Chapter 20:
TRIS POV:
When I pull into my driveway, I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I know I'm in big trouble, just another thing to add to the extremely long list of why I hate myself. I give Tobias a quick glance before turning the ignition off, and hopping out of the car, going around it to help Tobias out as well. Under no circumstances am I letting him drive home with his back in the condition it's in, he will just have to spend the night.
As we walk to the door, I dig the spare key out from the soil in one of the front porch plants, unlocking the front door as Tobias waits patiently by my side. He doesn't speak, nor do I, as we enter the house, my hands shaking at the thought of the sure to come lecturing. We are both silent as we make our way towards the sounds of people talking, two of five voices I don't recognize.
Before we enter into the living room, I stop Tobias, putting one of my hands on his chest while putting my other hands pointer finger up to my lips, making sure he stays quiet. He nods his head curtly as I listen in to their emotional conversation.
"-quite a few other things to deal with Ma'am. I'm sorry but she's only been gone for a few hours, so if she doesn't show within the next few days, then-" but the lady, who's obviously a cop is interrupted by my brothers voice.
"The next few days? You have got to be joking me." I can hear the clear frustration in his voice as he growls at the cops.
"I-I don't think you understand," My mother takes a pause before continuing, "she's not really, uh, emotionally stable right now."
I can tell my mothers about to say more, and I know this is about the time I should come in. Tobias can probably sense the rage coming off me right now, as he tries to stop me from entering the room, but I shove his arms off me, stomping in.
"So that's what you're calling it now? I'm 'not really emotionally stable right now'?" I shout as all the heads turn to look at me.
"Beatrice, where have you been?!" My father yells, coming up to me and taking my head in his hands, checking around to see if I have any cuts or bruises. I don't answer as my father continues to look around my body, and I watch my brother escort the police officers out of the house. Tobias still stands behind the wall, slowly moving into my parents view.
Eventually I slap my dad's hands away, annoyed by his fake careing act. I can feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes, and I try to keep them from spilling, but one or two escape.
"Don't act like you suddenly care, Dad. Not that you need to know, but I was at Tobias's house." Then I turn around, towards where Tobias is still slowly making his way into the room and direct the next thing I say at him. "Get in here Tobias."
Finally he walks in the room and I make my way to his side, taking his hand as I sit on the couch across from where my mother is sat, too stunned to speak. My father soon joins her, staring straight at me.
Tobias leans over and whispers in my ear after a few minutes of awkward silent stares, "I should probably go, Tris."
I shift in my seat so that I'm looking into his eyes, making it easier to convince him, "No, you need to stay here. Go up to my room, you are staying the night."
He nods his head before turning to my parents saying, "I'm extremely sorry Mr. and Mrs. Prior. I don't mean to intrude and I didn't know she had just left until she told me about half an hour ago, though that doesn't excuse anything. Please don't blame her, if anything blame me she had been gone for so long, I'm truly sorry."
"Please, Tobias, you are no intrusion, you are welcome here anytime." My mother speaks before my father can. "Though you should probably do as Beatrice says and head up to her room as her, her father, and I need to have a talk." Tobias gives a short nod of thank you, getting up from his seat next to me, then begins to leave. "Oh and Tobias? I've known you for years now, you should know that my name is Natalie to you, not Mrs. Prior."
My eyes are glued to Tobias's back as he leaves the living room, and I keep staring out at the hallway as I listen to his footsteps go up the staircase. I don't want to face my parents, scared of what their reactions to my behaviors might be, but I have to find out sooner or later, so I look back at them, crossing both my arms so that I don't seem frightened, just angry.
"Mother," I say facing her, then turn towards my dad, "Father. I know you want to have a big talk on what happened tonight, but I'd rather not talk about it tonight. Please just let me head upstairs and hang out with Tobias."
"Beatrice we need to talk. You're father and I want the best for you. We love you very much, and it would hurt us bad if you hurt yourself again. We find it best for you to go to a therapist and talk it out." She explains while I have to take deep breaths in and out so that I don't end up screaming at her.
"Oh my god! You two are never going to let this go are you?" They both shake their heads, 'no'. "If I agree to going to see some random person can I go upstairs?"
"Yes." My father accepts and I nod my head, telling them I will go to see this therapist.
