The Roles we Play
Dimming lights
Thanks to all who read, review, favorite, or follow.
***I wish I owned the Teen Titans, because the Holidays would be a lot easier I feel. ***
"We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering." –Helen Keller
***TRwP***
Cyborg stood in the dimly lit room of the Titan's medical bay. In front of him was a concrete table, with a sheet thrown over what appeared to be the body of a teenager.
The large man stared silently at the corpse, wondering where he had gone wrong in life. When had he abandoned and failed his best friend?
His mind replayed the aftermath of their most recent mission again, struggling to find where he could have saved his friend's life.
***Flashback***
After the mechanical man had managed to defeat his enemy he glanced over and saw the two female Titans huddled over Robin who was being healed from what appeared to be a leg wound.
Racing over he took note of another of their fallen enemies, the man having been bombarded by Starfire's energy bolts.
"You okay Robin?"
"Yeah I'll be fine, you took the big guy down I see."
"Yeah no sweat, so the invincible Boy Wonder can be injured eh?" The cybernetic man chuckled, earning glares from both females.
"He will be fine Cyborg, don't worry about that."
"Oh I know he will Rae, our Rob is made of a lot tougher stuff than normal people after all. So this seems like it was a lot more than just a casual bank robbery."
"I agree Cyborg, once we get back to the Tower we can review the video footage and see exactly what happened, we need to better train to prepare for ambushes like this in the future."
"Alright, but can we go out for pizza first? I am starving and I bet you could use some cheesy goodness as well."
The Titan leader just chuckled before nodding his head, earning a happy giggle from the Tamaranean.
"Alright go get Beast Boy and we will head out."
"Oh yeah where is the little guy?" Cyborg stood and finally took in his entire surroundings, before his eyes fell onto a body located towards the other side of the room.
"Figures BB is taking a nap after a battle." He laughed before jogging over.
"Hey BB come on man get up Rob is buyin…."
The mechanical man froze when he saw the blood.
His eyes opened wide in horror when he saw the chest wound.
His heart stopped when he saw the boy's head nearly blown to pieces.
"Oh God…"
***End Flashback***
His shout of horror had immediately brought over the other Titans.
Raven threw up, Starfire had collapsed, too shocked to even cry, Robin crumpled onto the ground, muttering to himself, Cyborg's diagnostic system immediately scanned over the fallen Titan's vitals, and detected no traces of life.
The damage had been so severe that Raven would later admit even if she had been able to use her powers it wouldn't have mattered. Even her magic couldn't repair the brain.
So now the largest and oldest of the Titans stood before his deceased comrade and best friend. Hopelessness filled the young man he realized that he had been so preoccupied with his own fight and the others that he had not registered the sound of gunshots, even though the mechanical brain had.
He had failed his little brother, someone who he had sworn on his life to protect.
An innocent soul if ever there was one, someone who had seen far too much fighting in his young life to be even close to as cheerful as he was. Yet he kept moving forward. The boy was a role model of human endurance if ever there was one, he could turn any bad situation around and make the larger teen laugh despite the situation.
He was the light in the tower when no others would dare shine.
Now he was dead, killed far before his time in a way unbefitting of one so young and happy.
Beast Boy had been taken from this world and it seemed as though the lights were just a bit dimmer because of it.
***TRwP***
Another blow resounded through the near empty gym as the Titan leader slammed his fist into the punching bag.
Training had always been one of the few activities that could keep his mind focused on only one thing at a time, not allowing him time to consider or obsess over anything else.
And there was much to obsess over.
Despite his physical activity Robin found his mind going over where he had failed earlier in the week, trying to find the one point at which he could have turned it around, trying to find the single point of failure.
He couldn't come up with one rather it was a single person that he found in his mental ponderings, himself.
After the team had reviewed the video a day later they witnessed the true horror of what had befallen their friend, he had been abandoned and ignored in his greatest time of need.
This had sent each of the Titans to a different area of the tower, each unable to face the others with their personal guilt.
He was supposed to lead his team, supposed to make sure each and every one of them performed their jobs in combat and made it out okay.
Sure there were the occasional injuries and that was to be expected, they fought criminals armed with advanced technology, magic, and super powers after all.
But now his failure was obvious.
It hadn't just been his leadership that had failed his team no it had been his personal emotions.
