N: here's this. read it and enjoy! leave reviews! also Kenzi will not be making an appearance in this. Just he characters you've been reading about for 12 chapters now.

"Few times I've been around that track but it's not just gonna happen like that. Cause I ain't no hollaback girl….I ain't no hollaback girl….."

I groaned into the pillow that my face was buried into and I reached for the obnoxious cell phone that was sitting on my nightstand. I kept my eyes closed as I fumbled with the stupid thing and tried to flip it open so that I could answer the call. I was hung over. Again. This wasn't good. I succeeded in answering the phone and after I put it up to my ear I said, "Hello?" My voice was hoarse from the several shots I had taken last night.

"Bo? What's the matter with your voice?" My mom asked.

Shit. I cleared my throat and hoped it would sound a little bit better. It didn't. "Nothing mom. I just woke up."

My mom was quiet for a second then she said, "It's one in the afternoon."

I opened my eyes then rolled my head so that I could look at the alarm clock. Of course it was one o'clock in the afternoon and my mother would be calling me. I let out a breath then said, "I was up late studying."

I couldn't tell my mom that I was out partying last night. She would make a trip to Boston and check on me. I didn't need her to know that the stress of law school and being in the same school with Lauren had me drowning in self-doubt and depression. It also didn't help that Keating had made me her whipping girl and liked to humiliate me in front of the entire class. The corners of my eyes started to sting. I took a deep breath to get control of my emotions then asked, "May I ask why you're calling me?"

My mom let out a small hum and said, "I haven't spoken to you in almost two weeks and I was concerned."

I covered my face with my hand and tried not to groan. My life was a shit show. Not only was school and Lauren reappearing back into my life had me stumbling but my depression was wreaking havoc on everything else and instead of using the healthy coping skills that I had learned in therapy I had reverted to what was easy, booze and sex. When I did that I shut myself off from my parents and I was surprised that Laurel hadn't said anything yet. Then again she didn't know about my class work. I rolled onto my side and pulled my blanket over my head as I apologized, "Sorry mom. I...I've just been busy."

"See if you were anyone else I would accept that but you aren't anyone else." She paused for a moment and I knew she was about to go into something heavy which I so didn't want to get into right now. All I wanted was Laurel's hangover cure and four Advil. But that wasn't going to happen. "I got a call from Dr. Greenbaum-"

I scoffed then retorted, "More like you called her to check up on me."

"Don't take that tone with me Bo. I'm just worried. Law school is tough and the workload is unforgiving." She took a breath then continued, "Your father and I support you in this but considering your confidence issues and depression we don't want you doing something that will…." My mom trailed off and my throat tightened with emotion. I had dark places. Dark places that were so black that it's what caused my dad to snap and send me to a treatment facility for my drinking and depression. My mom still worried about me going back to those places even more so because of my stress and I hadn't even told her about Lauren because that would lead to a conversation that was not hangover friendly and more therapy which I barely had time to go to now. Or so I thought I didn't. I would actually have to go to a therapy session in order to find out how it affected my schedule.

"I'll go today mom." I said in a small voice. I couldn't put her through that again. I hadn't done anything but I saw that look in her eyes, that fear, like she could lose me at any moment. Since I had signed off on Dr. Greenbaum telling my mom about anything pertinent about my sessions I decided to tell her everything because she was going to find out at some point. I bit my bottom lip then I threw back the covers before I rolled onto my back to look up at the ceiling. "I've been drinking again."

"Bo-"

"No mom just let me get this out." I said cutting her off because if I didn't tell her then I would never be able to talk to her about it. "You're right the workload is a lot and if my professor wasn't harping on me so hard I would probably be able to get through it but she is."

"Do I have to call the dean of the law department?" My mom said in a tone that almost made me laugh.

I smirked a little. "No mom. I don't need you to call the dean. I've managed to grovel for all sorts of understanding but only a little." I rubbed my face and sighed. "It all sort of just snowballed. I thought I would do it once and then I just lost control of everything." I blinked a few times to clear my eyes of the tears that were forming in them. "I didn't mean for it to get like this mom." Drinking while I had a handle on my depression and self-loathing wasn't a bad thing it was when I didn't have control of either of those things did it lead to terrible decisions and dark places.

I heard my mom blow out a deep breath then she asked, "What happened Bo? I'm certain school had something to do with it and not seeing your therapist but there has to be something else."

I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. I didn't know how I was going to tell my mom about Lauren. After she had found out about the way Lauren and I had broken up she didn't have anything nice to say about her. My dad was even worse. "Is dad around you?" I needed to know because I wasn't going to tell her if he was around. It would result in him driving to Boston and kicking Lauren's ass personally. Though finding out that Tamsin worked for Boston PD would probably help with posting his bail. She owed me since she stole Lauren from me. I scowled. I never had Lauren if I actually thought about it. I shook my head then took a second to figure out how I was going to say this to my mom. "Lauren's at Harvard and we have a class together." I said in one breath.

"She is what?"

The indignation wasn't missed by me and I dreaded carrying on the conversation. I swallowed then said, with some hesitation, "Lauren is at Harvard for law school and we have a class together."

That set her off. "You're transferring schools. I refuse to see you fall down that dark hole that she caused-"

"She didn't cause anything mom. She just triggered it." I said exasperated by the fact that I had to tell her that. My depression was going to worsen someday Lauren just happened to be the thing to make it worse. My mom knew that but she still blamed Lauren.

My mom scoffed and asked, "But you're drinking again and I'm certain you're making the same decisions you made when you had your first bout of severe depression."

Well she wasn't wrong there. I hadn't had this much sex in almost three years. "You're right mom. But I can't just blame her and she got me out of a really shitty situation last night so she's not-"

"And here you are defending her. Bo when are you going to see that nothing good comes from that girl? Yes, she is smart as hell but sweetheart when it comes to you it is obvious that she doesn't care." She argued and I couldn't argue back because she was right. Lauren had done so much damage that it took me the longest time to dig myself out of it.

I took a deep breath but I didn't say anything as I wiped my eyes. I had begun to cry because it seemed to be the natural thing to do when I talked about Lauren. There was silence on the line for the longest time then I said, "I'll call Dr. Greenbaum to see if she can get me in for an emergency appointment today." My mom didn't say anything and I was worried I had lost service so I pulled the phone away from my ear to check my signal. I had full bars so I put the phone back to my ear. "Mom?"

