Chapter 43 – The Party

I'd like to renew my thanks to all the people who are faithfully reading this story, especially to those who are following it and/or have favorited it.

And of course a special thank you – again – to Guest 64 who never forgets to tell me what she thinks about each chapter. You always make my day and it greatly helps. I hope I'll get to know who you are some day, mystery reader ;)

For those who are interested in the prequel to this story, I'll start posting it tomorrow. It's called Louise and is a crossover between SG1 and Stargate Atlantis.

"You've outdone yourself, chef." Ronon is grinning, ladling his plate with all kinds of finger food she's prepared for the party. It's the first time in eons he says something nice to her. She only often gets snarky remarks these days or silent stares, which really are no better. He's never forgiven her for letting Chris into her life.

After everything they've been through recently, Sam has decided it was high time Atlantis had a proper party. No reason in particular, she's told Sheppard. Just to celebrate life. He's half-agreed, not having fully overcome his remorse and guilt for all those they have lost, but has complied gracefully, knowing not everyone is as forlorn as he is.

She's asked him to coordinate preparations. He's surveyed the decorations, rearranged shifts so everyone can participate, put Chuck in charge of getting everyone's favorite songs and being the designated DJ.

The most difficult part was to go see Louise so she'd agree to put even more work hours in the food service. He's tried to bail out, contending Sam could negociate with the chef, but she's insisted he'd do it – being herself swamped with mission reports to read.

Actually, she thinks the situation has been at a stand-still for too long. She's even talked to Louise about it but she's told her the guys are punishing her for spending time with Chris and she won't let them bully her. Sam first did not intervene when she got there, especially when John finally agreed Louise should be sent back on trading missions. It's vital to the expedition and as long as she agrees to go with Lorne and his men and doesn't ask for her own team again, he's come to terms with it. She's safe with Lorne, not withstanding the added bonus of not letting her spend time off-world with her "boyfriend".

John hates to think about it, but Chris – though very discreet since that first embarrassing morning in the kitchen – is too often seen around her to let anyone think otherwise. He's mentioned it several times to Teyla when she said he's hurting Louise in the process. "She's the one who started it, Teyla! It's not I don't like the guy. It's just I don't like seeing them together. He's not the right kind of guy for her, that's all."

Teyla knows she can't reason with him or even Ronon or McKay. They're pretty stubborn – all of them. She doesn't tell him Louise has qualms about her relationship with Chris – had them from the start. She doesn't mention she said: "He's a good man. Most girls would be happy to call him theirs. It's just he's too young, I guess. We don't have much in common."

"Yeah, he's right, you know." John comes to stand next to them. "You've done wonders again, little witch." She turns to him, amazed at how relaxed he suddenly acts, after being tense and aloof for so long. He smiles. "Hey, Louise, what about we get these people on the dance floor?" he offers with a wink, seeing how relunctant everyone is, though the mess hall has been cleared and Chuck is manning the stereo in the corner, looking disappointed no one has yet dared to get the party started.

She shakes her head, chuckling. "Sorry, too rusty for that!"

He offers his hand, palm up. "Humor me. It's just a waltz," he says, hearing the first chords of Mexican Wind. It's one he's heard her listen to several times in her kitchen. "I lead. You just need to follow, sweetie." She relents, seeing how hopeful he looks. He walks her to the center of the dance floor and twirls her around as he hears the song settle into the rhythm of the waltz. He lifts the hand he's kept in his and splays his other hand on her back, drawing her closer. "You're ready?" He looks her in the eye. She nods and keeps her eyes on his, feeling their feet move in unison. After a few chords, they find their pace. She hasn't danced in years and was afraid she'd be clumsy but it's so easy with him, she just relaxes and enjoys the moment, smiling at him. He smiles too. "You look pretty tonight." She's not wearing a dress – she's never felt comfortable in them – but she has opted for a long-sleeved white blouse over black skinny jeans and boots.

"You're not bad yourself," she compliments him. He's wearing a black jacket over faded blue jeans and a white shirt. "You look..."

"Less military," he completes her sentence, making her laugh.

"Yeah, that must be it!" They've fallen back into their routine without realizing it. It feels comfortable and sweet. She sighs and he draws her closer as the music slows for a brief moment, making them stand still for barely a couple of seconds before he makes her move backward again and she follows his lead effortlessly. "I miss you, Léger," he whispers in her ear. It's a bald move. Knowing her, she might fly into a rage at him for daring voice out their issues.

She sighs. "I miss you too, John – a lot."

