-Sherlock's point of view-

Suddenly I had realized that I wasn't alone in my bedroom anymore. And it didn't need many deduction skills to find out it was John sitting on my bed. I knew his weight, his smell, the way he breathed, everything.

I turned around, sat up and looked at him. He had taken his hand off my shoulder where he had placed it before and returned the favor. John looked, as other people would describe it, attractive, and I wondered how the poor lighting managed that.

"Careful!", he said, ready to hold me if I would fall out of the bed. What an interesting coincidence. John would catch me if I fell. Didn't he always?

"I'm fine", I replied, maybe a bit too harsh, "But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Mary?"

I wouldn't keep John from his happiness. And I didn't even understand. If he could be with his wife, his pregnant wife, why would he stay here with me? That wasn't logical.

"I worry about you. The way you have acted today. Haven't I told you not to take the drugs? Look what they do to you."

"As I said: I'm perfectly fine. I would have never brought us further to Moriarty if I hadn't taken them. They helped me think. I had to focus on the case."

"Yes, and I know exactly why", John said, moving a bit closer to me, "Because you had to keep your thoughts away from me."

I looked at him in surprise. How did he... yes, it was him. Of course he knew. But... how was I to react? Simply tell him the truth? I couldn't lie to John anyway. I was aware that sooner or later he would find out, and if I had lied to him, he would be mad at me.

"Yes", I said and smiled slightly.

"You couldn't stand the fact of never seeing me again. Of course you didn't tell me that you were on a suicide mission, that you wouldn't return. You are not as heartless as you might think, Sherlock."

"I did it so I wouldn't have to deal with those tedious farewell rituals", I replied knowing that it was only partly true. John would have shouted at Mycroft, how he could possibly let it happen, He would have shouted at me, how I could possibly go, how I could listen to the bloody words of my brother. There would have been a lot of shouting and although it was a part of him that I tended to enjoy for some reason, I wanted his smile to be the last thing I'd see of him.

"And that's also why you didn't admit that you love me?", he now grinned with some kind of happiness in his eyes.

"I... I'm... I... sorry, wh.. what?"

"Before you got into the plane. You said there was something you've always meant to say but then never have, and since it was unlikely that we'd ever meet again you planned to say it then. You might be good when it comes to ashes or sand, but I am observant in some ways, too. I know what it was you meant to say. You wanted to say that you love me."

"John, I..."

"You don't need to say anything. I know you are not familiar with these kinds of emotions. I know that you are not even sure if it's love, that you don't know where the line between friendship and lovers ends, that you don't know what it means that you feel close to me, to like the way I act and the way I look, and that you don't know what love feels like. But it doesn't matter", he placed his hand on my cheek now, "Because I have never experienced something quite like this before, either. And maybe we can just find out together? Set our own limits but see what this between us really is."

I didn't know what to say. He had managed to describe how I felt in a way that I never could.

Then suddenly he closed his eyes and got closer to me. My eyes widened as I realized what he was up to. He meant to kiss me! I... I panicked. I didn't know what to do! I mean sure, I have had imagined this several times, but now it was real and I... then his lips touched mine.

At first I didn't move, and if it had been anybody else I would have pushed him away immediately. But this was John. I slowly started to answer the kiss. A whole bunch of emotions ran through my body, a kind of happiness made me shiver, the blood rushed through my veins. He was so tender and gentle. Was this what love felt like? I wanted more of it, I never wanted this to stop. I started to kiss him more passionately, which he took as a sign and pushed me down to the bed.

Then, just as he had started to open the buttons of my shirt, there was a clapping sound. John jumped aside and turned around, I looked straight forward, and there he was again.

"Well Sherlock, congratulations. You surprised me. It's not easy, but you did."

"I would return that compliment, but for some reason it was expectable that you'd show up", I replied, trying to calm down my breath. I hadn't realized that it had fastened because of John before, and the fright Moriarty had given me didn't really slow it down.

"You don't have to act like that, Sherlock. I know you. You are scared. This old ghost returning to make your sunny day a bit shadowier."

"I haven't been talking about you. There are ghosts way more dangerous, laying further in the past. People who were able to do things you couldn't even imagine. Compared to them you are just... boring!"

"You think so, honey? Well, then let me show you how boring I am!"

He lifted his hand, he precipitated John down the edge of my bed. But it wasn't just the floor he'd land on anymore, there was a never ending darkness that'd he'd fall into.

"Sherlock!", John screamed just like on that day when I had jumped. I couldn't see him no more.

"But the fall is boring, isn't it? You remember my last lesson, don't you?"

"No! NO! Don't you dare!"

"It's the landing that kills you!"

I was no longer in my bedroom, I was at the scene I had been in years ago. But the roles were switched. John had jumped, I had watched. He was laying on the floor, dead, bleeding, and I was fighting my way through the people surrounding him. "John!", I screamed. This couldn't be true.

"See what I can do? I'm still out there, Sherlock!", now it was only his voice speaking to me, it came from like everywhere, "I know everything about you. I am watching. I've always been watching you. So you better find me, or I'll take away all the things you love. East wind is coming. You should have appreciated the boredom!"

"Oh Sherlock", I heard Mycroft, who layed his hand on my shoulder as I kneeled next to John, trying to bring him back to life, "Haven't I told you not to get involved? Caring is not an advantage."