Chapter 40
At first she thought it would come to pass and they would get used to it – to him – maybe even accept him in their group, allow him to join their Friday nights, but never had she thought she would be shunned for dating him.
For a couple of months, Sheppard is in charge of the City pending the decision of the IOA. He knows he's on the shorter list but he can't wait to be released of his temporary duties and return to active duty on the missions. He tells Ronon about it. He's bored sick of staying in Elizabeth's office and reading mission reports. "Lucky bastards," he growls, handing Lorne's most recent report to his buddy across the desk.
In the first few days, they've explored the planet but it's inhabited and there's not much there. They need to find an alpha site and they need to get new allies in this part of the galaxy so basically all military personnel are working round the clock. John hates it he has to stay on base instead of going with his team. Ronon, McKay and Teyla keep going off-world, without him.
Ronon chuckles. "So, if I get that right, all you really want is not be Atlantis' next leader?"
Sheppard reclines in his chair and sighs. "That's right. It's just I'm worried about who they might send to replace 'Lizabeth. If all it takes is me to get the job so some arrogant big brass doesn't take it over and pisses us off then I'll do it but don't ask me to like it." He winces at the thought he might have to forego his team and put someone else in charge.
"Listen, buddy. Maybe they'll send someone good, but in the meantime, why don't you appoint someone to help us out?"
"You mean like a new leader? I can't really spare anyone from the other teams, ya' know." Sheppard looks embarrassed. This whole management thing is giving him headaches.
"Nope. We can manage. It's just it would be good to have one more person with us. Maybe if you sent Louise with us, you know, we could kill two birds with one stone – look for ZPMs and make a few more friends in this corner of the galaxy. She's pretty good with negociations." Ronon looks hopeful.
Sheppard shakes his head in disbelief. "I don't get it, Ronon. I thought we had agreed she was not going anywhere at the moment. She kind of blew it on her first day. Who can tell what she'll do if she's on the team? She'll probably convince you guys to do stupid things and I really don't have time for that right now."
"You're pissed at her, right?" Ronon lifts his eyebrows, waiting for Sheppard to spit it out. John stares at him looking nonplussed so he elaborates. "For dating that Johansen guy..."
John doesn't even bother to deny. "Ain't ya'?" he barks back.
Ronon shrugs. "Yeah. She's making a huge mistake." He falls silent, thinking. "You're shunning her?"
John shrugs. He doesn't like to talk about it, doesn't like to think about it. At least that's one thing he's grateful for about his temporary position – hiding out in the Control Room so he doesn't have to see them together. "I'm waiting for this fling to pass. She'll come to her senses soon enough."
"So you're shunning her," Ronon concludes.
John rolls his eyes but doesn't answer.
Carter notices it the very first day she arrives – something has changed between her 2IC and their cook. She doesn't know much about Louise, apart from what Jack has told her and it's good enough for her. She trusts his judgment so when Jack says she's a good person, she believes him. She read her file. It boggles her mind someone like her could be found in a place like this.
High school teacher, never travelled before, never so much as a parking ticket in her life. Then her life turns into a nightmare and she ups and leaves, ends up on the other side of the Atlantic and next thing on her file, she's head of the food service on the Atlantis expedition. But Jack says the little cook is right where she belongs so Carter doesn't question it.
But then she starts conducting interviews with John by her side to assist her in the conference room. Not formal ones. Just to get to know her staff. And she sees it. How John tenses when she enters the room. How guilty and ill-at-ease she looks. But it's not Sam who makes her feel that way. That, she's sure of because Louise is pretty open with her, welcoming her to Atlantis with a smile, a cup of coffee and apple cinnamon muffins she's brought for her. No. It's John who is the root of her unease. Louise doesn't even have time to sit that John excuses himself and leaves the room only to return when Louise's gone, making her cringe when he passes her on his way out.
"Is there a problem with our cook?" Sam asks him at the end of the day. Everything seems to run smoothly here, except for that little hitch. Of course, they have some pretty complex personalities around base – some of them being far from endearing, others downright creepy in a geeky way – but exceptional situations call for exceptional people and she's used to it. What she doesn't want on base is a tensed relationship that might lead to further issues.
