Chapter 39
Dear readers, I hope I didn't shock you with the last chapter. See, Louise is only human, thus flawed, and Captain Johansen is really sweet. How John is going to react? Find out in this chapter and the following. Also a little bit more insight into her past.
This chapter contains one of my favorite recipes (photos on Tumblr)
She does get to work on time though. Maybe a little flustered and breathless from running back to her room to get a quick shower and change but once she's at her workstation, she gets into the motion and puts it out of her mind. She's never had a one-night stand before, so she'd better not think about it – too unsettling.
John drops by around nine. She's sitting at the table in the kitchen with a couple of cookbooks opened in front of her. He looks tired and in dire need of a friend and coffee. He plops down on the bench next to her and gives her a loose hug and a kiss on her head. She smiles at him and gets up to fix him a plate that she sets in front of him with a mug of steaming coffee and a tall glass of orange juice. He chuckles. "It's just me, you know. Not Ronon!"
She shrugs. "Force of habit, sorry."
He starts eating but peaks absent-mindedly at the book opened in front of her. The page is an entry on Elizabeth's favorite dishes. He points to it with his fork. "Did you just write that?"
She sees him flinch. "I did, yes. I'm sorry," she says, closing the book.
He stops her with a hand on hers. "No, don't. Actually, it's quite comforting to know someone is writing something about her that's not a mission report. What have you got in there?"
She smiles. "Just recipes and anecdotes and photos of people I've known. I like to remember them through their favorite recipes," she explains. "I know it's childish."
He shakes his head. "No, it's not." He reopens the book and looks at the title and the foreword she's written. He doesn't say a thing but it pulls at his heart. He's curious to see more and his plate is forgotten. He flips through pages aimlessly, seeing Ford and Beckett but also living people like his whole team including himself. She's pasted a photo of him she's obviously taken off-world. He's wearing his black uniform and looking deceptively cool, his hands in his pockets, his P90 hanging from his vest. "I didn't know you'd taken that photo."
"I think that's my favorite. It's just so you," she shrugs, embarrassed.
He chooses not to tease her about it and is flipping backwards through the book now. "Who's that guy?" he asks, pointing at a man with a goofy smile on his face who looks in his sixties.
"My uncle. He died the same year I graduated. He loved food. The recipe in there is the one he used to make for family reunion. Ambrosia Ring – great dessert. Lots of calories," she adds with a smile.
"Would you make it?"
"Sure, if you want."
He nods and keeps on reading. "That's your aunt's recipe," he points out, reading another page. "You make those for the Athosian kids." She nods, happy to see he remembered, her mind lost in her memories, not seeing him turn another page until it's too late. "Hey, that's a cute kid!" He's looking at the photo of a brown-eyed and brown-haired kid who must not be more than five. "Gabriel's Chestnut Spread and Chocolate Pie... That sounds enticing!" He turns to her and sees her looking straight ahead, her eyes lost in the distance. "Louise? Who's that kid?"
She closes the book slowly and takes it from his hands. "A child I used to know."
She's saved from making any more conversation because the doors woosh open and Chris strolls in, interrupting them. "Oh, hi, Sir. Didn't know you were here," he says, saluting his CO. John signals tiredly for him to stand at ease. Chris nods and walks past him towards Louise. He trails a hand on her shoulders and drops a kiss on her head before she has the time to react. "Hey, sweetheart. I'm not starting my shift until noon so I figured I'd drop by and show you how to make my mom's crawfish pie you asked about..."
Louise cringes but Chris doesn't seem to register it. He sees his CO tense though and his hand pauses on Louise's back. "I mean, that is... if you don't mind, Sir?"
John stands up rigidly, his eyes suddenly very cold. "I don't see why I'd mind, Captain. You said it yourself – you're not on duty. I'll be seeing you at ten, for the briefing. Now, if you'll excuse me..." He turns towards Louise, glaring at her, as he leaves. "Léger, thanks for breakfast. Good day to you two."
Chris drops by at her quarters after the meeting. "We're going to explore the planet with the jumpers," he says excitedly, looking like a kid on Christmas Eve. "And Colonel Sheppard said when we're done, Dr McKay is already preparing a lists of planets in the area they want to check out. I think our work is cut out for us!"
"I'm going?" she asks, her eyes lighting up.
He looks contrite. "No, Louise, I'm sorry. It's not what I meant... The military are. For the time being, Colonel Sheppard is only taking those civilians he absolutely needs."
She stomps out of her quarters without so much as a warning, heading for the cafeteria where she knows he'll be having his second or third coffee of the day.
Chris runs after her. He rounds her and makes her stop. "Wait! I wouldn't go and see him now if I were you."
"Why?" she barks, aggravated.
He winces. "I felt like he was kind of pissed." She winces too, flushing. "You know why?" he insists.
She shrugs. "I didn't say anything earlier but calling me sweetheart was not one of your best moves... And I'm not even talking about your hand on my back or your kiss."
"Oh! Sorry," he says sheepishly. "I didn't know we needed to keep it a secret. You're single. I'm single. And after the whole Michael fiasco, he's made it clear we'd not likely be on the same team again, so what's the big deal?"
"Thing is, Chris, John is a little protective when it comes to his woman friends. I never meant to tell him – about what happened last night..." She looks away. She never meant for it to be more than a one-night stand or fling at the most. Now, he's acting as if the whole thing were settled. The luck she has! Most girls would kill to be with him. She shakes her head dismissively.
