Chapter 15:
TRIS POV:
"Tobias..." I breath, my words mixing with my tears, "I just needed...I wanted you to just…"
"Tris, take a deep breath," Tobias tells me holding the sides of my face now wiping each tear that comes out of my eye, "Start by telling me about the night you, umm...ending things between us."
I take the deep breath, then I say, "I couldn't sleep that night...so I got up to walk around and ended up in front of my father's office room. I could see you and the computer screen through the glass door. After I saw the picture of the girl… a-and the title of the article, I got confused as to why you were looking at that kind of stuff, as I had lied to you and already said I was fine. So I-"
"Wait, what do you mean you lied to me? When?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing together.
I didn't even mean to say it, it just slipped, but I guess the truth had to come out. I stare at the ground, thinking about how to word my next sentence so that he doesn't think I'm still 'sick'.
"When we had part of the interrogation. The questions you asked… I lied about some. Like when you asked if I've ever pictured myself as fat, I lied and said no. Every morning when I look into the mirror, I see a fat, ugly, little girl standing in front of me." I say, having a hard time admitting to the last part.
"Tris, you are the prettiest girl I've ever met. In no way are you fat, or ugly, I like you...no I love you just like you are." He states, brushing my hair behind my ear.
"That's the thing though. You can't love me. You shouldn't. I'm undesirable, unhealthy and just a burden to your life. I'm saving you from me… and I know you already know that." I whisper, though the words come out strong.
I take his hand off my face just as he questions, "What are you talking about?"
"What you said at the table, Tobias. When I told you you weren't my father, you replied, 'Thank god I'm not'. I know what you meant, I get it. Being my father would be horrible because you're stuck with me as your daughter." I explain, though I know I shouldn't have to.
"Oh my god," He mumbles under his breath, then speaks louder, "I only said that because I wouldn't be able to love you in the way I do if I was your father. If I was your father, I wouldn't be able to kiss you like always wish to do, or marry you, or have a life with you. That's why I said that, Tris, not because I think you're a burden."
His words come to me like a sense of relief, but I know I wont feel this way for long.
"I am a burden. You may not see it now but if we were to ever have a future together, you sure would see it then." He opens his mouth trying to talk but I cut him off, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, I want you to move on from me… and maybe if I see you have moved on, I will be your friend."
He gives me a confused look his thumb brushing my cheek, "You don't… want me?"
I have to choke back the sobs as I curtly nod my head, watching him stand from our position on the ground, his hand dropping from my face. He begins to back out of the bathroom, giving me a look almost as if he thinks I'm going to stop him, but I don't.
Finally when his back hits the door, and he's realized that I will not say anything more he speaks up, "Just know that I will always love you, and I will have my arms wide open if you ever want to fall in them again."
Then, just like that, he's gone. Out of my life… for now.
TOBIAS POV:
The conversation I had with Tris in the bathroom hurt… like hell. When she revealed how she truly felt, that she thought she was a burden, that she wanted me to move on, my body felt worse then after one of my father's beatings. It also doesn't help that I now have Tris in every single class of mine, and I'm expected to look after her.
Tris didn't make it awkward though, she silently slipped into the back of the class, claiming her seat, then lying her head down. This made the rest of the day fly by and sooner than I anticipated, I'm out in the parking lot, stumbling into Zeke.
"Hey Four, just the man I was looking for." He says patting my shoulder in a greeting.
"What do you need Zeke." I say it more like a statement then a question.
"Woah, who pushed you off the wrong side of the bed this morning? I was just going to ask if you wanted to come over and have guys night." Zeke explains, raising his eyebrows at my harsh tone.
"Sorry Zeke, I'll tell you why I'm in this mode later… five o'clock?" I ask shoving his shoulder in a friendly way, though it would look like I'm picking a fight to anyone else.
Zeke just shoves me back, "I will be expecting you."
By five o'clock, I standing outside Zeke's house knocking on the door with a closed fist. I begged my dad to let me come on a school night, and that's when he punched me in the chest, so instead I snuck out, taking a overnight bag just in case.
It doesn't take even thirty seconds before Zeke is already answering the door and inviting me in. He immediately notices the bag I carry and eyes me.
"Ya sure Four, you can spend the night. Thanks for asking." He says in a sarcastic tone, walking to his couch and plopping down on it.
I sit myself down next to him, lying the bag next to me. "You're welcome."
He laughs at me as he turns his head to scope out the room, then he says, "My parents are gone for the night, and Uriah's out with Marlene on a date… and as you said at school, you would tell me what happened. So, what happened?"
"Um… it's about Tris… " I mutter as he studies me.
"Go ahead and tell me, I can give you amazing advice." He smiles widely.
"She broke up with me." I deadpan, Zeke's smile automatically vanishing, replaced with a large frown.
"What the hell, I thought you guys just got together right after she…" He stops himself before finishing the sentence.