Right before I exit the room, I turn around and look at them both, then say, "Just so you know, I never agreed to opening up, I will go but I won't tell them my personal problems."
Before they can respond or try to change my mind, I fly up the stairs, only to stop outside my bedroom door, hearing the voices of Tobias and Caleb. I know that it's bad to eavesdrop, but I can't help myself, I need to know why Caleb went into my room to talk to Tobias about. My body lies against the doorframe outside, listening in on the conversation inside.
"-and I think that you being back here is either a big mistake or a big bonus in helping my sister out." Caleb pauses, but not long enough to let Tobias respond. "Oh and Tris, I know you are out there listening."
I can feel the blush rise to my cheeks as I peek my head into the room, both of their eyes trained on me as I walk in. Tobias chuckles a little to himself as he looks at the redness of my cheeks, but my brother doesn't do much but smile. I place myself into the chair in front of my small desk, sinking into it as I stare at them. Not long after, my brother speaks up, announcing that he should be going, then silently exits the room, closing the wood door behind him.
Tobias makes his way from his spot on the floor to my twin sized mattress. I soon follow, sitting right next to him, our thighs touching. I turn to look at him, just to see that he's already staring at me. I can feel the heat in my face almost instantly. "What?"
"Nothing...I just like to stare at beautiful people." He tells me, his body seeming to inch closer, making the moment feel more intimate than any friends should feel.
"Tobias, we both know that that is untrue. Please don't fill my head with lies." I complain, my breathing beginning to become thicker as he gets closer, eventually so close that he has to whisper.
"If you don't think you are beautiful, then your head is already filled with lies." He says, his minty breath blowing across my face everytime he talks. I can feel the lump in my throat, not allowing me to speak, though my actions are soon going to get the best of me. I love the way he smells, and I shouldn't let him do this to me, but I love him.
When I feel his hand brush on my leg, up to about mid thigh, I basically lose myself, not being able to stop myself from pouncing on him, our lips connecting. It doesn't take him long to respond right away, kissing back. His hands that are on my thighs have now moved to my back pushing me on top of him as he slowly lies back.
I feel him wince under me when is back hits the fabric on my bed, so I flip us over so that he rests on top of me, his elbows digging into the mattress so that I don't feel most of his weight. All the while our lips are still connected, moving in sink, filled with lust and passion, thoroughly confusing me at that combination. Eventually I feel his tongue trace the outline of my lips and I waste no time allowing his smooth tongue to enter my mouth.
When we both lack air, I pull back but he doesn't stop, his kisses continuing down to my chin, where my pulse beats, to the hollow of my neck, then stopping at my tender spot, just between where my shoulder and neck meet. He gently sucks on my skin, kissing the spot effectively making what will be a hickey, then moving back to my lips.
I know that this make out session is just a distraction from the real world, and I shouldn't be doing this, only to break his heart again when we part. I'm scared of what he will do when I tell him that this was just for a distraction. I'm scared that he will go home to what is his abusive father. But what I'm most scared of right now, is how much I really want him… I want more than what he's doing now. I want him to kiss me to no end.
His hands travel down to the hem of my shirt and my hands slide down to his shirts bottom as well. I pull his shirt up a little, just enough to reveal his toned abs, if he didn't have the wrap on. Our heated kisses never once dieing down while I practically rip his shirt off his body. My hands roam over his now almost naked chest, stopping to feel every muscle on him. I feel his body weight get heavier as he starts relaxing on me.
As he fully puts his weight on me, his body surprisingly not crushing me with all his heavy muscles, my hands are forced to move around to his back, gently caressing the wrapped up cuts. His hands move up my shirt, quickly ripping it off as well and not soon after do I feel the fear began to prick in my stomach.
This was a bad idea, and I know for a fact that if I let this continue any further, he won't be able to stop. I move my hands back to his chest gently pushing him, trying to get him to stop but he takes this as an encouragement. His lips move from mine to my neck, traveling lower at a slower rate. When I feel his lips almost reach my lace bra, I push him back with harder force.
"Tobias, stop." I say, my voice breathier than anticipated.
He gets off me almost immediately, rolling over to the little space left on the bed beside me. We both breathe heavily, soaking in what we just did, my almost bare top half making this extremely realistic. Tobias sits up, his legs hanging off the edge of the bed his wrapped back facing me. I watch him closely as he puts his face in his hands, rubbing it, neither of us speaking.