She sighed then said, "I'm still here Bo. That sounds like a good idea." My mom paused for a second then she added, "Think about finding a new school. I'm serious when I say that she isn't any good for you Bo. She already has an effect on you."

If this were any other conversation I would have countered with how I was an adult and how she couldn't tell me what to do but this wasn't any other conversation. I played with the hem of the comforter and said, "Mom this is a good program and I don't want her to ruin what I feel like could be a good thing for me." I came up with a compromise, "How about this, I see Dr. Greenbaum twice a week and go to her weekly group sessions?"

"And the drinking and partying?"

I nodded and said, "I will stop that as well."

I waited for her to think that over. The partying and drinking would have to stop if I went to the group sessions. It was like AA without actually being AA. "Okay. And I won't tell your father about Lauren because if I do he will come down there and kick her ass."

That brought a smile to my face and I remarked, "That I have no doubt about." I glanced at the clock and said, "Okay mom I'm going to go call Dr. Greenbaum to see if she'll see me today."

My mom said okay and have to we said our goodbyes I hung up. I was serious about getting back on track. I had screwed up and instead of trying to avoid the train wreck that was currently happening I was making it worse. I called Dr. Greenbaum's office and she was able to get me in for a late session that afternoon. I got out of bed and I walked over to my desk and took my notebook and books out for Keating's class. If I was determined to get out of my tailspin then I would have to get my schoolwork back on track as well. When I pulled out my note book a stack of index cards fell out. I didn't remember putting any in there so I was confused as to where they had come from. I picked them up and noticed the handwriting on them. Just as neat and meticulous as it had been in high school. My hold tightened on the cards and instead of throwing them out I let out a resigned sigh. I needed to get on track but at the same time Lauren jumping in and saving me, no matter what form it was in, was going to do more damage than good. I sat down and began to look over the note cards. Maybe my mom was right. I probably should transfer.

I was on my way to Dr. Greenbaum's when I got pulled over. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I pulled over to the curb. This was my day today. First my mom, then Laurel, and now this. Laurel had not been happy when I told her about my downward spiral and she went off on me. As soon as the Spanish started flying I knew I was in it deep. I was now part of a sober study group, which was ran by Laurel's secret crush Michaela, and Laurel was going to make sure I didn't end up in shit again.

I saw the officer get out of the car and saw that it was a woman which meant me flirting my way out of the ticket went out the window. I rolled down the window and I saw who it was and mumbled, "Of-fucking-course it's you."

Tamsin scoffed and remarked, "This is the thanks I get for taking your drunk ass home last night? Lauren got hurt because of you."

I handed her my license and scoffed. "I didn't tell her to help me."

"Right because letting some asshole grope all over you while you're not completely sober is something that Lauren is going to let happen." Tamsin commented in a sarcastic tone.

I focused my gaze out the windshield as I muttered, "I'm certain you made sure that she was well taken care of afterwards."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

I clenched my teeth together and gave her a pointed look. "Nothing, Officer. Are we done here?"

Tamsin scoffed and said, "No we're not. You don't get to give me attitude after the shit you pulled on Lauren."

"After the shit that I pulled on Lauren?" I couldn't believe what she was saying. I wasn't the one who had left without saying a single word. Nor had I dragged someone along and used them emotionally. Lauren had done all that to me and then some. "You know what? Fuck you Tamsin. I hope the two of you are very happy and I wish you both the best."

Tamsin gawked at me for a second then exclaimed, "What the fuck are you talking about?'

I chuckled a little then commented, "And you were supposed to be the smarter option." I blew out an aggravated breath then stated, "You and Lauren. The relationship that you two have been in for apparently the last eight years." I got irritated by the perplexed look on her face. I wasn't going to hash this shit out with her on the side of the street. I really didn't want to hash this out with either of them. It wasn't good for me. "If you're not going to give me a ticket can I have my license back please so I can go?"

"Wait…." Tamsin said before she trailed off. "Who told you that Lauren and I were together?"

"When?" I snapped. I was annoyed with this conversation and if I was really honest with myself it hurt me more to reopen these old wounds for her sadistic pleasure. She had won a long time ago. Why Tamsin felt the need to do this now I wasn't sure of.

Tamsin shrugged and replied, "Anytime."

"Lauren's dad mentioned you two living together and Ted at graduation." I answered not hiding my frustration over this line of questioning.

Tamsin looked stunned for a moment then she said, "Here's your license. Uh…drive safe."

I watch her walk back to her car in the side mirror. I wasn't sure what that was about but I didn't think too much on it. I was late for the appointment that would help me fix the damage that her girlfriend had triggered.

XXXXX

I ran a finger over the three small stitches on the edge of my chin. This was not how I wanted to spend my weekend, a weekend that had successfully gone down the toilet after last night. Freddy had to take me to the hospital after the paramedics decided I needed stitches, then picked up by a very pissed off confused best friend. I quietly told Tamsin during the ride home I didn't want to talk about it until I had slept off the weird painkillers that were making me incredibly emotional.

So she kept quiet and tucked me in bed, alternating her stare from me curled up under the blankets, squeezing my pillow and the large box of high school we had yet to deal with. She cancelled the weekend trip to New York due to having to work overtime due to the frat house brawl. Her shift supervisors wanted extra patrols over the weekend to ensure nothing outrageous happened again.

I sighed and walked away from the bathroom mirror, grabbing my hair up into a loose ponytail, I headed downstairs to find something to eat and watch mindless cartoons until Tamsin got off her extended midnight shift. It was a quarter after three in the afternoon and she would be home soon, regaling me with crazy and gross stories of the day, quickly followed by the ass chewing I was expecting.

Bo Dennis back in my life was like a black hole in the solar system, sucking the planets to collide together and cause a weird catalyst of bullshit to happen. I shook my head as I dug out some leftover Thai food to warm up. I had done a really stupid thing last night taking on Will, Freddy even mentioned it as he handed me back my sixty dollars. I could have gotten hurt worse, Bo could have gotten hurt, etc. But I couldn't stop myself, seeing Bo in trouble and the look in her eyes…

I shook my head harder, stop it. She was the past. That's where she had to stay or I would start replacing Will with Dyson and sliding back into horrible memories. I also suddenly regretted shoving the notes in her book, hoping she would throw them away and ignore the stupid spontaneous gesture.

