Chapter 33
Spoilers for The Return/ mid-season 3
"Ma'am, can I talk to you for a sec'?" Louise is standing in the doorway of Elizabeth's soon-to-be former office. Mayhem rules the Control Room and the whole city as they're getting ready to evacuate in the next forty-eight hours as ordered by the long-lost crew of the Ancient vessel they've rescued. Ever since she's been told she should start packing, Louise's thoughts have been a maeltrom of emotions. She's fought so hard to stay here and now she has no choice but leave the place they've come to call home.
"Ah, Ms léger, have you finally packed everything? The Ancients are not too happy about having to wait so long for us to vacate the premises," Elizabeth points out sarcastically.
"Well, yes, Ma'am. Everything is ready to be beamed up to the Daedalus' holds. But it's not the reason why I'd like to have a word." The decision was hard to make but now she's here, she needs to just blurt it out before she chickens out and spends the rest of her life regretting it. "Ma'am, I've talked to General O'Neill and told him I don't want to return home."
Elizabeth lifts an eyebrow. "None of us do but it's not your call, Ms Léger."
"No, Ma'am, you don't understand. I'm not asking the Ancients to keep me here. I've been offered to stay at the Athosian settlement by the elders and I've decided to accept their offer. I will not return to Earth with you."
Elizabeth looks at her in dismay. "But, Ms Léger, you cannot do that. It's a one-way ticket we're talking about. You'll be cut off from Earth for good. The Ancients do not take too kindly to our request of coming round here anymore. They've agreed to keep Mr Woosley and General O'Neill as temporary guests but soon enough, they too will have to head back to Earth. You'll not be able to return – ever," she explains to her patiently, while pondering calling John to join them. Surely, he hasn't agreed to that!
Louise looks at her resolutely. "So be it. I've not made this decision lightly, Ma'am. I prefer to stay with Teyla and Ronon than have to return to Earth permanently. There's nothing there for me."
Elizabeth looks hurt. "What about us? I thought by now you'd come to see us all as friends!"
Louise pouts. "It's not what I meant, Ma'am. You'll all be redeployed. I don't have anywhere to go. I'll most likely be made redundant sooner or later and when I am, my visa won't be renewed. I do not wish to return to my country of origin which, as I'm sure you can see, leaves me stateless. Here, I have good friends and a people who is ready to call me their own. It's more than I could hope for on Earth."
"You cannot do that, damn it," she hears John stomp inside the room and growl. "I will not let you! Elizabeth will not let you!" He turns her around and grabs her shoulders, forcing her to look into his eyes. His look of hurt mirrors Elizabeth's.
She sighs and shrugs him off gently. "It's not your call, John."
"It damn well is! I'm still the CO and Elizabeth is still your boss. I can force you to go."
She pouts and wraps her arms around him, not caring if anyone sees them. She's usually so cautious about not showing her affection for him in public, he's shocked. "Don't fight me on this, John," she whispers in his ear. "It would kill me to get back and you know what I'm talking about. Here, I'll find a balance. I'll keep busy. I'll be useful."
Elizabeth leaves the room quietly knowing there's nothing much she can do and contrary to what John has stated, she won't fight Louise on that if that's what she really wants. She was ordered by the IOA to read Louise's file after it was complete. Louise needs to stay away from Earth – for her own sanity. She might one day be ready to come back but now is not the time.
"You can keep busy on Earth. And you'll have us. You'll always be useful and loved, Louise. And I'll be there for you. We all will," he begs, seeing how bullheaded she looks right now.
"That's the thing, John. I don't want you to feel you have to take care of me. I'm a handful and you have a brilliant career ahead of you and, if my wishes come true, a wonderful life. I'd only be in your way. Elizabeth will get a job as a diplomat again, travelling the world. Rodney will get a ridiculously high-paying job and Carson will end up with the Nobel Prize. You'll all see each other from time to time and remenisce about the good old days. I'm not part of the picture."
He is at a loss for words, fear creeping up his spine. "You cannot do that, Louise. I need you. You're my lucky charm... Our little witch," he adds tentatively, repeating McKay's words.
She shakes her head. "You'll do just fine without me, John Sheppard." She turns around and leaves the room at a run, not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes.
They all come, one by one, to try and make her change her mind but she stays firm in her resolve. It's for the best for everyone.
Carson is the last. "You need to understand, love, that you cannot possibly survive without your treatment. For a reason I have not had time to explore and probably will never be given the chance," he explains, wincing at the thought of all the lost opportunities, "diabetes is endemic to Earth. Thus the lack of alternative treatment for you in this galaxy. I have about a year and a half worth of insulin in the infirmary I can give you, along with a portable fridge and generator but that's all I can do. You have to understand the Daedalus might not be allowed to drop by as often as we want so you'll be on your own from then on, and without treatment..." he lets it hang in there, appalled at the mere possibility.
