Surprisingly, he hadn't felt it when he'd stared, unblinkingly, at the Inquisitor's body hurtling into the fire and smoke roiling beneath the trembling catwalk. He knew it was there, had somehow sustained and powered him, but he hadn't felt it.
Nor had he felt it as he and Ezra had raced through a terrifying gauntlet of explosions and shuddering durasteel to emerge, wheezing and breathless, in the hangar bay of the Sovereign.
Not even as they burst through a cloud of charging TIEs, narrowly escaping certain annihilation by sheer number, had he been particularly cognizant of the rampaging waves of adrenaline spurring him on.
He felt it, now.
Like the crumbling precipice beneath his feet in his nightmares, he felt the final crest finally subside like the tide returning to sea.
The Force spluttered, then flared mightily around him in response. He was suddenly dizzy. The Ghost's walls throbbed with a sickening wave and the voices around him faded in and out.
The questions hadn't been many, but they had been succinct and arduous. Images and bits of memories were flipping in rapid succession through his mind and he had the sensation of being whiplashed. All of a sudden, Kanan struggled to reconcile that he was, in fact, aboard the Ghost and that everyone was safe, including him.
He must have made some sort of noise, because Ezra's presence was suddenly there, beside him with a steadying hand on his arm, and the kid's voice…how had it changed so much in the span of time he'd been gone?...was calm and quiet, more assured than he remembered.
"Kanan…Kanan, what's wrong?"
Kanan blinked and gave his head a small shake, glancing up to hear the rest of what Ahsoka had been saying, but all eyes were on him. He did not know how long they'd been staring at him. All of them, he realized, the reckless idiots. Safe, alive…
Insurmountable relief rushed over him in that moment and he gasped a tiny, breathless laugh, his knees buckling beneath him. Kanan heard his name again, from far away, as he was lowered to something unexpectedly softer than transparisteel flooring. He was suddenly so cold, and so utterly, wretchedly exhausted…
"Kanan, what's wrong?"
It was not Ezra's voice this time, and he managed to roll his gaze upward to see Hera's face looming woozily above him, fear in her eyes as she cradled him in her lap. It felt both marvelous and quite terrible. He wished desperately that he could assure her that he was fine now, it was all okay, but his throat and mouth were too parched to utter the words. His eyes flicked toward Ezra, who looked both worried and determined, kneeling in front of him. The sight of his apprentice, his apprentice, bruised but still whole, made him gasp again. His eyes burned, but the tears wouldn't come…
"Well," he heard the teenager mutter grimly, his voice echoing hollowly in Kanan's ears. "You did say 'brief'…"
Fleetingly, Kanan wondered if he should once more be disturbed by the kid's flippant remarks, but his vision was telescoping badly and he was shivering so hard it hurt. He numbly felt fingers pressing into his arms in an attempt to settle him.
He caught a glimpse of the wry expression that crossed Ahsoka's face and she shook her head in an almost fond sort of exasperation. Her eyes fell on him once more, her expression softening. "It's all right, Kanan," she seemed to say, without saying it at all, "You can let go, now."
And that was it. Kanan felt his mouth drop open wordlessly and the world suddenly stilled around him. The ringing in his ears faded as his body went slack, eyes rolling back into his head as he finally lost his tenuous grasp on consciousness.