While the Thai food spun around in the microwave, I ran upstairs and grabbed the envelope of pictures. Today I would burn them and start the final purging process of getting Bo out of my system, then I would meet with Keating on Monday and see if she would allow me to transfer into her afternoon class. I had to get her out of my system completely and leaving Harvard was out of the question.

When I was back downstairs, I threw the envelope on the large coffee table on top of Tamsin's stack of police procedure books, and rushed to the fireplace to start a healthy fire. When the fire was roaring and hot enough for my liking, I sat back on the couch and picked up the envelope. Slowly removing the pictures, I felt my heart twitch at them. I hadn't bothered looking at them in years, not wanting to slide further down a pit of despair when I was so young and so freshly heartbroken.

There were the pictures my parents took at the spring fling, the ones Tamsin took and a handful of random candid shots Bo had taken in her car, outside at the stupid spot of ours and a handful of other places. I swallowed hard, sifting through them. I was so young, so stupid and it was clear I would have never fit in with anyone in high school. Especially the head cheerleader.

I bit my bottom lip hard, feeling all of the emotions in all of the memories held in each one of those pictures. God, did I love Bo with everything I was and more. She had my heart completely and maybe in a way, still did. But in a way that she had purchased an item I pawned off and could never get back.

I stood up and walked to the fireplace, throwing one picture after another into the orange flames. Watching the edges curl up and turn black, I sniffled and tried hard not to cry. It felt like parts of my heart were on fire, burning painfully at the fact I would never have Bo like I once did or a love like I had with her in my life.

I burned half of the stack until I got to the last one, and I froze. It was a picture of Bo and I the day after spring fling. After we had professed and consummated our love. It was a picture that Tamsin had took with the last few shots on her disposable camera. Bo and I were sitting outside of that atrocious all you can eat buffet, on an old wooden and metal bench. Bo had her head on my shoulder, looking up at me while I looked down at her. Both of us had big shit eating grins on our faces and our hands were locked together tighter than a Fort Knox vault door. The look of love radiated from the picture and I could feel my hands tremble as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Lauren! Are you eating my leftovers?" Tamsin burst through the front door. Her gear bag hitting the floor with a loud thump, "I told you to leave that shit alone or I'd handcuff your hands to your ankles for a week." She rushed around the corner, into the living room, already pulling her work shirt over her head. "And why the fuck is it as hot as Satan's asshole in here?"

I cleared my throat, tucking the picture in my back pocket, "You can have the leftovers, they're sitting in the microwave. I thought I was hungry." I folded my arms across the baggy, faded Stanford med school logo on my chest, and glanced at the fire, "I started a fire…to um…burn things." I nervously reached up to push my thinner black framed glasses up.

Tamsin threw her shirt on the back of the couch, squinting at me. "Please tell me you didn't burn everything?" She folded her arms angrily, "You didn't check your phone when you woke up, like I told you?" She shook her head, "Some people's children."

I frowned at her, "I don't remember where you put my phone when you helped me to my room." I softly ran a finger across the edge of my stitches, "Can you not yell, my head hurts."

She rolled her eyes, pointing at the couch, "It's not going to get any better. Sit your ass down, it's time for an ass chewing." Tamsin turned and headed to the kitchen, "I have to tell you who I pulled over today. I think it's time I pull out my Cagney and lacey skills, because something is rotten as fuck in Boston and it's not the New Kids reunion tour everyone keeps hoping and wishing for."

I frowned deeper and walked to the couch, "Why are you unusually annoying today?" I pushed her books to a corner and set down a magazine for her to set her plate on. "And I asked you to stop fucking yelling so much. I'm not a perp."

Tamsin rolled around the corner, looking at the fire, "Can we take a log of that thing, before I sweat the rest of my tits off? And I wish I had never taught you how to say fuck, you use it too much and it makes you very unlady like." She looked down and caught the edge of the white envelope with a few pictures still in them. She pointed at them with a fork covered in noodles, "Oh god, please tell me you didn't decide today of all days to go burning the witch from the east out your memory?"

I gave her a dirty look and settled deeper into the couch, "It was your idea." I closed my eyes, "And I have to get Bo out of my life. I keep doing stupid fucking things to help her. Stuffing school notes in her book like the nerd I was in high school and then taking on a frat boy fuck face. Almost getting the both of us hurt and arrested for instigating a riot." I sighed heavily, "Dammit, why does she still get to me after eight years? Why can't I avoid her, stop feeling anything for her whether its anger and distaste, or an overwhelming need to see her do well and stop calling herself dumb?" I opened my eyes slowly to see Tamsin looking at me genuinely. "You don't have to answer me, but did you happen to talk to her in the car?"

Tamsin shoved a huge fork of noodles in her mouth, "Nope, tits McGee was passed out when I sat her down. She only snored, mumbled, drooled and cried the ride to her apartment. I got her to the front door where her roommate, a Spanish chick, took her. Spewing curse words in Spanish my way." Tamsin looked up at the ceiling, scrunching her face up, "I'm pretty sure she called me a raging asshole of fire?" She shrugged, "I don't know, my Spanish is no Bueno."

I shrugged, leaning forward, "I'm going to transfer out of Bo's class on Monday. I can't do this. If I do, I might be compelled to actually talk to her to find out why she did what she did."

Tamsin moved around the table and sat on the edge facing me. She set the bowl down and looked up at me with her big green eyes that were soft and had that look that told me were about to have a serious heart to heart. "First, I have to chew your ass for starting that bullshit last night. Don't ever do that again, I couldn't stand it if you got hurt again and lord knows your mom would make me disappear if you really did get hurt. No matter how well I taught you to fight, it might not always be the way to go against creepy frat boys looking to get their nut off." Tamsin looked at her hands on her knees, "By the way, call your mom later. She called me at eight a.m. inquiring about why you were in the hospital for stitches. God, she's scary with her spy ways."

I sighed softly, "I will." I swallowed hard, "I'm sorry about last night, Tams. I know you've always been there for me, picking me back up and putting me back together. I shouldn't let Bo mess with my life and my friendships." I smiled, "My family."

Tamsin rolled her eyes, "And you've been there for me. Helping me study for the police academy, getting me through the shittiest days of my career so far. Holding me as I cried, yelled, punched walls. Never mind the disastrous relationship back in California." She rolled her eyes, "Never again will I date a co-worker."

I chuckled, "Bullshit, you've got your eye on Freddy and we both know it. He's handsome and a good guy, you should go for it." I playfully slapped her knee, "I've known for a while. He always gets a goofy smile on his face when you show up and rant."

