Chapter 55

Spoilers for Vegas

She walks to his quarters and passes her hand over the sensor, making him know she's there. She hears music and shakes her head in disbelief, chuckling. He opens the door and grabs her arm, getting her inside and grins. "You came!"

She bites her bottom lip and can't help smiling, seeing how cheerful he looks. He turns the music down low. "You're listening to that song again," she points out, eyebrows raised. "What is it with Solitary Man that beacons to you so much these days?"

He looks innocent. "Hey, I've always loved Johnny Cash. You know it. Take it or leave it," he dares her with a smirk.

"That's not what I'm saying, John! Teyla mentioned hearing you listening to it over and over again in your office the other day..." She lifts her eyebrows expectantly.

He shrugs. "Don't know. Guess I finally got the message in that song," he answers, shrugging, looking embarrassed.

She looks away. It's difficult for them these days, hence his grin earlier when she'd finally accepted to join him for a movie. They tiptoe a lot around each other once more. Ever since they've helped the travellers with their new settlement and she's met Larrin. Since she's spent time with Daniel too. He was quite honest about being jealous of the time she'd spent with Dr Jackson and if she's honest with herself, she did feel the pangs of jealousy grip her heart when she saw how Larrin acted around him – as if she could have him if she wanted to, though she made it clear she's not interested for now.

And yet, Louise has worked too hard to make sure they won't lose their balance as friends. She's too afraid to lose him altogether to even risk being anything else to him. And, truth be told, if there had ever been a chance he and Dr Weir could have become an item, she'd never have entertained the idea. As it is, things have changed a lot since Elizabeth has been lost to them forever, and over the years, they've come to regard each other differently.

It was not a sudden change, rather a gradual shift in perspective. She's changed a lot both physically and emotionally and he acts very different with her too. He's never stopped being her knight in shining armor. It's just it's much more ambiguous and that scares her. He flirts with her more. Actually, they've been doing it for a long time – teasing each other, pushing the limits. She thought they would find a balance at some point – like being frozen in time for eternity, ever teasing each other, flirting a little, but never going further than that. Recently, it seems that's not how he wants it to be. Not that he's ever said it. It's just the way he acts around her.

So she's become more guarded, feeling she must be the one to keep that balance until he realizes this cannot possibly be. But she has to admit – it doesn't come down easy and she misses him. Tonight is one of those days when she cannot keep him at bay – simply because she won't.

He sees her unease. He thinks it's because of the most recent events – how he'd reacted to Dr Jackson's presence. He'd been stupid and irrational. He's finally realized it's a pattern in him. Someone spends time with her – Ronon, Johansen, Jackson – and he tells himself of course she's got the right to see who she wants, right? But not him – well, them. And it's not they're not good enough for her. It's just he doesn't want it to happen. Period. Because it just doesn't feel right. Even the idea of her having a husband once doesn't either. Who can get jealous of a guy who's not even around anymore? A guy who was going to divorce her anyway. He sneers inwardly at his own stupid need to always want to lock her up in a high tower so nothing wrong will happen to her. God knows he does want her to live and find her happy ending.

He smiles, trying to look cool. "So, what do you wanna watch?"

She shrugs but can't get rid of the unease. She sees how stupid it was to accept coming to his quarters. She doesn't want to shun him but here, they're too close. "Actually, I'm not in the mood for a movie. Why don't we go and join the others? Game of chess, perhaps? I saw Mr Woosley and Rodney playing in the mess hall. Maybe we could join them..."

He sighs. "Louise, every time I offer to do something together, you steer me back towards the gang. Why can't we do something just the two of us anymore?" It's quite blunt for him to voice out his disappointment.

"Well, because that's what we are – we're a team and teams do stuff together." She looks away.

He relents and motions for her to lead the way. "Fine, team night it is."

They play a couple of games, swapping partners. She declines playing with him again and points at a few other partners around the room, including a few eager-looking young scientists, among which the gal he's flown to the mainland a few days ago. "I'm going to prepare milk and cookies for you guys. I'll be right back," she informs him and leaves toward the back door to the kitchen. He sighs and looks around but shakes his head and follows her. Teyla stops him, a hand on his arm, having arrived with baby Torren who once again cannot go to sleep if he hasn't had a full tour of the City. "John, give her some space. And time," she adds, seeing him scowl.