He shakes his head. "Uh, uh, no, Ma'am. No problem." He looks away, his jaw twitching.
"Colonel. I can't run that base if you're hiding something from me. If need be, I'll do my own investigation and bring a shrink into the process," she warns him and by now, he knows it's no empty threat.
He's worked with her before, though very briefly, and he knows she's got the full support of her former CO. The approval of the IOA means nothing to him but O'Neill's is a different matter. He knows whatever is in store for them, she'll be a damn good leader for the City. She doesn't need to earn his trust. He sure needs to earn hers. "We're kind of having an argument, Ma'am. Nothing professional. I can assure you it won't be a problem."
She tilts her head and looks at him intently. "I hope not, Colonel. Because if it gets out of hand, I will have to make a choice and let one of you go. And I already know who's indispensable to this expedition."
On leaving her office he realizes he cannot let this happen. It would not be fair to her but truth be told, it would not be to him either. He needs her here with him, especially these days. He misses Elizabeth and on top of it all, even Teyla is acting weird with him.
He sighs and decides it's been going on for too long. Carter is right. They need to stick together, not look for more trouble than they already have. He walks to the kitchen which is empty at that time. When Buckley left, she moved her things back to her former quarters. He wishes she hadn't. He's told her so several times. She's isolated from everyone here – again – which suits her down to the ground, but he much prefered when she was closer to his own quarters.
Her door is open. She's not there. He taps his headset and calls her. "Louise? It's John. Where are you?"
She startles at the sound of his voice. They have not so much as greeted each other in weeks. She's down in the storage area, assessing her supplies, worrying about what she'll soon need to replenish. Chris is helping her. "I'm down in the storage area, Colonel," she answers curtly, seeing Chris' look. He's not happy John is seeking her out. Actually, she suspects him of liking the fact the guys are shunning her at the moment. Because it gives him more time with her alone. Because she has an inkling he's jealous of his CO. But she humors him nonetheless, though she knows she's making a big mistake.
Chris rolls his eyes at her. "It's past eleven, damn it. Can't you have some down time?"
She huffs. "I'm head of the food service, Chris. I pull as many hours as most heads of departments here, including your CO," she points out. He bites his bottom lip. She's just reminded him she's got a higher position than him and though she's older than he is and has been on Atlantis for much longer than he has, it stings nonetheless.
"There you are!" John exclaims then skids to a halt when he sees Chris. "Captain," he greets him curtly.
The younger man nods but doesn't salute, not being on duty at the moment. "Sir," he greets his commander politely. "You wanted to see me?"
"No, actually, it's our cook I need to talk to," John replies with a tense smile, making Chris know he needs him to leave.
"Right. I should have known," Chris says, bordering on disrespect. Louise glares at him. "I mean, yes, of course, Sir," he amends and walks to the door but takes time to kiss Louise as he passes her. She lets him but cringes all the same. John looks away, his arms crossed on his chest.
When Chris has left, he trains his eyes on her. She looks embarrassed and doesn't know what to say. After all, he's the one who sought her out so he goes first. "I wanted to see you because I was made aware that our temporary disagreement is affecting other people's work," he says.
She lifts her eyebrows so he elaborates. "I was not very kind to you this morning during the interview. Colonel Carter pointed it out to me."
She snorts. He hasn't been kind to her in weeks. "You've been shunning me for weeks, John. This morning was no different than your recent routine."
He pouts. "Right. And I apologize. We obviously need to work together and to do so, we need to communicate so I came down here to tell you I'm aware things cannot remain the way they are."
She looks up hopefully so he lifts his forefinger and goes on. "But let's be clear. It's only for work's sake. I still think you should not let him into your life."
She growls, aggravated. "This is so not your business, John. I don't see why you guys hate him so much. Captain Johansen is a good soldier and paramedic and a valuable addition to our expedition. He's also a good person – which you would soon discover if only you tried to get to know him!"
