N: here is a bunch of things! review and tell us how we are doing! this story might be wrapping up in a couple more chapters!

Two Months Later-

"You look different." Dr. Greenbaum's brow scrunched together as she looked at me. It was a little weird but I made my way over to the window and as I looked out of it I smirked. "You're happy."

I chuckled as I turned to look at her. She was sitting in her usual armchair that was next to the couch but today instead of looking at me with a focused and concerned look she looked happy for me. "I suppose I am. I think. It's weird. I want to say I'm happy but at the same time I don't want to because I'm afraid I'll be on the fast track to looking for a bottle or something."

Dr. Greenbaum nodded and asked, "What have you been doing when your depression has gotten to be more than you can handle?"

I went back to looking out the window and I replied, "I lock myself in my room and do art if I'm at home. If I'm at school, I go for a walk or I talk the campus counselor. If I'm with Lauren, I ask her to go for a walk with me or I ask her to hold my hand."

"So you do things that work for you?"

I nodded and told her, "I do and so far they have been working well."

"Well we have gone over a number of techniques over the last few months and I have seen a significant change now that we've included art therapy into your treatment plan." She stopped and I glanced at her.

I noticed the smirk on her face and asked, "What?"

The smirk turned into a smile and she said, "I've also noticed a change now that you have allowed Lauren to see this part of you."

I rolled my eyes and I walked over to the chair that was at the other end of the couch. I sat down and admitted, "Well it doesn't feel like I'm in this all by myself. I mean I know I had my parents and Laurel before but that's different. With Lauren she wants to see this side of me and wants to help me through this. With my parents and Laurel, though they say they want to be there for me, they didn't sign up for this and I don't blame them because I wouldn't sign up for this either. But Lauren she…" I trailed off and a smile came to my face. "She doesn't make me feel like a burden. She gets me to talk about things in a way that doesn't make it seem like I'm unloading on her. It's new."

Dr. Greenbaum chuckled a little then remarked, "I'm certain it is. Bo when you first started seeing me you were headed down a dark path that eventually led you to do something that you in my office twice a week for the last three months. We've worked on it all and I've had fight you tooth and nail to get through your stubborn shell but I'm happy to see you at this point."

I took a deep breath and it wasn't a heavy one like I had been feeling over the last few months it was lighter. I had noticed over the last couple weeks that I had been breathing easier and I didn't feel so weighed down. I grinned and commented, "It's good to be back at this point, Dr. Greenbaum."

"And just out of curiosity how has Lauren taken everything that you have revealed and shared with her?" The older woman asked reaching for her mug of tea.

I sat back against the chair and thought about it. It had been a slow process in opening up to Lauren but when I had begun to share with her things I had done in the past and the thoughts that were going through my mind she had been shocked. There had been times when she had cried and had asked me to stop. She had explained when she was able to talk to me but it had been hard but now that she knew a lot of my past it seemed like she loved more if that was possible. Lauren had begun to pick up on when my thoughts were headed to some place that wasn't going to be good for me and she would change the conversation or have me do something that would bring me from them. It was weird to have someone be that in tuned with me but I was grateful for it.

I got up from the chair and I walked over to the painting that hung in Dr. Greenbaum's office then said, "She has handled it as well as she can. Some things have been too much for her while other things she has managed to take in stride." I chuckled. "She's still around so that says a lot."

"Well she did tell you that she wasn't going to leave you."

I turned to look at the doctor and said, "Saying it is one thing but actually having the hard evidence in front of you is a shock to the system. I mean I have done things that I will take to my grave but what I have told her I wouldn't tell a lot of people and she has stayed and hasn't judged me for it like that is incredible. I don't think I would have the fortitude to do that for someone."

"Even if it's the person that you love?" I scrunched my eyebrows together as I thought about that. If the roles were reverse would I be able to fight for Lauren day in and day out against a mental disorder that was relentless. I would. I would fight with everything that I had.

I nodded and told her, "I wouldn't stop fighting for Lauren."

Dr. Greenbaum smiled and stated, "Now you know why she has stayed. Let's move onto your art therapy and its progression. Dr. Hamilton has sent his notes to me and I wanted to touch base with you about something."

I walked over to the window as she started talking about my art therapist's notes.

The rest of my session had gone well. Dr. Greenbaum had begun to feel like that I was headed in the right direction so we cut my appointments back to once a week but second appointment, the one later in the week, was going to be a freestanding appointment for me in case I needed it. We were walking out of Dr. Greenbaum's office when I saw that Lauren was sitting on the couch in the waiting area. This was another step forward for me. Lauren had volunteered to drop me off for my appointments because she wanted to be there for me but I had drawn the line at her coming up to the office with me. However, today was another step in the right direction and Lauren was going to meet my therapist for the first time.

I motioned for her to come over and when she was close enough she smiled. "It was a good session?"