"She's shunning me, Teyla. It didn't use to be that way. What have I done wrong that she's punishing me – again?"

He looks hurt so she steers him to one of the window seats and makes him sit next to her, sitting Torren on her lap. "She's not punishing you, John."

"She keeps me at arms' length," he counters, frowning.

Teyla gives him a look. "You're very moody these days, John, and tend to see things in a darker light than they really are. Louise is simply afraid you two will somehow lose the balance you'd finally found."

"We won't!" he replies more forcefully than intended, making Torren look at him in alarm. "Sorry, buddy," he says with a smile, stroking the kid's cheek. "Teyla, I'm still the same John she called her friend. Why is it she's retreating into her shell again?"

Teyla sighs. "It seems you're very blind these days, John Sheppard, so I think it is time I told you what I really think." He looks at her expectantly. "Louise has always been afraid to love you, let you close to her heart, and at the same time, she is also afraid of losing you. She needs the comfort of knowing you''ll be her best friend and yes, knight in shining armor, for ever."

"But I'll always be! It's a given. Can't she see that?" he answers, frustrated.

"Let me finish. She also sees how you act around her these days and she's afraid of where that might lead." Her tone is a little sharp but he needs to understand.

Louise has told Teyla how she suspects he's entertaining ideas about her and she doesn't want to be one of his many conquests.

"Flirting a little is fine, Teyla. As long as he knows the limits," she's told her one day, coming clean about how afraid she is the physical intimacy they have at times might lead to more one day. "I might be his friend but I'm also a woman and he's handsome and sweet. I think he doesn't realize how this whole thing could go south very fast. It was hard enough as it was when we went back to Earth for his dad's funeral and I thought I'd been clear at that time. Now it seems he's not listened to a word I said. Or am I the only one reading too much into this?" she asked her friend to which Teyla replied she was indeed probably right.

He huffs. "And what if it did? What would be so wrong? She spends her time pushing me into other women's arms and then giving me contradictory signals, ya know! She did almost get killed because she was pissed at seeing me with Larrin!"

"Well, you should talk to her about it."

"I did! She pushed me away. Short of getting on one knee and asking her to marry me, which would scare her off for good by the way, what can I do to make her see how I feel?" He frowns.

"She doesn't want to be one of your conquests, John. It'll only lead to sorrow if it doesn't work. She prefers for you to remain friends and not gamble with what you two have. If you become pushy, you'll indeed scare her off. Be patient," she advises him before taking Torren back to her room.

Louise comes back with warm milk and hands him a mug. He thanks her with a nod but she sees his look is lost in the distance.

"You OK?" she asks, sitting next to him.

He shrugs. "Sure. Peachy." He looks into his mug and falls silent. She lays a hand on his arm tentatively. He glances at her. "Do you ever wonder if other versions of us in alternate universes have met somehow?" She looks nonplussed. He huffs. "Sorry. It's just I'm thinking about how far we've come, you and I. If we had not met, who would we be today? McKay says there's an infinite number of possibilities. Change a variable – say you coming here – and things can change drastically. I wonder who we are for each other in other alternate worlds."

She shrugs. "Friends, I guess."

"We're sorry, Sir, but when we arrived, it was already too late. Detective Sheppard's injuries were too severe. He probably died a few minutes after the air strikes. His body has been sent to the morgue here," a marine informs Mr Woolsey as Dr McKay enters the room.

He looks sad and disappointed. Woolsey nods at him. "Sorry Dr McKay. I know you'd entertained the idea he might one day join your team."

"He was a good man and a hero. I knew he had it in him. I guess no matter the version of him, he does," McKay replies thoughtfully." He wished to be buried along his friend," he informs Woolsey, handing him a testament. "It was in his file."

Woolsey peruses the documents. "A sad end to a sad life," he says, thinking of how very alone Sheppard was when he died.

McKay looks away. "I met another version of him some time ago. I didn't give him specifics about the other him – just that he had saved the galaxy several times over. I never mentioned that little gal who's a cook in their own universe."

Woolsey nods. "I guess it wouldn't have changed a thing. In our world, she was a medic and she's dead. What good would it have done to tell him the other him had her alive and well by his side?"

In yet another universe, Louise is glancing at the clock above the counter and rubs her neck, feeling the migraine slowly returning. She's pulled in too many hours this week and can't wait to head back to her one-room apartment on the other side of town.

