Chapter 19:
TOBIAS POV:
Tris holds me close, but I hold her closer, her body curving perfectly into mine. I smile as my hand rubs down her back, not able to feel evident ribs. I pull back suddenly with a wide grin plastered across my face.
"Tris, are you gaining weight?" I ask, delighted at the possibility.
She scrunches her eyebrows together, an offensive look crossing her face. "What do you mean, am I fat?"
My smile deflates as I realize how my words must have sounded and quickly rush to recover my mistake. "No, it's a good thing. You're becoming a healthy weight, and I'm very proud of you…," I trail off, not sure what she will think of my next question, "Can I possibly see the change in your ribs and stomach?"
I can't help but reach behind me and scratch the back of my neck, nervously looking to the ground. Then I feel a small hand take hold of my chin, pulling it up so I'm forced to look in her eyes.
"Only if I can borrow some pants." She states, and only now do I notice she's just wearing one of my biggest t-shirt, more as a dress on her.
I can feel the blush creep into my cheeks as I realize I basically asked her to go with just an underwear and bra on, so I nod my head telling her she can borrow some of my basketball shorts. She slips them on, then walks back over to the bed I'm still lying on. We stare into each other's eyes, as she takes a seat on the edge of the bed slowly placing her hands on the sides of her shirt.
Then she begins to pull it up, stopping just as it reaches below her bra, then quickly pulling it off the rest of the way. In front of me sits my ex-girlfriend without a shirt on, only a bra able to cover the important parts. But Tris isn't just my ex-girlfriend. She so much more than that. She's my childhood best friend, still best friend, and still even more than that. I love her so much, I just wish she loved me like I do her.
I can't stop my hand from reaching out and gently touching her skinny stomach, brushing over where her ribs used to stick out of her skin, ready to puncture through. Now you can faintly see the outline of almost every rib, much healthier than the protruding lines.
My hand then moves sideways, away from her ribs and towards her still flat stomach. Instead of it sinking in, like a giant hole, her stomach is evenly lined with her ribs, making her look like those girls on television, that model in their bra's.
A/N: the next scene is part of my warning on why this is rated T. They don't really do anything, just references towards it.
My eyes shift a little upward at the thought of the model and I instantly feel my body stiffen. Very quickly, I feel horrible about looking at her in that way, averting my eyes, but I know that it's already too late, that she saw me staring.
"Tobias Eaton, did you just look at me in the way I'm thinking you just looked at me?" She questions, eyebrows raising.
My voice is to weak to speak so I end up just shrugging, while looking around the room at anything but her. Then, out of no where, I feel her hand on my 'situation' for a split second before she yanks it away.
"Tobias Eaton! Do you have a boner?" She shouts, trying to stay mad but the laughter is clear in her eyes.
"I, umm, I can't handle it. I'm sorry." I whisper, my voice extremely quiet.
She burst into laughter, taking her shirt and pulling it back over her head. I stay still, not really knowing how to act toward this awkward situation.
Her eyes meet mine again, and she speaks with a little laughter still in her clear icy blue eyes, "You better stop it Mister. I'm not even pretty enough for you to get one, so stop fantasizing what I would look like naked."
I chuckle a little bit, "Tris, you are beautiful, and it's not just my head that thinks so...obviously other parts of me think it too."
She throws her head back and laughs, a real laugh, one I haven't seen in years. I can't help myself but chuckle right along with her, grinning widely at the beautiful way her body moves. Eventually she stops laughing, staring at me with large eyes.
"Tobias, if I wanted to get the attention of other parts of you, I wouldn't have asked for some pants." She retorts, still laughing a bit.
I sigh, "Well, I still ended up having to go take a cold shower."
As I begin to stand up, I notice the clothing I'm wearing. I wasn't wearing a shirt when my father beat me, but I was wearing shorts, not sweatpants. Did she change me? I don't speak as she helps me to the bathroom, and she forces me to sit on the edge of the tub as she pulled off my shirt. Now I notice the wrap, wrapped around my numb back, though I noticed the one on my head earlier.
Tris doesn't say a word as she undoes the wrap on my head, then torso, working her way down. After she's finished, she leads herself out, allowing me to take my shorts off. I stop instantly, my body freezing as I look down and see the red boxers on. I know for a face that I didn't have these particular boxers on, which only means one thing. Tris took off all my clothes and replaced them with news ones… so she saw me naked.
I glance in the mirror, and see the obvious redness creeping into my cheeks. I will have to ask her once I finish my shower.
I step out of the shower, pulling the same boxers and sweatpants on with a little struggle. The cold water stung the cuts in my back, and I won't be surprised if they are bleeding again, though I can't tell because my entire back is just one big throbbing pain. I take a towel that is hung up next to the shower and use it to dry my dripping hair, then my torso.
Soon enough I'm peaking my head out the door calling Tris back in here. She comes in and orders me to sit back on the edge of the tub, and I do so. I know what I need to ask her, and it's weird to fear something as simple as her answer, but I have to ask her anyway.
"Um Tris?" I question, as she begins slathering my back with the healing liquid in my first aid kit.
"Yes?" she replies, still working on my back.
"What exactly did you do when you found me?" I ask, and feel her hands leave my back, not returning as she takes a cautious seat next to me.
"Well, I found you on the ground, lying in a large pool of your own blood. I was originally going to clean you up out in your room, but there had been so much blood that your shorts were soaking it up and I knew I couldn't clean it off with a towel… so I rolled you onto a towel and pulled you into the bathroom. I then gave you a shower and wrapped your back, finally I brought you into your room and lied you on your bed." She explains, obviously skipping over the part I want to know.
