Chapter 32

Spoilers for the Real World, Common Ground and McKay and Mrs Miller

All she can do is watch her slip away from them, her body slowly invaded by the nanites, and him watch her in mounting despair, on the other side of the biohazard curtains, his hands clenched in fists at his sides. She finally leaves the doorway where she's been standing for hours and walks briskly along the corridors, not knowing where she's going.

Ronon finds her a little later, huddled against the wall of a balcony, shivering from the cold night air. She's too weak to move. He bends without a word and lifts her in his arms, taking her back to the infirmary. She protests. "Don't, please, don't! I don't want to be a liability for Beckett's team. They have enough on their hands as it is."

He gruffly puts her down. "You need to eat," he points out.

"OK." She doesn't want to fight him. She won't win.

He lifts her again in his arms and walks to the kitchen. He sits her at the table and opens the fridge, grabbing a few random things he sets in from of her. "Eat."

She laughs humorlessly. "You're such a sweet guy, Ronon."

He pushes his hair from his face and sits next to her. "You need to be there for him if we lose her," he says matter of fact and munches on a sandwish. "We won't be able to do it. You're his best friend. It's your job. So, eat," he repeats, pushing a sandwish and apple towards her.

"I need my shots."

He gets up and looks at her intently. She motions towards the pantry. "Top shelf on the right. Green bag. The insulin is in the fridge." He hands them to her without a word.

After she's eaten, she lets herself have a rare moment of dispair, crying on his shoulder. "I've lost so much already, Ronon. I don't know if I can take it anymore."

He wraps his arms around her and rocks her without a word. There's nothing to say in times like these and he sure can't promise things will get better. When she stops crying, all he says is: "I know a survivor when I see one. You'll manage somehow – for him. Let's get back to the infirmary. You need to be there if anything happens."

She sees him as he gets inside the curtains, risking his life for Elizabeth. He would do that for any one of them. And yet, she knows there's much more than meets the eye. He can take anything but not lose the woman who, in spite of difficult beginnings, has become his constant. She makes a silent prayer to whoever is out there, watching over them, that he won't have to go through that and they'll make it back to them – to their friends, to her.

She approaches the bed, mesmerized by the sight of him, holding Elizabeth's hand. Ronon grabs her from behind. "No, you won't," he roars. "No way you're going in there too. Sheppard will never forgive me for letting you." She kicks and screams but it's to no avail and she finally relents, crumbling in his arms, sobbing as he carries her outside and sits her in the corridor. That's where she remains as they rush him into isolation, too spent to get up.

She seeks him out, having made some of his favorite cookies. She hears them before she sees them, talking softly on the balcony so she steps back and leaves quietly. There'll be time enough in the morning to tell him how scared she's been to see him put his life in the line of fire once more. And yet, she suspects it's the last thing he wants to hear. He does what's right, not what's easy. Besides, it was Elizabeth there. There's no point in discussing it after all. She would do the same for any of them.

She leaves the cookies in the Control Room and trudges back to the kitchen, knowing she won't get much sleep tonight, which is a shame because she badly needs some rest after the fright they've just had. She meets Rodney on the way. "Seen John recently?" he asks, knowing those two are always around each other. She shakes her head innocently. "Elizabeth then?"

She shakes her head again. "Nope, haven't seen them..." Technically it's not a lie, she smirks inwardly. Her mood brightens suddenly, thinking of John and Elizabeth on their balcony, because it's their balcony and no one else's. It's so rare they have time together, what with her working all the time and often shying away from most social events, and him knowing it's not meant to happen anyway, it warms her heart to know they've had time to reconnect tonight. She makes a mental note of making sure they get more of these moments if she's got her say in the matter – to hell with rules and regulations.

Rodney snaps his fingers impatiently at her. "Louise, hey, anyone there?" She looks at him with a goofy smile on her face, a far cry from her forlorn and drawn look of some hours ago. He looks at her suspiciously. "What are you up to, Léger?" he taunts her.

She smirks then sashays towards the kitchen. "Nuthing, Rodney, nuthing at all!"

"It's a dangerous game you're playing here, Louise," Jeanie has told her. "I don't know much about the rules applying to off-world expeditions but I was not aware the rules had changed about not dating one's boss. You're gambling with both your friendship and their careers. Giving them opportunities to connect and placing them in situations where they might wonder about the possibility of more than the friendship they have will come with a price. And if they have to pay for it or if it doesn't work out, Colonel Sheppard will hold you responsible for it. Do not believe everyone can be a successful Emma," she adds pointedly, referring to the book she's seen on Louise's shelves.

"Don't you believe everyone has their chance at happiness, Jeanie?" she insists. They're sitting on the bed in Jeanie's temporary quarters as the younger woman is getting ready to head back to Earth. The two of them have hit it off from the start, making Rodney squirm at what his sister might recount to her new friend about their childhood. She's confided in her how much she would like Sheppard and Weir to get their happy ending – preferably together.

"I think..." Jeanie sighs and takes her hands in hers. "I think you should let them play the game by their own rules and not interfere. If it's meant to be, then it'll happen. And if it's not, well, Colonel Sheppard will have plenty of choice – starting with a certain petite cook I know."

She laughs it off. "Really, Jeanie, you're hilarious. I'm what? Five years older than he is. Not withstanding the fact this is really a preposterous idea, seeing as he's my best friend, I'm definitely out of the game!"

Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. "I don't think this is what really counts, but you know what? Let's not discuss it. Time will tell."

"I don't know what's happening to her these days, 'Lizabeth," he says, eyeing her worriedly as she's going from table to table to offer more coffee to the early birds having breakfast. "I'm kind of worried she's being bullied again by Buckley. He seems eerily demure these days – as if he's onto something – and she keeps away from me. Doesn't even run with me anymore."