I tried not to grin at her because Lauren was nervous to meet Dr. Greenbaum for some reason. I couldn't understand why because the woman would have been as dry as toast if weren't for her sharp tongue. I took hold of Lauren's hand and told her, "It was a good session." I looked at Dr. Greenbaum. "This is Lauren. Lauren this Is Dr. Greenbaum. The other woman who is determined to keep me on track."

Dr. Greenbaum laughed as she shook Lauren's hand. "With your stubborn nature I see I have bitten off more than I can chew." She smiled at Lauren. "It is a pleasure to meet you. It's nice to put a face with the name."

Lauren returned the smile and said, "Likewise."

I could tell Lauren wasn't sure of what to say so I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and said, "Come on let's go get some lunch. I'll see you next week Dr. Greenbaum."

We told her by then left her office. As we were waiting for the elevator Lauren remarked, "She seems like a nice woman."

I chuckled and told her, "She is. Until you argue with her and refuse to say anything to her. Then it becomes a fun time."

"I'm guessing you did that a lot?"

I grinned at her. "I still do."

We left the office building then headed to a small bistro that was down the street. Lauren and I's relationship had gone from then safe zone that it had been at to borderline flirtatious one over the last couple of weeks. It was nice and it felt like old times. I would say something that would cause her to blush then she would say something that would have my world stopping. It was a wonderful feeling and significant change for me. Once we were seated at a table and the waitress had taken out orders I asked, "Where'd you go?"

Lauren pointed over her shoulder and said, "There's like a coffee shop around the corner so I went there and read some magazines and people watched. I should have brought some homework."

I chuckled and told her, "That's the coffee shop I went to when I decided to go talk to you."

"Huh?"

I took hold of her hand. That was another thing that happening either consciously or unconsciously. I was touching Lauren more or I was either holding her hand. Sometimes it was for comfort. Sometimes it was because I wanted to but I had come to find out that when I touched Lauren I was settled. "That day where I had gone home. We had talked and you kissed me. I had come here after my session with Dr. Greenbaum. She told me that I should talk to you so I did. I was determined to move on from you and get some closure." I looked down at the place setting in front of me. I felt Lauren give my hand a gentle squeeze and I looked into her eyes. With them she was asking me if I needed anything and I smiled at her. "I'm fine. I was just thinking that I didn't get closure that day." Lauren frowned and I explained, "I didn't get closure. I got a new beginning. With you. It wasn't the ideal way for us to get it but we've gotten it and because of that we've learned more about each other." I glanced at our joined hands. I had come to a decision to share something with Lauren that I didn't think I was going to share with her because the door to our past was firmly closed but I think this would be worth opening one more time. I smirked at her and said, "I've got a surprise for you after lunch."

Lauren got a worried look on her face and asked, "What kind of a surprise could you possibly have for me?"

I let go of her hand and I continued to smirk at her. "You'll have to find out after lunch."

Lauren's eyebrows scrunched together as she thought about what surprise I could possibly have for her. I chuckled to myself. This was a surprise that was eight years in the making and I couldn't wait to give it her.

After lunch we headed to mine and Laurel's place and as Lauren parked she asked, "What surprise do you have for me Bo? I should let you know that I'm not too keen on surprises. Tamsin threw a surprise party for my twenty-first birthday party and I walked in swearing about how the dumb fucks next door had taken up all the parking again. Needless to say said dumb fucks were at my party."

I laughed at Lauren's story and said, "That's what happens when you inherit your best friend's foul mouth." I smiled at her, "Though I have to say I miss the fudge and other colorful words you came up with for swearing."

Lauren chuckled and opened her door as she said, "Oh I still do. It's a combination of the two that makes for a peculiar vernacular. Stay there." I got a suspicious look on my face as I watched her get out the car and walk around to my door.

When she opened it I commented, "I could open my own door Lauren."

Lauren smiled and said, "I know but I wanted to do something nice for you."

I reached out and placed my hand on her cheek as I told her, "You have done more than you will never know."

Lauren broke eye contact with me as her cheeks began to turn a bright shade of red as she stammered, "I, I, I just love you Bo."

I chuckled then leaned forward to place a quick kiss on her cheek before I said, "And I can't thank you enough for that." The color that was on her cheeks worsened and she mumbled something that was dismissive. I grinned and told her, "Let's go in."

We went inside and Lauren asked, "Where's Laurel?"

I shrugged and said, "Most likely class. Or pretending that she doesn't have a crush on Michaela."

"She has a crush on Michaela?" Lauren asked and I nodded with a smile on my face. "She does know that she's engaged right?"

I took her hand and I began to lead her to my room. "Yes she does know that, which is why she is not doing anything. But we aren't here to discuss that." We got to my room and I pointed at my bed and said, "Sit." Lauren went over to the bed while I went to my closet. I got the small wooden box out of its hiding spot then I turned around to walk over to Lauren. I sat next to her on the bed. I bit the corner of my lip then said, "I know we've made a decision to leave the dreadful day of our high school graduation behind but there is something I need to tell you about that day." I took a deep breath then continued on, "I was going to tell you that I had gotten in to UC Berkeley that night and I was going to give you this." I handed her the wooden box as she opened it I explained why I had them, "I haven't been able to get rid of them. I have tried several times throughout the years but eventually I accepted the fact that I was stuck with them." I watched Lauren pull out one of the necklaces and she looked at the gold broken heart pendant that dangled from the gold chain. The look on her face was one that I had a hard time reading.

