Chapter 17:

TRIS POV:

Our lips move in synchronization, my body curving into his as his right hand goes to the small of my back. I can feel the way my skin grows goosebumps to his touch, and the taste of his lips on mine allows me to fly onto cloud nine. Deep down inside I know what I'm doing is wrong, lying and cheating myself out, making myself believe in little things that will only crush me in the future. Eventually, when I feel his smooth tongue trace my bottom lip, something in my brain finally snaps and I pull away.

I keep my eyes closed and look to the tiled floor, his heavy breaths enveloping my face with his scent. My heart pounds like drums, beating out of my chest, and I know for a fact that that will not be able to stop. When I finally gain enough courage to glance up at him, he's already staring at me. The smile his mouth holds doesn't seem to make it to his eyes, as if he has already figured out something is different.

And it is. I am. I'm different because I've seen the truth. My old self didn't understand it and was too caught up in the fantasies that I didn't realize it. But now that I have, I know that whatever I do, I can't bring Tobias any further into my screwed up life. As far as he knows I'm getting better, and thats as far as he will know.

Sure I can't tell him this now, as it would hurt him, but I know that whatever I do will be to save him. If I have to live through this horrible life, I might as well save the one person I truly love… and I must save them from me.

Tobias clears his throat, making eye contact with me again, his mystical blue ones pulling me in. I relax my face, making it seem emotionless, so he is unable to detect to sorrow behind them. I watch as his eyebrows scrunch up in confusion at my expression, but I let it be and continue with the speech I just made in my head.

"Tobias... ," I start out, my voice breathy, "I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I want to keep you safe… and to me, that requires you not being with me."

His eyebrows furrow even further together, and it doesn't take him long to respond, "Tris, without you I'm in danger. I'm going to damage myself without you. I literally just kissed Jane… Jane! And you know the only reason for that? I wanted you. I hope you realize that whatever you do I wont stay away from you. I will follow you until you finally realize what you mean to me… because you mean more than anything to me. More than the world to me.

"A world without you is like a world without life. A world without a sun. I need you, and I want you to need me. You taught me how to love, and how it feels to be loved. My parents will never love me, as my mother is dead and will never be back, while my father is at home beating the living shit out of me. If you don't think I've thought about my options of death, then you are crazy. And if you really want to know why I've never tried to go to that extreme, it's because every time the option came to mind, I pushed it away and thought of you. I thought of your beautiful blue eyes, your soft skin, your smooth lips, and your gorgeous blonde hair. I thought of you Tris. And yes I know you said you didn't want to move fast, but you know what? I don't give a shit anymore Tris. I'm in love with you."

My mouth goes dry at his words. The words that come together to tell me he's in love with me.

TOBIAS POV:

I let the words flow from my mouth with mostly no hesitation. She looks me deep in the eyes, not speaking a word, just staring. We continue to sit for a few minutes, me refusing to be the one to break the silence once again.

As soon as she speaks, I wish she hadn't, "I-I'm sorry. Can we please be friends for a while first. Then as we get close we can… we can be something again."

It's almost as if I can hear my heart shattering. As my eyes became glassy, I look into her's to see the guilt flooding them, but it doesn't stop the hurt pounding in my heart.

"I have to go." I whisper, my voice breathy, shaking through each word.

I get up and leave the bathroom, then the school, deciding the beating I will get tonight for skipping classes, is better than the thought of everyone seeing the tough Four crying. Once I arrive home, I run to my room, crying silently to myself, as I lye on my bed. I swear to god, she is the most confusing girl I have ever met.

A couple weeks later…

As the days fly by, Tris and I begin to act like we used to before I moved, like we are best friends, though every time she accidentally strokes my arm or stares into my eyes to long, we sink into silence. She's aware that I'm still in love with her, and I'm aware that she still just loves me, but I am prepared to wait.

Tris has begun to share somethings with our group, telling them about what really happened, and not the stupid lies that floated around the school. They all understood her quickly, accepting her. She's promised me, in particular, that she wouldn't cut ever again, which made me smile.

We have been cautiously working on her weight, happy to say that she has gained three pounds, which is a lot for her. She's began to eat lunch again, though it's usually just a bowl of yogurt and some type of fruit, it's way more than nothing. I'm very proud of what she has done so far, and the work she's accomplished, especially telling our friends the truth.

Yes I am aware at how short this chapter was, and how much it sucked, BUT I just really wanted to put this one out there and have the next one ready soon! this was sort of just a filler, and the next one is drama packed and don't worry, Fourtris will happen soon;)

~Divergent24-7