She smiles at him. "Stop worrying, Carson. I've extended my luck already as it is. If bad comes to worse, I will take what I have and enjoy what time I have left."
"It's planned suicide, Louise," he protests.
She gets into his face, holding her finger menacingly at him. "I forbid you to ever say that in front of any of them, got it? No one needs to know how much insulin you're leaving me. They have enough on their plates right now. I have made my choice, Carson. This is my damn life!"
She's not with Teyla and Ronon as they say their goodbyes in the gate room. She's given quick hugs to everyone earlier, telling them she was honored to have met them, and then headed through the gate to the new Athosian settlement, her head held high and her eyes void of tears.
John cannot believe she's been so cold with him, not letting him hold her longer in his arms than the others. He retreats in his shell on the way home, barely talking to anyone. Truth be told, they all look despondent and a little lost. He watches Elizabeth closely throughout the flight home but respects her need to keep to herself too. Louise's last words were for her. "Don't forget one thing, John. She'll need support in the months to come from all her friends but mostly from you. Let her know you're there for her. No rules and regulations apply where you two are going."
"Nope," he'd agreed with a sneer. "No Louise by my side either..."
"A bane for a boon," she'd replied cheekily.
They find their pace at the settlement. Louise is welcomed as a long-lost relative and easily fits in. She's had to do it twice already – adjusting to a new life – that a third seems like a piece of cake at first. She's not used to living in the great outdoors but it's thrilling – kind of like going to summer camp for an extended period of time. Sure, she misses her bread machines and food processors. She even dreams about them at night sometimes. She just chooses to laugh it off and be content with what she has.
It's her friends she misses the most – to the point when sometimes all she can think of is them, losing interest in anything else around her. Food tastes like ashes, cooking has lost its magic and she doesn't connect to people in the settlement more than superficially, having many acquaintances but never trying to make new friends.
Halling even comes to her one day, pointing out it's been almost two months and should she not try to move on with her life? He knows of quite a few widowers in their forties and thirties who'd gladly woo her, should she show any inclination for it. He points discreetly towards some of them as they work around the settlement. She laughs humorlessly and he sees no light in her eyes, just sadness and indifference. She tells him about her story and he ceases to bother her. He understands it would take no less than an extraordinary man to get her back to the land of the living.
They reach the encampment in the early evening. A few women are busy cooking the evening meal. He looks around, trying to locate her. They see Teyla and Ronon and walk to them briskly. The meeting is joyful, the Athosian and Satedan having lost hope by now they'd ever see their friends again. John feeds them the information they've received from General O'Neill's last transmission and shows them what they've brought to regain control of the City. "But before we go," he tells them, seeing Ronon checking his gun and knife, "I need to see her. Where is she?" he asks hopefully, looking from one to the other.
"She's in the farthest tent, Colonel Sheppard," he hears Halling tell him. The Athosian has been informed by his son that the Lantean team has arrived shortly and has hurriedly left said tent to come and see them. "I'm glad to see you're all safe. Jinto tells me Atlantis has been attacked by Replicators..."
John nods. "We've come for Teyla and Ronon. We're gonna take back what is rightfully ours."
Halling smiles at him. Louise has let it slip in her conversations so many times in the last few weeks – the word home. He sobers up quickly. "I'm relieved to see you have brought Dr Beckett with you. We're in dire need of his help. Louise has fallen ill and nothing we've tried, not even the medicine you've left, seems to have any effect on her..."
John leaves at a run towards the edge of the settlement and pushes the flaps of the tent open. She's lying on a bed, eyes closed and doesn't even turn to him when he enters. A young woman is kneeling next to her and applying a wet rag on her forehead. His friend looks feverish and very pale. He kneels beside her too and takes her hand that goes limp in his. He turns to Halling as he enters after him. "What the hell happened to her?" he demands, eyes darkening. "I leave her into your care and now she's not even conscious!"
Halling doesn't take the bait. It's obvious Colonel Sheppard is worried sick. Dr Beckett is already at her side, checking her vitals and asking a few questions to the improvised nurse. "She got sick about a week ago. Some of the kids in the village started falling ill with one of the most common childhood diseases we have around here. We commonly call it the red rash. Its symptoms are red spots, fever and sometimes hallucinations but it goes away after barely a few days with the decoctions we use and it never affects adults."
"Maybe because you all got it when you were younger," Beckett reflects.
The young woman shakes her head. "No, not all of us. But it seems adults are resistant to it."
"Yes, but Louise is more prone to falling ill from such exotic infections and if she does, she is not as resistant," Beckett reflects, glancing at John's worried look. "How long has she been that feverish?"