I looked down at the carpet in my room and said, "There were days, days where I didn't know if I would make it to the next one, where I would take those out and think of you. I would remember our happiness and sometimes it worked enough for me to stop the destructive thoughts. Other times it didn't." I felt Lauren move closer to me on the bed and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I rested my head on hers. I took a moment and focused on the comfort that she was giving me. She kissed the top of my head and sighed. I lifted my head and I looked into her eyes. "I don't care what you want to do with them but I want you to know about them. To know that you have always been in my heart even when I had no control of the thoughts and emotions going through me."

Lauren looked at the open box that was sitting in the palm of her other hand then she looked back in to my eyes and said, "If it's okay with you I would like to get rid of them." I dropped my eyes from hers and stared at the box that was in her hand. "I want to get rid of them because they signify a bad past for the both of us and an even worse past for you. We're moving forward Bo and we'll get something that signifies that but these necklaces won't be that. Okay?"

I met her eyes again and I said, "Okay." I lowered my eyes and I found myself looking at her lips. We had shared innocent kisses on the cheek or Lauren would kiss my forehead or the top of my head but when we were in our safe zone actual kissing wasn't a thing. But I really wanted to kiss Lauren now. I looked back into her yes and I said, "I would like to kiss you Lauren."

She got a dumbfounded look on her face and asked, "Are you sure?"

I grinned as I couldn't help but to remember the time I had kissed her on the hill. She was just as dumbfounded. I leaned in to close the gap between us and I said in a quiet voice, "I am sure if you're sure."

Lauren began to lean in so that she could meet my lips and she muttered, "I am more than sure."

"Then kiss me." I said as I slid my hand to the back of her neck. Lauren closed the remaining gap that was between our lips and once her lips pressed against mine it felt like I had come home. I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest by how much I felt from it. This kiss was different from the one we had when she had found me on the hill. That one was me surrendering to something that I could no longer fight. But this one held promise of tomorrow and forever. It felt like a piece of myself was sliding into place and I was complete again. I wanted more of it and Lauren I moved to where I was guiding her back onto the bed without breaking our kiss. The kiss went further than I had expected but before it could lead to something else Lauren broke it and as she caught her breath she said, "Bo we have to stop."

I kissed the underside of her jaw then asked, "Why?"

She placed her hands on the side of my face to prevent me from getting reacquainted with her body. I looked at her and she smiled, "I think we need to slow down before we get to that. I mean I would love to but I think we should still take our time. We've only just got out of our safe zone and I don't want to do anything that would be detrimental for us both."

I smiled at her before I gave her a kiss then pulled back as I told her, "Okay." I gave her another kiss then moved my head back to ask, "But kissing is okay right?"

Lauren lifted her head so that she could meet my lips. We kissed for a brief moment then she whispered, "Kissing is more than okay."

I grinned and we went back to kissing. We were moving forward and I, for lack of a better word, was happy and I couldn't believe. Furthermore, I couldn't believe that I was happy with Lauren who seemed to be willing to go through hell and high water with me. I just hope that my hell wouldn't have her running for the hills.

XXXXX

A month later –

After moving out of the safe zone, things began to move forward with Bo and I at a steady pace. She was starting to trust me completely and would no longer be cautious about initiating physical contact with me, it just became second nature like it had years ago. We kissed, a lot, and made out, a lot. More than I think we did when we were teenagers, and it was incredible. Bo and I had definitely changed in terms of our physical confidence and I would often have to back up and away before we got too carried away. Making me laugh at how similar we were to when I was sixteen and afraid to tongue kiss Bo. Now I wanted nothing more than to tongue kiss her, touch her and relearn her much older and curvier body. I had to curse myself when I caught myself staring at her chest like I used too. But it was up to Bo to take that final step and give me the signal to move one step forward. I was happy with Bo as we were, I had made a promise to wait as long as it took and I would. No matter how dizzy and flushed her kisses made me.

I was still very careful and looked for the signs to back off or push a bit harder when she slipped into her strange silence. Overall, Bo and I were moving forward in our relationship. Granted it was still a tough road to take with her. More than a few times I would come home to Tamsin in the kitchen eating a mixing bowl of cereal and I would grab her and sob out the things Bo told me, showed me. Tamsin would pat my back, grab my hand and take me to the shooting range where I cleansed my mind and went back to Bo stronger and open minded for her to continue. It was a weird cycle of support, but it worked and was working very well.

We had made it through the holidays and Bo returning to class. She would still have a few rough days when the school work piled up, but there were many signs that Bo was improving in her schoolwork and confidence. Even Keating began to praise her, noting in front of the class that most of them should take after the dedication Bo showed and follow in her footsteps. That alone was a huge boost in confidence, and it was amazing to see Bo light up like she used to when we were young, stupid and full of positive energy.

