Chapter 13
Olivia stayed in that very same position, holding onto the still lightly sobbing woman. Amanda, without realizing it, had revealed something bad from her childhood. Something so dark and painful to make her completely break down and had for a moment relived the memories she had. It broke her heart to see the blonde so distraught and in agony, both physical and emotional.
Learning that Amanda's father must have hurt her in ways Olivia didnt even want to think about, the detective now understood why the blonde was so protective of Kim and her own pride and independence. It was all she knew, all she was familiar with and all she could believe in. Being put in such a difficult position as a child was unthinkable to the brunette and she couldnt stop wondering how long Amanda would be able to keep up her facade and strenght. At some point things would come crashing down. Olivia had seen it before in victims and she knew that not dealing with these things the right way it could turn ugly.
The older woman was brought out from her thoughts by Amanda's weak voice. "Olivia?"
"Yeah?" Liv murmured.
"I hate to ask but do you think you could get me a glass of water and my pain medication? I would get it myself but I..."
"Of course." Liv interrupted and swiftly removed herself from the comfortable position. She found herself enjoying the physical closeness and contact with Amanda and she knew that it was inappropriate, especially in a situation like this. Another time or place, where circumstances were different, then maybe things between them would be differnt too.
Liv entered the kitchen to get what Amanda needed when there was a knock on the door. Knowing it was probably the food delivery guy she still grabbed her gun and approached the door. Looking through the peep hole she spotted a young man with a red baseball cap and two big boxes in his hands. Quickly Olivia put the gun away, opened the door and paid for her order, leaving the guy a generous tip.
Amanda was still laying on her side, curled into a tight ball when Olivia entered. "You think you can sit up for me?" Amanda nodded slowly, feeling the pain crashing over her in waves. Liv watched as the tablets were swallowed and gently took the glass from a shaky hand before its content were spilled all over the bed.
"Im gonna run you that bath while the meds are kicking in and then we'll have something to eat, okay? I ordered Italian, hope you like it otherwise I can order something else."
Amanda had her eyes closed but managed a faint smile. "Italian is great, thank you." The pain made it difficult to talk and she just prayed that the meds would kick in sooner rather than later.
Olivia took her time drawing the bath and getting things ready so the pain killers would take some effect before Amanda had to get up and move around. About ten minutes passed before Olivia stroked the half sleeping blonde's arm in attempt to rouse her. "Sweety, the bath is ready. Can I help you into the bathroom so you wont fall?" She cursed herself as the sweet endearments kept slipping out.
Amanda was now feeling the meds taking effect. The pain was faiding ever so slightly and her head started to feel like a heavy cotton bud. Without answering the detective the blonde just reached out her hand and allowed Olivia to help her to her feet and into the bathroom. "Thanks." Amanda's voice was shaky and uneaven. "I'll be okay now."
Liv raised her eyebrows. "Im not leaving until I know you're safe and sound inside the tub. You could fall and hurt yourself even further."
The blonde sighed and closed her eyes. She knew it was gonna come to this. Olivia was just too damn stubborn but so was Amanda and she was not, by any means, getting naked in front of the brunette. She had always been self conscious about her body and she still was. She had scars and marks on numerous areas and the thought of Olivia seeing them made her feel sick to her stomach. She could barely stand to look at them herself.
"Liv, please. Im too tired to argue with you, please respect my privacy and dont fight me on this. I will not go into that tub as long as you're standing there watching me. I'll be fine, I promise."
Olivia didnt look too convinced but she could see on the blonde's face that there was no point in fighting her on this. Sighing she said, "Fine, but I'm standing just outside the door until I know you're safely sitting in the tub, understood?"
Squinting her eyes Amanda still wasnt sure. "Promise you wont look?"
Olivia couldnt help but to chuckle at Amanda's modesty. "I promise I wont look... unless you fall, because then I dont have a choice but to look. By the way, you've got nothing I havent seen before." The last bit was not ment to be said out loud and Olivia kicked herself internally.
Amanda didnt reply to that. She just looked at the strong detective from the corner of her eye and wondered what she had ment by that. Was Olivia gay? Or had she just seen a lot of naked women in her life? "Let me know when you're safely inside the tub and then call me when you're done, okay?"
"Sure." Amanda replied hesitant.
With a lot of willpower and determination, Amanda was finally seated in the tub and gave Olivia the all clear. Liv had even put bubbles in the water and she kind of felt like a kid surrounded with white fluff. Smiling slightly she started to make shapes and patterns with the foam, something she use to do when she was younger. She use to play with Kim when she was giving her a bath, dividing the tub in half they use to pretend they had their own kingdoms with horses, princesses and princes. She wished she could have all that back. A tear slid down her cheek and she angrily brushed it away. Crying was not gonna get Kim back nor was feeling sorry for herself.