"Did you… take off my clothes to shower me?" I ask, my voice quieter than I had planned, but I'm still happy I got it out.
"Uh...I wasn't planning on taking all of it off, but once I, uh, took your pants off, your boxers were, uh, bleed through…" She trails off, not wanting to say anything more but it's quite easy to connect the dots.
"Oh." Is all I'm able to get out as both of us stare straight ahead, too embarrassed to look at each other. I want to say something, anything to make this awkward moment pass, but I'm too stunned to think of anything. I mean, the person I love more than anything, has seen me naked… in a way I would never want.
Finally she says something, "I'm sorry. I did my best not to look anywhere but where I was cleaning blood off of, and your face."
I take a deep breath, knowing that I can in no way, go back in time and change it so the best thing to do is to let it go. "It's fine, Tris."
She nods her head, acknowledging that I'm fine with what she did, then she goes back to rewrapping my back and head.
It isn't long before I'm back lying in my bed with Tris sitting on the chair next to the bed, to my delight, eating some chocolate covered strawberries. I join in on the delicious treat, and soon we are laughing at random stories of Uriah and Zeke and how stupid they can be. Moments like these are the ones I live for. The ones that make me want to push through the tough times, just to have these moments.
Eventually she lies back, trying to make herself comfortable in the chair. I grin at her, as she smiles back taking a deep breath. "Can you say something inspiring?"
I laugh a little at her question, ignoring it, "Come and lay here with me on the bed, you don't look very comfortable in that hard chair."
Tris gets up, walking the one step over to my bed as I scoot back while she lies in front of me, her face towards mine. I reach my arms out and she slides into them. To most this looks like a couples thing, and to me it feels that way, but we used to do this even before I told her I loved her that night that I left. We would always lay in her bed, her head on my chest while we wrapped each others arms around the other, lying in a comfortable silence.
I place my head on top of hers and she sighs. I don't know what reminds me but for some odd reason, I remember a quote I saw once online that made me think of Tris.
"'Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to be free.'" I whisper into her soft blonde hair.
Tris turns her head so that she's looking up at me, her eyes shining with something I don't recognize. "Where did you hear that?"
"I saw it online and thought of you, I don't really know what made me think of it just now though." I reply honestly, pulling her in closer to my body.
"Tobias, this evening my parents asked me about going to see a therapist… I ran away not to long after that…" She admits, staring into my eyes with her light bluish grey ones.
"I thought you were getting better." I say, worry lacing my voice.
"I am, that's why I got so mad. I don't understand why they think they can just disappear for a business trip, then come back and tell me I have to go see a therapist. It's not fair that I just...ahhh!" She screams, her words failing her, though I can also tell that she doesn't want to say something out loud.
I pull back from our embrace, putting both my hands on the side of her face, "Tris, talk to me. Just let it out, I know you want to say more."
She shuts her eyes tightly, scrunching her eyebrows together. Then finally she sighs, speaking in almost a whisper, "It's not fair that I go through every day fighting the urge to cut my arms, or to throw up the food that I just ate. It's not fair that I have to force myself to eat things, just so I can gain weight. I hate it Tobias. But you know what I hate the most?" She stops, though not long enough to let me respond, "I hate that nobody is noticing. Nobody is proud of what I'm doing… so I don't even understand why I am trying so hard."
"I'm proud Tris. I'm so incredibly proud of you. I know I haven't really been showing it, but I promise I am. I want you to get better, and I can tell you are, but the fact that you just said that you are fighting the urge not to harm yourself… may show that you need a little help. Trust me, everyone that goes through what you're going through can't do it alone. Everyone needs a little help once in a while." I reassure her, speaking hesitantly so that I don't trigger anything I don't mean to.
She looks up at me with glassy eyes, tears pooling as she takes her hands from around me and covers her face, silently crying into them. I know she hates to cry, and the only thing she hates more is people to see her in such an emotional state, but she needs to know that it's just me here, and I want her to be real with me.
"Tris," I take my hands and gently place them on hers, moving them away from her face, "please don't cover your face, I don't mind if you cry on me, just don't try to shove your emotions down. If you keep hiding what you really feel, one day you are just going to burst." And with that, she lies her face on my chest and cries into me, her sobs sending shivers up my arms. I rub her back, brushing back her hair while whispering, "I love you," in her ear.
Some time later, she starts to calm down, looking up at me with red puffy eyes, laughing a little in a sad way, "You're the one who's supposed to be crying into me."
I know what she means, I was just beat into unconsciousness from my own father, and Tris is crying into me. Though, I don't like to show that type of emotion… god I'm such a hypocrite. I can't help it really, I'm the guy and she's the girl, I'm supposed to stay strong for her, especially at a time like this.
"I'm a guy Tris. I keep my emotions to myself because I have to stay calm so that you can calm down too. I mean… do you really think that if we are both bawling into one another, either of us would calm down?" I ask, though it doesn't need to be answered.
She laughs a little wiping her eyes, "So now you're being a hypocrite and a sexist?"
I roll my eyes at her, chuckling to myself while holding her to my chest again, "We should probably get you home."
"Ya, my parents are probably freaking out." Tris whispers, sliding out of the comfortable mattress.
Tris convinced me to let her drive, as my back is not in the greatest shape, so I sit in the passenger seat with Tris driving down the road towards her house. I can't believe she walked all the way to my house, not even thinking about where she was going.
As she turns on her street, we see two cop cars outside her house, their lights off with no one inside. When she pulls in, she gives me a nervous look, her face scarred of why the cop could be here, though I would be too.
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~Divergent24-7