Bo and I went home together for the holidays, but for the most spent them apart. I was a phone call away but Bo wanted to test and see if she could face another stressful aspect of her life without slipping up. She did well, but on new year's eve, she and I spent the night in my old bedroom watching the old movie channel. She was nervous about going out with Laurel or Tamsin, afraid that the temptation of alcohol would be too great. I stayed in with her and we made piles of popcorn and snuggled up under Star Wars blankets. By the time the ball dropped, Bo was passed out, curled up in my chest, clutching my hand. It was the first time in a very long time of her and I sleeping in the same bed together, that Bo looked at peace. Her brow wasn't furrowed in painful thoughts or dreams. She even seemed relieved when we went and had the gold necklaces melted down. The jeweler giving Bo back a nondescript golden disc for her to keep and decide what to do with later. Neither of us had an idea what to do with it, we were both too focused on being in the moment and working on the present before we looked at a future.

Overall, Bo looked happy and it was more and more evident as the days passed. The woman I loved finally looked happy, happier than when we were teenagers in the torrid evolution of young love. She carried herself differently and even spoke about her past in a different way. Like she was finally closing up some of the open doors to her dark places, locking them and throwing away the key.

I stood by her and loved her more and more every day.

It was edging into the end of February and we were both on a short winter break from classes, giving us both much needed time away from books, therapy appointments, running around to this study group and that one. Valentine's day had passed by us with a blink and I wanted to take Bo out on a date. A real date and do the silly stupid things we never really got to do. Especially now that we could finally take time and sit with each other and be with each other without worrying about case briefs and Laurel and Michaela hovering around freaking out about Keating's final exam.

Bo had been staying over at my house most of the week we were off, saying that Laurel was sometimes annoying with her new boyfriend and dealing with her crush on Michela, deep down I knew it was excuse to come to my house and stay. This was why Bo was spending the night tonight. It was Thursday and the weather had taken a turn for the worse, dumping a half foot of snow on the poor campus, effectively trapping Bo and I in the brownstone.

We had dinner with Tamsin before she went to nap before her shift, then moved to the couch to cuddle and watch whatever was on cable. The television was soon forgotten when Bo couldn't resist and started kissing me. We ended up making out like idiots on the couch until Tamsin caught us when she came down to grab a clean uniform.

Bo and I retreated to my bedroom and she fell asleep while I read a book until I couldn't resist and curled up into her and fell asleep.

Somewhere in the middle of the night I rolled over to find a very cold spot in the bed next to me. Frowning I squinted tired eyes open to look around the room, I didn't see the bathroom light on or heard water running. I went to sit up when I saw Bo sitting in my desk chair staring out the window. The snow was still coming down and the moon reflected off fresh snow that had been piling up throughout the night. The moonlight on the pure untouched white snow, filled the bedroom with a soft white light and draped over Bo with a gentle glow. Her hair was down and fell over her shoulders and the blanket wrapped around her. She was stunning and I would never grow tired of looking at her, staring at her and absorbing the incredible woman she had become. I swallowed hard at another quick thought of what it would be like to wake up forever to her.

She looked beautiful, peaceful, but she was staring out the window in the way that had me worried. I sat up further, "Bo? Are you okay?"

She smiled and looked away from the window towards me, "Yeah. Tamsin woke me up when she left for work and I couldn't go back to sleep." She motioned to the window, "The snow was pretty and I couldn't go back to sleep." She pulled the edges of the thick Stanford University blanket closer around her shoulders. "I was thinking about things."

I pulled my knees up against my chest and stared at Bo for moment, "Do you want to talk about it?" I had learned all of Bo's catchphrases when she was slipping into a bad moment.

Bo laughed lightly, pushing her hair back from her face, "It's nothing bad, I promise." She moved from the chair and walked to her bag by my bookshelf. "I was just thinking about a few things now that I can think freely and not worry about torts, misdemeanor laws, case briefs and civil statutes." She grabbed something from her bag and tucked it back under the blanket before moving to the edge of the bed.

She stared at me for a moment, the same ambient light that gave me an incredible view of her, was doing the same for me. Bo grinned, "You're so beautiful."

I tipped my head down, shaking it, "No, I'm not. I'm just me."

"And that just me is the most beautiful girl in the world who happens to be mine." Bo sighed softly, looking down at her hands in the blanket. "I was thinking that we've been so busy with school, the holidays, taking care of me, that I missed your birthday and Christmas was crazy, and well, Valentine's Day." She rolled her eyes, "It's such a silly holiday that is only good for the day after candy sales."

I laughed, "Tamsin would agree with you. The cupboard next to the fridge is full of half off kisses and candy bars." I reached out and found Bo's hand under the blanket, winding my fingers in hers, "It's not a big deal that we missed those things. We have forever to worry about them." I motioned to the stack of X-files DVD box sets Bo had gotten me for Christmas. "You gave me those, which I will not apologize when I force you to watch them all while we're snowed in in the morning."