Tamsin's cheeks turned a bright pink, "Shut up Lewis." She then looked up at me, "You really think he likes me?"

I nodded, reaching for her bowl of noodles, "I do, and I think it'll be good for you to have someone else to fuss over." I took a large bit of the food, "I'll be fine after I switch classes and get away from Bo. I think after I burn the memories of high school and graduation day, I'll rebound."

Tamsin's smiled faded, "Speaking of graduation day and Bo and the shit tornado that was eight years ago." She shifted in her spot, "I…uh…pulled Bo over today right down the street from her apartment. Kind of sat on her all day so I could um…you know…give her an ass chewing and tell her to stay away from her or she'd be swamped in parking and speeding tickets."

I groaned, "Fuck Tamsin, why did you do that? I told you…"

Tamsin held up her hand, "I know, to leave it alone. To leave her alone and not track down Dyson and cut his balls off. I promised and I held to that promise, but I had to know. After her weird adorable comment." She fidgeted, "Bo said something that kind of blew my hair back."

I raised my eyebrows, "Where do you get these sayings?" I focused on the bowl in my hands, "I don't think I want to hear what she had to say."

"She made a comment about you and I being together for the last years, and not in a platonic, seeing you naked makes me want to vomit, way." Tamsin sighed, "I asked her where she heard that and she told me your pops mentioned us living together in California and then Ted on graduation day."

I paused midchew, looking up at the blonde, "Excuse me?"

She let out another hard breath, "Yeah, I know. I let her go and my mind started pulling it apart. Bo kept repeating that you and I were together, still going strong with our love, blah blah." Her green eyes met mine, "What if….and hear me out...what if Ted and Dyson did something real fucking dumb after you left, to make Bo not chase after you?" She shrugged, "We know your dad told Bo a few times that you and I were just roomies, living in that apartment my dad paid for."

I laughed, setting the bowl back down, "Why would she chase after me? She had Dyson, she was kissing him. She got what she wanted that day, why would she want me?"

Tamsin stood up and grabbed my arm to stand me up. She quickly reached into my back pocket and pulled out the picture I had shoved in there, "I might not be as smart as you, but there's been something eating at me all night while I rehashed last night and that fucked up graduation day." She held the picture up, tapping her finger on it, "I remember taking this picture. I remember looking at you two stupid idiots and seeing the love ooze out of your faces and on to the ground around you." She flicked the corner, "I flipped through the stack you burned away after you passed out in your bed. I couldn't shake the one glaring fact in all of them even as I was wicked livid at the cheerleader for inspiring a superhero moment out of you."

I rolled my eyes, moving to walk away from her before I started crying, "I don't want to talk about it." My voice broke as I spoke, "I'm going to go upstairs and shower."

Tamsin grabbed my elbow, "Stop for a fucking moment." She shoved the picture against my chest, "The glaring fact I still see is this, the love in all of those pictures is real. Realer than the sun itself, it burns so bright between you two. And that is the one thing that I can't get past now combined with Bo's comments. It leads me to believe something isn't what we might have thought it was."

I shook my head, "Stop it, just fucking let it go and stop it." I pushed my glasses up, "She kissed Dyson, I saw it with my own eyes. How they kissed and the way they held each other, it was completely different than how she kissed me, it was…more." I swallowed down more tears.

Tamsin bent her head down, "Look, I am not a huge fan of the cheerleader turned town trollop, but maybe, just maybe, you should ask her why she kissed Dyson."

I grimaced, "Why on earth would I open that wound again?" I looked up at the ceiling, "I need to get away from her, not drag her closer to interrogate her. It's not doing me any good."

"Do it for me, Lauren." Tamsin's voice was stern, yet soft.

I spun around, looking at her shocked, "What?"

Tamsin sighed, "Ask her for me, I've a hunch and I can't charge in and ask her, that's like begging for police harassment complaint." She took a step closer to me, "My hunches have never been wrong, I think you should ask her why she did what she did on graduation day, if anything it will offer you up a fat slice of closer and I'll buy you junk food for a month to eat away the pain."

I stared in the unbending green eyes, knowing there was no way Tamsin would let this go until I did what she asked. I did owe, I owed her so much and if this was the least I could do, I probably should do it. "Ugh, fucking fudge. Fine. I'll ask her." I pointed at her, "But when it all goes to shit and I end up crying on that couch with empty ice cream containers and bottles of jack, you leave me alone for a week."

Tamsin grinned, "Deal. But my Cagney and lacey senses say I'm on to something." She scooped up the half empty bowl, "Oh by the way, Bo will be at the library in two hours. You probably need to go study there and run into her."

I gawked at the back of the blonde, "Tamsin, what the fuck! How do you know?"

Tamsin flashed a smirk as she leaned on the open fridge door, "I pulled over her roommate and pulled it out of her. People will spill the beans when you threaten them with a suspended license."

I groaned, covering my face, "I hate you sometimes."

"Ha, no, no you don't. You love me in a very platonic way." Tamsin slammed the fridge closed, "Go upstairs and get ready for the library. I have to call Freddy."

I couldn't help but half smile as I shuffled up the stairs to shower.

I just hoped I still loved my best friend after launching me into the mouth of hell to ask my ex about the worst day of my life and why she was the one who orchestrated it.

I nervously ran my finger along my chin, feeling the rough edges of the band aid I had placed there to keep some dirt out of it. I walked into the massive library and looked around. It was almost empty for a Saturday. Most students didn't want to study on Saturday, opting to choose it as the day of rest and start the hellish pace back up on Sunday.

I shifted my messenger back on my shoulder and continued to look around the room, only spotting a kid from my criminal procedure class and the one super annoying know it all girl from Keating's class. She waved at me, smiling and motioning for me to come over. She was dying to start a study group and get me in, telling me that we could be quite the power team and get two of the coveted spots in Keating's special internship. I smiled back and shook my head, when I spotted Bo in the far corner.

She was sitting at a large table with books all around her and notebooks open as she scribbled in them. There were a couple large Styrofoam coffee cups around her, a sign that she was trying to clear out a hangover. I grit my teeth and frowned, I hated deeply that Bo was drinking. She had always sworn off of it when we were in high school, only ever indulging in that one glass of Boone's farm that night at Tamsin's.