The confession makes him pout. "I'm sorry," he simply says and seeing her pout too, he draws her just a tiny bit closer than what is normally allowed. She doesn't push him away and they finish the dance in comfortable silence. It feels warm and safe in his arms and if she had a wish, she'd want it to last forever.

When the music ends, he doesn't let go of her hand. "Let's get something to eat," he offers. She glances towards where Chris is standing with other marines. He's trying hard not to look at her but she sees the scowl on his face. Rodney, on the other hand, is beaming at her. "He has you all the time," John remarks, glancing towards Chris as well. "It won't hurt him to let you breathe a little."

She winces but relents. "You're probably right and I'm hungry. I'll be right back." She heads to the kitchen to get her shots and sees Chris ready to follow her but Ronon blocks his way, his arms crossed on his chest, and shakes his head. She thinks Oh, boy, not tonight! but John is already on it so she scurries to the kitchen to make it quick before the whole thing goes south.

When she returns, Chris is nowhere to be seen. She huffs and heads towards John. "What happened?" she demands.

He chuckles. "Stop being so damn wound up, Léger. I did not kill him – yet. And neither did Ronon. He's on duty in the Control Room as of now and will return after the tech had his break," he elaborates, pointing at the guy who's entering the room and making a beeline for the buffet. "See, no foul. Now can we eat? I'm starving!" She giggles, seeing his puppy look.

They talk and nibble at their food, standing near the dance floor. She teases him, saying she had no idea flyboys could dance and he explains it was part of the mandatory activities during his childhood but now, in hindsight, he's glad his father forced him to take ballroom dancing after all. "So, you didn't fight him on everything," she points out.

"Oh, I did! I challenged him, taking two-step lessons as well. He went bonkers, believe me!"

She grins. "You know two-step?"

He lifts an eyebrow and puts his plate on the table beside him then grabs her hand. "Come on, I think a little demonstration is in order!" They go to see Chuck. "Any chance you'd have Ring of Fire?" he asks hopefully.

"You bet!" Chuck says, knowing his CO's love for the Man in Black.

"You ready?" John asks Louise. She nods, unsure. "You just follow my lead. Don't take your eyes off of me for a second. Everything I'm gonna do, we can anticipate together." She nods again. It's something they've developed off-world – their non-verbal communication. Something they haven't used in too long. She goes wrong on the first step a couple of time and groans. "Hey, it's OK. Again," he reassures her, holding her hand firmly in place, correcting the angle of her arm and making eye contact. This time she gets it right and is rewarded with his trademark grin. Chris' has got nothing on his, she suddenly thinks and misses a step, bumping into him. She blushes. "Sorry. I was not paying enough attention."

He shrugs casually. "Must be my good looks. I know I'm dazzling you," he drawls lazily, making her dissolve into laughter. He crosses his arms on his chest and glares mockingly at her, making her laugh even more.

She wipes the tears of mirth from her eyes. "You're a handful, Colonel Sheppard," she informs him playfully.

"Right back at ya', Ms Léger," he replies cockily, before pulling her to him again. "Don't worry," he says in her ear, "we'll find our pace, eventually. I'm a patient man when I put my mind into it."

Her pulse accelerates and she forces herself to slow it down. It's just a dance, you stupid. He's just talking about the dance. She smiles at him and lets him guide her from the simpler to more complex moves. As they dance in a circle around the dance floor she sees some people stare and others smile. Seeing their CO relax and indulge in such an odd activity is quite a show. Sam is sitting in a corner, talking quietly with Jack O'Neill who's visiting for a week. They wave at them as they go by their table.

John nods at Sam. "Thank you", he mouthes to her. She nods back with a smile. It's the first time she sees John lose the constant look of worry he permanently sports these days – ever since Elizabeth has disappeared.

They chit-chat with a lot of people that night – Ronon and Rodney and Teyla, of course, but also Keller and many others, and even go to sit for a while with Sam and Jack. She's glad to see he has been able to come – what with all the responsibilities befalling him. Rodney butts in at one point, whining that he hasn't been allowed to dance with Louise yet but John swats his hand away when he offers it to Louise. "She's mine tonight," he informs him, smugly, "and mine alone." She shakes her head at his antics, knowing he likes nothing more than to find a reason to bicker with his friend. "Aren't you, sweetie?" he insists.

She chuckles. "Yes, honey," she replies playfully.

General O'Neill stands, glancing at Sam for permission. "Surely, Colonel, you won't refuse me the pleasure of a dance with your protégée?" he asks, baiting him.