"A couple of days. When we saw your medicine for fever wasn't working, we contacted the Ancients but they never replied," Teyla explains, having entered the tent as well.
John sneers. "That's because they were having too much on their hands already. Besides, I'm not sure they'd have answered your SOS. They're pretty selfish bastards."
Elizabeth protests. "John!"
He sniggers. "What? At least I'm saying aloud what everyone is thinking!" He turns to Beckett. "Can you do something for her here?"
Carson nods. "Aye, I think so. I'm going to put her on a large-spectrum antibiotics treatment." He looks up at Halling. "She's gonna be on an IV. You've seen it back on Atlantis so I'm counting on you to change the bags when needed. It's a good thing I brought enough equipment and medication in the jumper. She's dehydrated and very weak. I gather she hasn't had anything to eat for days..."
Halling nods. "She was too weak to swallow and I remembered she needed to eat after her shots so we didn't give them to her either."
Rodney has just entered the tent. "What the hell! Are you insane? No food and no insulin! What went through your heads! She could die."
John turns to him. "Shut up, Rodney!" he barks.
McKay scowls. "Oh, yeah, right. I had forgotten you were the only one allowed to care about her!"
Elizabeth lays a soothing hand on his arm. "We know you're worried for her too. But it won't help to get on your high horse. Carson is on it."
John looks at Beckett. "Is she gonna be alright?" He gulps. He can't lose her once again. It would be so unfair.
Carson smiles at him fondly. "Yes, Colonel. Absolutely. Now, what you all can do is step outside so I'll have more room to start the treatment." He sees John hesitate. "Yes, even you, Colonel." John pouts but bends to kiss her temple before he leaves the tent. "Get better, little witch, I need you to come home to me," he whispers in her ear.
She can sit and has eaten a little by the time they return. Beckett has agreed with Halling that the women of the village should take her to the sweat lodge when her fever is finally down – the moist heat from the furnace and the subsequent bath they usually take being the best way to get rid of the last traces of the rash. She's changed into clean clothes and she's finally feeling herself again after days of delirious nightmares for her and worry for the settlement.
Everyone is relieved to see her well. But she's worried for John and the team. They haven't returned yet and the replicators are not any kind of enemy. "They're sneaky and adapt too quickly, Halling. I'm worried." He laughs it off telling her Sheppard's team is reknown for being pretty resilient. "Like yourself," he adds with a smile. "Don't worry. I've posted men at the gate. The moment the jumper returns, I'll be informed."
They get word of an incoming wormhole about an hour after that conversation. She wants to leave the tent and go see for herself but he's adamant. "Dr Beckett's orders. You must not exert yourself."
She takes hold of one of the few books she's kept with her and starts flipping through it. Halling laughs. "You're not a very patient woman. Very much like Colonel Sheppard himself, I may say." She scowls. "Well, I'm being patient! I'm trying to read here, you know."
He laughs some more. "Is that a new way of reading, Ms Léger? Your book is upside down!"
She hears voices approach her tent and cannot wait any longer. She throws the book aside and clambers to her feet, still feeling a little wobbly. Rodney then Beckett and finally Elizabeth enter the tent. "We're back!" Rodney announces smugly, a goofy smile on his face. They've been told she is OK.
She smiles but looks around worriedly. "Where's John?" she demands. He enters the tent last, with Teyla and Ronon who look relieved to see her standing after a taxing week worrying whether she would make it. He turns to the others. "If you don't mind, the cook and I have to have a little private conversation." He winks at Elizabeth and she smiles back, pushing people gently outside.
Rodney worries. "He's not gonna yell at her again, is he? 'Cuz it was not her fault this time." Elizabeth chuckles. "No, Rodney. They just need to reconnect. And if I remember properly, it's you who always bickers with him, not her."
He rolls his eyes at her. "Really? I think if we had to count the times they've had a fight, I would be soundly defeated!"
John steps closer and makes her sit. "You're not reasonable, Louise. You should be resting."
She pouts. "Is it the first words I'm gonna have to remember about you coming home to me? That I'm not reasonable?"
He gives her his trademark grin and wraps her in his arms. She tenses. "No one is looking, Louise. Let go, for once," he whispers in her ear. She sighs with content and wraps her arms around his middle, cuddling closer. "That's my girl!" He rubs gentle circles on her back. "How are you doing?"
"Better now you're all here. How are you?" she asks against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and the rumble in his chest as he talks to her.
"Peachy!" he banters. "We beat them into a pulp and got our home back. By the way, Mr Woolsey and General O'Neill are OK too and sending their regards. When are you ready to come home?"
She looks up at him, drinking in the fondness she sees in his hazel eyes. "Would now be OK?"
He chuckles and helps her stand up. "You bet!"
TBC