My throat suddenly went dry when I thought about that night. How special it was and how incredible patient, loving and beautiful Bo had been. The way she looked and felt. I squeezed my eyes shut, chasing out the memories of how she felt in my arms and how her hand felt in mine last night. Warm, strong, safe and I missed it, I missed her to the point it made me want to throw up in the middle of the library.

"Fuck you, Tams." I whispered the curse and sucked in a steadying breath. I had to do this, I had to do this for Tamsin, for me and to move past the brunette that had cursed my entire being like the beautiful plague she was.

I tightened my grip on the bag and moved towards the table, cursing silently a million times with every step I took. This was stupid. This was ignorant. This was going to blow up in my face and set me back to a place that took a very long time to dig out. The only thing that kept pushing me was that I would hear the truth from her mouth, then I could tell her to fuck off and walk away.

At least I hoped that's what would happen.

I stopped at the edge of the table, Bo was leaning on her hand with the typical frustrated look on her face as she read through Keating's lecture notes. She twirled a yellow highlighter in her fingers as she chewed on her bottom lip. I looked past her hand and saw my note cards laid out carefully next to her notebook, key words highlight in yellow.

I felt my jaw clench and release as I finally found the courage to start this conversation, "Professor Keating has a pattern to her lectures. When she asks for a definition, it usually means that term will end up on a quiz or an exam. She also pulls exam questions from her past cases." My voice shook a little and I cursed myself.

Bo's head shot up, her big brown eyes met mine, "Lauren?" Her eyes fell to the band aid on my chin and a flash of concern rolled over them before they shifted to agitation. "Why are you here?" She reached over and shuffled the cards up, shoving them under her notebook. "You here to beat up the kid in the corner for asking to borrow the Massachusetts State civil law book?"

Her tone was icy as hell. I frowned, "No…about last night. I'm sorry…I." I paused, "Can I sit down? I need to talk to you."

Bo shook her head, "No you can't. I think it's better if you turned around and walked away. Walked away from me and back to Tam…home." She scrunched her face up, "I will at least thank you for last night, I put myself in a really shitty situation and I…" She shook her head, "I can't do this, Lauren. I can't. So please, go." She blinked a few times, her brown eyes glossing over.

I winced at the sight, feeling my defense weaken and sat down. "I can't leave until I ask you one question. I made a promise to Ta…someone and I can't leave until I know." I looked everywhere but at Bo.

"Lauren, please." Her voice was a whisper, "This is too much, I can't…." She stood up quickly, randomly grabbing her notebooks messily. "Never mind, I'll leave." She then mumbled, "Maybe my mom was right, I need to transfer."

I glared at her, feeling the anger rise at her indignant behavior, making it feel like I had been the one who broke her heart and not the other way around. I blew out an agitated laugh, "This is fucking pointless, but whatever." I sucked in a breath hating that I never broke any of my promises to Tamsin, "Just answer one fucking question, Ysabeau Dennis, why the fuck did you play me along and then kiss Dyson on graduation day? Why the fuck did you pull that stupid prank on me? Was it a bet or you're way of getting him back? Play on the nerd's feelings for you and make him jealous so he'd run back to you. Or were the both of you behind it?" I was rambling, my voice rising with every angry question spewing forth, "Make me fall hopelessly in love with you to the point I would have given you my entire life, and then I have to watch you kiss him. Hold him like I wished you'd hold me when we kissed." I felt my throat tighten and the tears rise, I looked up at Bo with bleary eyes. She stood motionless, staring at me with wide eyes, "You broke my heart to fucking pieces that day. Watching you kiss him in the hallway…I've carried that image with me every day. Now I need to know the truth." I stood up slowly, my legs trembling as I found the last ounce of strength to get my answer, "Why did you do it? Kiss him? Lead me on for months? Was it a prank or not?"

Bo dipped her head down, she was breathing heavily, "What the fuck…no." Her face had turned a paler than pale shade of white, "I don't…" She stumbled over her words.

I closed my eyes, nodding my head at the lack of answer being the total answer I needed. I had been the pawn in her game, "I figured as much." I sniffled, "You won't ever hear from me again, Bo." I turned to walk away.

"Is that why you ran to Tamsin? Ran away with her to be with her? All because of what you thought you saw?" Bo's voice trembled but was strong, I could feel her glare on the side of my head.

I furrowed my brow and turned to look in blazing brown eyes with tears rolling down her cheeks, "She has nothing to do with this, don't bring her into the mess you made."

xXxXxX

"The mess that I made?" I asked my voice rising because of the incredulous statement that Lauren had just made. "Oh that's real rich coming from you Ms. I left without out saying a damn word. You have no idea the hell I have been through because of the mess that you made."

Lauren snorted and remarked, "I'm certain you life with Dyson was so miserable after the shit that you pulled on me."

"Lauren I have no fucking idea what you're talking about but do know that I haven't spoken to Dyson since graduation."

She scoffed then said, "Such bullshit. I saw the two of you kissing at graduation."

I stood there and tried to remember graduation since the only thing I was recalling at the moment was the tremendous amount of pain that the woman standing in front of me had caused. My therapy appointment with Dr. Greenbaum had been a productive one but this conversation was testing the coping skills that she had reminded me of during our session. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to centre myself. I reminded myself that I didn't have to be an active participant in this conversation. But like my mom mentioned, when it came to Lauren I tended to put her first over my own needs. I took another deep breath then let it out. When I opened my eyes I looked at Lauren and told her, "I didn't kiss Dyson. The asshole dragged me down the hall for some half-assed apology then he kissed me which resulted in him getting kneed in the balls."

A stunned look came across Lauren's face and then I realized something. "Did you see that Lauren? Is that what caused you to leave that day?" She continued to stand there with a stunned look on her face and that caused me to go off. "Are you fucking kidding me? Instead of asking me you assumed the worse? I know I'm not the brightest bulb in the box but at least I would have had the decency to get my facts straight." Tears began to form in my eyes. "Years of bullshit and so much…." I wasn't going to let her know what had happened to me. I wasn't going to let her know about how she had broken me and how I was still dealing with the effects of her leaving me. I finished packing up my stuff and said, "It's whatever. What's happened has happened and we can't take it back."

"Bo I-"

"No Lauren." I shouted. "You don't get to do this. Not after all this. Not after everything that has happened. I'll stay out of your way and you can stay out of mine."

