Chapter 19

Too Much

Liv shifted uncomfortably in the hard plastic chair. She had had enough of hospitals to last her a lifetime at this stage but she still refused to leave Amanda sitting there alone waiting for her sister to open her eyes. Glancing over at the blonde, next to the bed, she was relieved to find her sleeping with her head resting on her sister's arm. She needed her sleep and Olivia had no intension of waking her up anytime soon. The more she rested, the better.

The detective crossed the room and stood by the large window that was facing another building, with a big green area with benches and trees, dividing the two. There was no one sitting on the benches, there were no leaves on the trees and there were no flowers in the planted flowerbeds. Everyting looked naked and cold, bare and grey, stripped and lonely. It was probably a much prettier sight in the spring and summer time when the lowers were blooming, the trees sprouting and the grass was green.

Standing by the window made Liv feel slightly chilled. Turning around she saw a spare blanked at the foot of Kim's bed and picked it up. She was just about to drape it across her shoulders when she spotted the goosebumps on Amanda's arms. The blonde was obviously cold and Olivia didn't have the heart to take the blanket all for herself.

She sat down in the chair next to Amanda's, grabbed her gently by the shoulders and brought her close into her arms. She then used the blanket to cover the two of them, feeling the warmth building between their bodies already. The sleeping blonde mumled something incoherent and turned her head into the crook of Liv's neck. The sensation of Amanda's warm breath against her sensitive skin made her shudder. It felt so good to have someone to hold and to care for. It had been so long, too long, since she had even kissed another person, so long she had almost forgot what it was like but Amanda had brought those feelings back into her life and body and she was not about to let her go without a fight.

Again, the smaller woman groaned and stirred within her embrace, making the blanket fall slightly but Olivia was quick to pick it back up and place it where it had been. Once more Amanda stirred in her sleep, clearly getting restless or stressed about something. Possibly a dream, Liv thought, looking down at a sleepy face with fair eyebrows, raised in a frown from whatever images and memories that were playing in the back of her mind.

Liv held her closer, rubbing her upper arm lightly in a soothing motion, hoping to bring the woman some peace or comfort. It worked and Amanda eventually turned her whole body towards the detective's and snuggled closer into the warm and strong body she found there.

Liv knew that in a waking state Amanda probably wouldn't have willingly shown such affections or gestures, but being asleep and not aware of her actions, she seemed more than happy to be close to Liv. The older detective enjoyed the physical closeness and thought that this was probably a rare opportunity, to have the woman she cared about tightly wrapped in her arms, without any resistance or hindrance. Amanda would probably be embarrassed waking up in this position but right now Liv didn't care. She was too tried herself to care, too tired to think or keep her eyes open. Slowly she found her body slipping into a relaxed stage where sleep finally overtook her senses.

"Kim, oh my god, Kim? Olivia, she's coming around. Kim, sweetie, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me?"

Liv shot up from her slumber, willing her eyes to focus and her mind to work. Amanda was nearly hysterical and repeatedly calling her sisters name. "Olivia, please, get the doctor?"

Only a minute later the detective came back into the room with the doctor in tow. Kim was struggling to open her eyes against the bright light but finally managed. Just like Amanda's, her eyes were the colour of a clear summers sky and the detective could now see how much they really resembled each other. Same eyes, same hair, same facial structure and tone. If you didn't know better, you could easily mistaken Kim as Amanda's daughter.

The doctor checked Kim's vitals with difficulty, since Amanda was crying and holding on so tightly to the girl, it made it hard for him to do his job. Liv stepped in and gently took Amanda by the shoulders and pulled her back. "Honey, let the doctor do his job, okay." she said soothingly, "you can see her in a minute."

Amanda's face was flushed, tears and mucus was smeared around her eyes and nose. Liv spotted a box of tissues, grabbed a handful and started to dab Amanda's face. "Calm down, sweetie. She's okay, she's okay."

Amanda knew that Olivia was right but all she cared about in this moment was seeing her sister, talking to her, holding her and just making sure she was okay. The doctor took his time, making sure everything looked okay, her pupil reaction, dizziness, nausea and memory. When he was satisfied with the results he left the room letting the women know he would be outside in case they needed him.

Amanda reluctantly stepped forward, almost afraid of what was going to happen next. She grabbed Kim's cold and skinny hand in hers and searched her eyes. "Hi," she said between tears, "I missed you so much." Her eyes were filling up rapidly, spilling tears down her cheeks but did nothing to try and stop them from falling. It would have been useless.

The two sisters looked at each other intensely, absorbing each others presence. Kim had a blank expression on her face and Olivia had noticed it too when the doctor was examining her only minuts ago but Amanda hadn't seemed to notice through her sobbing and hysteria. It worried Liv slightly, she had seen it before in victims. She was however put at ease when she saw Kim's eyes change into recognition. Slowly she came around, looking at Amanda like it was just all a dream and she would wake up any minute, but she didn't. She never woke up because she was already awake. Awake and alive.

