God Gave Me You 3
It had been almost a month since Doctor Turner had left Poplar, and Sister Bernadette had not been herself. She'd become even more quiet and withdrawn than ever before. On several occasions, Sister Julienne had noticed how red her eyes had become, the result of tears and sorrow. She wanted nothing more than to help her, offer her support or a few kind words, but everything she tried didn't seem to make a difference. She woke early, dressed for the day ahead, and kneeled at the foot of her bed praying for Sister Bernadette as she always did.
Laying in her cell, sleep eluded her as it had on most nights since he'd been gone. She traced the scar on her left palm with her fingers, almost reverently. What was she going to do? How would she tell Sister Julienne?
As if her body knew what she was thinking, she rushed out of her room and down the hallway to the bathroom, barely making it before she was ill.
"I shall leave you in peace with no reminders of what we have done."
'Fat chance of that, Doctor Turner.' She thought.
Wretching once again, she didn't hear the knock on the partially open door, the click as it was closed or the hurried footsteps making their way to her side. She only felt hands rubbing up and down her back, trying to comfort her.
Tears pooled in her eyes as she looked up at Sister Julienne.
"Sister...I...I'm sorry."
Fetching a cool flannel and wiping it across her brow, Sister Julienne responded in her calm and controlled manner. Much the same way a mother would care for her child.
"It's alright, Sister Bernadette. There's no reason to be sorry for feeling ill."
Sister Bernadette looked up at her mentor. She had to tell someone. It had to come out sooner or later. And to be honest, she would rather the first person be Sister Julienne.
"I'm not ill, Sister." She paused, tears streaming down her porcelain skin as she whispered the two words she'd been praying she was wrong about. "I'm pregnant."
Sister Julienne tried to suppress her shock as she put her arm around her young charge.
"Oh Sister...I'm sorry to ask, but...were you...forced?"
Sister Bernadette's tears continued in earnest before she was able to shake her head and whisper "No."
Julienne sat silently, knowing she would talk when she was ready. After a few deep breaths as her tears abated, she sighed.
"Sister, this baby..." She placed her hand on her abdomen. "This baby is the product of an act of love."
"I see. Have you told the father?"
"I can't." She sniffled, willing her tears to stop.
"Don't you think he ought to know, Sister?"
"Yes. I do...I want to tell him, but I can't."
"Do you know how far gone you are?"
"Eleven weeks tomorrow." Sister Bernadette whispered.
Tomorrow was Saturday. Counting back in her head, Sister Julienne immediately knew what was on the calendar eleven weeks ago. It had been the day of the fete. All the pieces of the puzzle were finally coming together.
"Oh, my dear Sister. It's Doctor Turner, isn't it? The father of your child?"
"Yes. And now he's gone." She began sobbing again. "Oh, Sister Julienne...what am I going to do?!"
"For starters, we're going to get you off of this cold floor. It's not good for you...or for baby." She took a moment to realize how surreal it was to be saying that sentence to one of her Sisters. "Then, we're going to get you into bed to rest for the day, after I examine you."
Nodding her head, she allowed herself to be helped up and led back to her cell. Sister Julienne excused herself to retrieve her bag for the examination, leaving Sister Bernadette alone with her thoughts again. She reached into the drawer of her nightstand, pulling out the letter from Doctor Turner. She didn't need to look at it, she'd read it so often it had been ingrained into memory. She was staring blankly at the letter when Sister Julienne came back in. She placed the letter beside her and laid down on her bed for the exam.
"Everything seems to be in order. Baby's heartbeat is strong and your vitals are excellent." Sister Julienne announced in her normal, happy tone. Sister Bernadette knew it was an act, she knew that she wanted to know more.
"Sister? Can you sit for a moment and talk? I want to explain..."
"My dear, you owe me no explanation."
"I want to...please, Sister. I need to tell you."
Sister Julienne sat on the edge of the bed as Sister Bernadette sat next to her. "Then you must unburden yourself, and I will listen. As I always have...and always will."
"I hardly know where to begin. I suppose these feelings have been obvious for months even before...what I mean to say is. I'm sorry, this isn't how I imagined this happening."
"Imagined what, Sister?"
"Having a baby. I imagined it would be a lot less complicated than this is turning out to be."
"You've imagined having a child, Sister Bernadette?" The look of surprise on her face was not well hidden.
"I'm sorry, Sister. I wanted to tell you. But I was so ashamed. I took vows, I made a commitment to God to live a life of service. And then...I broke it."
"You've been unhappy for several months, Sister. Even before the fete. I had hoped you would confide in me and let me help you."
"Sister, I thought I'd lost my faith. I felt so wretched, that I didn't know what to do. I wanted to come to you, but didn't want to hurt you with what I was feeling. I didn't want to make any demands on your time, much like now."
Sister Julienne didn't know what to say. Her poor Sister had been in such pain and she'd get that she couldn't come to her for guidance. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, Sister Bernadette. I hope you know that you could come to me about anything."
Sister Bernadette let out a sound between a sob and a laugh. "Sister, I think the conversation we're having now is proof of that." She reached for the letter and handed it to Sister Julienne. "I haven't lost my faith, Sister. I think that God has a different path for me, but I don't know what to do."
Opening the letter that she'd been handed, tears came to Sister Julienne's eyes. Folding it as she finished reading, she handed the letter back to Sister Bernadette.
"That's quite a lovely letter. Doctor Turner certainly has a way with words."
"Yes...he does."
"Tell me, Sister Bernadette. What is it in your heart? Because from that letter, I can see what's in his."
"I love him, Sister."