The only other waitress still working at this time of night passes her and pats her arm. "Cheer up! Only half an hour to go," she tells her then nods towards the farthest booth in the diner. "He's here again," she tells her with a smirk. "Asked about you as he's done for the last two years." She shakes her head in disbelief. "The guy cannot take the hint he's not your type, uh?" She rolls her eyes and whispers. "Not that I mind though. I already have my share of losers."

Louise pouts. "He's not a loser," she protests.

The other woman eyes her suspiciously. "Don't tell me you like him! Gruffy looks, five o' clock shadow he seems to sport all year round and those crumpled jackets and sunglasses! Come on! You can do better, Louise."

She shrugs and ignores her. She makes her way to his booth with a steaming pot of coffee. "What can I get you, Sir?" she asks him with a smile and pours him coffee.

He watches her as she does. "Thanks. Coffee is a good start. You make the best on this side of town." She nods silently and waits, the pot poised in the air. "Whatever today's special is will be just fine," he says. "I trust your judgment and your cooking."

She smiles. "On the way, Sir. You'll be my last patron for tonight. I'll hand over the kitchens to the boss when he arrives."

He sniggers and removes his eyeglasses, laying them on the table. He trains his hazel eyes on her. "Still the same old Buckley, I gather. Never there when you need to get home on time?"

She shakes her head and snorts. "I guess I won't change him by now. I'll be right back," she says, heading for the kitchen to prepare his pastrami sandwich and fries. She sighs, thinking about all the restaurants where she could work right here in Vegas if only she had the time to look for a new job. Detective Sheppard is right – Joe Buckley is never on time thus making her pull extra hours almost every week. He called his place Jazzy Joe after the song, thinking it sounded cool. She rolls her eyes. It's rather Lazy Joe. The guy is never at the restaurant he's bought with his uncle's money, counting on his waitresses to double as cooks.

She returns with his plate and sets it before him. "Sit with me," he asks, using his best puppy look on her.

True he's sporting that beard and he's a loner, but when he looks at her like that, she always finds it hard to say no. "I can't," she says. "I'm working."

"Technically you're not," he counters, glancing at the clock. The shift ended five minutes ago. Buckley should be there. He motions for the other waitress. "Can you get the lady a cup of that strong coffee she makes and whatever she wants on the menu, please?"

The other waitress rolls her eyes and glances towards Louise who shrugs. "OK but Lisa doesn't have to do it and you sure won't buy me dinner, Mister." She walks to the counter and gets a mug and a piece of pie then plops down on the seat opposite him.

"Is that all you're gonna have for dinner?" he asks reprovingly. She lifts her eyebrows and she hears Lisa scoffs from the other side of the diner. Her co-worker is not too happy to see her indulge him. To her, he's a good for nothing.

She's told her so time and again. "They say no one wants to work with him. He's got more debts than he'll ever be able to pay back and he's been dishonorably discharged from the Air Force! Why do you keep indulging him? You're not his mother! And don't tell him you're pining for him!"

Louise had shrugged and told her she was a sucker for lost causes.

He pushes his untouched plate towards her. "Share?" he offers with a smirk. "You need to put meat on those bones, ya' know," he drawls lazily, his eyes locking with her. She sighs and nibbles at the other half of his sandwich. He smirks.

"What?" she demands.

"Wow, lady. Don't bark," he sniggers. She narrows her eyes at him. "I was just thinking we've known each other for quite a while and it's our first date," he teases her.

She rolls her eyes. "Not a date," she counters.

He scratches at his beard thouhtfully. "Technically, it is. I'm buying you dinner after all," he says wickedly.

She giggles."You're..." She shakes her head, at a loss for words.

"Charming? Handsome? The man of your dreams?" he offers, making her snigger.

"Louise? What do you think you're doing, sitting at a table while you should be working?" they hear Buckley yell at her. He's just arrived through the back door and is white with rage.

She sees John's eyes turn dark. "She's my guest, Buckley, and if you had a watch that worked, you'd see she's finished her shift," he growls at the other man. She sighs. She should tell Buckley to shove it but she needs the job so she just sucks it up. Sure, she hates it when Buckley yells at her but when John intervenes – and he's done it a few times these last few months – it's even worse the next day. "John," she hisses. "Please."

He huffs and stands. "Come on. I'll walk you to your car. I don't like it when you leave on your own. This part of town is not safe these days."

