Thank you for your patience with me! I had some personal stuff (all good) and then a busted phone- but new phone= able to write again! Yay. Not much action, moving towards more fluff. Hoping to wrap it up next chapter.

With the life came a set of expectations. Expectations from others: how you should act, how you should talk. Expectations from yourself: to push further, to save someone else, to be faster, smarter, better. When he first took up the mantel as Robin, Dick understood those expectations, knew they were there and that they would only increase as he got older. But he never could have anticipated the expectations for death, for destruction, and for the nightmares they would bring. Death was nothing new to him, he learned of it far too young. But in the naivety of his youth, in his eagerness to wear the 'R', he failed to calculate for death.

Failing to save a bystander never got easier, but he quickly learned to become numb, to not carry the burden, to stop having constant nightmares of civilians dying while he stood and watched, helpless to save them. Those nightmares never went away, not fully, but they were manageable.

But losing a friend, a fellow hero? That never got easier. He could never numb it, could never stop those nightmares. Tula still invaded his dreams, even years later. But since the Reach Invasion, Wally was a nightly visitor in his unconscious mind.
The nightmares were expected.

He didn't sleep much, or at all, for a while. And when he did, it wasn't a restful sleep. Even with Wally back, alive, the nightmares didn't dissipate; they only changed, showing him all the possibilities for Wally to die again, or tricking him into thinking Wally had never came back to being with.

So, when he drifted back to consciousness without a silent scream in his lips, or a cold sweat on his brow, he was momentarily disoriented. Was it just a continuation of a nightmare, a lull before the jump-scare…

Without the adrenaline from the night's nightmare in his veins, waking up was slower than normal. As his mind defogged, he grew more aware of how warm he was, nearly unbearably so. And his pillow was not as comfortable as it had been when he first awoke. To add to his discomfort, his neck itched like his blanket was tickling the exposed skin.

Dick blinked his eyes open, taking in the blinding light pouring in from the window where Wally had pulled the curtain back the previous evening.

"M'ning Dickie Bird." With the groggy greeting, Dick felt his pillow rumble under his ear.

The previous night came to the forefront of his mind: arguing with Wally, leaning on him, falling asleep in the same bed… and their passive aggressive pillow fight before all of that… with the pillows from his barrier. Dick closed his eyes against his growing panic, willing it to still be a dream, for him to wake up on his own side of the bed and not wrapped around his friend.

The tickle on his neck was back, but grew in pressure, expanding up his head. Wally. He sucked in a breath, torn between springing away and enjoying Wally's fingers dancing through his hair.

He took stock of their position the best he could without opening his eyes again. One arm was pinned under himself, against Wally's side, while the other draped over Wally, around his arm, and ended with his hand securely under Wally's back. Legs… he felt his face heat up at the realization one of his legs was pulled up, over a hip- which was seriously digging into his calf- and his foot tucked under a heavy thigh.

"I f'got how much of an octopus you are." Wally yawned, pulling his other arm out of Dick's hold. "I know I'm an awesome pillow, but I'm really hungry…"

On cue, his stomach gurgled. It was so Wally. Despite their awkward position, a chuckle escaped Dick's lips at the sound.

The fingers in his hair stilled, lingering on his scalp with a comforting pressure. "Sooo, food?"

Dick forced his eyes open, "Yea, yea." He moved his leg first, wondering if Wally's boney hip was going to leave a bruise, then pushed himself up, rolling off of Wally completely. The coldness of the other side of the bed was a sharp contrast to the warmth of Wally, and he instantly missed the contact.

"You're also heavier than I remember." Wally pulled himself into a sitting position and rubbed at his chest with a playful frown.

"Well, I'd hope- ya, know, since I'm not 13 anymore." The awkwardness he expected never came, any shimmer there had been melted away with the familiar sound of Wally's laugh.

Breakfast with a speedster -well, any meal with a speedster- was an event to behold. And eating in public? Well, Dick was glad they woke up before the majority of the other hotel guests as Wally woofed down another round of pancakes.

"So," Wally said around his fork, "After our massages, wanna go sledding again?"

"Um." He signed. They had not discussed the 'couples' activities which were included with Wally's reservation. Dick had honestly forgotten all about it until then, he had been so focused on Wally yesterday.

Wally put his fork down. Down down. Not in his hand while it rested on the table. Actually down. Dick witnessed something similar once -once- from Barry. It precipitated an unpleasant conversation about how the team needed Dick to come back, about how Wally's death hit all of them hard. His throat grew dry in the seconds after, waiting for Wally to say his peace.

"Dick… if you're uncomfortable, we can skip it. Or I can skip it." Dick knew he meant the messages, meant being naked together. "I'll skip it. You need to relax."

"Stop trying to get me to relax." Dick rubbed his temple. "Why do you think I'd be uncomfortable?" How much had he given away?

Wally looked out the window to the snowy landscape. "You've… made it kinda clear you're uncomfortable being close." He shrugged. "Like you're afraid I might disappear again. I don't know."

Dick bit his lip, their whispered promises the night before echoed around him. "I have nightmares. About you dieing."

Wally sucked in a breath. Dick could feel his eyes on him, but kept his gaze firmly on his bowl of cereal. "I'm alive, I'm fine…"

With a shake of his head, Dick looked up, confirming Wally was in front of him. "I know."

"Well, you didn't seem to have one last night.. you seemed at peace this morning."