"I know, and we did." I breath in and out, forcing myself not to think too much about it, so that I won't start crying like a wimp in front of Zeke. "She told me that she doesn't even want to be my friend until she's seen that I've 'truly moved on'. I don't even know what that means Zeke!"
He seems taken aback by my yelling, but quickly regains his posture, putting on his thinking face. After a few minutes of complete silence, I've calmed down and Zeke still is wondering about unknown things.
"Four, I think she wants you to date someone else." He announces and I automatically feel my body freeze.
Dating someone else? I've never even thought about doing something like that, as I never dated anyone after I left Tris. She's always been my main focus in life. When my father was abusing me, I thought of her and pushed through. When I was being bullied, I thought of her and gained muscle and confidence. When I made the football team, it was because of her. I couldn't imagine thinking of someone else instead of Tris.
But Zeke is right. She did say that she wanted to visually see that I had moved on, and there is no other possible way to achieve that. I will have to do this, and maybe, just maybe, it won't be so bad. If Tris can't be my girlfriend, she has to at least be my friend.
So with that I look back over at Zeke and say, "Find me another girlfriend."
He smiles at me then immediately runs upstairs, me following close behind. When we reach his bedroom, his flips open his computer and starts typing in his password. Finally he reaches the website, Instagram and logs into it. I look at him with my eyebrows raised.
"Why couldn't we do this on your phone?" I ask as he stares up at me.
"Bigger picture on the computer, so you can see… things better." He states turning back to his TV, and I roll my eyes.
Throughout the night, he shows me pictures of all the girls he has in his followers list that he suggests for me. Eventually after hours of pictures of sluts, whores, and just basically prostitutes, Zeke announces that he has ran out of candidates.
"Zeke, you do realize that I'm not into sluts. I like real girls, not the ones with plastic boobs, and pounds of makeup. I mean a little makeup is fine but not anything like that." I explain looking back at the picture of the last girl on the computer.
"Well, every guy has a type so explain yours and I will start typing it into this one dating website someone made at our school. It's called The Choice, and it's very good at making really decent couples. It's how Jason and Haley got together… you remember them right?" Zeke asks, clicking on the search bar and then typing in The Choice.
"Ya I remember them, they are in love and make it obvious everyday. It's kind of etched into my brain, though I would give anything to get it out." I laugh, watching as the sight appears on the screen.
"Alright well this is it. All you have to do is sign in, give your name, and then fill out what your type of girl is like." Zeke explains clicking on the create new account button and putting my name down. "So all you need to do, Four, is give me your favorite things about a girl, and I will put it down."
I think for a minute before describing my dream girl, "Not a ton on makeup, so more of a real girl. Not dressed in slutty clothing all the time, and not incredibly clingy. Doesn't need big boobs, or a ton of curves. No taller than 5'9, and no shorter than 4'9. Blonde hair, with a bluish grey eye. Maybe a longer nose and full lips. She doesn't have to play a sport just has to be intelligent… oh and she has to be a little stubborn, but also brave and romantic."
By the time I finish, I look at Zeke and realize that he's been giving me a stare down for quite some time now. I can feel the heat rush into my cheeks a little, and realize that I may have gone a little too far in explaining what I would like her to be.
"What?" I question Zeke's stare.
"You do realize that the person you just described is Tris, right?" He asks raising his eyebrows in question.
I shake my head and glare at the ground. I hadn't even realized that I was explaining her, I guess my mind is just always consumed with thoughts of her. Zeke sighs and pats my shoulder lightly, then takes the keyboard in his hands again.
"Don't worry man. I will type some of the stuff I choose and I guarantee there will be girls wanting to date you left and right." He promises as he begins typing things into the computer.
After about five minutes he's finished and I begin to read what he has written and submitted already. It reads in a list;
brunette
romantic
brown eyes
where's decent amount of makeup
is real with you
tan
sporty
dumb or smart
I glare at Zeke for a good few minutes, furious at the things he has put down. He laughs a little, getting up from his chair, but sitting back down as soon as he hears the sound of his computer going, ding.
"Looks like you already are getting some girls. Let's see who would like to go on a date with you." He says, opening the small chat bubble in the corner of the screen and reading aloud what the girl said, "Jane says, 'I'm available tomorrow at six if you would like to go on a dinner date.'"
I smirk a little at the girly voice he reads it off in but eventually I get serious, my nerves coming back. How can I even do this? I know that I still love Tris and everything about her. This Jane girl, by the looks of her profile, is almost the exact opposite of Tris.
With these thoughts, I voice them to Zeke and it clear that I've stumped him until her replies, "Well if you go out with someone that's the opposite of her, isn't that moving on?"
I think for a minute before nodding, agreeing to go on this stupid date for one reason, and one reason only… to be Tris's friend.
Hey guys! I tried to get this one up a little faster than last time! Thank you for all the great reviews, keep it up. There were a few that made me grin and I ended up reading them over and over again because they made me feel so good about what I was writing so thank you. Again, I would love to hear about what you hate and love about my story. Tell me what you want less of and what you want more of! Please review!
~Divergent24-7