Chapter 18

Thank You

The morning came quickly, too quikly for Olivia's liking. It felt like she had just closed her eyes for a second and was awaken by a noise she could not identify. Sighing, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stretched her back and neck, hearing her bone and joints crack. "God, I'm getting old." She mumbled.

She made her way to the shower, thinking since she was already up she might as well get ready, but stopped when she again heard a noise coming from the kitchen. Was Amanda up already? It was only six am. Opening her bedroom door she spotted Amanda making herself a cup of coffee, already dressed and ready to go.

Liv walked in, wrapping her arms around herself to keep out the morning chill. "Wow, you're an early bird." she stiffled a yawn.

The blonde looked slightly uncomfortable and fidgety, grasping tightly onto the warm cup in her hands. "Um, yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you I just wanted to get an early start. I'll be gone in a few." she sipped the steaming liquid, letting the caffeine take control of her body.

Liv shot Amanda a perplexed glance, eyebrows raised. "Im going with you." She stated.

Sighing, Amanda put the cup down on the kitchen counter. "Look, I can take a cab, I don't wanna bother you. Plus it's early and you need your sleep. I'll be fine."

Taking in Amanda's appearance, Liv could tell that the blonde probably hadn't slept a wink during the night. The dark circles under her eyes were prominent, the pale features and the limp and toussled hair spoke of sleep deprivation. It looked like she was about to fall over at any second.

"Amanda, Im coming with you. It's still not safe for you to go outside on your own. Heck, it's not even safe to go outside at all at the moment, but I know you want to get to your sister and I will take you there." Brown eyes watched blue ones flickering across the room, not really focusing on anything in particular. "Just give me ten minutes to shower and get dressed and then we'll go, okay?" Liv waited patiently for an answer.

"Okay." Amanda finally said, still not making eye contact.

Liv showered and got dressed in a pair of black tight jeans, a purple blouse and a black blazer to go. Eight minutes had passed when she walked back in to the kitchen area and saw that Amanda was now wearing a jacket, waiting by the door. The detective put her own coat on, zipping it up all the way to keep any cold from coming in. She grabbed her gun, keys and phone before turning to face the impatience blonde.

"Hold on." Liv said quickly, grabbed a scarf hanging from a hook on the wall and thoughtfully wrapped it around Amanda's neck. "It's cold outside. I don't want you getting sick. Come on, let's go."

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Liv had already managed to stiffle several yawns that seemed to keep on coming. She didn't want Amanda to see that she was tired and make her feel bad about it. The blonde was resting her head against the window, looking out at the snow that had fallen over night and how the streetlamps made it look like gold in certain lights.

Olivia was driving slower than usual because of the ice on the road. She wanted to get them to their destination safely and in one piece. Finally she parked and they both got out, shivering slightly as the cold air swept through.

Amanda was already half way to the entrence before Liv could lock the car. Cursing mentally she ran after, trying to catch up. "Hey, hey Amanda. Wait up." Olivia placed a hand on the blonde's arm, as she approached her side, and pulled her to a stop. She is anxious, Liv thought. Anxious and scared and there's nothing I can do about it. Her thumb was unconsciously rubbing the material of Amanda's jacket, trying to help to calm her nerves.

"Amanda, I want you to take a deep breath before we go in there. Come on, do it with me. In and out, here we go." Liv inhaled deeply and let it out slowly, making her heated breath look like smoke in the dark crispy morning. Amanda didn't follow, instead she shrugged the detective's hand away from her arm and attempted to leave. Liv was quicker and took a hold of an icy hand, forcing her to stay.

"Amamda, please. It will help you relax and feel more calm and controlled. Humour me, hon. Come on, in and out." Again she took a deep breath and was happy to see Amanda doing the same. Together they let the air out from their lungs, watching their smoky breaths mingle and rise into the icy sky. "Better?" Liv asked, smiling gently.

Amanda shrugged. She was too nervous and on edge to stop and really think about how she felt. Her sister needed her and that was all she could think of. "I guess." she lied before she turned and started walking towards where her sister was staying.

Liv just sighed, rolled her eyes and once again ran after the blonde as Amanda just rounded a corner. "At least I tried." she muttered to herself.