"D-did you watch me sleep? How long?" Instead of the invasion of privacy- or whatever he expected to feel at that- his heart swelled with affection.

"I didn't want to wake you up just because I was hungry." Wally's cheeks darkened. "I used to just move you if I was hungry. But you'd never latched on like that before."

Dick closed his mouth with a snap. He was mortified. "Sorry. I'll make sure the pillows stay in place tonight."

Wally waved his hand. "If being close helps you sleep, helps you know I'm really here, then I insist."

"I'll be fine. Promise. You can get up at this unholy hour yourself tomorrow."

Wally snorted. "We have another two hours until our massages…"

Dick sighed, "Maybe we should talk a little before?"

"Sure."

After Wally finished another stack of pancakaes, they made their way back to their room slowly, both dragging their feet while they fretted over what to say. Obviously, Wally had questions about while he was away. Dick knew he would need to select his answers carefully, he already had given too much away. When they arrived back to their room his eyes snapped to the trashcan where the note was tossed. It was empty, and a quick glance around told him housekeeping had come through.

Wally shifted his weight. "Um. We should probably shower before the massages. Don't wanna offend them with your dude-funk."

"Whatever. You can take yours first." Stalling was good. Stalling was great.

"There's a shower and a tub."

Dick raised an eyebrow. "And you take like 30 seconds to shower." Was Wally really suggesting…

"I kiiiiiiiinda want to soak in the tub." His ears began to tinge red.

It was endearing. "Don't be embarrassed. Tub soaking it allowed on vacation, right?"

"Riiiight." Wally chuckled. "Wanna join?" He froze, then backpedaled, "I mean, I did bring swim trunks, just in case there was a hot tub, and I think that thing qualifies."

He seriously hoped Wally couldn't hear the thump of his heart. Did he dare? Could he keep his body under control? An image of Wally, nearly naked, his swim trunks dangerously low as he stood from the water… Nope.

Dick shook his head. "Quick showers, then we talk. You can soak tonight when we don't have an appointment to keep."

Wally swallowed. "Yea, makes sense."

Dick toweled his hair and hoped it would dry before they had to leave. He'd taken as long of a shower as he could without being obvious. Wally was waiting on the bed, sprawled out and watching t.v. He spared a glance back when Dick opened the bathroom door to complain about the lack of channels.

"I don't think people come here to watch t.v." Wally tensed for half a second, but Dick caught it, a bat always caught it. "Shit, I didn't mean- I meant they come here to ski…." Foot, meet mouth.

"Sooooooo." Wally ignored the comment and turned the t.v off.

"Sooooooo," Dick echoed. He fell onto the bed, sprawling out to mimic Wally. "Fuck. I don't remember it being this hard for us to talk before. Like, ever."

"Well, we didn't talk for, what, a week? When M'gann joined the team." He rolled over to face Dick, propping himself up on his elbow. "If I remember, someone was jealous."

Dick scoffed. "I didn't want to lose you as my best friend. 13 year old logic: girlfriend = no more best friend."

Wally frowned. "But… that did happen. When Arte and I both left the team."

"We didn't stop being bros. We...just didn't see each other as often… and it made it awkward with her always tagging along…"

"I should have tried for more bro time. Shit. Sorry."

Dick rolled to his back, tracing patterns on the wood ceiling again. "I miss having you on missions." He swallowed before continuing, willing his voice not to crack. "You had my back like no one else."

"Dick…"

"I know. I know. I'm not going to push you to come back. But it doesn't mean I don't miss having you there." He glanced to Wally, "I miss you having my back."

They laid in silence for a few minutes, thinking, processing, calculating.

"Dick?"

He turned his head again in acknowledgement.

"What made you go back to the team?"

Dick sighed and pulled himself up into a sitting position. Which details to share? Which to keep? "They needed me." He pulled at a loose thread on the comforter. "I was selfish in leaving. Everything reminded me of you. It was worse when you first left, back before the reach, when we still had the Cave and all your souvenirs… but you were alive.So I could handle it..."

He felt the bed shift as Wally sat up. "I'm alive now." His hand was covered by Wally's, a heavy blanket of comfort, an anchor to remind him Wally was alive. A light squeeze urged him to continue.

"When you… disappeared… I couldn't… even with the Cave gone and the team working from the Watchtower… I thought leaving was best. My head wasn't in it and I didn't want to be the reason anyone else-"

"Hey. No one blame you. I don't blame you. You had shitty choices to make. I never did apologize for yelling at you after the Cave was destroyed, did I?"

"You don't have to-"

"I'm sorry." His grip on his hand tightened.

"Me too."

Wally pulled his other hand into his. "I let my fear and worry fuel my anger, and I shouldn't have…"

He offered Wally a strained smile. "You were worried about Artemis. I understand."

"I was worried about you too, you idiot." Wally's grip was nearing painful. "And I should have been there to help. So you had someone on the team to trust- so you didn't have to bottle it all up. I should have helped you with that burden. I should-"

"Wally!" The grip on his hand softened. "I respected your choice then, and I respect it now. It's all in the past… let's keep working on the future."

It earned him a smile, "Yea. So… my demands are one night a week for game night. Just us."

Dick smiled back. "Just us. But, I can't promise once a week… cases… ya know?"

"Twice a month. And I'll come to the team's movie nights. Deal?"

"Deal."

Wally is normally the well behaved one for this fic, but he wanted to go off script and hop in the tub. Sigh.