His involvement with the girls had lead them to favor his safety and well being over all others. It was so obvious now, looking back on how both of them would react to any situation involving the Boy Wonder.
He should have seen it far earlier on.
Batman would have.
***TRwP***
The sobs from Starfire's room echoed through the empty halls.
The alien princess had been nearly confined to her room since her friend had died and they had watched what had happened on the monitor.
She had abandoned someone who had become like a little brother to her so quickly, and then ignored him in his time of need. She was the one who did not have an excuse.
Cyborg had been fighting his own battle while Raven had been healing their injured leader.
But her, what had she been doing? Sure she had defeated the first man but then had stood by Robin's side and worried over him. The others might have claimed she was merely protecting him but it had not been true.
If she had been watching for other attacks she would have seen the losing battle between the gunman and the changeling, she would have been able to lend assistance and he would have survived.
It was the first time in her life that she truly despised the control her emotions had over her, the first time that she wished to be more like Raven, cold and calculating.
If she could give up her emotions just to bring him back she would do so in an instant. His life was worth more than her happiness.
He had been the main source of happiness and pure joy in the tower since the formation of their family, though she would hesitate to call it that anymore. What kind of family ignores and abandons their youngest member?
Now she found herself incapable of joy or laughter. Instead her life was dull and grey during the daytime, having lost the color of the world along with his green skin.
At night she would cry until she would either fall asleep in exhaustion or run out of tears.
The Tamaranean briefly wondered if Raven and Robin were continuing their nightly activities. If they found comfort in each other then she would be happy for them, despite what the aching in her heart told her.
She knew that they both deserved the best, and who was better than them? Robin was strong, smart, confident, and wise.
Raven was intelligent and spiritual on a level that she could never match. Her two lovers could have conversations that she would simply smile at, not fully understanding what they meant. They came from similar worlds with similar customs and thus could understand what each other said, at times even finishing each other's sentences. They were made for each other, and the orange skilled alien was made for loneliness, a small price to pay for what she had done, who she had failed.
***TRwP***
It was quiet, so very quiet.
In fact if Raven had to be honest with herself and since she was in her own mind there was very little reason not to be, it was far too quiet.
There was no laughter from Happiness.
No ranting from Rage.
No crying from Timid.
No threats from Brave.
No comments from any of the others.
There was just silence just the terrain and herself as she gently flew through the area.
Finally she spotted a small yellow flash on the ground. Descending she saw Knowledge sitting against a tree, staring at the ground in front of her as she mumbled incoherently.
"Knowledge what's wrong what are you saying?"
"Our fault, all our fault, should have seen it, should have paid more attention, should have trained more, should have kept meditating, not enough meditating, never enough, he would be alive, all that matters, couldn't heal him, couldn't save him, all our fault…"
"What happened here…?"
"Are you surprised?" a tiny voice squeaked out from behind her, causing Raven to rapidly spin around to confront the emotion she had never expected to see Timid.
"What…"
"This is the consequences of our actions, and our inactions." The grey cloaked girl muttered out sadly, glancing down at her fellow clone.
"But what happened to her, to the others?"
"They are in similar states, when one emotion is overpowering it takes control of the others, you should know this Raven with your empathy and all. Depression slowly takes over and replaces everything else when it is too strong, just like how all the other emotions can do this. When you feel confident Brave can overshadow us. When you feel happy we all can become cheerful. But now…"
"I have never seen the others be completely consumed like THIS before."
"You have never felt something as overwhelming as this before. Even when you were going through the Trigon crisis it was more of a balance, you were angry, you were afraid, you were sad, you were defiant, and you were hopeless. But at the time none of us were completely overpowering. Now though, all you feel deep down is depression. Even though you are angry it is focused on yourself which simply fuels me."
"And you are so knowledgeable about this because?"
"Because I am depression, sadness, and timid all rolled into one. Why would anyone know more about this type of thing than the literal representation of it?"
"So why am I not feeling this in the tower? Why are my emotions not going haywire? Why haven't I blown everything up?"
"Simple, it takes a strong overwhelming emotion and adrenaline to do this. Fear, anxiety, and anger all bring out this uncontrollable power. Why do you think you never melted Robin's face during sex? Happiness and love don't create the same spikes as negative emotions. As for now, depression is a sort of lack of emotion that is why nothing has changed outside. The big question of why you don't feel it is that you are so used to suppressing these things that it hasn't come to the surface yet. But it will, and when it does it will consume you completely. All you need is a trigger, and you will break completely."