John motions for him to go ahead. "I'll lend her to you, General, but it's really because I owe you one." He elaborates for Rodney who looks nonplussed: "He got her here so I kind of have to comply... But just for this one time," he adds for Jack's benefit.

Louise snorts. "You'll so pay for this, Sheppard. I'm not your puppy, you know."

He grins at her cheekily. "Anytime, Léger. Sparring room, 8:00 tomorrow?"

She makes a face, knowing he'll kick her ass for sure.

Rodney butts in. "Hey, what about me? I'm the one who discovered her!"

"Again, guys, not a puppy, remember?!" Louise protests.

They leave them bickering to Sam's delight. Jack leads her to the dance floor. "It's a nice party," he remarks.

She nods. "Yes. It was sure nice of Colonel Carter to suggest it."

"And she's sure glad she killed two birds with one stone," he adds, waggling his eyebrows.

She bites her bottom lip. "I wish it were that simple, General. Come morning, John might give me the cold shoulder again. I'm afraid it's just a truce."

"As I gathered, Ms Léger, watching you two on the dance floor, you like each other a lot. Surely there's no reason you couldn't work out your issues."

"General, I never hid anything from you. The issue is called Chris. But he could be called any other name, I'm afraid it wouldn't change a thing. John thinks he knows better what's good for me." She pouts and sighs.

"And do you believe Captain Johansen is what's best for you?" he asks earnestly. "Cuz if he is, you need to tell Sheppard. But if he's not," he adds, looking her in the eye, "you need to tell that young man. From what I saw tonight and from what Sam told me, he seems to want much more from you than what you're allowing him to have right now."

She blushes. She knows she's not being fair to Chris but he's not been fair to her as well, allowing her to put them in this tricky situation. "It's a mutual agreement, General."

He shakes his head sadly. "You're deluding yourself, Ms Léger. This young man cannot be content with what he has right now. You're simply not giving him the choice."

She shakes her head. "I cannot give him more, General. I'm too old and I've been through too much. It will always stand in our way."

"I'm not asking you to make miracles. I'm just saying you'll need to make a decision and the longer you wait, the more painful it will get – for everyone." He looks past her. "Speaking of the devil..."

He twirls her around and she sees Chris enter the room. He walks past her and the General without a look for her. She sighs. She knows it has hurt him to see her with John but they can't go on like that. She misses her friends too much, especially one. "Why can't we have it all?" she mutters, more for her sake than for Jack.

He chuckles as the dance ends. "I don't have an answer to that one. Choose well, Ms Léger," he adds, looking expectantly, waiting to see where she wants him to lead her. She tilts her head towards John's team who have gathered at Sam's table and are trading jokes.

John doesn't leave her side that night, sitting next to her and occasionally dancing with her. Soon, she sees Chris leave the party but she doesn't stand to join him. They have a lot of talking to do and she has a lot of apologizing to make. She keeps the thought for a rainy day, though it will probably come sooner than later – like when the party ends. They need to settle this once and for all.

She just needs to enjoy her time with them all a little longer. John is sitting next to her, one hand resting on the back of her chair, as he used to back when she wasn't seeing Chris. It's been so long. From time to time, he massages her shoulders or her neck with his thumb and forefinger, like he used to do. No one says a thing but everyone notices.

Jack tilts his head towards them, making eye contact with Sam. She nods appreciatively. Her CO looks more relax than he has in months. So does Louise.

John glances at his watch from time to time, knowing the party is nearing its end. He needs to replace Lorne who's on duty in the Control Room. He wishes he could stay but that wouldn't be fair to his wingman. "Ah, guys. I need to leave you to it," he apologizes, wincing. "Got to let Lorne have a little bit of fun too." He bends and kisses Louise's temple – something he never does in public. "Try not to have too much fun without me, OK?" he banters.

"Will you not come back?" she worries, taken by surprise as she'd not even thought he'd leave at all by now.

"Well, I can. If you save the last dance for me..." he winks at her and leaves.

Rodney clears his throat. "Well, took him long enough to revert to his Captain Kirk mode but I guess I like him better that way than scowling and getting on everyone's nerves! OK, so now he's gone, will you dance with me?" he adds. She complies, happy to spend time with her friend who for once is not shunning her.

"Hey, where's Blue Eyes?" he asks not too diplomatically. She winces. "Rodney! Be a little more considerate. You guys act as if he were the devil himself. He's a good man!"

He rolls his eyes at her. "You're so blind! He is only trying to take you from us."

