Chapter 3
Michonne was up before dawn the next morning. She went through her usual exercise routine: a 30-minute run around the inside of the Safe Zone's walls, which provided the double benefit of a cardio workout and a perimeter check; 15 minutes of yoga poses in the backyard; and upper body and ab work on the pull-up bar attached to the outer frame of her bedroom closet. Ready to face the day, she thought as she finished her last inverted sit up, grasping the bar with both hands and swinging her legs down. She stripped off her sweat-soaked clothes and headed for the shower. She loved her shower. Rick had insisted that she take the master bedroom with its en suite bathroom, and the shower was tiled in elegant gray marble. The showerhead had about fifteen different settings, and she dialed over to a pulsing blast that massaged some of the kinks out of her neck and shoulders. Working lavender-scented shampoo into a lather over her dreads, Michonne turned her mind to her conversation with Rick the prior evening. He seemed genuinely distressed over her decision to go on a date with Morgan, and knowing that he was upset caused her to feel greatly unsettled, too. She was by nature logical and practical, and she was confident that she could find the reason for his disquietude if she examined the possible causes.
Rick had already denied that he thought Morgan untrustworthy, so she could rule that out. It was possible that he was simply envious that she had a date for the evening and he did not, but she found that unlikely. As much as she tried to stay out of the situation, the unavoidable truth was that he was involved in some way with Pete's widow. There were whispers all over town about it even before Pete's execution, and now it was practically all the gossip mill had to talk about. People stopped midsentence whenever she walked into a room, but she had heard enough to know that most of the Alexandrians were scandalized by the notion that Rick had killed Pete to get to his wife. Never mind the facts, she thought bitterly, wrinkling her nose in disgust. Never mind that Deanna, their leader, was the one who gave the execution order. She sincerely believed that Rick shot Pete because he had killed Reg, end of story. Still, that didn't mean there was nothing going on between her friend and the young blonde widow, so she thought she could rule out a case of misery loves company.
Perhaps he's afraid I'll pull away from him and the kids if I get involved with someone, she mused. After all, they were best friends. They lived together, worked together, and took care of the kids together. She loved his children like they were her own. She thought back to the previous afternoon, to the giggles and light-hearted conversation she and Rick and Carl had shared over a game of Monopoly prior to Rick's announcement that he was going over to check on Jessie before dinner. And the day before that, she and Rick had together taken Judith for a walk around town. Michonne had carried her strapped to her chest in an Ergo, and Rick had complimented her on looking like the perfect picture of motherhood. She had been glad her dark skin concealed her deep blush.
It makes sense, she reasoned. Getting involved with someone else could really impact my relationship with Rick and his kids. There were only twenty-four hours in a day, and she couldn't be in two places at once; if she was spending time alone with Morgan, she wouldn't be available during those times for anyone else. If she had a lover in bed with her, she probably wouldn't be up helping with Judith in the middle of the night. For that matter, she might end up eventually moving out so she could live with her boyfriend. She sighed as she poured body wash onto a bath pouf and scrubbed at her skin. Ideally, my mate should be my best friend, not another man, she thought. Anyone I get serious with would be jealous of Rick. Wouldn't it be difficult for Rick and me to maintain this level of closeness? The people we eventually get with won't really be okay with it. That's a lot to ask from a boyfriend or girlfriend. 'Hey, I'm into you, and I want this to get serious, but you have to understand that you'll never be as close to me as this other person.' That's just weird.
Michonne stepped under the spray and let it wash the lather off her skin. That has to be it. That must be why he's upset and doesn't want me to go on this date. I can tell he doesn't. He won't say it, but he doesn't. He's afraid we'll drift apart, get new priorities. All of this is very premature because it's entirely possible that nothing will end up developing between Morgan and me. But it must be on his mind. He knows I love him and love the kids, but it just wouldn't be the same if I'm romantically involved with someone. She refused to let her mind dwell on the implied double standard.
That has to be it.
Unless... Her eyes narrowed.
No. No, there is no way. Okay, yes, there is one last possibility, but it's not really a possibility. She picked up her shaving cream and began her shaving routine: her underarms first, then her legs, then her pubic mound. She liked the feeling of being completely smooth.
Not really, she repeated firmly to herself. I gave up on that almost as soon as we got into Alexandria. Sure, it felt like there was something there, out on the road, but I must have been wrong. I haven't been the one turning his head ever since we got here. Well, there was that one time, right before the meeting. I was sure I felt sparks when we were talking and he was telling me about his crazy plan with Carol and Daryl. And I think... I think he might have shaved for me, too, though of course he probably just wanted to clean up now that he's back in civilization.
She sighed and washed off the shaving cream lather. Look, she told herself firmly, you already let that go. Didn't you decide that it must have been some sort of misunderstanding? You must have read him wrong, yeah? Isn't that what you decided? Don't let your mind go back there, she chided herself. You've got a handsome man asking you out, clothes on your back, food in your belly, a roof over your head, a community to protect, friends that love you. Don't dwell on what you don't have. That can't be why he's upset. That can't be it. She turned off the shower, stepped out, and wrapped herself in a towel.
That can't be it.