"You're wrong, I will survive this, we will survive this…"
"But Beast Boy wont."
The real Raven's eyes opened wide in shock as it hit her for the first time. She had been in denial. Beast Boy had always been fine even when he was injured he would just wave it off with some stupid joke. No matter how bad things got he was always the voice of optimism, always encouraging others and fighting back the despair.
But now he was gone, who would put the team back together with him dead?
It truly was her fault everything Knowledge had said was true.
If she hadn't been so focused on Robin she would have seen what was happening. Then there was this obsession she had, after all it was just sex right? Although it was certainly a pleasant experience she would not trade it for her teammate's life, hell she would give her own just to bring him back. He deserved that much and more.
As Raven sank to her knees the last real conversation they had came to her mind. She had again taken Robin's side over his, again pushed him away and treated him more like an outsider than a friend. But he had been right. Saving an innocent life rather than ensuring another hero was safe should have been the correct response, and if Robin had done so she probably would have worshipped him later that night even more.
Now she felt even more alone than ever, was this what Beast Boy felt like when he watched everyone else? Alone, like an outsider in his own home?
***TRwP***
Jinx had arrived the day after the mission, not knowing exactly what to expect.
She had been called by Robin with the instructions to return to Jump City as quickly as possible, that there had been "complications" during a mission and that they would need the extra help for now.
Since she had been the only one summoned there was a sickening feeling in her stomach that Cyborg had been hurt.
After she had arrived, and practically ran to the cybernetic man's room, only to find it empty, the pink haired teen wandered around the tower, desperate to locate someone who could inform her of what was happening. She finally located Robin in the main room scanning through information on a computer.
"Robin I'm here sorry it took so long, what happened, where is everyone?"
"Thank you for coming Jinx, I think Raven and Starfire are in their rooms, Cyborg is… downstairs in the medical bay."
"Oh God… is he… okay?"
Robin continued scanning through files, not being able to even look the girl in the eyes while replying with an empty and emotionless voice.
"He's okay the complication wasn't involving him directly."
"What do you mean 'directly'? If everyone else is okay then…" The pale skinned girl stopped, a cold shiver running down her spine as tears threatened her eyes for an unknown reason. "Robin… where is Beast Boy?"
The Titan leader was silent for what felt like an eternity, before his whispered out an answer.
"His… remains are in the medical bay."
"No… no no no no no… Oh God no…." The girl started chanting before falling onto her knees, tears leaking down her face as she struggled to breathe.
In an instant the Boy Wonder was next to her, his arm around her shoulders as he tried to comfort her.
"W-what h-happened?"
"We were ambushed during a bank robbery Beast Boy was shot while protecting Raven."
"C-can I see him?"
"Come on I'll take you down to talk with Cyborg."
***TRwP***
The young sorceress found herself sitting on a chair outside of the medical bay, along the way Starfire had been informed of her presence and had come out to walk alongside her.
Jinx had never seen the orange skinned girl so empty and heartbroken before.
Robin had gone inside to find the cybernetic teen while the final Titan female had emerged from the nearby stair case and joined the other two outside the room.
"Have either of you been in to… see him?"
"I saw him when we first discovered…" Raven couldn't bring herself to say 'his body' quite yet, hoping that somehow he was just pulling a prank of some kind.
"He does not look like Beast Boy…" Starfire sadly muttered, almost to herself than anyone else.
"What do you mean…?"
"He received massive head trauma, facial recognition would be impossible at this point."
The three girls looked up to see Cyborg and Robin having emerged from the room.
It was immediately apparent that the larger of the two hadn't slept since it had occurred. He smelt of chemicals and disinfectant.
"Vic..."
"Along with the head wound he had been shot in the upper chest, without immediate medical care he would have bled out in less than half an hour."
"Victor…"
Jinx couldn't stand the way her boyfriend was just relaying facts, sounding more like a machine giving an analysis than a human being.
"Remains have been wrapped since then, autopsy not required at this point in time. We will need to search through for any requests he might have for disposal of…"
"DAMNIT VICTOR STONE LOOK AT ME!"
The man halted his eyes wide as he stared at the seething pink haired heroine along with the rest of those present.
"Group meeting, upstairs, NOW!"