She shakes her head in disbelief. "He's so not! And no one, you hear, will take me away from you. Atlantis is my home and you're my family. Period."

He beams at her. "Really?"

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, really! What did you all think?!"

He shuts up, letting the idea sink in that she's not going to leave them anytime soon. His spirits lift tremendously. "I missed you, you know," he says when he's taking her back to the table. "We all did." She nods quietly. She knows this can't possibly go on. It has already gone on for too long actually.

John returns for the very last dance, Rodney having slipped out quietly towards the Control Room to relieve him of his duty and let him have some more time with Louise. He tells him briefly about what she's said, to which John nods quietly and then adds: "Good."

He reaches the table as the first chords of Save the Last Dance for Me fill the room. She shakes her head in disbelief and chuckles. "Who chose the Drifters to end this party?" she wonders.

Jack looks at her pointedly. "I did. Don't like my choice of music?"

She salutes mockingly. "Yes, Sir, of course, Sir." He shakes his head and points at her, looking at Sheppard. "She only means trouble, that one," he informs him. "Put her in the brig."

John chuckles. "I threatened her of it many times, Sir. To no avail. She's like a bunch of cats in wrapping paper!" She swats his arm viciously. "Wow, you've got to stop doing that!" he protests and wraps his arm around her waist, leading her to the dance floor. She sees the sparkle in his eyes. It's been too long since she's done that actually. He protests every single time. She keeps on doing it. That's their routine – like him and McKay bickering. They miss it if they don't.

He settles into a slow dance, almost cheek to cheek. She realizes how much she's missed her friend, being close, both emotionally and physically. She wishes it would never end. She sighs. "Is it a sigh of content?" he asks.

She nods. "But it's sad when a party ends. It's like nothing will ever be the same."

"Good things are here to stay, Louise. Don't be so sad."

She looks at him. "Yeah. I guess."

"Could I walk you to your room?" he asks cautiously. "I know it's late but I'd like to talk... Preferably without McKay underfoot. He has a tendency to barge in on private conversations uninvited," he banters, feeling uncomfortable.

"If you don't mind, John, this will have to wait. I have to go see someone." He winces, knowing who she's talking about. She adds hurriedly: "Hey. I'll see you in the morning, OK? There are things I need to discuss and it's best I do it now."

"May I hope you're going to straighten a few things?" he asks.

She gives him a warning look. "John, don't push it! This is none of you business." He bites his bottom lip, refraining from speaking his mind. "But yes, if that can help you sleep tonight, things are gonna change around here as of tomorrow – I mean, today," she adds, glancing at her watch. She winces. "God, it's gonna be so hard to wake up tomorrow morning. I wonder if it's even worth going to sleep. I might as well set to work and be done with it."

He growls. "Louise... You need to sleep. I'll put a guard at your door if need be."

She rolls her eyes. "Alright then." The music ends and they join everyone who are bidding each other goodnight. She kisses his cheek and caresses his sideburn with her thumb, her hand on the side of his head. He leans into her touch. "I've missed you," she confesses. "Goodnight , John," she whispers before turning to the others. "Goodnight you all. See you in a few hours."

She passes her hand over the sensor to let him know someone is at the door. He opens it almost immediately. He's changed into shorts and a t-shirt and she can see he's ready to go for a run... at two in the morning. She winces.

"What do you want, Louise?" he asks tiredly and sighs.

"We need to talk," she says, hoping he'll take the cue and let her in. She's not having this conversation in the corridor, albeit empty at this time of night.

"No, we don't. Body language speaks for itself, ya' know. There's nothing you can say I don't know already." The muscle in his jaw twitches characteristically.

She huffs. "Please..."

He lets her in relunctantly.

"It's so not what you think," she says.

"Oh yes, it is. And maybe you're not even aware of it, in which case he's even more guilty."

"John is my friend, Chris. Nothing more. Everyone knows that!"

"No, Louise. You've decided that's how you want to see it. People just humor you. But I won't anymore. Only a fool would miss what's in plain sight for everyone to see. You turn to him like a sunflower to the sun every single time he enters a room, damn it!"

She flushes but chooses to ignore the innuendo and rather deflect the matter or she'll get pissed and yell at him, which won't achieve anything. "It was just a dance, Chris. He needed to reconnect. I needed to reconnect. And you make it sound like I'm betraying your trust or something."

"It was not just one dance, Louise. It was dances, throughout the evening. He didn't even allow McKay near you. And if it hadn't been for General O'Neill, no one would have had the privilege but him to approach you. He guards you like the damn crown jewels!" He growls.