I don't know what to say, and I'm sure he feels horrible for what he did, though I was technically letting him do it to me. His back is slumped, signaling to me that he's upset with either me or himself, only making this situation that much more awkward.
"Tobias?" I ask gently, placing my hand on his shoulder while sliding over to sit next to him.
"Please don't Tris, I know what you are going to say and this night has been bad enough for me, I don't need to add this on top of it." He says, releasing his face from his hands, but still not looking at me.
"I-I'm sorry." I stutter, staring at his guilty expression.
"So am I." He says, finally looking over at me, making my heart beat a little faster as I still don't have my shirt on, which means I'm only in my bra for the second time tonight in front of him. "But mostly I'm sorry that even though you love me and want me to be your boyfriend, you won't allow me to have you as a girlfriend."
"What? Who told you that?" I question nervously, because he is figuring out the truth, and the last thing I want to do is to get him back and force him to carry the burden of me.
He sighs, looking deeply into my eyes, "No one Tris. Tonight after I told you that inspiring quote I saw something I didn't recognize in your eye, but now I realize that it's the same way I look at you. You looked at me with love. I know that you are in love with me Tris, I know it and I wish you would tell me so. I wish you would let me be your boyfriend because if we are just friends we will never go back to being as close as we were before I moved. We have to be more. Please just tell me why you won't, please, because it seems that as soon as I need you and you need me, you don't want to make it work."
I'm silent, scared of what he will think of me if I tell him the truth, though I kind of already did in the school bathroom, but I don't think he fully understood back then. I know that I'm in love with him, it's just hard to admit out loud, especially to him, but as I look up in his eyes, my heart sinks, making my eyes tear up.
Trying to be fair with him has only made me become totally unfair, kissing him repeatedly for random reasons, then afterwards telling him that we are just friends. He told me that he's currently in love with me, and I broke his fragile heart by saying the most cruel thing to him. That I want to be just friends, when really I want to kiss him, and hug him. I want to cuddle together on the couch while watching a horror movie. I want him to be my boyfriend, and if he wants the truth, that's what he will get, and if he accepts it, then he can be my boyfriend.
"Tobias, the truth is that I don't want to burden you with me. I don't want you to have to put your life on hold so that you can come and help me heal. I'm broken, shattered into a million different pieces and to ask you to put those pieces back together would be selfish and cruel. There are way too many pieces and it would take you years. I wouldn't wish that kind of burden on anyone, especially you." I speak, closing my eyes so that I don't see the rejection, just hear it.
Then to my surprise, Tobias grabs my chin softly, bringing his soft lips to mine in a short but passionate kiss, then he says, "Tris, please look at me." And I do as told, staring into his midnight blue eyes. "You are not a burden. You may be broken, you may be shattered into a million different pieces, kind of like a puzzle, but puzzles can be fun. Yes you may get mad at it for being so difficult to figure out, but you eventually solve it, putting all the pieces together to make one beautiful picture. Then you are overjoyed that you finished, happy that you made it to the end. Life is like that Tris, and maybe you are like that too, but I am as well. I'm in love with you and I want to put your pieces back together."
I don't realize that I'm crying until Tobias wipes the tears away with his thumb, resting his hand on the side of my face. Through the tears I smile a little, blinking the water from my eyes. The next thing I say is 100 percent true, "I'm in love with you, too, Tobias."
"I will help you glue your shattered pieces back together as long as you help me with mine...as my girlfriend." He says smiling back at me.
"Okay, it's a deal." I grin, both of us leaning in, connecting our lips for a sweet, love filled kiss.
I am so so so so so sorry. I know you expected one tuesday and I feel horrible, and I wouldn't blame you if you thought I was a horrible person. I feel terrible, please forgive me. All of your guys support was amazing, and if I get ten more longer reviews, I will try to post ASAP. And I also am thinking of doing something with truth or dare so if you have any good idea's for a truth or a dare that would be amazing, but if I don't get enough responds I won't do truth or dare. Just tell me what you guys think! Thank you all and I love you! So excited for tomorrow! Going to see Insurgent at 11 at night, first showing! Please review!
~divergent24-7