Bo smiled, squeezing my hand, "And I love the art supplies you got me, that means so much that you support me. Everywhere in everything." She pushed her other hand out, holding up a battered card sized envelope, "But I couldn't help it. Happy Valentine's day, two weeks late."

I gave her a strange look, slowly taking the envelope and reached over to turn on the bedside lamp. "Bo, you didn't have to." I smirked, "But I was going to take you out to dinner this weekend as part of your Valentine's gift."

I carefully opened the envelope and pulled out a thick handmade piece of paper that had a beautiful abstract painting of a heart done in blues, reds, and soft pinks, with Bo's handwriting at the bottom. I looked up at Bo, "Is this one of your paintings?"

She nodded, "It is. Art therapy has taken on more than just therapeutic reasons." She leaned forward, "I did this one while you were asleep on the couch at my house a few days ago." Her voice grew quiet. Bo had never really shown me her art and I never asked. I was just happy she had a healthy outlet and I secretly loved watching her sit in a chair by the fireplace and scribbled in one of her large drawing pads when we were done studying.

I smiled, looking at what she had written at the bottom.

"You've watched me fall apart, and I'm now yours to keep forever. You've given my heart a safe shelter to be loved in, kept in. I love you with all I am, Lauren."

My eyes welled up as I held a true piece of Bo she was giving over to me. It was bigger than her telling me she loved me or me returning it. Bo had given me her complete and unconditional trust in allowing me to keep her heart and her safe.

"Bo, this. I don't know what to say." I looked up at her, smiling as I set the small painting on the bedside table against the light. I turned back to her, "Thank you, it's amazing. You're amazing, Bo."

She met my eyes, "I love you, Lauren. More than I did when I was seventeen and more everyday I'm with you." She leaned forward, grabbing my face with both of her hands and kissed me gently.

I kissed her back, soaking up the way we melted into each other when we kissed. It was if every time we kissed, we erased more and more of the bad and replaced it with the good only a true love could bring. Bo pressed harder against my mouth, moving to push the blankets back and straddle me. I wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing and feeling my desire to have more from her fill my body and heart faster than I wanted. When I felt her hands tangle in my hair I broke off the kiss, looking up in her eyes. Searching them for any sign that this was either a really bad idea or a really good idea to go further. I pressed my hand against her back, feeling how warm her skin was under the Patriots shirt she wore, "Bo…"

She licked her lips, her hands moving to rest on my neck, "Lauren, I think I want to, I want more of you." She ran her fingers down the side of my jaw, brushing the spot on my chin, still healing from having the stitches removed.

I felt my stomach drop and my heart pound. "Are you sure?" I bit my bottom lip, feeling my palms sweat from the nerves rising up fast. I had not been this nervous since the first time Bo and I went down this route.

Bo nodded, "Yes." She bent forward again, brushing her lips against mine, "I love you. You make me feel complete, Lauren. I finally feel whole and not broken."

I kissed her quickly, "I love you too, Bo." I looked up in the big brown eyes, "You've made me feel whole from the first moment I told you I loved you." I swallowed hard, trying to calm my body down so I could keep thinking straight, "I'm going to ask again, are you sure?"

Bo leaned back, lifting her shirt over her head, revealing perfect skin I had dreamt and ached about for years. She smiled softly, "Very sure. I want this, I want you."

I leaned forward, setting my hands on her bare sides and kissed Bo hard. Pouring all of my feelings into that kiss to make sure she felt safe, that I wouldn't hurt her. I soon felt Bo open her mouth wider, allowing our kiss to deepen and minutes passed while I was caught up in the sweetness of the kiss. How soft her lips were against mine and the warm, smooth feel of her tongue as it met mine.

Bo parted from me, shifting in the bed as she grabbed my hand and placed it in the center of her chest where I felt her heart pound. I looked up in her eyes, not watching as Bo's moved and found the edge of my shirt and tugged it up. I obeyed her silent requested and lifted my arms up to help Bo remove the plain grey shirt I wore to bed.

Warm, gentle hands fell to my shoulders. Bo's fingers moved slowly over my skin as if she had never ever touched me before. I watched as her eyes drew slowly from mine and down my body, settling on my breasts. "You're so perfect, Lauren."

Her hand moved across my collarbone to rest at the bottom of my throat where she laid it flat against my chest. The feeling of her hands on my skin after so long, had my libido lurching, craving for more. Bo spread her fingers out as she slowly drew her hand down, moving between my breasts as her pinky and thumb brushed against the curves until if found a place to rest under my right one. I almost yelped at the first touch of her thumb as it drew across my nipple.

I twisted my hand in the blanket underneath me to prevent from grabbing Bo and rushing things. I wanted this as much or more, but I wanted to go at the same pace as Bo.

Bo met my eyes and a silent permission passed between us, we were giving ourselves willing to each other.