"Manda?" her voice was raspy and weak but it sounded so perfectly clear and strong to Amanda who had missed hearing her sister's voice and to her it sounded like music.

Amanda broke down after hearing Kim calling her by her nickname. Only Kim called her Manda. It had stuck with Kim since she was only a toddler and too little to pronounce Amanda's full name. Manda was just easier. "Hi, baby girl." she smiled through her tears and sat down on the bed, still holding her hand. "You're safe now. Im not gonna let anyone hurt you ever again." It was a promise she intended to keep and Kim knew it by looking into her sister's eyes. Even Olivia knew she ment it by the determination and strength in her voice.

Kim closed her eyes and let her own tears fall silently down her pale features. It was tears of relief, fear, sorrow, sadness, anger and confusion. So many emotions mixed together but the most prominent was relief. She was safe and her sister was sitting next to her, touching her, talking to her, telling her that she was safe and protected from any harm.

Amanda leaned forward and gently brought her sister up into a much needed embrace. As Kim felt those familiar arms encircling her she broke. Sobs tore through her skinny frame, shaking violently. Her tears fell heavily onto Amanda's shoulder, dampening her shirt, clutching onto the material at the back.

Amanda hung on to the trembling form, rubbing soothing circles on her back and murmuring words of comfort. She never wanted to let go, never wanted to leave her out of her sight again. "Its really you." Kim cried.

Pulling back Amanda smiled through her tears. "Of course it's me, Kimster." she ruffled her sister's blonde stresses and chuckled as Kim giggled slightly at her nickname Amanda had picked for her years ago. "Everything is gonna be fine now, sweetie. Im right here and I'm not leaving you again."

Kim looked confused. "You never left me in the first place, Manda. I was... taken." The word taken was difficult to come to terms with but it was the truth and it had to be said. Kim was fighting a headache and closed her eyes to make the bright light in the room go away.

Amanda still felt guilty about her sister's abduction but pushed the thoughts away. This is about Kim, not me, she thought. Clearing her throat she gestured for Olivia to come closer. "There's someone I want you to meet. This is detective Olivia Benson, she helped me find you."

Liv placed a hand on Amanda's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "We couldn't have done it without Amanda's help. She had most of the leads and details we needed."

Kim's face showed confusion as she looked from Olivia and back to Amanda. "What do you mean by Amanda's help? How did you know where I was?"

Amanda shook her head and closed her eyes. "I didn't... It's... um, it's a long story. I'll tell you about it later, hon. Right now you need to get some rest. I'll be right here when you wake up, sweetie. I promise." Kim reluctantly closed her eyes and sleep quickly overtook her senses, relaxing her body fully and feeling the pain in her head slowly starting to fade.

When Kim was sinking deeper into a peaceful slumber Amanda couldn't help but to shed silent tears of despair and agony. How could everything go back to the way it was? Was that even possible? Could they move on from this? They had to, right? The blonde jerked away when she felt a hand on her lower back. Liv raised her hands in a non defensive manner. "Easy, it's just me." watching Amanda calm her nerves she, once again placed her hand where it had been only seconds ago, but this time the small woman didn't flinch or pull away. This time the touch was welcomed and needed, almost requested.

Amanda burried her face in her hands and let out a stiffled sob. "What do I do now? I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do." she repeated over and over into her now wet palms.

It broke Liv's heart to see Amanda so hurt and lost. She just wanted to scoop her up in her arms and never let anything bad happen to her again. She wanted to shield her from all the evil and bad in the world but that would be an impossible task. All she could do, at this very moment, was to offer comfort and reassurance by gestures and words. Bringing the shaking form close she placed one hand at the back of Amanda's head and brought it against her chest while the other hand rubbed up and down her quivering back continuously.

"Shhh shh, you're not alone in this, honey. Im right here to help you in any way I can, and with you by Kim's side, she will be alright. She's strong just like you and she will make it through this. I will be here whenever you need me and I promise you that things will get better." Hearing the blonde sniffle made Olivia feel the need to place a gentle kiss on the top of her head as she kept moving her hand against well toned shoulder blades.

Amanda had never been much for physical comfort or concern. It was just an awkward feeling when someone touched you out of pity and told you soothing words that never meant anything in the first place. However, when this woman, this strong, gentle, compassionate, gorgeous and loving woman held her, she couldn't help but to feel comforted in every way possible. Why does Olivia have such power over me? Why do I feel like a child breaking down in her arms after loosing my favourite toy? Why, why, why? Amanda didn't like the feelings she was having.

It was frustrating and scary for Amanda to feel so out of control that she needed to be comforted. Never in her life had she sought out physical comfort from anybody and feeling the need to do it now was too much for her to deal with.

Ashamed of her breakdown Amanda pulled away and wiped angrily at her tears fighting them as they still seeped through. Olivia sensed Amanda's distress, let go of her but kept one of her hands in her larger one, keeping the physical contact.