"John Sheppard, are you becoming a mother hen?" she teases him.

He rolls his eyes. "You're not helping here!"

"All right, John, I'll talk to her if that puts your mind at rest."

He rewards her with his trademark grin and stands. "I need to get to the armory. I'll leave you to it."

She chuckles. "Impatient much, are we?" He makes a face, making her laugh, and walks to the racks where they drop their trays. She watches him strategically weave his way through the tables so his path may cross Louise's but she eludes him, as she's done for the last few days – ever since John was taken by Kolya and almost drained of his life by the Wraith they've called Todd.

Louise makes her way quickly towards the kitchen and disappears into the storage area, ignoring Buckley's insistent remarks that they're going to be short of... The rest of what he says is lost on her as she's decided to tune him out most of the time. It doesn't prevent him from being a pain in the neck but at least, he doesn't have leverage anymore, being barely tolerated on base and despised by most.

Elizabeth waits until the afternoon to talk to her. Louise spends a lot of time with Ronon these days, venting out her frustration in combat and shooting sessions. She needs to stay away from John but it doesn't come to her easily.

Ronon doesn't ask questions and he certainly doesn't judge her. She discovers that, surprisingly so, given his often intimidating behavior, he's got an easy-going personality. He's very different from Rodney in many ways but like him, he never pushes her limits and is always happy with what she feeds him. The added bonus is that when he drops by, Buckley scampers away as if he'd seen the devil himself.

She knows John has frown more than once at not finding her alone when he wanted to talk to her recently. Ronon being there, he usually stays a couple of minutes to get a tray for Elizabeth, feeling unwanted. He's mentioned it to Elizabeth to which she answered with a smirk Louise had the right to see anyone she wanted – being single. "Yeah," he'd replied casually. "But not Ronon." She'd looked cheekily at him and replied that it might not be his call, which had made him pout.

Ronon sees Elizabeth from the corner of his eye and tells Louise it will be quite enough for today. "Not by far!" she cries out indignantly. "We've been at it for what? Thirty minutes tops. What's wrong with you today?" He tilts his head towards the door. "Oh, right, sorry. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

He winks at her. "Or earlier if I need an extra snack around, say, eleven?"

She laughs. "I'll keep something on the stove for you." He leaves and she turns to Elizabeth. "Ma'am," she greets her. "You wanted to see me?"

Elizabeth smiles at her. "I haven't seen much of you lately... Neither has John," she adds tentatively, making Louise blush. Oh, so this is what it's all about!

"Well, Ma'am, I've been quite busy..." It's gonna be difficult to get out of that one, knowing her boss.

"With Mr Dex, I see," Elizabeth elaborates with a grin.

Louise flushes. "Wait! This is not what you think." She sees Elizabeth's grin widen. "Did John send you here?" she asks suspiciously.

"He might have asked me, as a friend, to investigate a certain matter that's been nagging at him, yes."

"And what would that be? If it's about Ronon and I, you can tell him it's none of his business though I want to make that clear for you, Ma'am, we're just sparring partners – no more." She's getting aggravated at herself for being so dumb. Of course, he'd not leave well enough alone!

Elizabeth chuckles. "Thanks for the intel, Ms Léger, but you're a grown woman and are allowed to see who you want. Actually, it's more a general change in your behavior that's making Colonel Sheppard antsy. I would have told him to mind his own business in other circumstances but John seems to think you're angry at him for something he doesn't remember doing – or not doing. Is it the case?"

She looks bewildered. It was never her intention to make him feel that way. "No, Ma'am, absolutely not. I was just made aware that John and I were always seen around each other. It's plain to see he needs to connect to other people – explore other options."

Elizabeth looks nonplussed. "So, correct me if I'm wrong – you think you're not good enough for him?"

Louise sighs and decides to come clean, at least for the most part. "I'm plain and ordinary and older than him. Very soon he'll realize there's pretty much nothing more to me than what meets the eye. He deserves to spend time with other friends, that's all."

Elizabeth makes her sit on the bench that lines the sparring room. "Louise," she chides her, "would that have anything to do with the recent incident with Koyla?"

She refuses to look her in the eye and shrugs. "It might. When I thought he had died, I realized he'd missed so much he was entitled to and I felt selfish for taking so much of his time. And then he came back and he looked so young... It's not fair for him to be around me so much. I'll never be able to compete with younger people. No matter how fit I am, I can't hide the fact that I'm starting to show my age."

Elizabeth laughs out loud. "It's because you've discovered a few white hair that you deem yourself unworthy of him? Now, that takes the cake, Louise! He is worried sick for you right now and no matter how hard you try to shake him off, he will never see you as anything but his Louise." She taps her headset. "Colonel Sheppard? Come in." Louise looks in alarm at her and shakes her head. Elizabeth smirks. "Yes, John. Could you please join me and Ms Léger in the sparring room. She has something to show you. Weir out." She turns to Louise with a grin. "Now, Louise. You're going to come clean about that whole stupid idea you put in your head." She frowns and adds, "I surmise there's more to it, though, knowing you came here to hide from humanity in general and human relations in particular. Let me tell you something. You might be older than me but you're none the wiser for it. John will go on loving you whether you like it or not. And if you think shunning him will help him connect to other people, you're sadly mistaken. The woman he'll set his eyes upon will have to accept you into the bargain. Period."

She sees the door whoosh open and John enters the room. Louise sees their eyes connect and they grin at each other. Elizabeth points at Louise. "Mend this, asap. Oh, and Ms Léger," she adds with a wink, "about what I just said, I know if it were me, I would gladly get the whole package. Talk some sense into her," she whispers in John's ear as she leaves.

TBC