Kim looked exactly the same as when they had left the previous day. Nothing had changed during the night, which was also a good thing. At least she was still stable and looked comfortable enough for the moment. Liv had gone in search for some breakfast and much needed coffee when Kim's doctor entered the room.

"Ah, Ms Rollins. You're here early. I hope you got some rest for yourself." He began checking Kim's vital signs, heartbeat, blood pressure and how her pupils were responding to light.

"How is she doing?" Amanda asked after seeing the doctor scribble something down in his chart.

He placed his pen in his breast pocket and took a step closer to the standing, tired looking woman. "Well, the good news is that there's no change. The bad news is that there's also no change." He gave her a comforting smile. "However, it's still early and I'm hopefull that she'll come around. Just sit with her, hold her hand, talk to her. Some people don't think they can hear us talking to them but I believe different. I've had patients telling me that they could hear and feel every word and touch from loved ones. I do believe it makes a difference and a quicker recovery."

Amanda just nodded and watched as the doctor approach the door. "Um, doctor?"

He stopped and turned towards Amanda. "Yes? Something on your mind?" He was still smiling, which somehow, unknowingly brought comfort to the blonde.

"Um, you see my sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia when she was only thirteen and I know for a fact that she hasn't been taking her medication for the past three years. I just wanted you to know so she can get back on track with her meds when she wakes up."

The doctor nodded. "I see. Well, one step at a time. When she wakes up I'll have her sent for a full assessment so we can get the best treatment possible for her. Don't worry, Ms Rollins. She's in good hands here." He smiled and patted her on the arm before he left.

Liv was startled. She had just come back from the cafeteria with two sandwiches and two steaming coffees when she heard the doctor and Amanda talking. She hadn't ment to eavesdrop but couldn't help hearing the whole conversation about Kim's condition. She leaned heavily against the wall and sighed. Dealing with schizophrenia at such an early age must have been very diffcult. Not just for Kim but also for Amanda. She was like a mother figure for Kim and she probably felt responsible for her. Making sure she took her meds, going to doctor appointments and making sure she was doing well in school because of it.

Why didn't Amanda tell her about this? Was she ashamed of her sister's mental illness or was it Kim herself that didn't want anyone else to know and Amanda was just trying to keep her wish secret? She didn't know, it was all a big 'why'.

Liv cleared her throat loudly before entering, making her presence known. Amanda was still sitting next to the bed with Kim's hand resting in her own. "Here you go. Scrambled eggs and bacon bagel and a coffee." She handed the two items to the blonde, who reluctantly accepted them.

"Thank you." was all she said ad placed the bagel on the table next to her but holding onto the coffee, taking a large sip.

"You're suppose to eat the bagel, hon. That's what its there for." Liv watched as Amanda gave her a look of annoyance and frustration but was glad when she took a bite without any further argument.

They ate their bagel and sipped their coffee. It was not the greatest cup of coffee, considering it came from the cheap coffeemaker downstairs in the cafeteria, but it did the trick. Liv felt the caffeine slowly doing it's job and a few minutes later she felt more awake and present. She couldn't stop thinking about the conversation she heard earlier. As long as Olivia was Amanda's' bodyguard' there was no way she would be able to keep this a secret from the detective so Liv decided to gently bring it up, hoping the blonde wouldn't get mad at her for listening to their private chat.

"Um, Amanda, I heard what you and the doctor was talking about earlier." Olivia spoke soothingly to prevent any outbursts or anger from the petite woman. "I just came back from the cafeteria and I couldn't help but to hear it. I just want to say that Im sorry, for hearing something I probably wasn't suppose to hear, and I'm also sorry about what Kim and yourself must have gone through before she was diagnosed. I know mental illnesses can be hard to diagnose and hard to deal with. You're very strong, Amanda, to get where you two are today."

The brunette was expecting a hostile and defensive reply but was surprised when nothing was said. "Im here to help you, Amanda. I hope you know that? And after the... kiss we shared, I hope you realize that I'm not going anywhere."

Amanda was glad in that moment that Liv was sitting close enough for her to take her hand in a firm grip. She looked into brown eyes and saw that Olivia was sincere and truthful i what she had said. She grabbed onto the detective's hand a little bit tighter and whispered, "Thank you."