Chapter 7

Breaking Point

Blue eyes snapped open. The immediate pain she felt reminded her of what had happened earlier. She scrunched up her face trying to breathe through the waves of agonizing torture. It was real. Everything that had happened had indeed happened. This was not a dream, or a nightmare more like. This was as real as it gets. The pain told her so. Physically and emotionally.

Panic set in. How long had she slept? What day was it? Any news on Kim? Kim!? She struggled with the wires and tubes, almost ripping them off. She needed to get out. She had to find her sister. She had to be there in case they find her.

"Whoa, easy. You'll hurt yourself even further if you keep that up, honey." The southern drawl could not be mistaken for any other state but Texas. Being born and raised in Atlanta Georgia herself, she could tell the difference in accents. Looking over to where the voice had come from, she spotted the uniform just outside her door.

"What time is it? How long was I out?" Amanda glanced over at the window, seeing it was dark outside. Night-time. The officer took a few steps closer to the hospital bed.

"Well, to answer your first question, it's just after three in the morning and as for how long you were asleep..." she checked her watch. "about ten hours."

Ten hours! Amanda panicked. As her heartbeat got faster by the second she tried to sit up. She had to get out but the pain in her chest and shoulder was begging her to lay back down. She tried to push the pain away, thinking it would stop throbbing if she only got to a sitting position. Before she got that far, Donna had already approached her bedside and firmly but gently tried to hold her in place.

"Listen hon, you ain't gonna get better if you move around so god damn much. You ain't going anywhere. You've been shot twice for crying out loud. Stop being difficult and stay put. You're not tearing any stitches on my watch."

Amanda struggled to push the officer out of the way but the pain got too much. An agonizing scream filled the room and blood started to soak the white hospital gown. The stitches in her shoulder had ripped and she watched as the red patch got bigger and bigger. "Oh, you silly girl." Donna quickly pressed the call button and a nurse appeared after only a few seconds, rushing to her side after seeing the blood.

"I tried to stop her but she was having none of it." The officer was still trying to hold Amanda down as the nurse injected a sedative into her IV line. About a minute later the blonde had calmed down considerably and Donna felt comfortable enough to let go.

The nurse called for a doctor to have her restitched. She then injected a local anaesthetic into the wounded shoulder. Amanda was furious. All she wanted was to get out of this hell whole and to be out there doing something proactive to find her sister. Insted she was bedridden in an uncomfortable hospital bed with two gunshot wounds, no privacy and totally dependent on others to do things for her. This was torture for the blonde. She could deal with the pain but being forced to rely on strangers was worse.

While the doctor took care of the stitches, Donna took the chance to call Olivia. She was reluctant to at first, not wanting to wake the detective up at this early hour but she figured that Olivia would want to know what had happened and what was going on. Besides, Amanda seemed more likely to listen to the dark haired detective than her.

After receiving the phone call from a, somewhat worried Donna, Olivia got dressed into a pair of dark jeans and a warm sweater. She always had a set of clothes laying next to the bed for situations and emergencies like these. She was use to getting calls at any hour of the night and after doing it for so many years she found it easier after some time to get her tired body out of bed and to wake up quickly.

As she drove to the hospital she had an unsettling feeling in her gut. She tried to shake it by shifting in her seat, turning the radio on and opening a window to get some cold air into her lungs. It wasn't until she pulled into the parking lot that she realized that it was worry and concern she felt towards the injured blonde. She scolded herself for feeling that way. She got out of the car and walked towards the entrance. She had to hold herself back as she found herself almost running to get to Amanda faster.

Donna was sitting outside the room. Deticated not to leave her post. As she spotted Olivia down the hall she stood up. "Detective, I'm sorry for the ungodly hour. She woke up, panicked and tried to get out of bed. I tried to hold her down but she pulled all the stitches in her shoulder. She had a sedative awhile ago and some pain relief but she's still awake but groggy. Its like she's fighting not to go to sleep. She won't listen to me I..."

"Its okay, officer. You did good. I'm glad you called me." Olivia took a step to the side so she could get a glimpse of the sleepy woman laying in bed. It almost broke her heart seeing her so vulnerable and defenseless. She turned her attention back to Donna, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Listen, why don't you head off home. I've got it from here. I'll see you at eight tonight." Olivia could see that the officer was about to protest. "Its okay, really. I don't mind. Go home and get some sleep."