One of the library assistant's came over and said, "Excuse me I'm going to have to ask you two to leave. You're disrupting the other-"

"It's fine. I was leaving anyway." I put on my back pack and as I walked by Lauren I glared at her. There was no way we would be able to fix this. What I had been through because she didn't bother to ask me about the truth had destroyed whatever we had between us. I managed to keep it together as I walked out of the library but the tears began to fall as I headed to my car. Of course fucking Dyson had a hand in what had happened between me and Lauren but the fact that she hadn't trusted me or didn't even confronted me about it is what hurt more. I loved her. I loved her more than I loved myself on most days but apparently she didn't have much faith in my love for her.

I left the library and headed to the apartment. I wanted a drink and I wanted to fall in that weird numb place that was all too familiar because it was better than the shit I was currently feeling. I got in then I made a beeline for my room. I slammed the door behind me and I dropped my book bag on the floor. I began to pace around my room as I tried not to give into the dangerous urges that this confrontation with Lauren had stirred up. I threw caution to the wind then headed for my closet. I opened the door then knelt down to go into the shoebox that held a pair of boots but in the boots were a couple of nips of vodka. I heard a knock on my room door and I shouted, "Go away Laurel."

"I'm not going anywhere Bo. You said you would be at the library all night and I just got a call from Michaela about how you got in an argument with a blonde." She said through it then she added, "Open up the door Bo or I'm coming in."

I clenched the small bottle that I was holding and got up from the floor. I walked over to the door then opened it and Laurel narrowed her eyes at me as she asked, "What happened?"

"She-who-will-not-be-named." I said after I let out a sigh. I held up the nip of vodka. "You might want to take this and the other three that are in the Timberland shoe box in my closet."

Laurel stormed into my room, Spanish flying, and she confiscated the remaining alcohol in my room. She turned around and looked at me. "How did you get this bad under my nose?"

I shrugged then walked over to my bed. I laid down on it and curled up as the conversation with Lauren continued to take its emotional toll on me. I felt Laurel sit next to me on the bed then she wrapped her arm around me which caused me to lose whatever hold I had on my emotions. I held onto her arm as I cried. When I was too exhausted to cry any further I said, "I'm sorry about all this."

Laurel chuckled a little then replied, "Don't apologize Bo. Her coming back into your life was bound to screw with you but the fact that you're hiding alcohol, letting your work lapse, and not going to therapy is something that shouldn't happen. You can't let her do this to you Bo."

"I know." I turned to where I was laying on my back and I said, "It's just that all those feelings, the good ones and the bad ones, they all just came flooding back and I had no idea what to do with them. Not even my easiest coping skill would have worked on the shit I was feeling." I paused for a moment then muttered, "But that's the Lauren Lewis effect, destroying my life one assumption at a time."

"What?"

I took a deep breath then told her, "I found out the reason why she hauled ass after we graduated. She saw me kissing my ex-boyfriend when that hadn't been the case. And instead of asking me about it she assumed the worse."

"You've got to be kidding me?" Laurel exclaimed as she sat up. I shook my head no and she scoffed. "That is so stupid. Did she tell you why she didn't ask you?"

"No. I didn't let her and I honestly don't want to know. I just want to move on with my life and stay the hell away from Lauren." I said as I wrapped my arms around the extra pillow I had on my bed.

Laurel nodded and said, "Okay. How about I call Michaela so she can whip your ass back into shape for Keating's class then we can order take out or something?"

I looked at Laurel with a grateful smile on my face and asked, "Are you sure?"

Laurel returned the smile and said, "Of course I'm sure. You need this and we need to keep your mind off of today's events. Gorging on food and litigation homework will definitely help you with that."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes as I remarked, "Oh I highly doubt that." I grinned at her and asked, "And this isn't your way to get Michaela into your bed."

Laurel got off my bed and said, "That has nothing to do with this. This is about you and getting you back on track. When's your next therapy session?"

"Day after tomorrow and I have group on Thursday."

Laurel nodded and said, "Okay good. Now when your mom calls to check on you I have something to tell her." She held up the two small bottles of liquor. "I'm going to dispose of these. Get what you need to work on and meet me in the living room."

I watched her leave my room and I had a small smile on my face. Laurel was good at keeping me preoccupied when I was going through a rough patch. As long as we didn't up doing something like going to visit her family then we would be okay. I looked up at the ceiling and blew out a breath. I would be okay. I just had to keep reminding myself of that. As long as I stayed far away from Lauren I would be fine.

XXXXX

"Excuse me miss? But you have to leave." The library assistant stare at me as I stood in my spot, frozen.

I slowly turned to look at him and the back of Bo rushing out of the library. "Um. I understand. Sorry." I tucked my head down and exited the room, my heart pounding like hell.

I made it out in to the bright afternoon sun and ran right to the closet garbage can and threw up. Threw up so hard I felt the stitches pull on my chin. Wiping my mouth, I stood up, Bo had been telling the truth. I saw it in her eyes and the whole truth of what she was telling me, the heartbreak that was present. That wasn't anything the greatest actors in the world could ever recreate.

"Fuck." I swallowed a few more times and pulled out my cell phone to call Tamsin.

"Did you do it or did you shit the bed?" Tamsin was clearly eating by the way she mumbled around a massive mouth full of food.

The sound of her voice struck a chord and I completely fell apart, half sobbing in the phone, "Can you pick me up? I…oh god….I fucked up….we fucked up." I stepped back and fell to sit down on a bench next to the garbage can. I leaned forward, holding my head in my hands as I felt a slow trickle of blood running down my chin. "Tams…I don't know what to do."

Tamsin mumbled that she would be there in five minutes and hung up on me. I closed my flip phone and squeezed it as I cried harder. My stupid fucking insecurities had spoken for me that day and a thousand days before and after. I had been always afraid that Bo was going to leave me because of who I was and I let it consume me. When I was presented with the smallest idea of what my insecurity thought was correct, I ran with it and threw sense out the window along with my unconditional love for the brunette.

I wiped at my eyes and my chin when Tamsin screeched her car up to the curb. She rushed out of the car, striding towards me in her uniform pants, black boots untied and one of her ratty old shirts with a faded Scully on the front. She knelt down in front of me, those piercing green eyes swimming with emotions waiting for me to tell her what happened so she could pick the right one to rely on.

"Tell me."

I looked up at my best friend, scrunching my face as I cried, "It wasn't a prank, it wasn't anything but that bearded bastard trying to pull one last move on Bo." I sucked in a shaky breath, "She told me that he grabbed her against her will and what I saw was her steadying him before she kneed him in the balls then ran after me."