With that the girl grabbed onto her boyfriends hand, and practically dragged him to the nearby elevator, with the other Titans hurrying along after her.
***TRwP***
"I know what you are all doing it is so obvious that a freaking child could tell. You are all blaming yourselves for what happened. So this is what we are going to do. Everyone is going to take a turn sharing what they believed was their fault. Then we are going to explain why you are wrong and get you all back to recovering like normal human beings."
"Jinx I don't think…"
"Oh really Robin? Then explain how this mess is going to just work itself out if we don't do this, because from what I have seen your team is falling apart and I will be damned if I let everyone blame themselves for something they had no control over, I owe Beast Boy at least that much for everything he has done for me."
Silence reigned as each Titan was busy with their own thoughts before Starfire began, in a whispered tone.
"I wish to apologize to everyone for letting Beast Boy die."
"Star, what do you mean you didn…"
"YES I DID! Don't you see? I was the only one not occupied, you were injured, Raven was healing you, and Cyborg was fighting. What was I doing!? I stood there and watched her. I was so caught up in my jealousy towards your relationship that I wasn't paying attention to anything else. I am a terrible friend!" The girl cried out,
"No Star you didn't fail him, because I did. It was my fault all of this happened anyways."
"Rob this isn't because of you, there was nothing you could have done. You were injured for God's sake."
"But my job is to be the leader Cyborg. My job is to ensure that everyone makes it out alive and unharmed. How many times have I failed at this simple job? How many times have one of you been injured hell I caused some of the injuries myself! Now look at us, I should have told Starfire to back you up immediately, I should have been prepared for an ambush, I should have…"
"You should have trusted me to watch his back, and you did. If it is anyone's fault it's mine Rob. I was the one who went in with him I was the one who was supposed to protect him."
"You cannot protect everyone Cyborg, we are a team and…" The orange skinned beauty tried to comfort the larger man between her own tears.
"DON'T YOU GET IT!? I WAS HIS OLDER BROTHER IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT EVERYONE, THAT IS WHY WE ARE OLDER TO PROTECT THE YOUNGER ONES." At this point the cybernetic teen broke down and began sobbing into his hands. The death of the first person to truly accept him for what he was. His first true friend after his accident was gone, and he blamed himself.
"You're wrong…"
This slight muttering from the other side of the couch brought everyone's attention to the empath.
"It was me… he died because of me. The first bullet he took was because I was more worried about Robin's leg than the battle around us. Even then I didn't even notice he had fallen, or the gunshot, or anything else. I should be the one laying on that concrete table not him. I am the demon not him. Demons and monsters are supposed to die, not the heroes that fall protecting innocent people. Beast Boy was a hero that I constantly belittled, yelled at, ridiculed, and hurt because… hell I don't even know why I did it. Maybe I am just a demon like everyone thinks, something that can't stand the sight of other's happiness. You are jealous of Robin and I Starfire? Please I am the one jealous of the two of you. You are so close and can be emotional and comforting around each other while all I do is make sarcastic remarks and remain emotionless to everyone's problems, some empath I am."
Again a silence permeated through the room, but this time it was broken by Jinx, "You are all wrong, it was my fault, I should have stayed in Jump."
The Titans almost snapped their necks twisting so fast to stare at the girl.
"It's true," she continued. "If I had been there you would have had another person to help the rear door, I would have been able to end Vic's fight easier or could have backed up BB at the start."
"Jinx this isn't…"
"Or maybe it is the cops fault? After all they were the ones who gave you bad information, who the hell doesn't notice three freaks looking like that walk into the bank, or notice that your count of robbers is off by so much? Or the people who installed the security system, it should have linked the cameras more fluidly so that you could check in real time rather than afterwards. Maybe it was even Beast Boy's fault, if he had been better trained and faster he could have intercepted the guy BEFORE he shot at Raven, stopping this entire situation."
The girl continued ranting as the others just stared, unable to interrupt what seemed to be the girl's breakdown, when she stopped and looked up very seriously at them.
"Or maybe it is no one's fault? Maybe, just maybe these types of horrific things happen when you take on the role of hero and protector. Do any of you really believe Beast Boy would blame anyone for his death? Does anyone here really think he would prefer you all to sit around moping and crying about where you went wrong, rather than having a party to celebrate all the good things he had done in his life? I bet you any amount of money that he is up there looking down frowning at the fact that not a single joke has been told yet."