Bo held on to me, her thumb drawing small circles while she bent forward, kissing my neck. Her lips pressing against my pulse made it race faster and faster with every touch from the woman I had loved for most of my life. I squeezed her sides harder as I let out soft gasps at how her tongue felt against my skin.

Bo's hand left my breast and moved to cover one of mine resting on her side. She lifted it slowly and placed it over hers. I drew in a slow breath at how she fit in my hands and the way she moaned at the first touch of my fingers gently holding her. Hearing the sound of her moan and knowing it was because of me, I couldn't hold back and lowered my head, quickly covering her with my mouth, enjoying the soft whispers and gasps I pulled from Bo with every slow circle I made across her nipple.

I lost myself in the way Bo felt and tasted that I barely registered her pushing me away, pulling my head back up to kiss me in a way that sent a fire storm throughout my body and settling right between my legs. Bo moved up, pushing me back onto the bed, moving her hands down my sides and to the waistband of the flannel sleep pants I wore. She slowly drew them down and dropped to the floor before she removed her own pair of shorts and moved to press her naked body against mine. Her thigh had found its way to settle in between my thighs, applying the lightest amount of pressure against where I ached for Bo to be. My hips arched and pushed down on their own, seeking out more from the woman above me. I had to force my body to slow down, my hands fell to her back, desperately trying to hold Bo steady before I lost all control. I met her eyes and begged in a heavy rasp, "Bo…please, I need you."

She smiled knowingly, bending down to brush her lips slowly against mine, "I need you too." She kissed me lightly as she began to rock her thigh against me. Sending a million lightning bolts through my body.

It had been a lifetime since I had been this turned on, this close to losing all control of my body. But with every slow, tantalizing movement Bo made against my body, I could feel my heart skipping, racing and sealing up every single fissure that remained from the past heartbreak.

When I was dangerously close to letting my body have what it needed, Bo began leaving a slow descent of kisses down my neck, over my collarbone and towards my breasts.

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to prevent a desperate demand to pass my lips. The need and the want for release was too much to bear and my body was vibrating with every touch of Bo's lips against my skin. When I felt her delicate breath float across the inside of my thighs, followed by the gentle push of her hands to allow her more access, I had to dig my teeth deeper into my bottom lip. The whispers of her warm breath floating across my skin, issuing hard promises of imminent ecstasy was making me writhe under Bo.

I almost arched completely off the bed, gasps shuddering out of my body when Bo's tongue glided along the length of me. I had to struggle and grip to the edge of the bed in hopes I wouldn't fall off and away from this incredible moment. It only took a second before my body gave up and I came harder than I ever had in my entire life, the orgasm rocking all of my nerve endings and shutting down my brain to the point I swore I blacked out. I clutched to the bed as I lost control, shaking and moaning out Bo's name as the waves of bliss fell over me like tidal waves.

When the world settled, the waves receded enough to let me fall back to the bed, Bo moved back up. Kissing my stomach, my ribs, my sternum, up my chin before kissing me on the lips. She pressed the palm of her hand against my thundering heart, and met my eyes with concern, "Was it too much?" She brushed some of the hair stuck to my face, worry covering hers as she had maybe done something horribly wrong.

I grinned like an idiot and said nothing, only reaching to grab the back of Bo's head and pull her into a hard kiss that had her moaning against my mouth. I quickly wrapped my arm around her to keep her pressed against me as my free hand ran down her flushed skin. I kissed Bo, biting her bottom lip lightly and smiling against her mouth when she nipped back. I knew we were in for a very long night, but the only thing I cared about was seeking out some payback. Make Bo call my name out over and over as her body trembled under my touch.

My fingers soon found how ready Bo was for me and I wasted no time. Bo broke from my lips when I slid my fingers in her with ease, feeling her clench around them and hold me prisoner as her body adjusted. I moved slowly, enjoying the way she felt and how she looked with her mouth open, biting her bottom lip as I picked up my pace. I could feel Bo was close, but I wanted to draw it out, memorize this second first time.

My plan was soon thwarted when Bo's hips started moving with my hand. Her hands clutched at my arms as she moved quicker, her breathing coming short gulps and strangled moans of my name. I continued watching her, loving every second I pushed her closer and closer to the inevitable.

When Bo rasped out my name with a careful plea, I pressed up with my fingers one last time, my thumb making hard circles and gave Bo the release she need. Bo began to buck wildly against my hand and came hard, crying out my name as she buried her face in my shoulder.

She felt against my chest, panting and gasping for air. I smiled and slowly removed my hand, as Bo kissed my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her even tighter against my body and reveling in the way her body fit in mine. I kissed the side of her head and murmured, "I love you, Bo."

She moved her head and looked up in my eyes, hers brimming with tears even though she was smiling. "I love you." She closed her eyes and laid her ear right over my heart, "I love you so much."