"It was just a dance, Chris," she repeats, sighing.

"Yeah, right and denial is just another river in Egypt! He could have chosen any one of those songs but he waited for the most romantic of the whole bunch to ask you on the dance floor. Mexican Wind, damn it, Louise! It's slow, it's mesmerizing, and mesmerized, you were indeed! Cuz you never once looked away from him. Not once!" he repeats through clenched teeth. If she's honest with herself, she has to agree with him. She did let herself draw into the rhythm.

"I'm sorry I enjoyed the dance," she replies sharply. "Look, Chris, it's late and this needs to be settled once and for all. I feel the need to apologize for two things actually."

He looks at her expectantly, eyebrows raised and a scowl on his face. "Oh yeah? I wonder what for, really... You're so damn perfect!"

She growls. "Damn it, Chris, shut up and hear me out. I apologize for not spending time with you tonight. It was not considerate of me and selfish too." He snorts but she ignores him and plods on. "But the thing I feel the most guilty for is letting all this drag on for so long. You were right, you know. I only came to you because I was lonely that night and you had made it clear you were more than ready to spend time with me. I never intended for this to last, at least not that way. And I'm sorry for that. I should have been braver and put an end to it from the very start. You want things from me I'll never be able to give you..." Her voice trails off and she waits for the storm but it never comes.

He doesn't yell at her but simply crosses his arms on his chest defensively. "I thought so. I waited for you to warm up to me. I thought with time you'd come to see me as more than the guy who keeps you warm at night. I was wrong. And I'm sorry too. For ever trying. I should have known better. Actually, I think you will never regard anyone as you do Sheppard. In your eyes, he's second to none."

She wraps her arms around her middle, feeling this is it, this is when it ends. "I'm so very sorry it has to end that way. I never meant to hurt you."

He huffs. "I have been pondering leaving Atlantis for some time, Louise. I was waiting for the right time to tell you and maybe ask you to come with me."

She startles. "Why would you do such a thing? This is the chance of a lifetime."

He shakes his head. "Not for me. Not if there's nothing more than a job here. My uncle is retiring. He has a ranch in Montana. He's asked me to come and help him. When I talked to him about you, he said there was that small coffee shop in town that was going out of business and you could probably lease it and do something with the place. I said I'd talk to you about it."

She sees he's trying one last time to make her change her mind. She shakes her head, pouting. "I'm sorry, Chris, but no. You and I, we're too different. It would never work."

"And you're hoping it will with Sheppard?" he retorts angrily.

She shakes her head once more. "No, of course not. I'm just where I belong. Before you came along, I had never entertained the mere possibility of being with someone. I'm quite content being on my own, as it is. I think that's what angered John so much – that I'd change my attitude overnight so radically. He felt like I wasn't being true to my word."

He scowls. "Once more, it's about Sheppard!"

She hangs her head tiredly. He'll never understand what binds her to John. She needs to stop trying to explain. "Look, I'm going to let you rest, or run, or whatever you wanted to do. I'm wasting your time and mine trying to explain. Just think about your decision. You have good friends here and all the girls you want batting their eyelashes at you, if ever you wanted to open your eyes. Don't waste the chance of a lifetime."

He looks sad and lets her pass as she heads back for the door. "It's you who'll never understand, Louise. I won't see them. I never did. It was always you, even before the incident with Michael. It just gave me a good reason to act upon it, seeing how you'd finally allowed yourself to enjoy what you'd been given."

She trudges back to her quarters but cannot sleep so she changes and returns to her kitchen. She sets to work, making oven donuts for the morning. As she shapes them in her moulds and places them in her warm ovens to raise before cooking them and then glazing them with maple syrup, she lets the words sink in. He had developed an interest in her at a time she had not even noticed him. She feels sad for him and makes a silent prayer that he should find what he's looking for and one day maybe, forgive her for being so selfish and cold.

TBC

For once, this chapter was not inspired by taste (well, except for the oven donuts I love to make. Check out Sally's Baking Addiction oven donuts. Oh my god! My favorite!) but by sound ;)

Mexican Wind is a compelling song by Jann Browne.

Of course, everyone who likes John knows about Johnny Cash and his Ring of Fire.

And I guess everyone knows the Drifters as well.

I chose them because both music and lyrics inspired me to create the mood of this chapter which, I guess, is a turning point in the story – at least one of them.

Feedback? Liked it? Hated it?