A/N: Ianto is reading The Summer Queen form Joan D. Vinge

No spoilers

Beta-ed: TattoedLibrarian

Ianto had just finished his book and stared at it with disappointment. How come that even when they managed to build one confused, sexually indecisive character and give him room to find some ground to stand on, he died in the next few pages? Ianto threw the book aside, he never tossed books around, but this really got to him. He did aim so it landed on the couch, but it was still reckless behaviour. He let himself slump into his armchair and sigh. He let himself feel desperation for a moment. He didn't like to dwell upon that feeling, but sometimes it would just sneak up on him. Facing the end of his... whatever it was with Jack, he had to face the future where he would have to once again have explain himself, decide, to give reassurance where there is none.

Jack was a very convenient choice, not only because of the job, but because of his ambiguousness towards male or female everyone else seemed obsessed with. Damn Jack, why did he have to be good at so many things, Ianto rubbed his forehead trying to rub away doubts.

A list, he decided, list is what he needed. He took out sheet of paper. He ignored associations to that stopwatch list he once made. This list had a different nature. This would be a list of things that should keep him away from Jack's wandering hands.

"Well that's not very good start for this list" he murmured to himself trying to concentrate, but all he could think of now were Jack's hands. He couldn't think like that, so he changed the nature of the list and started to write things that would keep Jack at a distance, things he had to do for Jack at work and things he'd done so far that were unnecessary.

Ianto frowned at his eclectic list of things. It turned out that he spent his days indulging Jack directly and more often indirectly. Jack was right, he did build his world around him, surrounded him, even when he wasn't thinking about having sex with Jack, he thought about Jack's needs and even his feelings during the day. He had done it without a second thought. He couldn't argue that he was just considerate because he wasn't all that engaged in anyone else in the Hub or outside it.

How had he gotten so deep without even noticing it? Even when Jack was away, he had done things for him; stashing archives, keeping things together. He done it from day to day without a second thought, so why didn't he act like that today? What was different? Jack was hot and cold all the time, why was he bothered by his coldness today?

Ianto thought about the night before and sighed.

It was because Jack changed the rules; he gave him access to his deeper feelings that were always locked away. Things that would only touch the surface and then hide before anyone noticed. Jack allowed him to be tender, to really touch him and finally Ianto's hunger for him got fed. Ianto's eyes filled with tears. He rarely cried, and crying was hard for him, so he didn't let the tears roll down, he controlled that impulse but still, the feeling was there. Because he finally realized what was he hungry for.

At that moment there was a strong knock on his door and Ianto jumped up suddenly angry again. He clenched his fist knowing that only Jack bloody Harkness would knock like that, like the bell hadn't been invented. Ianto hated the fact that he was on the other side of the door, knocking with some business, determined and resolute.

Ianto straightened himself up deciding that he wouldn't let Jack see his distress. Like the good man he was, Jack would jump to his aid, knowing sex would be his reward, but Ianto didn't want that. He no longer needed a list to know why to keep Jack away. Ianto crumpled his list and threw it in the trash before he opened the door for Jack. He opened it suddenly and fast, facing a surprised Jack as he lifted his hand to knock again.

"How can I be of a service, sir" Ianto spoke first not losing his calm appearance when faced with Jack's blue eyes. He was satisfied with that.

"Well" Jack was lost for a moment searching for something on Ianto's face, Ianto was pleased that he didn't find it, because Jack straighten himself up in his Captain pose. "I need you to go with me on an inspection."

"Wouldn't Owen or Gwen be better for that" Ianto didn't move. "Even Tosh is a better choice than I am." Ianto raised his eyebrow and Jack was speechless for a second.

"Flat Holm" Jack said abruptly, and then raised his hands in surrender. "I know, you wrote reports, and I will read them all, I've already gone through Jonah Bevan's file. I need to see it, and you need to come so we can discuss changes. I would wait for dawn, but all that secrecy would be wasted, wouldn't it?"

"I'll get changed" said Ianto finally, knowing that it was work and he wanted to keep doing it. He even wanted to keep looking at Jack, even if he wouldn't touch him. It was really best that way. They would adjust.