eyes. It was hard to stand so near and not to give into one of his many raging emotions. He mocked Owen but now he could just go up and smack that damn Time Lord in all his arrogance.
"Others, are they dead? I've seen pictures" Jack looked terrified and Ianto suddenly realized why they were so important to the flying balls. It wasn't their abilities to fight aliens; it was much simpler than that, it was their importance to Jack, that's why they were trying to get them alive.
While he explained events to Jack he internally calculated how long Jack had hung here thinking that they were dead.
"Flying balls?" he could hear small trace of laugh in his voice and his heart eased a bit. When after a second his smile became visible he remembered their timetable. He reached for the other hand thinking how everything would be alright when Jack stopped him.
"Strap me back" he said and Ianto's mind froze refusing to understand. When he finally realized what Jack is asking him he felt such surge of rage that he couldn't control it.
"I'm not going to leave you here to die over and over again" it took all of his will power not to shout those words but they weren't getting through to Jack.
"Ianto listen to me, it's not time for discussion;" Jack straighten himself up into his Captain pose "you have to trust me on this one, remember what happen last time you didn't."
Ianto almost smiled, of course he remembered, he remembered clearly Jack's still and white face. If Jack was going to be Captain then he would be his unreadable butler who managed most of his shit without a raised eyebrow. Jack didn't doubt his words, not even the trolley lie, that couldn't get through unnoticed; Ianto was always capable of deceiving him, now wasn't any different.
Ianto kept his face steady as Jack revealed uncharacteristically a lot about everything. Ianto stored that speech for later, it was too fast to understand right away, but now he understood the important thing. Jack felt guilty and when he was feeling guilty there wasn't a force in the world to tell him otherwise. Ianto had tried to help on a few occasions, but that wasn't something Jack would let out and discuss. Jack wouldn't even say any of it if he wasn't scared that Ianto would stole him opportunity to redeem himself, he would just kept his reasons for himself. Because of his guilt Ianto cuffed him back. As he closed metal around Jack's wrist he felt a weight back on his chest, he was useless, and he dragged everyone here in vain.
Like an echo of his thoughts Gwen showed up looking like she does now, tired and broken down. Ianto didn't turn around; he could see her reflection in Jack's features. He looked more terrified by her transformation than all this death and pain. Guess Gwen always was his mark of normality, a measure that the world was still in its place, that there are normal people out there. Ianto knew that her appearance didn't lie, normal had disappeared. Nothing was normal when he ordered Gwen to go and leave Jack and she obeyed without even a word, or a question, no angry and determined plans were made in her head anymore. She hung herself around Jack's neck and Ianto felt the pain in his palms, a utile desire to do the same, not to leave him with that stupid and lost expression on his face, but to stay glued to him.
He pushed that urge to the side and carried on informing Owen about changes, he and Tosh stayed quiet on the line. Then Jack joked about their code names they started to use when the Flying balls were on their tail and Ianto hated him at that moment. He stood there unmoved with his mission above them all. That's why they called him Seagull, because he was up, away and out of reach. He didn't want to look at him anymore so he went to stand by the door not really capable of waiting outside in the corridor, to really leave Jack alone. Not that he felt his presence meant anything to Jack, he had his guilt and his Doctor to save, there wasn't anything his Tea Boy could do for him, and he didn't need his part-time-shag up here in the clouds.
Jack started to talk; trying to make casual conversation like they were in the Hub and Tosh was listening in with one ear while she wrote computer codes. Of course Jack would notice Owen's silence over the com, to notice Gwen's submission, his position out in the field, first in line of fire. He felt how he lost his posture of controlled anger. Jack was here for months now isolated, he coped with it the best he knew, and his best was his superficial banter. Underneath all that he did care about his team, he suffered their death, that's why Ianto briefed him about their conditions. He left himself out of the report; he didn't need to know how all this would affect Ianto when they landed. He wasn't sure how long he would be able to move before he shut down refusing new information.
Instead of including himself in the brief he concluded with Gwen and Rhys wondering if he will become lost like her.
"Yes I remember" Jack's voice came out with a sting and startled Ianto from his lingering mood.
Jack was referring to Gwen's fight for Rhys before they almost destroyed the world over their loved ones. No one loved Jack enough that day, not to stand by his side, or to visit him and persuade to join in. Ianto turned to face him and he could now see on his face without a trace of humour, that he was bothered by that, there was anger there, and disappointment. Ianto realized there is one thing he could give Jack right now, and even if it doesn't mean anything to Jack, Ianto will have one less thing to regret.
Ianto started to explain to Jack what happened when he saw Lisa, but he jumped in and cut him off like always, assuming he knew everything already, that ignited the spark of anger back in Ianto and he was able to speak more clearly not lingering in the feelings that would drown him in other situations. It was important for Ianto to make it clear why he stood against Jack; it wasn't done in some desperate attempt to retain the love he had already lost. It was important to him that Jack didn't believe he'd done it again, endanger the world for Lisa, and sacrifice him for her. After that was said he turned towards the exit not sure how he looked in that moment, not wanting to see the flatness on Jack's face. He looked at his watch counting down seconds, soon he would be out of Jack's sight and he could recollect his disturbed emotions, sort things out.
"Ianto!" his name came behind him like a missile attacking his senses. It was that familiar cheerful sound that made his name sound like a song. He turned around to find Jack almost same as before but completely different. His dirty face was lit up with his full throttle white smile that erased all frowns from his features, he stood there not hanging anymore but owning this place like they were in his office and he was on top of his game. Ianto couldn't divert his eyes from that smile, his heart started to pound; he forgot how exactly that looked, more importantly he forgot how that particular smile affected him.