I kissed the top of her head and held her, looking out the window as the new snow fell. In a way I felt like that new snow. Clean, new, and reborn. I sighed contently and looked at Bo asleep on my chest, a small smile on her face.

xXxXxX

The brightness of day caused me to wake up and I pulled the blanket over my head then tried to snuggle up to Lauren. When there was no body for me to cuddle up to I began to panic. I sat up and looked around the room. Lauren wasn't there and the bathroom door was wide open. Every insecurity I had ever felt about Lauren leaving me because she wouldn't be able to handle my emotional instabilities crashed down on me and began to cry. Last night had been so overwhelming but so beautiful. I laid down and curled up into a ball. I thought this time was different and I thought we were ready but again I had exposed myself to someone only to have them leave. This time was different though. Lauren had seen everything and had stayed through it all but apparently last night had been too much for her.

"Bo…sweetheart what's the matter?" I looked up and saw that Lauren was holding two plates with food on them and concern was written all over her face. She put the plates down on the nightstand then sat next to me on the bed. I stared at her, stunned that Lauren was sitting next to me and that she hadn't ran away. "Bo, talk to me please."

I moved closer to her and she held me as I started to cry again. She was still here and I hadn't scared her away. It took several minutes but eventually I calmed down and I was able to whisper, "You're still here."

Lauren rubbed my back as she said, "Of course I'm still here. Why would I go anywhere?"

I took a deep breath and I held on tighter to her. "I'm so used to people leaving afterwards and after everything we went through last night I thought you realized that this was too much for you."

"Oh my god Bo. No." She let out a small sigh then said, "You will never be too much for me and I'm sorry I left you but I thought you would like to eat. I'm so sorry." She kissed the top of my head then asked, "What do you need?"

I drew in a shallow breath then sighed. "Can you just hold me please?" Lauren held me and rubbed my back while we laid there as I tried to calm down. It took a while for me to put my mind at ease and when I felt I was able to think rationally I sat up and told her, "I'm sorry for my freak out."

Lauren brushed the hair out of my face and smiled a little as she said, "Don't apologize. I should have realized that last night, even though it was a big thing for us, was an even bigger thing for you."

I took a deep breath then shook my head. "No it wasn't about last night. Last night was…" I chuckled a little. "It was amazing but it was the waking up alone that had me losing control of everything." I sighed then told her, "Every worse thought imaginable came back. It took me back to when I would wake up alone or after I was home and in the shower after doing the walk of shame. The thoughts of never being loved or being to screwed up to love would take hold and I would just fall."

I watched as Lauren bit her bottom lip. She may have gotten an idea on how to handle me when I had an episode but sometimes it was beyond her understanding. I looked down at the blanket that covered me and sighed. Thoughts of Lauren running away and leaving me began to take over my mind. Lauren took hold of my hand and I looked up at her. There was a determined look on her face as she asked, "What do you need Bo? We can't go outside because there is a shit ton of snow on the ground but I have a notebook somewhere and some colored pencils. I'm certain Tamsin has some crayons if I looked hard enough." Tears began to form in my eyes even as I smiled. "What do you need?"

I wiped away the tear that began to make its way down my cheek and I took a deep breath then said in a soft voice, "Can I have the colored pencils?"

Lauren smiled and squeezed my hand, "Absolutely. Do you want me to stay or go?"

I looked at her. Lauren may not have known how to deal with what I was going to but she was unwavering in the support that she showed me. "I want you to stay."

She kissed my forehead then murmured against it, "Okay. Let me get you the notebook and colored pencils." She pulled back, "Are you okay to eat right now?"

I moved to where I was resting against the headboard and I told her, "I want to draw a bit first. Get everything in order before I do eat."

Lauren nodded then got off the bed as she said, "All right. Sit tight. I'm just going to get the notebook and colored pencils from my desk."

I nodded as I situated the blanket that was covering me then I watched as Lauren got a notebook out of one of her desk drawers then a pack of colored pencils. As she went over to her bookshelf to get a book I smiled. She knew I wasn't going to talk and that was fine by her. Lauren was okay with the fact that I had to retreat into myself in order to work things out and she never left my side while I did it. Lauren gave me the colored pencils and the notebook then set next to me on the bed. I took out the dark green colored pencil and started draw but before I confronted the demons that had occupied my I took hold of Lauren's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. She looked at me and I smiled at her and said, "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled a little then told me, "I'll be right here when you're ready."

I smiled at her then I took back my hand and focused on working out the darkness that had disturbed what should have been a great morning for me and Lauren.

XXXXXX

I read quietly as Bo drew in the notebook, her face scrunching up as she moved through the pack of colored pencils. Scribbling out whatever thoughts were trapped in her head. She was hunched over and once in a while would lean against me and sigh softly.

I stayed where I was, only moving when she scooted into my side. I didn't say anything, do anything or ask anything while Bo was drawing. I had known that she would need to be left alone while doing her art, but at the same time it was hard for me to swallow down my own feelings.

Her freak out had me upset, but I shoved it down. I had woken up after we made love for a second time and stared at Bo. How she slept peacefully on her side, her hand locked around my arm, keeping me close. I laid and stared at all of her features, memorizing them like I had done all the times before when we shared a bed like this.