Donna nodded and headed down the corridor. Olivia took a deep breath before entering the blonde's room. "Hey, I heard what happened. Are you okay?" The brunette pulled the chair up closer to Amanda's side and sat down. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Seeing Olivia's brown concerned stare and gentle voice caused Amanda's blue ones to tear up. She brushed at them, cursing herself for being such a baby about it. The more she tried to keep the tears at bay, the more tears came rolling down her cheeks leaving damp marks on pale skin. She didn't like feeling this way. It was totally out of character for her to be so vulnerable and weak. Maybe it was the pain relief, the sedative or just pure exhaustion making her feel the way she did or maybe all three of them combined. She didn't know and it scared her more than she thought was possible.

Olivia saw her struggle, scooted a bit closer and gently took one of her shaking hands in her warm ones. "Its okay to cry, Amanda." Her voice was so soothing and it was all it took for Amanda to break down in heart wrenching sobs. The years of feeling so lonely, not taking care of herself, physically and emotionally, constantly being on her watch and thinking about what Kim might be going through finally caught up with her.

Olivia was glad that Donna had followed her advice and gone home since she knew Amanda would only be more uncomfortable breaking down in front of more people. Olivia wanted nothing more than to hold the blonde in her arms and tell her everything would be okay and that she would make things better from now on, but this woman was still a stranger and she didn't want to make Amanda feeling awkward.

Watching the blonde trying to hide and restrict her cries made them even louder. It was almost primal, agonizing whailes coming from the crying woman. The brunette could see how much pain Amanda was in on so many levels. Tears sprung to her own eyes and she could no longer just watch her struggle. Stranger or not, this woman needed some kind of physical contact to try and bring her back from the hell she was now experiencing.

Pushing the chair even closer to the bed, so it was touching the metal rails, Olivia gently turned Amanda towards her so she was laying on her right side. Careful, to not cause the woman any more damage and pain she slipped her left arm underneath Amanda's neck and shoulders and brought the shaking form into her arms. Her left hand was resting on the back of the blonde's head for support and her right hand was rubbing soothing circles on the quivering back, moving comfortably from Amanda's arm to her hip before returning to her back once more.

"Shhhh, sweetheart. Its going to be okay." Olivia found it hard to speak. Emotions getting stuck in her throat and made words almost impossible to escape. She was surprised when she felt Amanda move closer to her, clawing at Olivia's coat, burrowing her face in the crook of her neck, desperate for some kind of human and physical contact. It broke the detective's heart to see this woman in so much pain. She didn't know what to do other than try to comfort her the best way she could but she knew that it wouldn't be enough. Nothing would be enough until Kim was back safe and sound by Amanda's side. All she could do was hold her, telling her that things were going to get better.

The desperate grip the blonde had on her was almost freightning but she didn't pull away, sensing that Amanda needed this and Olivia was glad to help in any way she could. "Its okay, honey. Its gonna be okay. Just let it all out, its okay sweetie. I'm right here and I'm not leaving. Shhhh."

After what seemed like forever the loud cries turned into sobs and the sobs turned into sniffles. It was not until Amanda loosened her hold on Olivia's jacket that the detective knew she had fallen asleep. She gently started to pull away not wanting to wake her up but was stopped when the loose embrace once again tightened around her back and a stiffled cry echoed through the dim lit room. "Okay, sweetie." She whispered into a nearby ear. "I'm not gonna let go of you. I'll be right here through the night and I'll be right here in the morning." The brunette once again started rubbing the sleeping woman's back hoping to bring her some comfort. "I'm right here." Without thinking about what she was about to do Olivia placed a loving kiss on Amanda's forehead and one on her cheek. "I'm right here."

Olivia inhaled the scent that she had already become so fond of. It was scary how fast this petite blonde had crawled into her head and how strong of a connection she felt towards her. She was use to comforting victims or even families and friends of victims. This was no different, right? Its all just apart of the job to make sure that things are being taken care of and to provide survivors with some kind of closure and peace. Why was this case, or this woman, any different?

The brunette once again tried to gently pull away. Amanda was finally sleeping but her face still held a pained complexion. Olivia lowered the blonde's upper body and head to the soft pillows, carefully not to break contact. Once Amanda was resting, Olivia grasped one of her cold hands and with the other she began brushing her fingers through the blonde locks. On rare occasions, when the detective's mother Serena wasn't passed out from alcohol, she use to comfort her in a similar fashion when Olivia was growing up and she had always found some kind of peace in the repetitive movement. She hoped Amanda felt the same even in her sleeping state.