He crosses his arms on his chest and leans towards her, peering into her eyes, his own suddenly stormy. "You're telling me I'm just a one-night stand because John Sheppard wouldn't approve of our being an item or are you telling me I was just not up to your standards?"
She sighs and rubs her temples. "Chris, I'm tired and you're not helping here. No, I guess, John will not approve of anyone getting near me actually, because the guys always think I need protection. Probably my petite frame..." she adds, rolling her eyes. "And of course, I enjoyed last night – and this morning," she adds with a smile. "I'm just not sure it's a good thing. You're young and I'm really older and it's gonna be frowned upon..."
He stops her with a searing kiss, his hands on either side of her head and she feels herself spinning out of control. She wraps her arms around his neck and leans in, sighing with content. "See, not too young to make you ask for more and not too old to make me want much, much more than this, Louise," he whispers in her ear, making her shiver. "And I don't give a damn shit about whatever people think – not even my CO." He kisses her forehead gently. "Listen. I need to gear up. I'd just dropped by to keep you in the loop. See you tonight." She remains standing there in the middle of the corridor, thinking about the mess she's made. And if she's correct, things are soon going to get worse.
And they do. Ronon gives her a cold stare when he comes for dinner that night. Rodney doesn't even pretend not to know and walks up to her, embarrassing her in front of everyone by telling her he does not approve at all and what went through her thick head of hers? Teyla pouts and wraps her arm around her shoulders, steering her towards the balcony. John has not even made an appearance. She'd hoped to see him and talk to him about the food supplies. She sees Lorne ask Wilson for a tray for his boss. Teyla confirms he's in a foul mood.
"I need to talk to him, Teyla. He's not giving me the cold shoulder, no way. And for what? I'm a big girl. I know what I'm doing..." Teyla looks doubtful. "Well, yeah, I'm supposed to. God," she groans, slapping her hands on the cold railing of the balcony. "What was I thinking?!"
Her friend chuckles. "You put life over death, my friend. It is not such a bad thing. Is he such a bad lover?" she asks her with a smirk, making Louise turn beet red. She only shakes her head. Teyla laughs. "Well, then, I really do not see what the problem is."
"Problem is, Teyla, everyone is going to judge us. And he's not very discreet, ya' know. He's acting like a girl, for God's sake! Thinking I'm already for granted because we spent one night together!"
"Well then, if it is a problem, why don't you tell him so. I am sure he can understand you do not want to advertise it to the whole base," her friend offers, looking sorry for her.
"I guess I could try and make that clear. Look, I don't want us to be together. I like him – I do. It's just I don't want us to be an item. I'm not ready for that. But it's not even the issue. John's pissed, Ronon looks murderous and Rodney is scornful. I can't fight them all if they show a front. They're impossible taken separately so one can only imagine what it will look like if they gang up against me!" she adds sarcastically.
Teyla smiles at her antics. "Louise. They love you. They will adapt, for your own good – whatever you decide."
Chris comes round that night, as expected, after she's returned to her quarters. She's relunctant to let him in. She doesn't want him to entertain the possibility she's letting him in her life as well as in her room.
"Look," she says, standing in the doorway. "I think we need to talk."
He turns pale. "Louise..."
She lifts her hand decidedly. "Whatever you have to say will have to wait. Let me go first, please. I think we got on the wrong foot here. First, I want to apologize. I should never have come to you but what's done is done. I like you – a lot. Even before today. You're smart and handsome and gentle – probably everything a girl needs. Except I'm not a girl anymore. To be honest, I had fun last night and I'd gladly make it a staple in my life, including the falling asleep in your arms part." He looks smug and a little reassured. She's not kicking him out – yet. "But I need us to remain discreet – for many reasons..."
"So, if I get it right, you want us to be friends with benefits, as long as we just look like friends in public?" He looks non-committal. She'd prefer him to yell at her and leave than be so calm.
"Not exactly. I just don't want you to advertise it, brag about it ..." She knows guys. They usually need to do such things.
"So... If I comply – am a good boy, don't tell everyone you're my girl – you'll be my girl all the same?" he asks, grinning.
She shakes her head. "You're impossible!"
He bows. "Thank you, my lady. I'll take that as a compliment. Now, may I come in? 'Cuz, ya' know, I spent my day woolgathering and I'm kind of hoping you'll help me make some of those dreams come true..."
TBC
Extract from Louise's Cookbook (on Tumblr: letseasoneverythingwithlove. You need not log in. Take a look at it if, like Louise and myself, you love food.)
Madeleine's French Butter Cookies
My aunt used to make these when I was a kid. It's one of my fondest memories and like Proust's own little madeleines, those shell-shaped, melt-in-your mouth cookies bring me back to happier times.
The Athosian kids love them too, as does Rodney. I might have forgotten to tell him there's a little bit of lemon in it!
For about 16 cookies, you'll need:
one large egg
1/6 cup sugar
1/6 cup flour
3 tbsp butter, melted and cooled
2 tsp lemon juice (and half the zest of a lemon)
1 tsp baking powder
2 pinches baking soda
Mix the egg and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the butter and whisk until smooth and shiny then add the juice and zest. Finish with the dry ingredients.
Fill the shell-shaped moulds but not to the brim. Cook 8 to 10 mns. Cool 10 mn on a rack. Eat fresh.