I gasped out a shattered breath, "I was stupid…my insecurities…I never asked for the truth, I just assumed." I bent my head down to look at the tops of my shoes. "Why did Ted have to tell me they were around the corner that day?" I sobbed softly, "I lost Bo because of my ignorant immaturity to ever believe she could love someone like me." I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my heart tighten at the revelation that combined with the intense feeling I had to fix this, I had to do something, anything to reverse the past. Bo had been a part of my heart and never really left it for eight years. It just hung in my chest only beating like it was alive when I saw her over the last few weeks.

Tamsin let out a low whistle, "Wait. That's the second time I've heard that bastards name mixed in with the debacle from eight years ago." She stood up and sat next to me, wrapping an arm around me to pull me closer. "I think it's time I go talk to Ted." Her voice had an edge to it.

I shook my head, "No, don't. You'll end up breaking his entire face." I looked at Tamsin, "Bo kept saying whatever happened is what happened, that there's no way to take it back. Do you…." I shook my head again, wiping at my cheeks. I frowned, my heart was alive at the idea of that graduation day had been a gross misunderstanding and this all could be repaired. Bo and I could be…again.

"Do I think that this is the end? Nope." Tamsin leaned back against the bench, "I need to find out the truth so I can apologize to Bo. Regardless of the bullshit we might have thought she have started, if it's a pile of lies. I need to apologize to her. I should have also known better than to let my abrasive reactive behavior take the lead. But man, I was a wild child back then." She looked up at the blue sky before looking down at me, "I'm going to ask you one question, Lauren." She held my eyes, "I want the truth from you, so don't bullshit me."

I sighed, "Go ahead."

Tamsin paused, searching my eyes before she continued, "Do still love Bo and do you think there's something there to fight for? No matter the outcome?"

I stared in her eyes and let my heart answer, even though it came out in a harsh whisper, "She's the only I've ever loved, will ever love….but I don't know about something there to fight for…"

Tamsin held up her hand, "Shut it. Your insecurity is showing." She stood up, pulling me to my feet with her, "Then let's go find Ted."

I groaned, "Tamsin, I have no idea where he is and I am not in the mood right now. I really just want to cry watching Gilmore Girls and try not to throw up endlessly."

The blonde chuckled, "I didn't say you had to do anything, just call your spy of a mother and set things in motion. She will find Ted."

I gawked at my best friend, "I don't think that's a good idea, and I don't think I can get her on board with anything Bo Dennis related. I had to beg her not to put Bo on certain lists that would make traveling very inconvenient and very invasive."

Tamsin laughed, "Man, I do love your mom." She yanked harder, "Let's go, Lewis. Let's get operation best man started, after we get those stitches looked at."

I continued to frown as Tamsin blithered about this and that. All I could think about as I crawled into the passenger seat was how badly I wanted to go back in time and hug Bo.

Three days later-

I sat in my room, reading over lecture notes in-between working on Keating's current case. I was thankful that Keating's class was only Wednesday through Friday due to the fact she had another of her case go to trial. Meaning I didn't have to see Bo and follow through on my overwhelming need to sort this huge mess out before my mom found Ted.

I shoved my glasses on top of my head and rubbed at my eyes, blinking a few times to find them focusing on the picture of Bo and I tacked on the corkboard, mingled in with notecards and other pictures of my parents, grandparents and Tamsin and I. My heart pounded, my stomach rolled and I had to clench my fists to prevent from running out of the brownstone to find Bo and hash this out.

The low whistle of the X-files theme filled the room. I opened the desk drawer and removed my phone, answering it before the whistle started over. "Hi mom."

"Hey Lauren." There was a sad tone in her voice, making my heart drop that she hadn't found Ted.

I rubbed at my chin, the new stitches itchier as the last, "It's fine. I didn't expect you to be able to find a tool bag like Ted in a couple of days."

My mom chuckled, "Great to see you have faith in my capabilities, but actually I did find him. Working over at the auto plant one town over." She paused, "I have to say first, I wasn't too keen on this idea of finding him in the name of clearing up what that girl did. You know how I felt about her and what happened. Watching my little girl turn into a shell of a human, moping around lifeless."

I bit my bottom lip, "I know, but she was my first love, my everything and when…it all happened. I left my heart in that parking lot." I cleared my throat as the tears rose up, "Thank you again for not putting her on the watch lists or god knows whatever else it was dad said you were threatening to do."

My mom sighed, "Just be glad I love him as much as I love you." She cleared her throat, "But it seems I might owe her an apology as well."

I sat up straighter, tapping my pen on the edge of the desk, "What did Ted tell you?"

"Well after arranging him to be arrested on an excessive speeding charge, I paid him a visit. Showed him all of his interesting internet activity and that he's been helping that strange child Dyson with some illegal insider trading. After presenting him with at least fifteen years in a federal prison mingling with the Bubba's and Biff's, he broke down and told me everything. He set you up that day, he and Dyson. They played on your insecurity and Ted led you to go around the corner to view things. Then after you left for California, they wanted to ensure Bo never went after you like she was planning to. Ted went over to her house and told her that you and Tamsin were together, that Tamsin had stolen you from the girl because Bo was too dumb to keep up with you."

She sighed, "They played the two of you like a well-tuned violin. Focusing in on both of your insecurities to break you up and make so neither of you wanted to chase the other. All because Dyson and Ted were pissed that the whole school was behind you two, the love you two had."

I covered my mouth as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Oh god." I closed my eyes, "It was all a lie and we believed it."

"Yes, and I feel terrible. I've called Bo's mom and we're meeting for coffee tomorrow to go over this." She then half chuckled, "I've also called the SEC, Dyson should have a nice visit from some pleasant federal agents in the morning."

I smiled softly, "Thank you, mom." I let out a sigh, "I have to figure out what to do now."

"Do you still love her, Lauren?" My mom asked it tentatively.

I looked up at the picture on the cork-board, "She's the only one I've ever lived for, yes I still love her even though I have no idea who she is anymore. And if I, we can ever fix the damage."

"Just one more thing, Lauren. Bo's mom mentioned a few things about Bo having a hard few years after, everything. She may not want this, she may not be able to…want to fix things." My mom paused, "She didn't have anyone after you and Tamsin left, she learned how to cope with losing you alone."