Lisa nods for her to go. She still thinks Detective Sheppard is a loser but at least, he's Louise's knight in shining armor. In a twisted way, she reflects, but still. "I'll clean up for you," she informs her friend. Buckley is fuming but they all ignore him. She leaves her apron on the counter and grabs her bag and coat. John steers her towards the door, his hand at the small of her back, barely touching her but making sure Buckley gets the message she's got someone to protect her.

She doesn't say a thing until they're out then she turns to him briskly. "I can take care of myself, thank you, John," she says through clenched teeth.

He bites his bottom lip and she instantly regrets lashing out at him. It hits her like a ton of bricks – how she's become fond of him, in spite of all the walls she's been careful to keep around her heart. She smiles sadly. "I'm sorry. It's just you don't need to do that. And I don't even know what you want with me in the first place, John. I know for a fact there are plenty of girls out there – younger ones, might I add – that would do anything to get the attention you give me. Why do you keep trying? Don't you see we're not meant to be?"

He gets into her personal space before she has the time to react and kisses her, his hands on either side of her head. She leans in and when he parts her lips with his tongue, she moans into his kiss and wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands have abandoned her hair for her hips, pulling her towards him too. "Louise," he whispers against her lips, "something came up and I'm gonna have to leave. Come with me."

Their close proximity is making it hard for her to think straight, as are his eyes boring into hers. She breathes in and out, trying to slow down her heart that is telling her to ask for much, much more. Who would have guessed she'd react to him that way? She's never let him come close before. "What?" she asks not too brightly.

He chuckles and the sound rumbles in his chest, making her want nothing more than to stay right there in his arms for the rest of her life. "That case I've been working on for the last two months?" She nods, remembering the gruesome details from the local TV channel. "It appears there's much, much more than meets the eye. I've been contacted to lead a team of experts."

Her heart stutters. "Where are you going?" she asks in a small voice.

"Where are we going, Louise," he counters. "I've made sure it was a plus-one thing, in case you'd want to get the hell out of that rat hole and join me." She doesn't answer so he elaborates. "Government. Secret stuff. You'll have to sign a waiver if you want to know anything about it. I'm asking you to trust me... And come with me. A new beginning, Louise, for us both. Do you trust me, Louise?" he whispers in her ear, making her shiver.

"Yes," she sighs with content and pulls him even closer.

He chuckles, tickling her with his beard as he trails kisses up and down her neck. "Yes, you trust me or yes, you wanna come with me?"

"Yes to everything, John," she whimpers, tilting her head to give him better access.

"Louise? Louise!" He snaps his fingers at her, making her come back to their own reality. He chuckles, seeing her try to reconnect with the here and now. "Hey, where have you been?" he teases her.

She shakes her head. "Don't know. I think this alternate reality thing, it sent my plot bunnies go wild, I guess," she says sheepishly.

"So, will you answer my question now?" he prods. She lifts her eyebrows. "About who we are in other realities?" he elaborates, seeing her nonplussed.

"I don't know, John," she shrugs. "Fate's a bitch. I'm not sure we even know each other in other universes."

She looks wistful so he grabs her hand and keeps it in his. If there's one thing he knows, it's that it's not an idea he wants to entertain because if one is the sum of their experiences and encounters, then the John Sheppards of other realities had better have their Louise by their side. "In that case, Louise, we might have to compensate for all the other us who are not as lucky as we are to have each other."

She smiles at him and leaves her hand in his. She's still not ready to let him change the terms of their relationship – if ever she'll be ready for that – but she gets his point, feeling blessed that she has him.

John drops by at Teyla's quarters after he's walked Louise back to her own and dropped a chaste kiss on her forehead, not pushing her limits. "I wanted to thank you," he tells Teyla as they speak in hushed tones near Torren's crib. He looks fondly at the little one who's currently sleeping. "I do agree I shouldn't push Louise's limits. She's not ready for anything else than being my friend and I'm sure not ready to lose her so I'll just stay put for now. But Teyla," he adds, knowing his two friends have become very close and spend quite a lot of time in each other's company. "If she decides she finally wants something else," he says, shuffling his feet, looking embarrassed.

She chuckles. "I'll let her know you'll be more than happy to woo her. Did I get it right, John?"

He bites his bottom lip. "Yes, Ma'am. More than happy..."

TBC