He huffs, exasperated. This is not going at all as he had planned and once again, it's because he couldn't catch her alone and talk some sense into her. She's clearly under the influence of her boyfriend. "It's not what I said, Louise! Damn! Ain't you bullheaded and irrational these days! I'm not judging his work here."
She narrows her eyes at him and gets into his personal space, arms crossed too. "No, of course not! You're just judging my ability to make the right choices for my own life. My life, John! Not yours!" she says through clenched teeth.
He lifts his hands up and huffs. "God, I hate it when you're like this!"
He starts pacing, trying to keep his temper. If he listens to his instincts, he'll do what he's already done right here so long ago. Corner her and lash out at her. Maybe if he yelled enough at her, she might snap out of her transe and see how wrong Johansen is for her. But he can't do that this time because he won't have the excuse of the iratus bug to justify his bullying her.
He walks back to her and leans towards her, locking eyes. "I can't fight you on that, Louise, you're right. You're a grown woman and though I wish you had chosen differently, I have to let you make your own mistakes. Know that I'll still be there for you if ever you come to your senses. This being said," he adds hurriedly, seeing her ready to yell at him for calling the man she's let into her life a mistake, "I need you on duty, as part of our missions." He sees the hopeful look. "Not with the team, though. I can't trust myself around you right now and I think I can speak for McKay and Dex when I say they share the same feeling of distrust for Johansen. We can't be at odds off-world. It would be too dangerous. So, for the time being, I'm assigning you to Lorne's team. He'll take you off-world whenever food negociations are needed. Be kind to send your requests for anything you might need to Colonel Carter and Major Lorne. I've read all your updates on our food supplies," he adds, briefly looking around at the crates surrounding them. "I'll make sure your concerns are given full attention and Evan knows how to be of help." His tone is final. The matter is settled as he'd promised Colonel Carter. She'd offered for him to take Louise with him on his own team but the decision can only be his and she's been clear she trusts him with making the better choice for everyone.
Louise nods curtly, seeing there's nothing else she can say. She's not the CO's favorite anymore. She'll have to deal with it. "Thank you, John, for allowing me off-world again. I'll make sure to get on well with Major Lorne's team and not be a burden."
"And you will remember I won't allow for any other foul play on your part," he adds, lifting his eyebrows. He has never forgiven her for her little stunt with Michael on her first mission without him. She nods again but doesn't say a word. "Good," he simply says before leaving.
"He shuns me all he can, Teyla, but at least he's agreed to let me go off-world again. I was getting cabin fever here," she tells her friend over tea that night. Ever since John has discovered Teyla was pregnant, Louise and her spend more time together than they ever had, having something more in common – John's relunctance to approach them. He's clearly ill-at-ease with Teyla's pregnancy and finds every possible excuse to not spend more time than needed with any of them.
Teyla chuckles. "You spend your time working, Louise. I cannot imagine why you feel the need to do more."
Louise shakes her head and pouts. "It's not I would say no to a few days off, especially if John was still my friend and he took time off with me to go surfing. It's just I need to get the hell out of here, breathe some fresh air, do something else."
Teyla looks at her cautiously. "Not see someone for a while too?" she suggests.
Louise winces. "Yeah, well, that too. I kind of need him to let me breathe, that's all. Chris is a great guy, he is, but... I spend too much time cooped up with him. It's so not me, Teyla. I've been independent for too long. And right now, I feel like a housewife."
Teyla looks sorry for her and pats her hand. "Do you feel like you're going backwards?"
Louise nods. "I hate the idea that Chris thinks we're going to settle into a routine and I'm for granted and all. He's still pestering me about coming clean about it and telling everyone we're dating. But he doesn't get it. I don't want to feel like I'm dating him. It was never supposed to be that way."
"Did you tell him that?" Teyla suggests. Louise is always so considerate with people she often finds it difficult to make her point – with the exception of her kitchen and mess hall where she bosses her team around and never has any qualms about saying no to anyone, team or expedition members alike.
"I tried but he never listens. I think he believes with time I'll let him have his way. But I won't," she says decidedly.
"Well, maybe you should consider making your point now and be done with it, Louise. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will get," Teyla tells her.
TBC
Don't worry. Soon, you'll get fluff ;)
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