I bit the inside of my cheek, sniffling, "I have to do something, mom. She's…." I hesitated saying it aloud, for fear that if I said it, I would be committed to a fight that was turning out to be hopeless. "She's still my everything." I forced the words out in a harsh whisper. My heart skipped a beat, telling me that I had to do this. I had to try, fight and fix this.

"Then go get her. I emailed you her address, she's there now. Her roommate called her mother right before I called and told her the truth. Bo is studying all night." My mom blew out a breath, "Might be a good idea to leave Tamsin at home for this one until you gain a little bit of ground with Bo."

I nodded and stood up to start collecting my notebooks and stuffing them in my bag as I fired up the laptop to get Bo's address. "I'll call you in the morning, I'm going to head over there now."

"Sounds good, try not to start any fights. I don't want my beautiful daughter to end up full of scars and stitches." I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

I smiled, "I won't. I love you, mom." I whispered a quick thank you and hung up.

After quickly scribbling Bo's address down I ran out of the house, leaving a snoring Tamsin on the couch with an empty bowl on her chest.

Fifteen minutes later I stood in front of a small house on the outskirts of campus. It was Bo's house, I spotted a Range Rover and a newer red Camaro in the driveway, making my throat go very dry.

I sucked in a breath and found my courage to climb up the stairs. Raising my hand, I knocked on the door three times, hearing Bo's yell she would get it, that I was probably the pizza guy. I ran a finger along my chin, noticing I was developing a nervous habit, I dropped my hand away and tucked them in the front pocket of my jeans.

The front door swung open, Bo had her head down as she thumbed through a stack of money. "How much do we owe you?" I took the moment to look at her in the soft light from the house. She was wearing a NYU shirt and baggy sweatpants. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she had tortoise shell glasses perched on her nose. My stomach twisted at the sight and the feelings all rushing back, the feelings I had for this girl, this woman from eight years ago, slammed into me like a semi-truck.

"I think I owe you an apology, Bo, and the truth." My voice trembled but it was loud enough for her to hear it.

Bo's head shot up and she glared at me, reaching for the door to steady herself, "What the fuck are you doing here, Lauren?"

I stepped closer, holding my hands up, "I need to talk to you, give me five minutes, please."

She shook her head and took a step back as I heard another girl's voice call after Bo, "Leave Lauren, before I…call the cops." She frowned realizing that the calling the cops would just bring Tamsin to her door as well.

"I found Ted, well my mom did, and he confirmed your story." I took another step, meeting her brown eyes that were tearing up.

"Great, you still don't fucking believe me." Bo shook her head, "I told you I can't do this, I can't fall back. I can't let you keep me in the dark places…." She murmured the last bit.

Another girl rushed up behind Bo, dark hair and blue eyes and she looked like she was about to murder me, "Bo? Is this her? Is this Lauren?" Bo nodded folding her arms across her chest and letting the girl push her back, "Get the fuck out of here. You've done enough damage to Bo and I will not have her sliding back just because you think now is the time to ask for the truth. You should've done that eight years ago." She then muttered in Spanish something I knew was an insult.

I scoffed at the girl, "Who the fuck are you? This isn't your business." I leaned to look at Bo, "Please Bo. Five minutes."

Bo was crying now, covering her mouth as her roommate stepped up to me, facing me down. "I'm Bo's roommate and best friend, that's who the fuck I am. You need to leave now. Leave her alone and don't look back. You broke her heart. I don't even know you but I know the mess you left when you left her for that blonde butch ass cop you've been banging for eight years."

I felt my anger rise at the lies that Bo and I both bought like it was dime store candy. I looked at the angry blue eyes, "You need to step back. You're right, you don't know me." I had reached my boiling point and I couldn't hold back anymore, I had eight years of resentment to release and make up for. "You don't know that I loved that girl, that woman behind you with everything I had, was and that my stupid fucking sixteen year old insecurities dictated every fucking aspect of my life. No matter how much I thought I knew, I couldn't shake the fact I was the school nerd, the school joke and was always on the verge of a prank."

My eyes welled up, "Insecurities that led me to believe a snapshot in time as full unmitigated truth and that the one I loved, lied. I ran, like the scared ignorant child I was then and refused to let go. Let go and believe in the power of love. Our love." I stood taller stepping towards the roommate, watching her cower ever so slightly.

I looked up to see Bo standing motionless, looking at the opposite wall from the doorway. "When I heard the truth, Bo. I did go running to Tamsin, told her what happened. You know what she did? She made me find the truth, find Ted and pull it out of him. Turns out Dyson, your ex-boyfriend and him decided to fuck with the both of us, knowing exactly how to do it and play on our weakness and that we were so stupidly in love with each other that we didn't trust how in love we were." I waited for a second, swallowing down a sob, "It was all a lie, Dyson set you up. Ted set me up to catch him kissing you and then when I ran like a timid deer, Dyson sent Ted to you to tell you that I ran off with Tamsin. That I couldn't be with the dumb cheerleader, that I was better off being with my best friend who understood me."

Bo slowly looked at me, her face pale as tears covered her cheeks. I choked on another sob, stepping closer to the point her roommate had to grab my arms, "All of this because they were jealous of how much we loved each other. You've never been the dumb cheerleader, Bo. You were the love of my life and still are eight years later. I couldn't breathe, sleep, life like I did with you by my side. I still can't. I couldn't love anyone like I loved and still love you, Bo. Tamsin couldn't hold a candle to you, there was and is no one in this world that will ever compare to what I felt for you. Still feel." I broke down completely, seeing no reaction from Bo, "I fucked up, I fucked up and I know I can't go back in time. But I had to tell you the truth, all of it and that I still love you so much it consumes me and if you can't stand to see me, I understand. I was a goddamn fucking idiot and threw away the best thing all because of a bearded fuck face who was a million times more jealous than I was."

A loud crack of thunder shook the house and the air around us. I flinched but stood my ground as the heavens opened up and the rain poured down, soaking me instantly as Bo's roommate took shelter inside. I had to yell over the heavy rain, "I will always love you, Bo, even if I have no idea who you are anymore. You had my heart, you still have it."

I shrugged and turned away, jamming my hands in wet jean pockets as I walked down the steps. I couldn't tell what was tears and what was rain as I sobbed heavily, feeling the weight of eight years of pain lifted off of me to be replaced by a new, yet milder one.

I closed my eyes when I heard Bo's front door slam close.

This was it, this was the closure I finally had. It hurt like hell but at least I knew that it wasn't Bo's fault. Bo hadn't broken my heart.

I broke my own damn heart.