The others fell into silence after this, each pondering her words, before a small smile crossed Robin's face.
"Do any of you remember that time when Beast Boy finally got the moped, and it was trashed in a single night?"
This caused Starfire to giggle a bit, while the other three Titans smiled at the memory.
"Man he was soooo thrilled to have that thing, and I was sooooo thrilled to have an excuse not to let him borrow the T-Car."
"He really was the worst driver ever, you would think that someone with the reflexes that he had would be able to avoid hitting every stationary object on a street." Raven chimed in, remembering the look on everyone's faces when he returned Cyborg's 'baby' with a fire hydrant lodged in the hood.
"That was terrible… I made him wash the entire garage the next day and wax the car after I was done getting the dents out." This time Cyborg chuckled, remembering how the poor boy was covered in so much dirt that he looked black and gray rather than green.
"Oh yes and also the time in which he replaced all of the meats with the tofus of goodness as he called them."
"You don't need to remind me of that Star, my stomach is still recovering." The larger man grumbled, earning a giggle from his girlfriend.
"He always did have a way of cheering everyone up, even if it was through his own misery. I wonder how many times you threw him out of those windows Raven."
"One hundred and four to one hundred and twenty seven, depending on how you count It." the pale half demon answered the equally pale sorceress.
"Oh man, remember that time he replaced EVERY single lightbulb with pink colored ones? That was fantastic…" Cyborg commented, this time roaring out in laughter while Robin had a full on smile on his face.
"What!? How did I miss that one?" Jinx lamented, enjoying the idea of the entire Tower being pink.
"I still never figured out where he got all those bulbs…" Robin mused.
"He truly was good at the pulling of pranks." The Tamaranean complimented.
"Even if they did end up biting him in the ass more often than not." Raven added in.
"See this is what he would have wanted, the only thing missing are the other Titans and a tofu pizza." The others nodded at Jinx's comment as they continued sharing memories into the evening, and indeed ordered a pizza in his honor.
"Not to spoil the mood or anything but I did just think of something you need to address."
"What's up Jinx?"
"You need to contact Beast Boy's next of kin, to you know… let them know what happened."
The cheerfulness seemed to die down a bit at this comment before Raven glanced over to her leader.
"Robin, who are Beast Boy's next of kin anyway?"
"Uh…. Cyborg?"
The mechanical man thought for a second, going over the information he had stored both in his electronic and biological memories.
"That's weird, I don't recall him ever mentioning anything about his family or where he came from."
"Okay well that is simple enough, just use the wonders of the internet and do a search for his real name."
Again the Titans took on puzzled looks at the pink haired girl's suggestion.
"You do know what his real name is correct?"
"Umm…. No?"
"How the hell do you guys not know his real name? I mean I understand not knowing Robin's but…"
"Actually we all know Robin's real name, he revealed it to us a year or so ago."
"Wait you know the identity of the Boy Wonder, Batman's apprentice whose identity is so secret that the rumor in the HIVE was that he didn't actually have a face under the mask, and that it was actually part of his head, but you don't know the name of the green kid on your team who was the loudest superhero to ever grace the world?"
"That…. Pretty much sums it up yeah."
"Oh good lord, well do you at least have some way of figuring this out?"
"We do have the emergency wills we all created when first joining the team…" Robin muttered, before Cyborg made his way over to a computer and punched in some codes to access the files.
"Here is is…. Huh that's weird."
"What is it Cyborg?"
"Robin…. Who is the Doom Patrol?"
***A/N***
For those of you who didn't think I would do it… I sure showed you, because all I do is murder main characters, all day long, like it's my job… and in a small sense I feel as though it is.
If anyone is a bit confused about the Team's reactions, I removed the events from the episode "Homecoming" thus no one is aware of Beast Boy's origins or who the Doom Patrol is. Also I am changing what I understand is the role of this team from canon they are going to be much more badass now.
Overall I rather enjoyed how this chapter turned out, I was intending on putting a lot more into this one but the Titan's reactions were so long that I decided not to push my luck and put the Doom Patrol in this chapter, because if I did I think it would have been either rushed or like 10k words long.
Apologies to anyone who reviewed, I normally PM back to anyone who does but FF's commenting system is kind of broke right now so…. When it comes back up I will be responding though.
A few people have been making suggestions, and I am sad because I can't do all of them, since they contradict so much.
As always I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I liked writing it.