Healing Wounds

The doubts started on her way home, the moment she wasn't in his presence anymore it all seemed too good to be real. Because frankly … it couldn't really be love what they felt, could it? Wasn't that completely insane.

Even if their love was true and real … he was broken, and Emma didn't know if their love would be enough to help him heal. She wanted it to be enough so badly, though. Now that she found him again, she didn't want him to leave. She wanted to share her life with him. But it was up in the open if he'd ever be ready to come back into the spotlight. She wouldn't force him. It had to be his decision, and his alone.

Her heart was heavy when she drove into her driveway and shut down the engine, staring at her home without really seeing it. She wished she could turn around and drive back to him. Letting out a sigh, she scrambled out of her car and walked slowly into the house, walking straight into her living room to slump down on the couch and check her phone for messages. Not that she really expected any. She'd put the phone on silent during the drive, and when she pulled it out she saw that she'd gotten a message from Killian, her heart jumping into her throat as she unlocked the screen to read it.

I already miss you

Tears welled up in her eyes, a sob lodging in her throat. She missed him too, and to hell with all her doubts. She'd shove them all into a dark corner of her brain where they belonged; she'd trust her instincts, trust the feelings they shared.

I miss you too

-/-

It felt strange to be in her home without her, but the solitude of his surroundings helped Killian relax, and slowly but surely he started to heal, feeling Emma's presence all around him.

Three weeks after Emma had left him he found the courage to sit down at the piano and start to play, letting himself get lost in the music. He played for hours, that first time, until his fingers were aching, but he was feeling how his heart grew lighter and lighter with each played note, and realized the only way he could heal completely was to go back to his music.

So he played - each and every day.

-/-

Emma's heart skipped a beat when she opened her email and found a message of him with an mp3 file attached. She'd gotten accustomed to talking to him all day long – through text messages, emails and their daily Skype date, but this was the first time he'd sent her an attachment, and she could only think of one thing.

Mp3 meant music. He'd sent her music.

With shaking fingers she waited for the download to be complete; she almost wasn't able to open it, and when the first notes came through the speaker, making it clear that he'd recorded himself playing on her piano, she actually burst into tears. She recognized the song immediately, the song they'd played fourhanded on the piano all those years ago; she still remembered giggling like crazy when he'd started to sing the lyrics with a sultry voice.

It had been a classic back then, a movie not many knew about. But they did. They'd dug out an old copy of her parents - in French with English subtitles - and watched it, curled up into each other on the couch. Both parts. La Boum 1 and 2. The movies were so cheesy that it almost hurt, but they both loved to watch it nonetheless.

Though he didn't sing now, and her heart grew heavy with the knowledge that he probably would never sing again. She wondered if it'd be possible for him to completely be whole again, if the wounds in his heart and soul would heal if his voice was gone forever, if he didn't try to sing despite the brokenness of it. Sooner or later she would find out.

He continued to send her music files, songs they'd played together back in the days, or songs he'd played alone. From Breakfast Club, over Dirty Dancing to Top Gun. Every time she opened a file she felt all giddy, being all excited what he'd chosen to play this time. Though she was totally taken by surprise when she opened the file titled 'You', and a few beats into the music he started to sing.

It's all right with me

As long as you are by my side

Talk or just say nothing

I don't mind your looks never lie

His voice was low and hoarse, a far cry away from the voice he'd gotten famous with, but it was still his voice. And he was singing.

You, you are always on my mind

You, you're the one I'm living for

You, you're my everlasting fire

You're my always shining star

Tears were streaming down her face now. He was singing. For her.

And you, lying beside me

Me full of love and filled with hope

Emma reached for her phone when the last notes were playing in the background, the display all blurry, making it hard for her to find the speed dial button to call him.

"I love you," she whispered the moment he said her name, her voice chocked up with tears. "I love you, Killian Jones."

"I figure you like it?" he asked, and she could hear the insecurity in his voice, knew how much it must have cost him to sing with his broken voice.

"It's beautiful."

"I ..." he trailed off, his voice barely above a whisper when he continued, "I'm almost there, Emma." She knew what he was talking about, her heart nearly galloping out of her chest as the magnitude of his words and the fact that he started to sing again hit her like a freight train, the lump in her throat growing larger as he added, "I love you. I'll see you soon."

After they'd ended the call, Emma listened to the song over and over again, falling asleep to his broken voice singing only for her.

The song Killian is singing for Emma is 'You' by Ten Sharp.