Grabbing a washcloth she began to rub the hospital smell and dirt of her body. It was painful but all she wanted was to feel clean again. She took care not to disturb or wet the stitches on her chest and shoulder, her hair also needed a wash desperately but reashing up to clean it with one hand would be difficult, too difficult for the blonde. Sighing in defeat she couldnt stand the smell and the grease, she needed it to be washed but dreaded calling Olivia in to help her. After a few minutes of debating ith herself she could no longer fight the urge to feel clean and called Olivia.
Amanda made sure the bubbles were covering her private parts before she told Olivia tht it was okay to come in. "Are you finished? Do you need anything?"
The blonde didnt know where to look and let her eyes flicker across the nicely decorated bathroom. "Um... would you... um, could you give me a hand washing my hair? I cant reach with the stitches and um... I would feel better if it got a clean?"
"Of course," Liv answered. "Just let me get something." A minute later she showed up with a plastic jug in her hand. "Now, why dont you lean back as far as you can without hurting yourself and I'll see what I can do."
Amanda complied and let out a sigh of relief when she felt the warm water soaking her tresses before dripping down her back. It felt so good and before she knew it Olivia had already begun to rub the shampoo into her scalp. Her whole body tensed up and a gasp escaped her lips. Hoping that Liv hadnt picked up on it she willed herself to stay calm and collected. It felt so nice to be touched. A touch out of care and kindness and not from punishment or lecturing. She couldnt help but to lean into the touch of Olivia's warm and gentle hands and she hated herself for it.
Liv gently worked the shampoo into blonde hair and took her time massaging Amanda's scalp. When she felt the smaller woman lean towards her, her heart filled with empathy and warmth. It made her happy to thinkbthat she could offer some sort of calm or comfort to help Amanda relax and not so tense, even if it only lasted for a minute or two. The brunette continued the massage further down Amanda's neck, feeling knots and tension there. Her eyes travelled over lean but quite muscular shoulder blades and continuing down her spine until she reached the foam on the water's surface where the rest of her body was hiding underneath.
Her eyes caught something as she brushed blonde hair to one side. A mark? A mole? A scar? Liv leaned closer to see better and could now easily make out the characteristics of a scar. It was quite big and slighty elevated but well hidden under blonde hair. Gently she graced her fingertips over marred skin. "What happened here, honey?"
Amamda quickly pulled away and her body went stiff and cold. "Nothing," She snapped. "I was a clumsy child I guess. Are you done? Im getting cold."
Liv decided not to push the subject. She couldnt visualize Amanda being a clumsy kid and knew she wasnt telling the truth. "Sure, just let me rinse the shampoo out."
Their dinner was reheating in the microwave while Olivia waited for Amanda to finish up and join her. She rubbed her hand over her face in frustration, thinking about how to get through to Amanda, how to make her open up and trust her. It was not going to be easy but she was determined to succeed.
"You look like you need a drink." Liv snapped out of her thoughts as she heard Amanda's voice. Her hair was toweled dried but still wet, her fringe reaching her blue eyes, cheeks rosy red and lips so pink and kissable.
Shaking her head to clear her mind she chuckled. "Im not much of a drinker but I do like wine. I would offer you some but I dont think its a good idea to mix alcohol with strong pain relief." Steaming hot food was placed on two plates and she gestured for the blonde to sit by the kitchen table.
Amanda slowly eased herself down into the chair, trying not to show any pain in her facial features. "Maybe it would help dull the pain even more. I feel like I've been run over by a pack of fighting bulls." She dug into her food, feeling it melt on her tongue as she savored the taste.
Sitting down across from the blonde Olivia looked at her with concern. "How bad is your pain? Do you need to go back to the hospital?"
"No, no." Amanda answered quickly. "Its... fine, I'm fine." She took another bite and changed the subject. "This is delicious. Best I've had in a long time."
Liv watched as Amanda ate and smiled at her healthy appetite. At least she's eating, Liv thought. "Glad you like it. There's dessert too." She wiggled her eyebrows.
Blushing slightly Amanda took a big gulp of water. "Whats for dessert then?"
"Its a surprise. Trust me, you'll like it." Liv dug into her food and they ate in a comfortable silence. Olivia hoped her captain would get in touch soon with good news. She didnt know how long Amanda would last without any possitive feedback. She looked at the blonde from the corner of her eye and felt a sense of pride washing over her. The things Amanda must have gone through to get here. The things she must have done and seen, awful things to get here where she is now and she was still no closer to finding her sister. Her heart ached to wrap her in a warm embrace and tell her that everything would be okay and that Kim would return safely. Olivia knew now that she was starting to have feelings for the blonde. Romantic feelings and there was no way she could deny it.