And when I woke up to go to the bathroom and make something to eat, I was happy. I felt whole, peaceful and that shattered pieces of our world together were almost put back together. I was in love and had made love to the one person I love, something that I had missed in my life over the last years.

But when I found Bo in my bed crying, panicking, I was afraid that she thought we had made a mistake, she had a mistake and it went too far too fast. I had my own internal freak out, but held strong for her. Asking her what she needed and making sure she was taken care of. But while I sat next to her, reading, I was tearing my thoughts apart. Had I done something wrong?

I shut the book and stood up from the bed, moving to grab the plates of now cold food. I had to get out to the room for a moment. "Bo, I'm going to make some pancakes. I think we could use more than just toast." I smiled tightly as she looked up and met my eyes.

She smiled softly, "Okay, I'll be down in a minute." She bent her head down on the notebook.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I set the plates in the sink and grabbed the pancake mix when I stopped and held on to the counter. I started crying and shaking my head. Last night was incredible but now it felt like I had screwed up and set Bo back. I should have stopped it, stopped myself but I couldn't when I saw all of Bo and how beautiful she had become.

I looked out the window over the sink, the snow was still coming down. Thicker and heavier than last night, I couldn't go outside for a quick walk to clear my head. And for a split second, I regretted sleeping with Bo last night.

"Lauren? Are you okay?" Bo's voice startled me.

I wiped my cheeks with my back of my hand and reached for the large mixing bowl. "Yeah, I was just watching the snow. It's really coming down now, we might be trapped inside all day." I smiled tightly and glanced at Bo, "Good thing we went grocery shopping a couple of days ago." I then tapped the edge of the bowl, "Blueberry ones okay?"

Bo stared at me, swallowed up in my Harvard Law sweatshirt and a pair of my old thick flannel pajama pants. "Yeah, that's fine."

I nodded, sniffling, "Be done in a minute, why don't you go and take a hot shower." I bit my lip to get my hands to stop shaking. I didn't need Bo to worry about me.

Bo appeared next to me, her hand falling to my arm, "Lauren? What's wrong?" I glanced at her and when she saw my eyes were red and teary, her face fell. She reached up, wiping away my cheeks, "Were you crying?"

I frowned and dipped my head down, "It's nothing."

She shook her head, holding the side of my face, "It's not nothing. You rarely cry and when you do, it's something serious." She searched my eyes, "Is it because of my freak out?"

I sighed, clenching my jaw debating how to answer her. I closed my eyes remembering what Dr. Greenbaum told me after one of Bo's appointments. Always be honest with Bo, it's the only way she'll keep moving forward. I sighed again, "Yes." I flicked my eyes open to meet concerned brown ones. I grabbed her hand on the side of my face, "Bo, I love you. Forever and past that, and I never want to push you." I hesitated, "Was last night, was it too much? Did I go too far? Ask too much?"

Bo tipped her head down, letting out a breath of relief. When she looked back up she was smiling and her eyes completely filled with love, "God no, Lauren. None of it was too much. It was perfect and you didn't push me." She looked up at the ceiling, "If anything I might have been the one to initiate it and it wasn't for anything more than I wanted you. I want you, Lauren. You're the only one I will ever want to touch me, kiss me, make love to me. That's the one thing that will never change" Her smile remained bright, "I freaked out, yes, but that's something I can deal with over time. It's minor compared to everything else I have to deal with in the whole scope of my life." Bo then leaned closer to me, her other hand moving to my heart, "I want to wake up with you every morning, Lauren, for as long as I can, as long as I live. It's going to take a minute for me to adjust to the fact that even though you're not right next to me, you're with me." She pressed against my heart, "And I'm with you."

I bit my bottom lip, "I'm always with you." I pointed at the sweatshirt she wore, "You have my room, my clothes, my books and anything else of mine at your disposal to curl up in when I'm not around. To keep the demons away, knowing I'll always come back to you." I kissed her softly, "I will always want to come back to you, Bo." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her fully against me, "For the record, last night was better than the first time we did this." I hoped the joke would ease the weird tension, I felt better about everything now, even though I knew Bo and I had a long road ahead of us, at least we were communicating and being honest. Trusting one another with our fears so we could work together.

Bo chuckled, poking me in the side, "Well, I think we've both learned a few things over the years." She leaned back and gave me a mischievous smirk, "Speaking of new things, do you maybe want to take a hot shower with me, you know to save on water?" She grinned, biting her bottom lip, "I have a few things I'd like to show the woman I love."

I looked at the clock on the far wall, "We better hurry, Tamsin will be home in an hour and will bitch to high hell and back if we use all the hot water and there's no leftover pancakes."

Bo giggled, kissing me as she took my hand and led me back upstairs, "That's plenty of time." She looked back at me with a huge grin and sparkle in her eye, "I love you to hell and back, Lauren Lewis."

I blushed, mumbling as I was pulled back upstairs that I loved her more.

As if that was possible these days.